by Mj Fields
Mr. Green told them about the accident. During training he fell and hit his head. He was twenty feet up and although he had several injuries it was the fatal blow to the head that killed Toby instantly. Everyone had tears falling down their faces, except for Toby’s father. He continued talking about the services that would be held in Syracuse; they didn’t want the large motorcade and had a lot of family from out of town that would be flying in. Toby’s grandparents were buried in a small Irish Catholic cemetery in East Syracuse and they wanted him to be with them. The services would be held a week from Wednesday with a family viewing on Tuesday night. They told Tessa that the Jeep was hers and although she objected they insisted that’s what Toby would want. They knew Toby loved her and that they had future plans. They had known her and her family for years. And Toby was part of what the Ross’ considered their extended family, his loss was horrific.
Tessa spent the next week crying and grieving. She pushed everyone away except for her new friends in drama club. She went to practice and smiled. She almost felt like she was being untrue to her new friends but she was an actress there and was able to make herself smile and sing and not think about Toby or Ann.
~
The service was horrible. Tessa couldn’t understand when people would say It was a beautiful service. There was absolutely nothing beautiful about seeing him in a box laying there lifeless and appearing waxy, there was nothing beautiful about people gathered inside a church crying, there was nothing beautiful about the black car that took him to the cemetery, there was absolutely nothing beautiful about the military men giving his mother a flag, and the sound of the trumpet in the distance playing Taps. The dirt thrown on the casket that held her friend, a man she knew could love her and she would have loved him always, well there was nothing beautiful about that either.
As Tessa looked down she heard the cars leaving the cemetery. She stood outside the vehicle as the last car pull away. Maggie got out of the car and put her arm around Tessa.
“Are you ready Tessa?” she asked softly.
Tessa shook her head no and walked back over to the plot where they had thrown dirt on Toby. Maggie followed her. She watched as Tessa quickly wiped tears off her face.
“It’s ugly Mom,” Tessa cried.
“I know honey, did you see the flowers? They’re beautiful,” Maggie was trying to distract Tessa.
She read some of the cards, “Tessa did you see these honey? I think they’re from friends of yours.”
“Jade and Tommy, sent these pretty ones” she said and pointed to the roses. “Phoebe and Becca sent this arrangement, and this one is from Lucas.” Maggie pointed to the large basket of yellow roses and white Gerber daisies.
Tessa looked at the flowers and took a deep breath, “Could you give me a minute Mom, and I’ll meet you in the car in a minute?”
Maggie walked back to the car and Tessa dropped onto the dirt on her knees and cried even more tears. She tried to think of good things, like Toby, he was good… and that it must be a blessing that the ground had not been frozen so that they didn’t have to go through this again in the spring. She kissed the stone as she cried.
She noticed the men in Navy uniforms standing back a hundred yards. One of them started walking towards her. He knelt down and handed her a tissue and put his hand on her shoulder.
“He was a good man. I’m sorry for your loss Miss,” he kept his hand on her shoulder for a few moments and then slowly walked away.
Tessa didn’t look at him and was thankful for the black large rimed hat she wore so he couldn’t see her face. It was bad enough that people saw her as she sat in a dress on the ground which Toby was buried beneath. She took handfuls of loose gravel and allowed it to slip through her fingers as she cried. She stood wiped her knees off, and walked to the car and they drove home.
Tessa showered and changed into her pajamas. She opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a pill from her field hockey injury, the one’s she took at camp the day Lucas moved out. She swallowed it down with a glass of water, walked past her family, and went upstairs to her room and cried herself to sleep. She slept the entire night.
~
The next day at play practice she made an excuse about missing practice due to illness. She didn’t talk about what happened, no one there knew a lot about her private life and she wanted to keep it that way.
“Hey Tessa,” Mark the pizza boy, smiled.
“Hey yourself, Mark.”
“A bunch of us are going back to my place, a very low key get together, if you want to come feel free.”
“Sounds great.”
He looked stunned “Cool, you can follow me.”
Tessa laughed as she followed Mark to his house. It was big and the basement was like a recreation room. It held a pool table, a few pinball machines, a projector screen, and a bar. Many of the cast drank, Tessa politely declined. She walked outside to escape the crowd for a moment and a bunch of girls where outside smoking pot.
“Want some?” Cassidy, a girl in the play asked.
Tessa took a deep breath, “This will be a first for me but sure.”
Tessa hit the small bowl twice and walked inside with them. There was a Karaoke machine and a bunch of them were singing. Tessa was smiling and completely focused on the music, she wasn’t thinking about Toby, or Lucas, or her family, even though they were always there, the pain was always there, she was smiling and loved the disconnected feeling. Tessa and Cassidy sang together and laughed and smoked more. She had a great time.
Her phone chimed
-Hey girl where are you? We’re at your house, your Dad and Alex went on a delivery and we wanted to hang with you…Jade
-hanging with the cast, you guys should probably pick me up, lol...Tessa
She texted Jade the address. Jade and Phoebe pulled in and saw Cassidy and Tessa laughing and talking. Cassidy waved to them and walked into the house.
Tessa was wasted. Her eyes bright red and she was laughing hysterically. “Let’s go,” Jade snapped and dragged her to her truck.
Becca drove the Jeep following Jade. Tessa was singing and laughing and Phoebe laughed with her.
Jade pulled in to the gas station, Becca followed her and parked behind her. Tommy and Lucas were getting gas. Tessa laughed and hung out the window.
“Hey boys, what’s up?” she yelled and laughed. Phoebe pulled her back in.
“Tommy-- what the hell is wrong with her?” Jade asked.
“I don’t know pretty girl. Lucas go see what’s up with her,” Tommy kissed Jade.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Lucas put the gas cap on and hung the nozzle on the pump.
“Come on Lucas, she isn’t drunk, I don’t know what’s wrong with her,” Jade pleaded.
Lucas walked over and tapped on the window, Tessa looked at him and smirked, turned away, and started laughing. He opened the door.
“Hello Tessa,” Lucas said coolly. “Jade wants to know what you’ve been doing.”
Tessa turned and looked at him, and pulled her shades down, “Well first I went to rehearsal, then to Pizza Boy’s house,” she tried not to laugh, “Then well I sang and had fun and danced and well I didn’t cry tonight.”
“That’s nice Tessa but what shit did you do? Did you drink, do pills, or smoke something?” Lucas demanded.
“D. None of the above,” Tessa laughed. “I shot up,” she whispered and laughed harder.
“Get out,” Lucas demanded.
“Not happening,” Tessa laughed.
He grabbed her and dragged her to his SUV.
“Tommy ride with Jade,” he said and before she could get out he buckled her seat belt and pealed out of the driveway.
“Where does that little fuck live?” Lucas asked.
“Seriously, I’m not telling you, and by the way I think it was awfully nice of them to share with me,” Tessa laughed, “Notice I said...I think it was nice that they shared WITH me and not share me?”
Lucas
pulled over on a dirt road.
“Let me have your phone, Tessa,” he demanded.
“Let me out, buzz kill,” she laughed as she tried to open the locked door.
“I can call Alex and I will if you don’t give me the address to that party Tessa!”
“Listen I didn’t shoot up silly boy,” she slapped him lightly on the face and then grabbed his chin, “I smoked, and I like it. And I can guarantee I’ll do it again,” she laughed.
“Don’t fucking lie to me Tessa!”
“Lie? To you? Never Lucas!” she started laughing.
He was furious, “What’s so funny? I’ve never lied to you!”
“Please take me back to my prison. Apparently I don’t deserve to let loose once in awhile, my friends suck,” she laughed.
He punched the steering wheel three times and she cranked up the music and sang. He looked at her and she was smirking.
“I don’t need you of all people to have a savior complex with me Lucas. Take me home, NOW!”
Tessa laughed when he let out an angry growl. He stared at her with his jaw clenched. Tessa crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue and laughed.
Lucas pulled in the driveway. Jade got out and went to his window.
“So what’s wrong with her?”
He looked Tessa and she glared at him.
“She drank, she’ll be fine,” he said getting out.
“What are you doing?” Tessa asked him annoyed.
“I am going to hang out with you Tessa, for about an hour to make sure you’re okay,” Lucas said in exaggerated excitement and clapped his hands.
“I don’t need you to,” she stomped her foot.
Lucas took a deep breath and walked in the house, Chewy was all over him.
“I’m hungry,” Tessa whispered under her breath as she looked in the fridge. Lucas smirked and looked down.”What’s so funny?”
“Nothing Tessa,” he said and he pet Chewy.
“Chewy get over here, you’re my puppy, yes you are,” Chewy ran over to her.
“Chewy you suck,” Lucas laughed.
“Really?” Tessa asked. “Well… you swallow,” she started laughing and everyone joined.
Tessa made popcorn and shared with everyone. She sat on the couch and snuggled up to Phoebe. Phoebe laughed and snuggled with her too. Lucas stayed until she fell asleep.
~
The next day Tessa and her mother filled out Thank you notes with Toby’s mom. She sent personal ones to her friends and Lucas. She saw the book of people who attended the services and saw Lucas’s name. When they were finished she felt emotionally drained.
The week passed like the rest. She missed Toby, she hated Lucas, and she slept and hung out with her friends at play practice.
On Saturday Tessa cleaned, took a nap, went to play practice and then she dropped off the Jeep. Tessa was going to hang out with Cassidy, Mark and a couple other friends.
They decided to go to the club in Syracuse. It just so happened that Ben’s band was there playing; she saw it on facebook and wanted to surprise him.
Tessa smoked on the way there. She was happy and she was going to see Ben tonight, almost two weeks after Toby died. I’m not going to let it tear me apart. Lucas has already done that, and Toby would want me to be happy, although probably not the way I’m doing it, but hey it works, she thought.
Jade texted Tessa and she told her she was with her fellow cast members on her way to Syracuse to a teen dance club and she would be back late. She shut off her phone; she didn’t want to deal with the drama.
Tessa walked in and saw Ben singing and playing guitar, he looked so hot. He wore faded jeans that sat on his hips, a white long sleeve cotton shirt and a navy knit cap. His brown hair was peeking out from under his cap and his full pink lips looked divine. She danced and laughed and had fun. Cassidy kept talking about how hot he was, and Tessa laughed.
~
“I bet I can get him to make out with me,” Tessa laughed.
The band went on break and she saw Ben walk into the bathroom.
“Come with me,” Tessa dragged Cassidy behind her.
They walked into the men’s bathroom and Ben was at the urinal.
Tessa peeked over his shoulder, “That’ll work.”
Ben didn’t respond. He finished going to the bathroom and turned around and saw Tessa. Ben smiled and winked at her.
“Well then-- take it home with you,” he slowly walking towards her.
She grabbed his face and kissed him. Cassidy was in shock and laughed as she walked out.
“Tess what are you doing here?”
“Sort of stalking you, I guess.”
“You’re fucked up?”
“A little.”
She told him about her bet with Cassidy and that she had no idea they knew one another.
“Cool. This is going to be fun! By the way… what’s up with you and Lucas?”
“He moved home and we’re done.”
“Perfect,” Ben winked, “Stand in the front Tess, I want to watch you dance.”
The band took the stage and Ben sang directly to her. She smiled the whole time.
“How’s everyone doing tonight?” Ben asked and the crowd cheered.
“I am having a great time tonight too, I just met a hot little number in the men’s bathroom,” the crowd cheered again.
“I think I’m going home with her tonight.” They crowd went wild. “Tess, come on up here.”
Tessa shook her head no, “Hey hot stuff unless you want me to tell them about the bathroom, you’d better get that fine ass up here.”
Cassidy pushed her up toward the stage. Ben put his arm around her and kissed her.
“Do you all think she could sing? I mean could something this hot possibly get any hotter?” he asked.
He whispered in her ear, “What do you want to sing girl?”
Tessa whispered in his ear and he talked to the band. They started playing; the song was Fade Into You by Mazzy Star. Ben played guitar as she sang. At the end of the song he grabbed the back of her head and they kissed deeply, passionately, she didn’t care who was there, it felt good.
The crowd went crazy and they both stood nose to nose and laughed at each other.
“Let’s hear it for the very talented Tess” Ben said. “You can take it home with you anytime you want to, girl.”
She grabbed him by the waist band and kissed him again. The crowd cheered and she walked off the stage.
Cassidy hugged her and laughed, “No way!”
“This one’s for you hot stuff,” he started singing and Tessa felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around and it was Jade and she was pissed.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Tessa looked over Jade’s shoulder and saw Tommy and Lucas standing there.
“Dancing and singing, Ben’s here… did you see him?” Tessa laughed.
The set ended and Ben walked down.
“Hey Jade, how are you?” Ben asked.
“I’m fine Ben. Tessa however is going home, and not with you.”
Tessa grabbed Ben’s hand and walked out the door.
Jade followed and yelled, “Tessa, you need to stop this shit. NOW.”
They walked outside, she hugged Ben. He laughed and hugged her back. Tommy and Lucas walked out behind them.
“Jade, I have a ride home,” she glared at Lucas, “Pizza Boy is perfectly capable of driving me home, and if not…” she stopped and looked up at Ben, “Ben-- where are you staying tonight?”
He laughed, “Where do you want me to stay?”
Tessa laughed at him and he looked at Jade, who was livid.
“We’re staying at the Marriot,” Ben smiled at Jade.
“Okay Jade, I’ll ride with Pizza boy or I’ll be at the Marriot,” Tessa laughed.
There was music playing and she started dancing with Ben, he was very amused by her and Lucas didn’t enjoy it at all, neither did Jade.
�
�Like hell you will,” Jade said. “Tessa you just buried…”
“Watch it, Jade,” she snapped.
“Then you better cut it out,” Jade warned.
“Ben, BABY,” she said exaggerating baby, “I’m going to finish listening to you and then I may consider going home, I’ll be riding with the PIZZA BOY.”
~
“Anyone see Ben out there,” the bass player yelled.
Ben ran on stage “I’m here, sorry. A little busy in the parking lot.”
They all cheered.
“Everyone give it up again for, Tess.”
They all clapped. Lucas clenched his jaw and sat at a table near the stage.
“Alright let’s get this place hopping.”
The band played Wonderwall by Oasis, Tessa and Cassidy danced and laughed. Ben sang Everlong by the Foo Fighters: Cassidy and Tessa watched Ben and smiled.
“Sorry man,” Tommy said to Lucas.
Lucas shook his head and looked at Tessa, “Not your problem.”
The band sang a few more songs and he gestured for Tessa to come back on stage. He whispered in her ear, she laughed and smiled shaking her head yes. The band played Zombie by The Cranberries. Tessa sang it while she danced with Ben. The crowd went wild and he kissed her. He took her hand and placed it on his butt, she laughed and he kissed her again.
“Hey Tess, have you looked at it yet?” Ben asked.
She shook her head no and grinned. He undid his pants to a slow drum beat. Tessa laughed. He turned around and slide them down a bit, his white boxer briefs showed and she laughed.
“See it now?” she shook her head yes and grinned. “Nice huh?” he said and she fanned herself dramatically. The crowd cheered. “You want to come over here and fix them for me girl?” She laughed and shook her head no, “I think she likes them off” he said to the crowd. The crowd whistled and cheered. He pulled them up and zipped them, leaving them unbuttoned. “Alright everyone… one last song and we’re out!”
Ben sang STP’s Interstate Love Song and he danced with Tessa as he sang.
They walked off stage and Ben followed Tessa. Cassidy and the crew came over and she introduced them to Ben, she told them that they already knew each other. Jade stood impatiently waiting.
“Okay, so when can I see you again Tess?”