“I’m as well as can be expected. Do you need anything? Something to drink?” Nathan led the way into Tessa’s study.
“No. I just came to...I’m sorry, Nathan. I should have returned days ago. I had no success tracking the assassin, and I should have returned to see you. I have so much to tell you, but with each day that went by...I couldn’t face the son I know hates me.”
Nathan realized with some surprise that hate was no word for what he felt. A few days ago he would have expected to hate Nemglan, but maybe having a week to cool down on an Otherworld vacation was just what he needed to accept his father.
“I don’t hate you.”
Nemglan looked up. His eyes sparkled with what Nathan assumed must be tears, though he refused to look closely enough to verify it. “That gives me more relief than you can understand.”
“If not for this threat, would you have come for me, eventually? Or would I have gone my whole life without knowing what I am?”
“I didn’t know your mother had died until recently. We agreed long ago that you should not be torn between two worlds.”
“And what if I turned into a hawk, with no idea what was going on? At least you were there when I shifted. I can’t imagine facing that for the first time on my own.”
“There was only a small chance you’d be capable of shifting, Nathan. Most of my family do not shift, and most of my children have had only a single form. Strange, that the son I abandoned, for the best, turned out to be most like me.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t know me at all.” Nathan was glad the words didn’t sound petulant. He didn’t feel any post-adolescent angst over missing a relationship with his father. Instead, it was a statement of the obvious.
“I do know you. I’ve paid attention. You can’t call me negligent, once you know the facts.”
“The fact,” Nathan stressed, “is that you left my mother alone to raise a son you fathered. That’s shameful.”
“Your mother wanted to be left alone. Once she knew of my nature, she could not condone our relationship. She chose to be alone. And you see how little time she had? Why could she not let me make her happy for her short mortal span?” Nemglan’s anguish kindled something in Nathan.
“She was such a stubborn woman,” Nathan said softly.
Nemglan’s gaze jumped to his with surprise. “Yes. She was.”
“But the fact remains that she had a hard life. Couldn’t you do more for her?”
“Your mother would only take so much from me. Nothing for herself. She was not a kept woman, she told me. She let me do things for you. She never had to tell you no about a summer camp, or the prestigious colleges you applied to. How do you think she paid for private school?”
Nathan held up one hand. “Don’t tell me now all the things you paid for, and act like that made you a parent. That just makes you a cash machine.”
“She was all the parent you needed, Nathan.” The hawk-shifter stared him down. “Look, I’m not cut out for parenting. I’ve never raised a child, and I’ve fathered them for millennia. There’s nothing I can say to take away the sting of that.”
“You think I’m angry because you weren’t a good father to me? I’m angry my mother had to work so hard for so little, while you stood in the wings. Why couldn’t you make her life easier?”
“Haven’t we covered this ground already? Should I have taken her hostage and held her in splendor in a locked castle? I could have. But that isn’t kindness.”
Nathan couldn’t speak any more. But it seemed Nemglan couldn’t take the silence.
“Has Tessa been kind to you?”
“She’s been good to me, yes.” Nathan held his father’s eyes, maybe for a second too long. Had he made it obvious there was more to the story? It felt far too intimate to speak to Nemglan about it.
Nemglan didn’t take up the dangling thread about him and Tessa, instead changing the subject. “Nathan, I’ve received word that the other half-humans have found sanctuary at the sacred healing waters of the Well of Slaine.”
“Yes, Mikhail said something about twins staying there with their father.”
“You should travel there at once. We’ll have more success guarding you all if we know precisely where you are and can protect a specific area.”
Nathan shook his head. “Not interested. I’ve only been waiting to speak to you, and for the danger to die down a little, before I return to my own world. I don’t belong here.”
“Not even with Tessa?” So his father had understood the subtext perfectly.
Had this been Nemglan’s reason for bringing him to Tessa in the beginning? Nathan had a sinking feeling in his gut when he realized he’d become attached to their world just as his father had wanted. Nemglan was smart enough to take himself out of the picture, and what blame would Nathan place on someone he had no connection to, and a beautiful, amazing woman at that?
He frowned at the old man, who appeared no older than his son. “You knew we’d sleep together?”
“It’s a fair bet with the Sidhe. If you place us within reach of a lover we’ve never known, it is hard to resist. Staying in her home? I thought it might happen.”
“All the better for you. I’m less eager to return, that’s certain.”
“I only showed you that there’s much more to Tir Nan Og, to the Sidhe, than your negligent father.”
“I’ll still return home.”
“Don’t risk yourself foolishly because you’re angry with me.”
“I wouldn’t. I just don’t belong here.”
“When you return home, what will you do about Hawk?”
The question hit Nathan like a punch in the gut. Hawk surged beneath his skin, threatening to take over, agitated at the thought of hiding, trapped, while Nathan worked and lived among humans. He hadn’t thought about that. Now that he knew Hawk, he also knew his animal side wasn’t to be resisted for long. He would need to shift, would need to fly, would need to hunt. Could he return to his work, to his studies, knowing he had to go out in the woods every few days for a good workout? Would Hawk feel the same about the forest beyond the veil? He hadn’t chosen to emerge until Nemglan showed up.
Abruptly, Nathan shoved those doubts to the back of his mind. He’d consider them when he wasn’t face to face with Nemglan. He also decided then and there not to tell Tessa that Nemglan had told him to go to the Well of Slaine. She was sure to agree with his father, and he wasn’t going to let them control his decisions. He had to maintain some sense of himself, his human side. It had already begun to fade in a forest strewn with pixie parts, snakeskins and the other wild things.
SIXTEEN
“Brother, the time we feared has arrived.” Tessa dove right in. She’d sought him out at the Authority Guard immediately after her meeting with Abarta. Mikhail wouldn’t appreciate stalling on this particular topic. “Abarta is angry. He may harm the girl just to wound me.”
Mikhail swiveled to face her, a question he wouldn’t ask in his eyes.
She wanted to shout at him. Of course it would hurt me if she were harmed on my account! But she didn’t rise to the bait.
He took a deep breath. “I should go to them. Yet this conflict doesn’t allow much space for personal time. What do I tell them?”
Tessa sucked in a quick breath, and gave him the best advice she could muster, surprised he’d bothered to ask in this situation. Yet she was his big sister, and he’d always counted on her advice. “I would tell them the truth. It’s time to come clean. There are already half-Sidhe children protected in the name of this conflict. Let the girl be another among them.”
“And her mother?” His quick smile was more of a grimace. Tessa wondered, not for the first time, what had happened between them.
“What do you think, Mikhail?” This was a question she had no right to interfere with, not now.
“I won’t take her daughter from her.”
“Then I guess you have to convince her to come, too.” Her smile was a p
eace offering.
He glared at her, like he knew the objections that rose up in the back of her throat at the idea of his half-Fomorri, half-human lover in their world. “I know she bears Fomorri blood, but I’m not ashamed of her, or the child. Rosa is a Guardian. It is a sacred trust. She’s worthy of any Sidhe’s respect. I don’t mind people who aren’t Sidhe, and I don’t care what the foolish among the Sidhe think of me because I took her to my bed and got her with child.”
“I know. We’ve spoken of this before.” Tessa spoke quietly, as if to a wounded animal. His regret reeked like a rotten wound.
Mikhail looked her in the eye. “Will you support me, if they come to Tir Nan Og?”
“I will always support you, Mikhail.” That would never change. “Safe travels. Call on me when you return.”
“Will I find Nathan still in residence?”
Tessa just smiled a small smile. “I have no idea.”
“Well, if he needs a place to go, ask the tree-folk. They will guide him.”
“The tree-folk? What are we in the middle of, Mikhail?”
“They have agreed to help the half-human children if there is need. That’s all I know.”
The tree-folk were ancient beings even by Sidhe standards. They rarely got involved in disputes among the fae. If they did it meant they believed Tir Nan Og itself was in danger. Tessa thought back to the llaiadian wing Nathan had found in the forest, and the creature she thought she’d seen in the deep shadows of that oak tree the day she fell. This piece fit right in with the dark puzzle of what was happening to her world. Tessa didn’t like that one bit.
Nathan looked up when he heard the front door open. He’d been waiting for Tessa, and met her in the hallway.
Something shone in her eyes for a moment when she saw him there. She pulled herself up straighter, her chin lifting. “You’re leaving?”
He smiled. “And you’re perceptive.”
She waved him off. “No, my brother was just asking about you. For a moment when he asked, I almost hoped...but of course you’re going. Why now?”
“Nemglan returned. We spoke at length. It was his feeling I’d been here long enough. Setting up residence isn’t a great idea in current circumstances.” He felt his lips twist in the start of a snarl. “He’d rather I go into hiding.”
“And you think that’s a bad idea?”
“Don’t talk to me like you do your brother. I’m no child for you to guide. Yes. I think it’s a bad idea. I’m returning beyond the veil. Abarta already tried my mother’s house, where I was raised. He thinks I’ve moved on, and I seriously doubt he’ll return. If he does, I have Hawk.”
“You’ve only just discovered your hawk. Give yourself time and you may discover other gifts. You need our help, Nathan. Let us help.” The last came out on a sob, and for the first time, Nathan understood that Tessa truly feared for him.
“You could come with me.”
She stared at him, as if she’d never considered leaving before. “I can’t do that. I’ve lived here all my life.”
“Seriously? Is that as rare among Sidhe as it is among humans?”
“It’s not rare at all here. Things pass from one generation to the next. My brother is always off on his adventures. He can stay any time he likes, but he keeps a place in Underworld, by portal it’s like a three-minute walk from the Authority Guard.”
“Underworld? What does that mean?”
Tessa fisted her hands on her hips. “I see Nemglan still left much of the explaining to me,” she huffed. “The world of Tir Nan Og is split, as the human world once was. Middleworld in Tir Nan Og – where we are now – is the most similar to the human world beyond the veil. Underworld is a darker place, accessible through portals.”
“So, is it literally under? Like under my feet right now?”
“Not quite. It isn’t in quite the same plane, but this is all esoteric. The truth of it is that most Sidhe can move between Underworld and Middleworld using established portals. Only one can move between them by creating his own portals as he needs them; that is Ian’s power. Humans are better off staying in Middleworld, but half-humans seem able to travel in Underworld without problems, or at least that was the case for Hazel.”
Nathan saw that flicker in her eyes he always saw when she mentioned Hazel. Not for the first time, he wished she wasn’t so obviously hung up on Ian.
“You said Tir Nan Og is split as the human world once was. In my world, they speak of the hells and the heavens. You’ve talked about Underworld, but is there anything above?”
“Excellent question. You are a sharp one, Nathan.” She appeared thrilled at his interest, and Nathan wondered if this was a topic that just didn’t come up much among them. Tessa was a scholar, after all. “Upperworld is different. Some may reach it, but when they do, they never return to this plane.”
“Never say never.”
Tessa frowned. “Really, they never return.”
“It’s a saying beyond the veil, never say never.”
“Well, I don’t care for it. Here, when I say never, I mean never.”
“Understood. So why don’t they return? Are you saying it’s impossible? Or is it just so great there that they choose that place over this?”
“No one knows. How would we? They never return.” She smiled wildly, and Nathan took it as an attempt to soften her words. It came off a touch manic. She had so much to learn about humans. “I suspect they cannot return. Some have traveled there meaning to return and tell others what they learned, but it never came to pass.”
They were silent for a moment. Nathan thought of the ramifications. There was so much to Tir Nan Og that he hadn’t seen yet. So much to learn and discover. He had to admit he hadn’t felt this alive for a long time.
“Maybe you can show me a portal and how to use it, and I can return to visit. You’d give me a grand tour, wouldn’t you?” He smiled, trying to win her over.
Her expression didn’t budge. “I will give you a grand tour. Now.”
He grimaced at her unyielding tone. “Tessa, I must go sometime.”
“Must you?” She laughed, and covered her mouth, her expression wilting. “Forget I said that.”
“I won’t. I just can’t believe you would actually mean it. You don’t need me for anything.”
“I like you, Nathan. I like spending time with someone who has no expectations of me. I’ve enjoyed our time together.” She stepped closer, her sapphire eyes glistening. Nathan couldn’t take that – another Sidhe getting teary-eyed over him today.
Suddenly, he was kissing her, and he wasn’t sure who had initiated the kiss. She felt so right in his arms, her body melting into him in that way of familiar lovers, yet still so new to him that he responded in a moment. He unclasped the halter neck of her gown, pulled the ties that held it so close to her skin. Before he knew it, she was naked in his arms. She’d let him undress her. She was his in this moment, and his alone. He knew it from the watchful, vulnerable look in her eye, like she couldn’t quite trust him not to hurt her, in the end.
He couldn’t stop himself from saying, “Maybe I spoke too soon. If I need to disappear, the wilds of Tir Nan Og are probably better than I could do back home. If your offer still stands–”
She cut him off by throwing her arms around his neck and landing an exuberant kiss before he could finish his sentence. “Let’s plan later. Kiss me now,” she told him.
It was a command that had to be answered.
SEVENTEEN
The morning sunlight filtered through the branches of the ancient Tir Nan Og forest. She’d always held a fierce pride deep in her heart for the wilds of her homeland. Yes, she was a scholar, but she was also Sidhe, and steeped in earth magic to her core.
They’d been walking since sunrise, after spending the night in bed, moving between dream and the sweet passion that felt like a fantasy, through all the dim hours. When they finally rose, Tessa felt deliciously spent.
The forest felt right today
, it felt like her other home. The darkness she’d felt closer to her house didn’t overtake her here as it had there in recent days. Maybe there was still hope of averting whatever was moving the forest toward darkness.
As usual, Nathan had been silent for a while before a question inevitably brought him back to the present moment. “Tessa? Is it the veil that blocks the sun? Do you ever actually see the sun in Tir Nan Og?”
“You’re very perceptive, Nathan. No, we do not see the sun’s face in Tir Nan Og.
The path wound through a thick copse of walnut and oak trees. Nathan wasn’t sure where they were going, exactly. Tessa led the way. Nathan had agreed to stay to the wilds of Tir Nan Og, or at least to give it a chance before he went back beyond the veil to a life posing as a human. As long as she had his attention, she was going to take Mikhail’s advice.
Finally they broke out of the dense cover of trees, into a clearing surrounding one aged holly tree.
“Good morning,” Tessa called.
Nathan peered around, trying to make out anyone else sharing the clearing. He shrugged, as if to say, can’t see anyone.
“Ah, Tessa. A fine day to you.”
She smiled her greeting to Thrum, her old friend and a leader of the tree-folk.
Nathan turned, like an animal looking for its tail, but he still couldn’t see anyone. Thrum chuckled at his expense, and Tessa knew it was time to defend him.
“Now, now. I’d better introduce you properly,” she said.
“Who are you?” Nathan asked, still looking around stubbornly, refusing to look to Tessa for aid.
“I am Tessa’s friend. Now come around here to my front so I can get a better look at you. Nemglan’s boy, aren’t you? I’ve heard about you.”
Nathan sidled around the holly tree to the side Tessa was facing. He stumbled a little at what he saw. “Wha—what?” he stammered.
The face on the tree smiled. “Ah, there we are. Surprised, eh? I always have fun with that when someone new comes to Tir Nan Og. A rare treat. Pleased to meet you, Nathan. I am Thrum.”
Flight (Children of the Sidhe) Page 7