Buttons & Hate

by Penelope Sky

  “I’m okay.” I grabbed a book and felt my arm strain as I tried to lift it. Something as simple as a bound book was a struggle for me. It was pathetic. I’d lost all my strength in the fight and now I feared I would never get it back.

  Crow assisted me. “It’ll come back to you.” He understood better than anyone how much I prided my ability to look after myself. Now I was so weak I had to rely on someone else to take care of me—something I hated.

  I opened the book and turned to the page where I left off. I read through a paragraph when I felt his intense gaze on me. It was practically burning a hole though the side of my face. “I’m fine.” I turned my gaze back to him, showing him that my resolution hadn’t faltered when my body broke. That strength was still within my walls.

  He lowered his gaze, shame and despair written all over his features. He didn’t put up a stoic expression to hide his thoughts like he usually did. He allowed them pour out like a flood.

  I hadn’t looked in a mirror yet because I didn’t want to see the damage Cane inflicted. But judging the swelling of my cheek and lips, I was still black and blue. My eyes throbbed and one was partially closed from the damage. I could see my demolished body and knew my face must complement it.

  Crow turned his gaze to the balcony and looked across the vineyards. He didn’t stare right at me anymore but I remained in his peripheral vision. Still and quiet as a statue, he lingered.

  “You don’t have to sit with me. I’m fine.”

  He didn’t react to my words.

  I may be weak but I didn’t need his pity. “Crow, you can go.”

  “Maybe I need to sit with you.” He spoke quietly, like he didn’t want me to hear.

  “No, you don’t.”

  “You don’t understand. Maybe you don’t need me but I need you. So please, just let me sit here.” His jaw was stern and he gripped the armrest like he would topple over at any second.

  I respected his request and turned to my book. I didn’t make a sound and neither did he. We just sat together in a heavy silence, him seething and me reading. I remembered the tears he formed for me, the tears from my pain. They mirrored my own when he told me his own heartbreak over losing his little sister. We’d both cried for one another. We were connected in more ways than we realized. But that didn’t scare me anymore.

  And it didn’t scare him either.

  ***

  I was too weak to walk.

  It was embarrassing.

  Crow had to carry me into the bathroom every time I needed to use it, and I was unable to fetch something I needed because my body wouldn’t cooperate. I was a helpless corpse, relying on someone else to provide the things I needed.

  It was humiliating.

  The sun had disappeared beyond the horizon and the crickets filled the nighttime air. The fields came alive with the sounds of the breeze and the bugs that buzzed through the night. I wanted to sit there all day and appreciate the moment but I could barely keep my eyes open.

  Crow sat at the edge of the couch and peered into my face. “Ready for bed?”

  “Yeah...”

  He lifted me into his arms and carried me back into the bedroom. The room was similar to my own but had its own qualities. It was slightly bigger and had a shower and a tub.

  Instead of placing me on the bed he carried me into his bedroom and set me on his bed.

  “What are you doing?”

  He laid me back then lifted up my legs, removing my sweatpants. “Getting you ready for bed.”

  “In your bedroom?”

  He returned my feet then tucked me in like a child. He’d never been so gentle with me, even when I asked him to make love to me. His clothes were stripped away and he got into bed beside me. “Yes.” He turned off the bedroom light but didn’t snuggle beside me. He knew my body was in immense pain even with the painkillers in my system. Too much pressure on my legs or arms would cause me immense discomfort. “When you’re beside me, you’re safe.”

  I stared at the contours of his face in the dark. “I’m sure I’ll be fine down the hall.”

  “I want you here. Unless you don’t want to be.” Now he always gave me a choice. Before, it was his way or no way at all. I felt like an equal, not a possession.

  “I do. But not if it’s going to make you uncomfortable.”

  “I’d be more uncomfortable with you down the hall.” He reached for my hand under the sheet and wrapped his long fingers gently around mine. “I don’t want you to be anywhere else but here.”

  ***

  Crow didn’t return to work. He stayed at the house and stuck to me like super glue. He didn’t like a member of his staff come near me. He was the one who brought my meals, bathed me, and kept me company.

  “I understand if you need to return to work.” I sat at the table on the balcony, trying to eat everything on my plate. The medication I was on killed my appetite. I didn’t have an urge to eat anything. If I had it my way, I wouldn’t eat at all. “You don’t need to stick around for me.”

  He didn’t acknowledge my statement. He ate his salad and sandwich quietly.

  When he didn’t respond, I didn’t push the matter. He was silently brooding behind his exterior. He was gentle with me when he looked after me, but he also seemed angry at the same time. “It’s a beautiful day.”

  “I suppose.” He ate half his food before he pushed the plate away. His appetite hadn’t been the same. He was darker than usual, seething in a silent rage. If he didn’t remind me he wanted to be there I would assume he hated me.

  “I wish I could take a walk through the vineyards.” I appreciated my health so much more when I didn’t have it. Now that I couldn’t walk, I wanted to run. Now that I couldn’t use my arms I wanted to climb. One day, I would regain my strength. But the recovery would be a long process.

  “I can carry you.”

  “No, it’s okay.” I chuckled because Crow came to my rescue when I needed anything. If I asked him to play me a song on the harmonica he would somehow pull it off.

  “Anything you want, I’ll make it happen.” He said it with such conviction that I believed him.

  “There’s nothing I want at the moment.” I was curious to know what became of Cane. He left the hospital but how injured was he? Should I expect him to make another attack? I didn’t ask because it would get under Crow’s skin.

  “Do you want to leave?” He didn’t meet my gaze when he asked the question, unable to say it with meaning. “Because you’re free to go whenever you wish. I’ll make all the arrangement to return you safely.”

  Freedom.

  He was giving it to me on a silver platter. All I had to do was give the word and I’d be returned to America. I would listen to the traffic of the city and see the weirdoes pass me on the sidewalk. I would inhale the pollution and savor the smell on my nose. I would see skyscrapers block out the sun after five in the evening. I would see home again.

  But how would I survive in my state? I couldn’t even walk. I had no home to return to, not a cent to my name, and no job. I couldn’t go back right now. And even if I could I wasn’t sure I wanted to.

  Something held me back.

  “I want to stay.”

  He turned his gaze on me, unable to hide the relief in his eyes. “You’re sure?”

  I nodded.

  “The offer isn’t temporary. You can always change your mind.”

  “I know...” The buttons no longer mattered. He didn’t own me anymore. I was free to come and go as I pleased—like a person. Our relationship was different. It was the first time I was treated as a guest.

  “You have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Routine check up.”

  “Good. I need as many pills as possible.”

  A tiny smile formed on his lips, hardly noticeable. “I’ll get you everything you need.”

  “Thanks.” I picked at my salad but didn’t take a bite. Everything Lars made was delicious but my stomach couldn’t hold down food like it used to.
<
br />   “Keep eating.” His voice hinted with authority but he didn’t exert it the way he used to, suffocating me.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “How do you expect to get your strength back if you don’t eat?”

  “I may never get my strength back...” I was more scarred than ever before. I’d lost nearly half my blood. I hadn’t looked at my face but I knew it was demolished. I probably didn’t look like myself at all.

  “Button, you will.” The nickname came by surprise but he didn’t hesitate at the word. He looked at me the way he used to, full of respect and admiration. “I’ll help you get there.”

  While the belief warmed my heart, it wasn’t enough. Hopelessness flooded inside me. After nearly dying from my injuries I would never be the same. It would take months to recover. And even then, I wouldn’t be able to run as fast or push as hard.

  He spotted the unease on my face, knowing exactly what I was thinking. “Don’t do that.”

  “Do what?”

  “Throw a pity party for yourself. I won’t allow it.”

  I averted my gaze.

  “I won’t allow it.”

  ***

  The fire roared in the heart directly across from his large bed. The nightmares hadn’t descended because his presence drove them away. He was the protector of my dreams—and the protector of my body.

  He maneuvered me against his chest, careful not to hurt me in the process. He pulled my leg between his knees and rested his head against mine. The fire was the only source of light in the room and it cast a glow on his bare chest.

  His hard chest was the most comfortable place. I preferred it over the soft mattress or a field of flowers. It was warm and inviting. I tried not to think of all the other women who slept in this bed. The woman that kissed him came to my mind. I never stopped being angry with him for that. He broke my heart when I didn’t realize he could.

  I stopped myself from thinking about it before the pain pulled me under.

  Crow watched every move I made. He could distinguish my thoughts in my eyes, knowing something changed in the atmosphere. He sensed the tension in my petite arms, the way I slightly pulled away from him. “What are you thinking?”

  “Nothing.” I cleared my mind and stopped picturing him with other women. When I thought about it too hard I felt like I might drown in despair. He didn’t mean anything when I arrived here but when I thought he was sticking his cock in someone else I realized he meant the world to me.

  “Don’t lie to me.” He moved on top of me, holding himself up on his arms. He pinned me to the mattress so I couldn’t squirm away.

  Which was pointless since I couldn’t move.

  “Do you hate me for letting this happen to you?” he whispered. “Because you should.”

  “That’s not what I was thinking.”

  “Then what?”

  The one thing I learned in life was to never let people know how much they hurt you. Keeping up a strong stance was essential to prevent people from hurting you further. “That woman you were with. Are you still seeing her?”

  “What woman?” A dumfounded expression entered his eyes. He didn’t have a clue whom I was referred to.

  “The woman you were sleeping with.” Unless there were more. That would just make me feel worse. “It still comes into my mind from time-to-time.”

  His eyes slowly relaxed, the hostile burn dying away. “She never meant anything to me, Button.”

  “But she meant enough to hurt me.” I didn’t bother lying anymore. My feelings were as obvious as the blue sky I looked at every day.

  His eyes fell, the first sign of remorse he ever showed me. “I never slept with her.”

  It was one thing to cheat but another to lie. “Don’t backpedal.”

  “I’m not,” he said. “She and I were together before you and I met. But we went our separate ways when she left the country. She just returned and wanted to start up things again. I said no.”

  “That’s not what you said.”

  “Actually, all I said was I wasn’t yours and I could do whatever I wanted.” He kept his body on top of mine, not touching me for fear of hurting me with his weight. “I didn’t want you to know that I was committed to you. I didn’t want you to know you had a hold over me. So I let you believe it.”

  Crow wouldn’t lie to me so I believed every word he said. “I wish you’d told me the truth...” I battled my heartbreak for a long time.

  “I do too. I almost did before...” He didn’t finish the sentence because it was too painful. “When you refused to give me any of your buttons I knew how much I screwed up. I tried to make it right but took too long.”

  “So...have you been with anyone else besides me?” I kept the hope out of my voice but it took all my strength to accomplish the task. My exterior was vulnerable and I was allowing him inside.

  “Never.” He cupped my face, his fingers digging into my hair. “And I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

  His coldness pushed me away for so long but now I understood what we had was meaningful. I was no longer a slave and he was no longer my master. What we had meant something—to both of us.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

  My fingers wrapped around his wrist. “Don’t do it again.”

  He held my gaze, our stares locked together. “I won’t.”

  Chapter Ten

  Crow

  I entered through the backdoor with my gun on my hip and my knife in my back pocket. My men flanked me, covering me from every angle as we entered the closed café.

  The lights were off with the exception of the single one glowing from the kitchen. The windows at the front of the shop were pitch black so unfriendly eyes couldn’t spot this unusual meetings.

  His men scattered around the opposite side of the café, holding rifles and pistols. They were all dressed in black with bulletproof vests. Our terms were to come alone but neither one of us cooperated.

  Bones sat a table in the center of the room, wearing his ordinary suit with a black tie. His blonde hair was combed back and his constant sneer was on his lips. His eyes were neutral within his poker face, giving nothing and taking nothing. “Crow.” He nodded to the seat across from him.

  When I stared at this man hatred exploded within my body. He did terrible things to Button, put her in immense pain when she didn’t deserve it. He treated like a dog rather than a human being. He had the misconception that a woman like her could be bought.

  I lowered myself into the chair and kept my hands on the table, a courtesy all criminals extended. When I was this close to his face I felt sick to my stomach. He oozed with longing and brutality. Even after all this time he was still desperate for the woman I took from him.

  Now she was my woman.

  “What do I owe the pleasure?” He folded his hands together, attempting to look refined but coming off as cheaper. He was like a knock-off imitating a designer.

  The last time I saw him he shot Vanessa in the back of the head. Every muscle in my body was tense with the memory. I would never forget the way her blood showered through the air and clung to my skin. I’ll never forget the fear in her eyes the instant she slipped away. Sleeping was a luxury I no longer enjoyed. It was the gateway to suffering. “You know exactly why I’m here.” When I called for this meeting I didn’t explain my reason.

  Because we both knew what that reason was.

  “I hope she’s in the back of a van and ready to be transferred.”

  She was dead asleep in my bed, the fire still roaring in the hearth and her small body covered with one of my t-shirts. She heavily guarded and protected under my watchful eye. She didn’t even know I was here. I glanced over my shoulder and snapped my fingers.

  One of my men placed a black duffel bag on the floor beside us. It landed with a heavy thud.

  Bones glanced at it. “If she’s in there you’ll be dead before you walk out that door.” Threat filled the air, and it was the first time I saw him expre
ss a real emotion. All he emitted was hostility and death. But now he showed something more.

  “It’s forty million.”

  His eyes traveled to the bag before he returned his look on me. “And what is it for?”

  “It’s a severance package.” I wasn’t giving her up for any amount of money in the world. She didn’t come with a price tag. She didn’t belong to anyone—not even me. “Accept the money and walk away.”

  His blue eyes narrowed on my face, irritated with my boldness. “I’ll never walk away.”

  “Take the money. You’ve recuperated your loses and received an excellent return on your investment. You can buy as many whores as you want, all more beautiful than the one you lost.”

  He didn’t flinch in his movement. His chest didn’t even expand with a breath. Despite his calm exterior he was murderous. If he could, he would lean across the table and snatch me by the throat. “I don’t accept your offer.”

  I couldn’t walk out of this restaurant without a deal. If I didn’t end his obsession with Button he would continue searching for her. Cane may strike again, and this time she may not survive. I had to end this violent situation once and for all. “I’ll double the money.”

  His eyes didn’t widen but they lightened in surprise. “The higher you go, the more I want her.”

  “But you’ll never have her. I’m only offering compensation as a peace offering. If you don’t want it, fine. But I’m not handing her over. Not now and not ever.”

  He slowly leaned over the table, resting his elbows on the surface. “You have a lot of nerve, Crow. More than I gave you credit for. You stole my slave and now you’re using her like she’s your own.”

  “She is my own.”

  “And this is revenge for Vanessa.” He shook his head. “Didn’t think you had it in you.”

  “I have a lot more in me.” If I could put a bullet in his bran right now, I would. I wouldn’t hesitate to kill the man’s who’s wronged my family. If I could claim the life of the man who took my sister I would.

  “But you’re starting a war worse than the first one.” He lowered his voice so only the two of us could hear. “There will be more casualties than the last. I’ll stop at nothing until that cunt is in my bed. Are you willing to defy me just for some pussy?”