Drift
Page 23
What was she taking from herself? Where did she end and the magic begin? She felt grief well up in herself. In the end, the decision was harder – harsher – than she’d thought it would be. But she felt lighter too. It was the right thing, to let it go.
The magic hung in the air, all of it accumulated, occupying this one space – Jasper’s circle of trees – for one moment. It seemed to regard Undine with the same swirling curiosity she had seen in her other, dark self. She regarded it too, and briefly it seemed to take shape and it reflected back not only her own face, but the faces of all her family: Jasper, Prospero, Stephen, Lou, Phoenix. Then she sent it outwards, sent it streaming into space, into space, to mend the holes, to seal them up, to keep this world intact and safe, safe as houses.
And then it was gone. There was no magic left and she had no power to use it. She could no longer see space, or worlds, or the interior of an atom. She could just see: Jasper, trees, sky. She was part of it, the same as it. It was a gentle, easy feeling, tranquil. She tried not to notice how powdery it seemed, how a quality of colour, a brightness, was forever lost.
Jasper was quiet as they walked back to the house on the steps.
‘You okay?’ said Undine.
‘Where’s Phoenix?’ Jasper asked.
‘I don’t know,’ Undine replied honestly. Gone, she thought sadly. So gone.
‘Will I see him again?’
Undine smiled. ‘You will. Not for a long time. But he’s always close.’
‘Can he read w?’
Undine hugged Jasper to her side as they walked. ‘Yes. He can.’
Later, they all sat out the front, Lou too, staggered on the concrete step. On the broad one outside their front door, using a stubby, ground-down stick of chalk he’d found, Jasper wrote a very wobbly w, followed by some elegant scribble.
‘What does it say?’ asked Lou.
‘Water?’ guessed Undine.
‘No,’ said Jasper. ‘It says watch.’
‘So what are you going to do this year?’ Lou asked.
Undine grinned. ‘I’m going to love your guts out. And his too. You can’t stop me. I’m going to cook and help and babysit. I’m going to go out and come home again.’
‘I won’t stop you. But—’
‘You don’t want me to drift. I know.’
‘Prospero’s land is worth a lot. I don’t want it to be easy for you.’
‘Easy? I promise it won’t be. But I want to kind of … feel my way. I don’t want to make a decision just for the sake of making a decision.’
Lou nodded. ‘I understand that. And I’m sorry if you thought I was pushing you away.’
‘Why were you so keen on me leaving? Because of the magic?’
‘No. I just didn’t want you to think you had to stay. I didn’t want Jasper to be your responsibility. I rely on you too much.’
‘But of course he’s my responsibility. And I’m his. That’s what being in a family is all about.’
Lou squeezed Undine’s hand. ‘There’s someone here,’ Lou said.
Undine looked down. He stood at the bottom of the stairs, holding something in both hands, folded across his stomach. At first Undine thought it was Trout, but it wasn’t Trout. It was Grunt. In his hands was the end of a long lead. And at the other end of the lead, sniffing the Montmorencys’ side door, was Prospero’s Airedale terrier, Ariel.
Lou looked at Undine. ‘A dog, you reckon?’ she said softly.
Undine nodded. She stood up. ‘A dog.’ She smiled. ‘What that boy needs is a dog.’ And she walked down the steps to meet Grunt.
EPILOGUE
The days were getting shorter. Winter was coming, the air was fresh with the promise of snow.
As they walked along the rivulet, Ariel danced ahead of them. The last of the autumn leaves had fallen, and now they coasted like boats down the narrow stream of water, collecting against the jutting stones.
‘Do you miss it?’ Grunt asked, out of the blue. ‘I miss it.’
‘Do you really?’
‘It was frightening. Treacherous. Dangerous. But it was so dazzling. I could feel the good in it too, the radiance. You were amazing. Your face.’
‘I miss it,’ Undine admitted. ‘But it’s like …’ She waved at the bare trees, the thin blue sky. ‘Far away. It doesn’t belong to me anymore. I don’t … want it.’
‘You’re still amazing. Your face.’
Undine looked into Grunt’s. ‘Don’t forget skittish,’ she said. ‘Did you keep that list?’
Grunt nodded. There was a sparkle in his eye. ‘Remember, I have two. It could still go either way.’
Undine laughed.
She smiled at the memory, pitying her helplessly younger self. Sometimes she wished she could visit her memories, live them over again. She thought of the fathers she had lost, Stephen and Prospero, and of Jasper on the day he was born, tiny, squashed up, milky like a kitten, how he grew, opening outwards, his flourishing golden heart. But then she remembered what Matilde was teaching her about transience, about temporariness. Part of what made life beautiful was that things passed, things ended. You couldn’t live forever, not in a moment. She turned to Grunt. ‘That day you told me about the list. Were you in love with me then?’
‘I was in love with you before I met you,’ Grunt said seriously. ‘I think I was born in love with you.’
‘Oh, Grunt.’ Undine kissed his serious nose.
‘If we’re going to be in love,’ Grunt said, wrapping his arm around her waist, ‘maybe you should start calling me Alastair.’
‘Oh no, I don’t think I could,’ Undine said, and she rested her head on his shoulder. ‘In my world, you’ll always be Grunt.’
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Penni Russon reads fairytales, critical theory, classics, teen romance, fantasy, picture books, unpublished manuscripts, milk cartons and the strange etchings that her daughters make in the dirt. Her first two novels, Undine and Breathe, were published to critical acclaim in Australia and the US.
You can visit Penni on the web at www.pennirusson.com and read her sometimes daily whimsies at
www.eglantinescake.blogspot.com
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity, including internet search engines or retailers, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, photocopying (except under the statutory exceptions provisions of the Australian Copyright Act 1968), recording, scanning or by any information storage and retrieval system without the prior written permission of Random House Australia. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
Version 1.0
Drift
9781742749822
Copyright © Penni Russon 2007
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
A Random House Australia book
Published by Random House Australia Pty Ltd
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First published by Random House Australia 2007
National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication entry
Russon, Penni.
Drift.
For ages 12 and over.
ISBN 978 1 74166 089 0.
I. Title.
A823.4
Cover photograph by Chad W. Beckerman
Cover design by Christabella Designs
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Penni Russon, Drift