by Mj Fields
“Take me somewhere far away, I want to fucking disappear. Take me to my aunt’s bar.”
Tessa walked in and saw Karaoke Joe.
She hugged her Aunt, “This place needs a boost?”
“Hey Tessa, only if you eat something first, you’re a mess girl,” Josie said.
She and Cassidy ate a slice of pizza. She was busting to sing, and she saw Lucas and Ryan.
“I need to leave,” she whispered to Cassidy.
They started leaving, and Lucas walked up to her, “We’re going to take her home, Cassidy.”
“No,” Tessa walked out the door.
“Tessa, come with us,” Ryan said, “Please,” he hugged her and wiped her tears.
“Why Ryan? He said enough tonight.”
“No he hasn’t, come on,” he opened the door, and she got in the back. “Thanks Cassidy.”
They drove to Lucas’s house, and Ryan got out and walked inside.
“Can we finish our conversation?”
“We did,” she responded sarcastically.
“No baby we didn’t,” Lucas opened the door for her, “Give me ten minutes and if you want to leave, Ryan can take you home.”
She followed him inside and up the stairs.
“I hate your room,” she sat on the floor.
“I’m sorry” he said and sat next to her. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”
“Home,” she looked down, “I don’t feel all that well.”
“Tessa I’m sorry, about all this shit,” Lucas said, “All of it, do you understand? I needed you to hate me so you could move on. Will you fucking look at me?”
"No…," she said quietly.
He moved in front of her, “Knee to knee Tessa and look at me,” he lifted her chin, and her eyes raised and met his “Tessa, I love you. I’ve tried not to, but I need for all this shit to go away. I was escaping it all just fine and...,”
“Then you called me and hung up,” Tessa whispered. “You love me?”
“Damn it yes Tessa, I do! I never stopped. I wish none of this had happened, and I wish I could turn back time and all that shit, but I don’t expect you to forgive it!”
“You haven’t acted like you love me Lucas,” she whispered and looked down.
“I never stopped. I wanted better for you. I needed you to hate me, Tessa. I wanted you to stay away,” Lucas whispered.
“Do you want me to stay away?”
He didn’t answer her; he just shook his head no as he stared at her.
“I don’t know what to do,” she cried.
Lucas looked at her and cupped her chin in his hands as he stroked her lip with his thumb.
“I don’t know either. How do I fix this, how do we move forward? I don’t know the answers, but we can figure it out together if you want. I do know I love you, ever since the pond that hasn’t changed” Lucas kissed her.
“Positive?” she asked breathing harder, he shook his head yes.
She kissed him slowly as he looked at her. He tasted so good, and she didn’t want to stop.
He pulled back and looked at her, “Baby we are both fucked up,” he said in a husky strained voice, “It’s been a very long time since I’ve touched you.”
“Please Lucas, tell me you won’t hurt me, I love you so much.”
“I could never hurt you… again, I love you.”
“You’re sure? I can’t do this again unless…” Tessa began.
“Forever,” he said, his eyes taking her in.
“Do you need to ask me anything?” she kissed him.
“Will you marry me,” he asked breathing very heavy.
She smiled, “I think you’re skipping a few steps.”
“Tessa Ross will you be my girlfriend, again?” he said closing his eyes and smiled.
“I have missed that smile so much,” she tried to kiss him.
He pulled back, “You didn’t answer my question… and I’m not that kind of guy.”
“Okay we have a lot to talk about,” Tessa looked down and smiled.
“I know. We have a lot of time, no rush,” he hugged her.
“Oh,” she said.
“What does Oh mean?” he asked sitting back.
She looked at him and felt her face flush, he smiled.
“I…have you slept with anyone?” she asked.
Lucas shook his head no.
“So there won’t be anyone popping up in a few weeks saying their pregnant?” she asked.
“No Tessa,” he looked down.
Tessa saw his eyes and he looked hurt. She had not meant for that to happen. She took a deep breath and pulled his shirt over his head and looked at him as he lifted his arms. She pulled hers off next, and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“I want you, all of you…” she began.
“You’re sure?” he asked softly and kissed her neck.
“Yes, I love you.”
He fumbled trying to unclasp her bra as he kissed her throat and moved to the other side of her neck kissing gently. He was still trying to unhook her bra, and he laughed.
“This is embarrassing, not as smooth as I wanted to appear,” he kissed her quickly on the nose.
Tessa laughed and felt her stomach churn.
“Uh oh,” she stood and ran past him into the bathroom.
He followed her in and held her hair back, “Sorry…”
Lucas handed her his toothbrush, and she washed her face.
Tessa looked in the mirror at herself. Her eyes filled with tears, as she covered herself.
“Tessa, come here,” Lucas grabbed a towel off the towel bar.
“Lucas I’m so sorry I just,” she began.
“I’m in no hurry Tessa, just, come on let’s get you a shirt” Lucas laughed, “I cannot believe I just said that.”
“Sorry, I want it to be right. I want me back Lucas. Everything has been…” she cried.
“Tessa, I love you. I’m in no hurry. It’s been over four months, but I’m in no hurry. Not with you,” he smiled and shook his head in disbelief.
“You’re alright with this?” Tessa asked softly.
Lucas smiled, “Whatever it takes for us to work Tessa, look at me baby. I. Love. You!”
Lucas kissed her gently on the head and walked into his closet and grabbed a tee shirt and sweatpants.
“Stay with me tonight, just please, just stay,” Lucas sat the clothes next to her and walked into the bathroom.
Tessa looked at the clothes and cried. She heard the shower running as she dressed.
Lucas stepped out of the shower and dried his hair. He brushed his teeth and took a deep breath.
He opened the door, and Tessa was curled in a ball, her knees tucked into the tee shirt he left for her. She was asleep in the middle of his bed. Her mascara was smudged beneath her eyes, evidence that she had been crying. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his damp hair and stood watching her. He pulled the covers up around her and stood, still watching her. He contemplated sleeping on the floor, that way she would know that she meant more to him than he assumed he had led her to believe he did. He paced the floor in frustration still watching her.
“Fuck it,” he grumbled as he climbed in his bed and pulled her into his arms.
He took a deep breath smelling her hair, he kissed her cheek tasting her and his hands gently caressed her back feeling her. She was his and he would make sure she never doubted that again. He would not let even a day pass without telling her and showing her how much he loved her. There would be no one else for her ever and no one else for him.
Tessa woke to Lucas’s arms wrapped tightly around her and his leg across her body. She nuzzled her nose into his neck and felt his breath on her cheek. She lightly kissed his shoulder, and she felt his smile spread across his lips before he kissed her head. He lifted her chin and kissed her lips lightly.
“Good morning, baby,” he smiled.
“Good morning,” Tessa smiled back.
“Yo
u hungry?”
“No,” she said softly.
“You hung over?”
She closed her eyes and shook her head yes.
They lay there for a few moments, her eyes closed as he watched her.
Lucas got up and grabbed two glasses of water and set them on the nightstand.
“I brought you a drink,” he squatting next to the bed, “I think it would help.”
“I need to go home…” Tessa began.
“I talked to Alex, you’re all set. But if you want to, I can take you,” Lucas said, his voice gave evidence that he was confused.
“Okay,” Tessa sat up and took the water and drank it.
She looked at Lucas who looked uncomfortably anxious.
Tessa smiled, “Are you alright?”
He shook his head, “I will be…I just can’t screw this up again, I don’t want to do or say the wrong thing Tessa, and I …”
“Lucas,” she hugged him.
“Do you remember our conversation last night?” he whispered against her cheek.
“Yes, you asked me to marry you,” Tessa answered.
He didn’t respond.
“Are you second guessing yourself Lucas?” Tessa whispered.
“No, but…” he started.
“But what Lucas?” Tessa asked as she sat up and moved away from him, “Forget it-- I’d like to go home.”
“Tessa, would you stop and listen, damn it…” Lucas sat next to her.
“I shouldn’t have come here last night, I should have …” Lucas kissed her to stop her from talking.
“I’m scared baby, I don’t know what to expect from you. You had a relationship with Toby and Ben, and I don’t want to get hurt. You have crushed me…” he said softly.
“Have I now?” Tessa asked standing up.
“Wait just a second…” Lucas said grabbing her.
“No, you wait! You really…uuurrrggg…you’re an idiot!” Tessa pulled away and walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.
She showered and brushed her teeth and cried. She walked out into his room and grabbed her pants and pulled them on.
“Take me home please,” she said quietly.
“Fine!” he snapped and stood up and walked into the bathroom and showered and dressed.
“So this is it?” he asked as he pulled his pants on.
“Well how an earth could I expect you to get past all that, what a piece of…” Tessa yelled.
“Fuck you Tessa,” Lucas yelled back, “Do you even have a fucking clue as to what I’ve done for you? I put you first. The last few months have been hell. You know what? Forget it lets go…” he said and grabbed a shirt off a hanger.
“Lucas I…please don’t be sad. Please don’t be sad,” Tessa grabbed him and hugged him tightly.
“Stop,” he pulled back from her embrace.
She didn’t let go, “No, I’m scared too Lucas. I can’t lose you ever again. Not you…”
They both held each other tightly. Tessa rubbed his back as he nuzzled his wet face against hers and she pulled away and looked at him.
“I’m sorry for making you upset. I don’t want to see you upset, it hurts here?”
Lucas closed his eyes and put his hand over hers as it lay above his heart.
“It has hurt like hell for months,” he said softly.
She pulled her hand away and kissed his chest softly, and he breathed out.
“Is that better?”
“Each time you kiss me it gets better,” he pulled her into his arms, “We can’t fight anymore. It’s all or nothing Tessa. I just need to know now. We can’t keep doing this to each other.”
“I know,” she pulled back; “it hurts me too.”
“What can I do so you’ll believe me Tessa? Just tell me what to do?” he pleaded.
“Well it hurts here,” she said quietly and put his hand on her chest.
He looked in her eyes, “Baby? Tell me we are going to be alright.”
“I’ll give it one hundred percent, nothing less, as long as you do the same,” she whispered.
He lifted his hand and kissed her chest gently, “Me too, baby.”
“Lucas,” she whispered.
“Tessa we have time,” he pulled her tightly against him.
“I want it all with you,” she kissed his chest.
“We can wait,” he voice shook.
“Can we?”
“Uh huh…” he kissed her.
His hand moved down and rested on the small of her back.
“Let’s slow this down, wait until graduation maybe?” he pulled back.
“NO.”
“Okay shhh,” he whispered and held her tightly against him.
“Sorry I just can’t.”
“I get it, we’ve held this off long enough haven’t we?” he asked lightly kissing her neck.
“Yes,” she moaned as he moved his lips to her shoulder blade.
“When then baby?” he asked softly moving up her neck again.
Tessa moved her hands around his waist and held on to him and pulled her head back and looked up at him. He looked down at her and smiled.
“We can wait…” he started, and she moved her hands around his neck and he felt her hands shake, and she swallowed hard and shook her head no.
He cocked his head to the side and looked at her, “You’re shaking.”
She shook her head yes and kept her eyes on his. Her breaths began to come faster, and he closed his eyes and leaned down and kissed her forehead causing her to let out a quick breath.
“You need to be sure you want this with me, Tessa.”
“It’s always been you, always Lucas,” her voice broke, and she felt tears fall down her face.
“Tessa,” he breathed out and kissed her mouth hard.
She tightened her grip and jumped pulling her legs around his waist and pulled his face closer to hers. “I. Love.You.”
“I love you baby, you’re going to need to tell me to stop if you change your mind alright?” his voice was strained and his breath hot against her mouth.
“I. Want. You.” she leaned her head back to give him more of her neck, “Only you, Lucas.”
He gently laid her on his bed. Lucas lay beside her and kissed her, and his hands caressed her breast, she moaned and kissed him harder. He moved his hand down her body.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes Lucas. I’m very sure” he touched her gently, and she held her breath.
His finger moved inside her, and she breathed out and moaned. He watched her face react to his every move and took her breast into his mouth.
“Lucas,” she whispered through her shallow breaths.
“Baby we’re going to do this slow, I don’t want to hurt you,” he said and kissed her.
His mouth moved down her body, he kissed her belly and then went lower, he kissed her there, as his tongue gently caressed it. Tessa quivered as his tongue split her open, going deeper. Her knees tensed and he wrapped his lips around her damp sex and sucked gently. She moaned as his tongue plunged deeper. “Damn,” he groaned and rubbed his nose across her hardening tender spot.
“Oh my God,” she whimpered.
Lucas ran his finger up and down her as he watched his fingers intently. He licked her harder and deeper ravaging her. He slowed and tugged at her with his teeth, and she screamed out, he did it again and again until she felt that her body that had been on fire, was about to blow up. Not the explosions or electrical pulsing feelings he had made her feel before but a completely over the top feeling.
Lucas started to move away, and she grabbed him, he smiled softly, “Condom baby.”
His hand never left her body, caressing and touching as her heart began to beat faster, “Lucas,” she moaned.
“We’re going to go slow okay baby? I don’t want you to hate this.” he kissed her cheek.
She giggled, and he looked at her, “Tessa?”
“I’m pretty sure…oh God,” she pushed into his h
and.
He lowered himself over her body and kissed her belly, “You sure?”
“Yes damn it!” she snapped feeling the burning in her belly again, knowing it was a prelude to the sensation she so greatly desired.
He opened his nightstand drawer and grabbed a condom and tore it open. She raised herself to her elbows and watched him intently as he slid the condom over him. He looked at her and smiled.
“What?”
Lucas chuckled, “Always so curious.”
She smiled and lay back down. He kissed her and moved so that he was lying between her legs. He kissed down her stomach and looked up at her and winked. She giggled, and his eyes left hers and he began using his mouth on her.
“Oh my…” she moaned.
He bit and kissed and sucked and licked her body until she couldn’t stay still. Her hands were in his hair, and her hips met his mouth until she yelled out over and over again. Lucas kissed his way up to her neck.
He pushed gently into her and let out a low guttural sound, “Baby you are so hot…so tight.”
He continued watching her face, and she bit her lip to stifle the look of pain she knew was coming. His fingers circled her sweet spot, and she let out a silky groan.
“Tessa?” he was asking permission.
“Lucas I want you, I love you,” Tessa whispered and squeezed his ass lightly.
He watched her face as he pushed into her harder. Tessa screamed out in pain.
“Sorry Baby, I’m sorry,” he slowly moved in and out of her.
She began breathing deeply and feeling more pleasure.
“Oh Lucas,” she whispered and began to meet his hips with hers.
“We still good baby?” he took her breast in his mouth.
“Oh, yes,” she moaned.
He moved faster and a little harder. He pulled her up and she was now sitting on him. She was moving up and down on him fast as he watched her firm breasts bounce.
“Does this hurt?” he kissed her throat.
“Yes” she gasped, “But I don’t want to stop.”
He smiled and laid her back down. He continued slowly.
“Lucas…amazing,” she cried out.
He moved faster and harder, her breast in his mouth as he tugged at her nipples with his teeth and used his other hand to squeeze her other breast, her nails dug into his back. He moaned loudly, and she said his name over and over again. Each time she said his name he slammed into her a little harder, and she felt her body begin to quake. He slowed down and watched her and knew she was right there; ready to come, with him deep inside her.