Max: True, but I will try to repeat, I don’t want you to sit waiting for me though.
Lily : You mean I should see other people? Not sure we’re on the same page with that.
Max: If we don’t put boundaries in place, then we’re less likely to get hurt if one of us isn’t strong.
Lily : Hmm… I guess…Night Max x
Max: Sweet dreams honey, mwahx
Max’s text made me feel uneasy. It was almost like been there done that, but you don’t have enough to hold my attention. It was a complete contrast to what he was saying when he was here.
He told me he really wanted to try to have something between us, that it was only the distance that made him hesitant. His texts didn’t read that way at all. I made a note that the next time we spoke, I would need to clear this up with him.
I was exhausted by the time I finished texting. I hadn’t had much sleep this weekend. I clutched my cell phone in my hand and placed it under my pillow and snuggled down to sleep. I woke with it buzzing against my cheek. It was 7am.
Will: meet me at 8:15 I’ve snagged a recording booth for two hours.
Lily: sleepy, can we do 8:30am?
Will: Nope, see you at 8:15am. Aren’t you energized from your ‘fitness regimen’ this weekend?
I rolled my eyes and stretched out, groaning. It was easy to see that Will was going to milk my situation for his own amusement. He was going to give me as much shit as possible over his observations of what went down with Saffy, Max, and I.
I stepped into the shower, and the temperature was only tepid, so I didn’t linger. Once I’d had a quick scrub in all the important places, I threw on some cropped jeans and a crisp white Ralph Lauren crew neck t-shirt.
I grabbed a small red wooden beaded necklace, and pulled it over my head to hang down in front, breaking the plain effect, and began to gather my stuff to leave for campus. Holly was arriving home from her night shift and looked gray with tiredness. I felt bad for her.
I hugged her, picked up my guitar and rucksack, and shoved some toast in my mouth as I ran out of the door. Will squeezed me tight when I arrived at the car lot at college.
We settled in the recording booth and got straight to work on an arrangement he had put together the night before. He asked about yesterday with Max, and I mentioned his strange comment in the text he sent me.
Will sighed. “Sorry, honey.” He looked awkward.
“For what?” I asked confused.
Will exhaled. “Max.” I sighed sadly thinking he meant about Max having to go.
“Well, we like each other Will, but the distance and where we are in our lives right now…” I hesitated, “we’ll see how it goes.”
By the look on Will’s face I realized that wasn’t what he meant. Will was moving the gravel around under his foot. His eyes flicked to mine, and he exhaled heavily again before he spoke.
“So you’re still going to do the long distance relationship thing with him? Try to keep your relationship going?” I nodded and gave him a weak smile, because after Max’s text I wasn’t confident it would work.
“Well, yeah, that’s the idea… that’s what he said. He’s going to try to be here once a month.” Will’s brows bunched together, and he shifted uncomfortably on his feet.
“What’s the matter with you, Will?” He pursed his lips into his mouth and shook his head but didn’t give me eye contact.
He rubbed his eyes with one hand. “Nothing.” The defeated way he said it told me it definitely wasn’t.
I searched his face. “Will, I think I know you better than this by now, come on out with it.”
Will exhaled loudly. “Aw, well, shit! Lily.”
I waited, but when he didn’t say anything I asked quietly, “Did you and Saffy break up?”
Will took my hand in his. “No!” He inhaled sharply, shaking his head, and his voice took on a much softer tone. “No, honey it’s nothing like that.” He exhaled in a controlled way. I watched his face.
He chewed his lip and huffed, still struggling to look at me. Eventually, his eyes met mine and held my gaze. I’ll never forget the look of pain in them.
“Well, what is it? You’re scaring me Will.” He stroked my hand, then my cheek.
“Lily… in the time I’ve known you…” He took a deep breath.
“Okay, out with it, just say it,” I snipped. “My nerves can’t take any more of this shit, Will.” His eyes fell to the floor.
“If I tell you Lily, I don’t want it to affect our relationship or yours with Saffy.” His eyes looked dull and concerned. I knew whatever he had to say wasn’t good. I watched his body language prepare to tell me something that he knew I didn’t want to hear.
“Will, whatever it is, you can’t keep it to yourself now. I promise to try to keep our relationship as it is, you and Saffy are like family to me now, so I figure that whatever it is, we’ll weather it.”
Will inhaled deeply, and I could feel his angst. The atmosphere between us was very tense. “You sure you want to hear this?” he asked giving me a sideways glance.
“Just tell me.” I was getting really annoyed now.
“Okay, here goes nothing.” He sighed. “On Saturday night, when we were at dinner, and I went to the bathroom, do you remember that?” I nodded. Will struggled with his thoughts, then continued, “Okay, well, Max… he was on his cell…In the hallway I mean.”
I waited, holding my breath. “He was talking to a female saying, something like, ‘it’s been a pain to be away from you, won’t be long now Kelly. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow’. I thought I’d heard him wrong, then he said, ‘I’ve missed you too, babe.’ I was going to confront him, but then he said, ‘Okay, we’ll get some time and meet with them, talk soon’ and hung up.” I had felt there was stuff that Max avoided, but now it made perfect sense.
Max was reluctant for me to visit him in Nashville when I tried to pin him down with a date during one of our conversations at the airport. How stupid am I? Of course Max would have a girl, and he cheated on her with me. I felt devastated that he could betray me like that.
Will enveloped me in his strong arms and squeezed me, resting his head on mine for a moment, before letting me go. “Lily, I know I’m not wrong. I’m a guy, from how he was speaking to her, I don’t think it was just a friend. Kelly’s his girl.” He looked terrible at having to tell me this, and I could see he cared about me. I felt that the last thing he wanted was to hurt me.
“There was something else. He was texting a few times on Friday to someone when we were on the boat, and he was smiling kind of wistfully when he was reading the replies. You were looking at your phone were you texting with him?” I shook my head. “I thought he was texting with you, but when you stopped, and he kept going, I kind of realized he wasn’t texting with you at all.”
He twisted his lips. “When my hat blew off on the boat and landed on his lap, I leaned in to take it back, and I think he thought I’d seen one of the texts. He winked at me and switched his phone off, before I could ask him what’s up, and shoved it in his pocket. He looked guilty about something.”
He gave me an awkward smile. “I thought, what the fuck are you doing winking at me, dude. It felt strange at the time it, but after overhearing his call I sort of put two and two together.” Will looked uneasy and gave me a half smile.
“He’s good though. I’ll give him that, how he was all attentive and shit toward you. That was the only thing that made me decide not to tell you sooner.” I quickly wiped a tear that was rolling down my face. How could he do that to me, we had been friends.
Will saw how the news was affecting me and pulled me back into his chest in a bear hug. He rubbed my back, and I sobbed into him. Will stood silently holding me, he’d said enough. I pushed away from him, but he pulled me back and held me tightly. Will’s soft voice vibrated in his chest, “Sorry honey, it’s better you find out now than later, huh?” Then he kissed my head again.
I straightened up, and stepped
away from him. “I need to go home Will, I can’t do today now.” I stared up at him. Tears streamed down my face. I felt stupid, ridiculous, and ashamed that I had let someone else take advantage of me.
“You look so fragile honey, I’m coming with you.” He gave me a half smile. “There’s no way I’m letting you get behind the wheel of a car in this state.” As we walked to his car, he pulled me into him again. Every once in a while, he looked at me and wiped his thumb over my cheeks in an effort to stop my tears.
I felt I just wanted to go home to the UK. I had gotten everything wrong here. I’d made so many mistakes and now seeing Saffy or bumping into Alfie would leave me with constant reminders of what a stupid fuck-up of a girl I was.
CHAPTER 23: I’VE GOT TO BE ME
I sighed heavily, breaking the silence between us. “I’m fine Will, I’m partly to blame too. I allowed it to happen. I got involved too quickly.” He stopped walking and turned to face me, and brushed the last of my tears with his knuckles. His face was desolate, and I could see that it broke his heart to see me so unhappy.
“I knew it was a risk to get with Max. Here’s the thing, I had no experience of sexual relationships until the week before I came to live here, but ever since I’ve made some pretty epic mistakes.” I knew I needed to learn from them and learn fast.
I sniffed and stared at Will. “I’m only sorry that you have had to be involved in this at all, Will. It isn’t your place to support me when the simple truth of the matter is I’ve given myself too easily.”
Will looked seriously at me and shook his head. “It’s only one relationship Lily, don’t let it affect you.” He looked at me supportively. Only it wasn’t one relationship with Sam and Alfie. Sleeping with both my best girlfriends’ brothers? Having a ‘fuck buddy’? My sex life so far… It sounded like a bad B movie in the making.
Will put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it sympathetically, then cuddled me tightly and drew little circles my shoulders with his thumbs. He gave me a small smile again. “Hey, come on, we’ll get you home,” he said softly. Will started driving me home, and promised he’d pick me up in the morning to bring me back to college to collect my car.
When we arrived back, he came up to the apartment with me. “Let’s go to the beach and jam together.” I didn’t really feel like it, but he was right, I needed to move on as quickly as possible or this could consume me. He began organizing me. “Okay girlie, get your sunscreen and hat, we can’t allow your fair ass to fry out there! I’m gonna head to the surf store for some shorts; when I get back I expect you stripped and ready for the beach.” He strode to the door and it banged closed as he left to buy something more fitting to wear for the beach.
What he bought transformed him from Will, the cool sax player, to Will, the hot surfer dude. He looked great in the red and white surfer shorts and the white sleeveless t-shirt he was already wearing. I was a little surprised by his great physique, even though I shouldn’t have been.
He’s a great looking guy, with his messy, chestnut brown hair, that looked so shiny he could model for a hair product company. Will was quite powerfully built, and I wondered why I hadn’t seen this before. I mean I’d seen him in his boxers that one time, but I was too mortified to take in what he looked like. Anyway, I’d never really noticed because he was with Saffy.
I whistled appreciatively, teasing him. “Damn! You’re a hottie Will, a damn fine specimen.” I wiggled my brows at him. Will grinned kind of embarrassed and chuffed at the same time.
“Yeah, I know,” he said, nodding and checking himself out, behaving as if he were in love with himself.
He then launched into an overacted scene. “Thank you, ma’am…” then commented, “Hey, I thought you were off men?” I paused, putting my fingers to my chin pretending that I was contemplating what he’d just said. I began tapping my lips, pretending to think.
Chuckling, I threw my head back. “Definitely. No guy is getting in my panties without being totally emotionally connected and hanging on my every word, and even then, he’ll have to beg. I am going to concentrate on leaving the passion in the bedroom to others and put mine into my music from now on, at least it won’t fuck me over,” I said determinedly.
“Atta gurl!” he growled, grinning devilishly at me.
My mood was lifting and I pretended to give a Will my best seductive look. I leaned in and whispered, “As for you, looking great in those swimmers, who says I can’t still window shop?”
I gave him a mock exaggerated look of appreciation, my eyes widening, like I was objectifying him. “I mean, I appreciate the finer things in store windows all the time… it doesn’t mean I have to buy anything… does it?”
Will grinned, leaning back his hands stretched out to the sides pretending to give me a better view. “You like what you see huh?” he said in a slow southern drawl and turned nodding his head. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively pretending to flirt with me.
We both cracked up, laughing hysterically, and it felt good to have someone I could just be me around, without any demands on our relationship. I was beginning to really value Will as a friend and his loyalty to me.
It was really nice that he cared about me. We were honest with each other, and I hoped that it would always be like that between us. “Lily girl, you are a wonderful, sweet, gorgeous girl, you’re going to work this out. I know it hurts a lot right now. By next month, it will hurt a little less, a month after that? Max, who’s Max?” He looked wistful for a split second then it was gone.
“Been here, huh?” I asked.
He tapped on his heart silently. “It’s getting there.” I took that as a yes.
We headed for the beach, the feel of the sun, the smell of the sea and the warmth of our friendship enhanced our music and lifted my mood to no end.
We were so productive with ideas and new material flowing. It was a lot of fun with him and our easy conversation and similar thoughts about music helped bond us closer during the day.
I was messing around with some chords when something I played triggered the memory of a song for Will, and he started to sing it. “You know that song?” I looked incredulously at him, rising to my knees on the towel then sitting back on my heels. I didn’t think that band had cracked it in the USA. Will said, “I don't know about that, but I heard the track when I was in London, so I downloaded it to my iPod. It brings back happy memories for me.”
I grinned. “Will! It’s one of my favorite songs, can we sing it together,” I pleaded. My hands were praying at him.
I began to play the introduction to Come Up and See me, (make me smile), by Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel. We both started belting it out, not really caring that we were making noise around some sleepy sunbathers.
We weren’t even sure that the words we were singing were the right ones, but they fit the music, and I felt some of the stress leave me. I felt like I was home for a few minutes.
It was ironic that this was the song that came to his mind. It’s about band members quitting on Steve before he became famous. It fit with my mood, not that I was going to be famous, but maybe Max will feel sorry for his treatment toward me one day.
Some beachgoers sat up to listen to us, and applauded when we had finished our impromptu concert. Will and I were slightly embarrassed, but grinned and laughed about our spontaneous performance, which was anything but polished. “I feel much better after that.”
He slung an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me against him side on. “I’m glad you’re feeling stronger honey, but now I had better make myself scarce before Saffy comes home, or she’ll be mad that we spent the day together on the beach.”
Will’s eyes looked moody and troubled now. “She’s possessive as hell, and as much as she loves you Lily, she has trust issues.”
I looked wide-eyed and seriously at Will. “Agreed!” We packed up and headed back to the apartment.
We already knew that Saffy didn’t like us spending time together as it was. I stroked W
ill’s arm as if to show him my sincerity. “Thank you so much for today Will, and for telling me. It means a lot to me that you have my back.”
He took my hand, squeezed it, and brought it to his lips. It was a tender thing to do. “Always.” He kissed my forehead gently. His lips were soft and warm. It felt so comforting. I turned and walked inside, rummaging in my bag for my keys. There was a text message envelope waiting on my phone.
Max: Missed hugging you last night. Missing me?
I found my keys, dragged myself inside, and sat down heavily on the couch before replying.
Lily Parnell: Coping well, so much better than I thought I would.
Max: Cool, I’ll try to come soon, won’t be able to stay away long.
I took a deep breath, I didn’t want to play games with people’s lives, and I didn’t want them to play them with mine.
Lily Parnell: would you tell Kelly it’s me you’re coming to see?
I waited for a return text, and when it didn’t arrive immediately, it confirmed what Will suspected. Well, at least Max didn’t protest his innocence, or worse, say that she meant nothing to him. I knew him well enough. He knows I know him too, so he’ll be trying to find a way around hurting me and saving face. I wasn’t surprised when the next text did arrive after ten minutes.
Max: Ah, too complex to explain by text or phone we’ll talk when I come to see you.
I knew I needed to be completely honest with him and that there would be no repeat of what we had in the future.
Lily Parnell: No explanation necessary Max, we’re friends. I used you for sex, just like you used me. You’ve done all the ‘coming’ you’re going to do with me, chapter closed. Don’t hurry back, but we will get past this for Saffy’s sake.
My phone rang immediately, caller ID showed Max. I let it ring out, switched it off, and threw it back in my bag. When I did this, I knew I’d be strong enough to get past this hump in my life.
Enough Isn't Everything (Everything Trilogy) Page 18