Enough Isn't Everything (Everything Trilogy)

by Shandwick, K. L.

  My immediate retort to the arrogance of him, implying that I would fall for him was to say, “And likewise, I wouldn’t be able to guarantee that you wouldn’t get hurt either.” A fleeting look of consideration passed through his eyes and was gone in an instant.

  “No worries here,” he said deadpan.

  I dipped down to the grass and picked up my guitar case, slinging it over my shoulder and tugged at the strap. “Lily?”

  I wondered if he was being arrogant and expected me to agree immediately, but I looked at him as if I didn’t have a care in the world, and kept my voice as even as possible. “I need to head out now, Alfie, I have plans for tonight, but I’ll consider your interesting offer and get back to you.”

  He sat back down on the grass, and laid back, casual, one leg bent at the knee, facing me, perched up on one elbow. “Take your time, I know I can be full on, but I believe in shooting from the hip. I’m straight and uncomplicated.”

  I walked away trying not to look back, even though I wanted to more than anything. I was excited by his attention, but I didn’t really believe that I could consider the prospect of doing something that reckless. I heard him chuckle to himself, so I turned my head and called over my shoulder, “I’m not fazed by your offer, Alfie.”

  I had a raw sexual need that I wanted to explore. I held up my open hand, giving a small wave to him behind me. Even though he didn’t say it very loudly, Alfie commented in a normal speaking voice. “I hope you get the guts to call me Lily; we’d be fucking great together.”

  It was a daunting thought. Was I mature enough to do something like that? I was already sure that I definitely wanted something with this guy, even at the risk of being burned by him. The thought frightened the crap out of me. I needed to talk to Saffy and Holly about his proposition. I wondered if they would laugh or be shocked by it.

  I didn’t feel it was something that I wanted to keep secret from them. But I knew that if it was something that I was going to do, I definitely didn’t want them to know exactly who the guy was.

  What Alfie wanted from me was on equal terms – a no strings, no emotions, physical connection for sexual gratification. It seemed really sordid and belied all of my beliefs, but in terms of where my life was at, I felt it might just keep things in order for me.

  I could explore my sexuality without any emotional involvement. I’d be free to concentrate on music, picking and choosing when to spend time with him when it suited us both.

  I headed up to the apartment still contemplating my strange induction to campus and Alfie’s proposition. I struggled to contain the feelings of excitement and shame that I’d actually consider doing what he suggested. Alfie aroused me in ways I’d never experienced before with just a kiss.

  When I got home I was ravenous, realizing I’d missed lunch, spending my time with Alfie instead. I’d forgotten to eat, hell, I’d forgotten to breathe at some points. What he was able to do to me with one kiss was mindblowing. I found myself weighing things out.

  I was in a new place where no one knew me, so there was no reputation to tarnish yet. It would be ridiculous not to find out what else he had to offer and equally ridiculous that I was talking myself into his insane proposition. But the more I thought about it, the more enticing it became.

  Saffy was sitting on the balcony, her legs drawn up at the knees, nursing a strong black coffee in her hands, when I entered the apartment. “Hey, Saffy!” I went over and hugged her.

  She put her hand up, stopping me and whispered, “Shush, I’m delicate this afternoon. I’m never doing shots again!” She groaned.

  Her voice was croaky. She told me that she and Holly had gone to a bar and gotten into a shooters competition with a couple of tourists there.

  Saffy had slept off the liquor, but had only woken up about fifteen minutes ago with a blinding headache. She commented that Holly had been sick, and was passed out on her bed too. I shook my head and smiled, thinking they were taking their vows to party during their newfound freedom seriously.

  I hugged her again and walked over to the fridge. I reached in and began rummaging around for something to eat. “Have you eaten yet?” I asked, peering inside the fridge.

  “Goodness, no thanks! I couldn’t… I’d barf,” she said quietly.

  I turned to look at her, trying not to laugh, but fought a smirk that threatened my lips. “It’s a pity you’re hungover, because I wanted your take on something, but if you’re feeling unwell it may cloud your judgement on this one,” I said.

  She bunched her brows. “What is it?” she called indignantly to me as I walked into my bedroom to change my top. I laughed as I quickly pulled on a white tank top, before walking back through the condo to her, knowing that I had piqued her interest.

  “Nope, this one needs a clear head, and you are not in that place this afternoon yet.” I made her a ham sandwich and placed it in front of her. She groaned hard when she looked at it, puffing her cheeks out, while a hand slid across her stomach.

  It took until dinnertime for both Saffy and Holly to be back in the land of the living. Holly recovered better than Saffy, to be fair, and she said it was due to the fact that Saffy drank way more than her when she showed off, drinking two to her one for the last three shots.

  We went to dinner, and I broached the subject of Alfie, to see their reactions and seek their advice. “Okay, girls, I was propositioned today.” I giggled and couldn’t believe I was actually saying it, “I am… considering it.”

  I told them about Alfie, although not by name, and they were both animated, questioning me about him. “First off, for safety, is the guy really a student?” Holly asked. I hadn’t thought about that, but decided that he couldn’t be anything else after sitting song writing on the grass. He just fit in perfectly.

  Saffy was more basic in her line of questioning. “What does he look like? I mean is he all that great looking, that he thinks he can proposition someone like you? I mean fuck, Lily, your looks are shit hot, and you can probably have any man you want anyway.”

  I tried to find the words to sum him up, but instead decided a gesture was more appropriate. I put my hands over my heart and pump them in and out. “He’s breathtaking… sexy!” I said, giggling, still struggling for words to do him justice.

  “Kind of young rock god… talented, slim waist, broad shoulders, muscular, ripped, inked, and packing ‘hidden talents’ I think.” I smirked and blushed at my own crude joke.

  “OMG, Sex on a stick you mean?” Saffy helped me.

  “That’s it exactly,” I said, pointing at her, nodding, and stuffing a large piece of chocolate cake in my mouth. I licked my lips and caught some of the chocolate that had escaped. My eyes widened when she stared at me, and we both burst out laughing.

  “Well.” Saffy sniffed, examining her nails before giving me the wisdom of her opinion. “Men have fuck buddies all the time, well actually so do women, or they wouldn’t have anyone to fuck!” She giggled.

  Holly agreed, “As long as you want to and you don’t go getting hurt…” I was surprised by their reactions, but both confessed to having one-night stands just for the sex. It seemed like I had been left behind with all of this stuff. I knew little to nothing about sex and relationships.

  They thought it was probably better to have a fuck buddy than just random guys for fun. Saffy said, “If he turns you on, and he’s into you, and you’re okay with each other not being exclusive, then why not?”

  “I don’t see a problem with that, providing you both practice safe sex, and make sure that you’re both mature about it.” Holly looks excited. “So are you going to call him?”

  Maybe it was the courage of the mojito I’d just had or the fact that I was way past curious about sex and wanted to know more. Or maybe it was what I thought he could do for me that made up my mind. “You know what Holly? I think I’m curious enough to explore it.”

  “Promise me one thing though if I do this?” I said. They both look at me expectantly. “The
pact is that we never discuss him with anyone. No matter what… got it?”

  “Agreed,” they said in unison. We knocked our glasses together to seal the deal.

  Saffy said, “Do it now, before you talk yourself out of it, Lily.” I scrolled in my contacts list and found ‘SEXPERT’ and pressed the call button. He answered within one ring.

  “Hey,” he cooed, and my breath hitched at the sound of his voice. “Pink Lady, do you realize how happy you’ve just made me?” I was silent, his voice was so seductive. I almost forgot to speak. “May I take it this as a yes? Are you free later?”

  My heart began to race, but I played it cool. “I told you I have plans tonight, and I’m still out. I want to discuss some stuff with you though. I haven’t decided on my answer, I’ll call you when I’m alone,” I told him.

  “Hurry up. Go home, you’re killing me, babe,” he groaned into his cell. I didn’t reply and pressed the end call button and tried to appear cool, but realized I was smirking.

  I may be naïve, but I knew enough to know that there had to be some boundaries. I needed to be smart if this crazy arrangement was going to happen.

  I was petrified and thrilled in equal parts; I should have been ashamed and disgusted, but instead I was full of lust, intrigue, and excitement.

  My behaviour was so out of character that I was scaring myself. I’d gone from the virgin that I was a little over a week ago to entering into a very detached sexual relationship. More than that, this would only be my second partner, and right now I didn’t even care.

  CHAPTER 5: STRETCHING LIMITS

  When I arrived home, I rang Alfie from the safety of my apartment bedroom. “Hey,” he cooed. I was instantly affected by his voice. “Hi, gorgeous, well, I’m glad you rang back.” His voice sounded gravelly and seductive.

  “Hey,” I responded shyly, my voice getting stuck in my throat. I didn’t know what else to say. I hadn’t really thought this part through so I almost got cold feet and hung up, but I felt really excited by him, so I didn’t. My heart pounded in my chest.

  Alfie took the lead, “Give me your address, and I’ll come over.” My heartbeat got faster and it felt like it was bursting out of my chest. Too soon! I fought my nerves.

  “Whoa,” I said, stopping him before he started dictating terms. “I think we may have a few things to hash out before we get down to… Sheesh… anything.” I didn’t know what to call it and giggled. I heard him snicker sexily as I huffed. Damn this isn’t easy.

  “Is this an equal relationship or a dictatorship? What I mean is, do we call the shots or is it only you that does that?” I said playfully.

  “Equal all the way, babe, tell me what you want,” he said, and I sensed a smile in his voice. It made me tingle, the way he said it, and I got moist between my legs. Just talking about this was arousing me.

  I found my courage again. “Okay, we need a few rules. I need to know what I’m getting into.”

  He waited and when I didn’t say anything else he prompted me. “Hmm, okay… shoot.” His voice sounded relaxed and playful.

  “First, we’ve established that it is equal, so that means it isn’t only at your beck and call. My needs are to be considered as important as yours. I may want to call you for this too.” I placed my hand over my mouth because I couldn’t believe that I’d just said that.

  “Dang, that’s an excellent idea, honey.” He sounded excited. Of course he did, I had just confirmed that I wanted him.

  He encouraged me to continue, and I thought most guys would have done the same with the prospect of getting into a woman’s panties. “Go on,” he cooed again.

  Calmer, I said confidently, “Safer sex practices, and regular checks for both of us.”

  “Done!” he agreed. I told him I needed to think about the girls here too.

  “One more thing, I share an apartment with two other girls. We need to think about where it will happen between us. You can’t just turn up here. I don’t want you here when they are home.” I waited for his reply.

  “Deal, I have my own place, and I don’t share, so you might feel better here in that case.”

  There was an awkward silence as I thought about what to say next, as I had exhausted my list. I cringed as I said it, but sounded confident. “Okay, your address?”

  I could hear the excitement in his voice at the prospect of me getting over there soon. “It’s on its way.” My cell beeped with a text alert. Sure enough his home address and zip code were on there. “You’re coming over now? He sounded excited.

  This wasn’t my intention when I asked for it, but I really wanted to see him again. Shit, I should just go before I chicken out.

  I heard myself say, “Make yourself pretty I’ll be there in thirty minutes,” and hung up.

  I clutched my cell and sat trembling. My palms were sweating, and I was in denial that I had just agreed to it. I gave myself a pep talk; I was fed up being a good girl; I was doing this.

  I convinced myself that this would be reckless, but fun. He was a hot guy who turned me on and if it felt horrible afterwards, the arrangement could be scrapped. I wanted to find out if I could really go through with this.

  I took the fastest shower on record, pleased with myself that I had shaved this morning. All the while still muttering that I couldn’t believe I was going through with it.

  I quickly picked out a blue satin and lace underwear set, the cut of them was square like boy short briefs, but they showed a little of my ass cheeks, and the bra held my breast cleavage to perfection.

  I stared at myself in the mirror. Dear God, what have I just signed up for? I pulled on a little purple dress that hugged my figure beautifully. It accentuated my curves and the hem ended mid thigh.

  Brushing my hair, I pulled it to the side in a low ponytail halfway down its length, and made a mental note to free it when I got there.

  I had left details of where I was going in my drawer in case for some reason the girls couldn’t find me, or he kidnapped me. I knew this was crazy, but I wasn’t thinking that straight. A flood of doubt began to creep over me. Yet I still felt compelled to go through with it.

  I drove to his address and the neighborhood he lived in wasn’t what I expected at all. It was a family subdivision, with a gazebo and a fountain near the entrance.

  There were some yellow colored lights in the tropical plants around a beautiful lake. It gave the place a welcoming feel to it. The houses were all single family residences, and it looked very well kept by the residents.

  I pulled up outside his house and it screamed middle-class, American suburbia, not at all in keeping with his image. I was surprised to find him living in a house and not an apartment like most guys his age.

  I found it strange that he lived somewhere like this alone. I checked again that the satellite navigation had brought me to the right address. My fingers trembled as I reached for the key to kill the ignition after I confirmed that this was the correct place.

  Looking out from the darkness of my car, I could see warm lights glowing in his sitting room window. He stood up and walked across the room inside, playing his guitar, and now that I was here, I felt scared.

  My heart thumped in my chest, and my mouth went so, so dry, as the adrenaline rush came at me like a tidal wave. I could hear blood swishing in my ears. It was kind of flowing in time to my rapid heartbeat.

  I pushed myself out of the car. Hesitating, I almost wigged out and climbed back in. Just at that moment, he looked up and noticed me through the window.

  He headed to the door and when I saw him looking at me, I knew it was too late to back out now. He swung the door open. “Fantastic, you found me.”

  As soon as I laid eyes on him again, there was no question in my mind about backing out. I pasted on a smile to hide the half frightened, half thrilled feelings I fought with.

  He looked even more beautiful than he had that morning. He was casually dressed in a navy blue t-shirt that hugged the contours of his torso with promises o
f a hard, toned body underneath.

  His faded jeans were looser, hanging low on his hips with a button fly and his feet were bare. His hair was still damp from the shower he’d obviously just taken. I could smell his bodywash, and his face seemed clean shaven.

  He smelled delicious, so clean and fresh. His scent was almost overwhelmingly seductive. I wanted to grab his t-shirt and inhale him.

  He gave me a panty melting smile, his dimple showing, and although mine didn’t exactly melt, the material between my legs was drenched. I had the most amazing attack of butterflies, and he hadn’t even touched me yet.

  As he closed the door, he placed his palms on my upper arms and stilled me. The rush of chemistry that happened between us then was undeniable.

  His eyes moved down the length of me as he checked me out. They twinkled in the low light of the room; his pupils were dilated, and his eyes were darker, the green hue in them brighter now.

  “Damn, Lily, you are even more beautiful than you were this morning. I can’t believe you’re here,” he told me smiling widely, his husky voice slightly cracked.

  I smiled shyly. “You’re not too shabby yourself.” He grinned playfully.

  “Oh, you like what you see?” He was nodding, his tone seducing me.

  He came closer, his face stopping only an inch from mine. He moved his face from side to side, brushing his nose over mine. He adjusted his head, and his lips brushed lightly against my mouth. It felt intimate and sexy.

  He stepped back locking his arms straight and tilted his head back to look at me again. “God, I’m…” he whispered shakily, his words trailing off, the sentence unfinished. His eyes narrowed, showing the slightest concern. “You’re sure you’re okay with this?” I nodded slowly.

  “Yeah, I think so…I’m here aren’t I?” I swallowed hard and he watched me. “I need to warn you, I have limited sexual experiences, so I probably don’t have much in the way of technique.” I laughed nervously, slightly embarrassed to be telling him that I was basically a novice, but not a virgin.