‘My life’s never going to be all about me anymore, Dan. Not for many years. I have a child, a child and a boyfriend. It’s about both of you.’
‘Which is precisely the point I was trying to make. Tonight I want it to be about you.’
‘You want to leave Oliver behind?’ I asked, as I felt my heart racing. We’d only had one night apart, and I’d only been out for a few hours.
‘He’ll be fine,’ Dan replied in a reassuring voice, as he kissed me. ‘Mrs McAdams has had six children, she knows what she’s doing. He will be fine.’
‘I’m sure he will be, it’s me I’m worried about,’ I protested.
‘Then it’s a good job that you have me to look after you,’ he smiled, making my stomach knot. His smile could stop traffic. His smile could stop my heart. I melted as he looked down at me. ‘What?’
‘You take my breath away,’ I whispered.
‘And you think you don’t have the same effect on me?’
‘I do?’
‘I’d not been tempted by anyone in three years when you breezed into my life, turned it upside down and then ran out of it, only to stumble back into it and make me realise what I’d lost. I’m never losing you again. Now kiss me and agree to go on a third date with me tonight.’
‘A third date?’
‘Yes,’ he nodded as he kissed me.
‘Second,’ I corrected with a smile.
‘Third.’
‘Second. The helicopter and waterfall was our first date, so tonight is our second.’
‘Third,’ he insisted. ‘You forgot New Year at The Stag.’
‘No, you told me that wasn’t a date, that we were just going as friends.’
‘That was just my cover,’ he grinned. ‘I’d planned to take you as my date all along, when you accepted the boathouse booking.’
‘You thought you’d bed me by then? That was your goal when you accepted my booking?’
‘No. I wanted to see if you’d fall for Dan, not Oliver, and to know what a date felt like again with a woman I wanted so badly. To be reminded what it was to just have a normal life. I had no intention of sleeping with you at all, much as I may have imagined it, let alone it happening before then.’
‘You really felt that attracted to me just from my photo?’ I blushed as his face softened and he kissed me again.
‘Yes,’ he murmured against my lips. ‘Just how you felt when you saw me for the first time.’
‘Cocky boy,’ I laughed and lifted my head to kiss him back and sighed happily.
‘Very cocky,’ he chuckled as he ground his new erection into my pelvis making me catch my breath.
‘Again?’ I exclaimed. Neither of my previous partners had bounced back as quickly as Dan did, let alone had his stamina.
‘Hmmm, what can I say, having you beneath me, at my mercy like this is pretty damn hot. Tonight, you’ll call me Sir.’
‘Like yesterday?’ I felt my pulse and heart rate quicken, I loved it when he was like this, all in charge. He moved to kiss my neck and I closed my eyes and let out a soft groan.
‘Like yesterday, but this time I want to use handcuffs and a blindfold,’ he whispered in my ear.
‘O shit,’ I sighed.
‘I take it that’s a yes?’
‘Ok,’ I nodded vigorously. The thought of it was tempting enough, without him kissing my skin like this, his erection flexing against my stomach and his masculine scent filling my nostrils. I managed to kiss his neck back and gently bite it, which had him let out a groan of his own, right around the time we heard a sudden cry down the baby monitor.
‘Leave him, I need you,’ Dan advised.
‘I can’t, that’s his soiled nappy cry and I don’t want to leave him sitting in it, then he’s going to want a feed.’
‘How can you tell that’s a nappy cry?’ he asked as he lifted his head to look at me. ‘One cry sounds just like all the others.’
‘Not to me,’ I smiled. ‘You’ll learn the difference in time, I’ve had three months more practice than you.’ I tried to sit up when he cried again, but Dan’s hands were still anchoring mine and his body weight had me pinned to the mattress.
‘Stay in bed, I’ll go. As you said, I need the practice to catch you up. Can’t have you outdoing me,’ he stated, as he gave me a long, slow and tender kiss that had my head tingling. I watched him hop out of bed and pull on his discarded boxers before striding off to the nursery. I closed my eyes and smiled as I listened to him talking to Oliver as he changed him. Who knew that Dan could be so soft sometimes? It broke my heart every time I saw him carrying Oliver, just like he was now, bringing him to me in bed, cradled in just one of his strong arms. ‘He’s definitely hungry, he just clamped down on my nipple and wasn’t impressed when nothing came out. Here you go, take him and I’ll go and do us a cooked breakfast.’
‘You can do a cooked breakfast?’ I looked at him amazed, as he handed Oliver over. I gave him a big noisy kiss making him giggle.
‘I may have been having some lessons with Mrs. McAdams while we were apart,’ Dan smiled.
‘Are you sure I won’t get food poisoning?’ I teased, as I let Oliver start his own breakfast.
‘If I decide to do something, I practice until I can do it well,’ he retorted.
‘Ok then, go surprise me, and stop looking at my breasts like that!’
‘As if you weren’t hot enough as it is, watching you like that gets me even harder,’ he winked as he bent over and kissed me, before disappearing down the pole.
‘Men,’ I uttered with a shake of my head. ‘You’d better not be thinking about sex for a very long time my beautiful little boy.’
Dan
I stood in the doorway to the nursery as he sucked on her, filling himself with his lunch. It was like a vice around my heart, a painful pleasure to know that this tiny being was ours, that this woman I’d fallen for so hard had carried him inside her for so long and protected him for me. I felt almost whole again, there were moments when I was complete, happier than I’d ever been, then suddenly I was overcome with overwhelming guilt. What right did I have to be happy when Moira lay in that state just an hour away? A state I was responsible for? I ran my hand over my face, I hadn’t shaved yet and my stubble was already showing. We’d lain in bed making the most of each other before Oliver woke up and interrupted us. Was it normal to have an element of jealousy that my son would always come first in her life? That we’d not had months or years just the two of us? Then again I may not have planned on children, but now I had him I’d be damned if I was letting him go, let alone let any harm come to him. I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me today, I felt out of sorts. I should be ecstatic that my woman had agreed to move in with me, where I could look after her, after my family, but there was an element of fear there. What if I really was doomed? I’d frustrated her with my changing moods before, what if I pissed her off to the point of no return? I was convinced if I failed her this time, there’d be no going back, she wouldn’t give me a third chance.
‘What’s wrong?’ came her soft voice and I lifted my gaze from Oliver’s head to meet her concerned face.
‘Nothing, I’m fine,’ I smiled.
‘Don’t lie to me. We promised no more lies. You have a deep furrow in your brow and your mouth is set in a hard line. You’re not fine.’
‘I just have a lot on my mind, it’s nothing to worry about.’
‘Well I do worry. Talk to me, tell me how I can help?’
‘Just be you,’ I replied, as I tried to give her a reassuring smile and quickly headed back to my desk. I caught up with some emails that had come in from the American office while I was busy here with Ellie and Oliver arriving on Friday night. I needed to go over in the next month or two, we were nearing completion of the software that could catapult us into the top five, but I wasn’t going without them both. I needed to organise having some work done on my house over there, make it a little more child friendly with another room for Oliver
and softening up the bachelor pad look that had suited me when I used to live over there. I sent Stuart an email to ask him to contact the interior designer who did my house in London, have her flown over to San Francisco to see the house and to schedule a meeting in London. I’d have to go back to the city to help Ellie pack up most of her belongings, so I could kill two birds with one stone. I also asked my mother to pop over to the London house as soon as possible and make a note of all the kitchen gadgets that Ellie had, so I could get duplicates to be delivered here. I jumped as I felt fingers in my hair and sighed as she caressed that spot on my neck that got me soft and pliable, yet hard at the same time.
‘I’m right here. You can talk to me,’ she whispered, as she let her lips graze my temple. Even the damn scent of her, her natural scent combined with that lime body wash had all the blood surging to my cock. I spun around in my chair and yanked her down onto my lap.
‘Where’s Oliver?’
‘On his play mat, he’s fine,’ she nodded and clasped my face and kissed my forehead. She lay a trail of kisses down my cheek, right to the corner of my lips and my pulse spiked.
‘I want you,’ I groaned, as I grasped the back of her head and kissed her forcefully. She let out a moan but pulled away.
‘No. You’re using sex as a distraction,’ she objected as she narrowed her eyes at me.
‘And the problem is?’ I smirked.
‘It will only make you feel better for a short time.’
‘Who said short? I’m feeling in the mood for a very long time,’ I advised as I kissed her throat and tried to move around to her neck, but she pulled away again.
‘No talking, no sex,’ she stated, as she wriggled out of my hold and headed downstairs picking up Oliver on the way. I sat back in my chair and blew out a deep breath, covering my face with my palms. I needed to increase my weekly sessions with my therapist if I was going to try and sort out my conflicted feelings and not alienate her, that or change damn therapists as I didn’t feel like I was improving at all. I reached down and grasped my erection and squeezed it hard, as I listened to her talking to Oliver and the two of them laughing as she prepared lunch. I shoved my chair back and took the fireman’s pole down instead of the stairs and saw her smile as I crossed over. Her smile just slayed me every time. ‘Hungry?’ she enquired with a twinkle in her eye, as she looked at my crotch.
‘Starving, on both fronts.’
‘Please, you “ate” before breakfast.’
‘Still not enough with you in the house, tempting me all the time.’
‘Then I’d better give you your fill on the food front hadn’t I?’ She smiled, but I saw a slight frown as she carried on preparing a potato salad. ‘Are you regretting asking us to move in?’ she asked quietly.
‘No,’ I retorted quickly.
‘Then what? And don’t say nothing, or I may fling this bowl at you. I’m almost waiting for you to tell me that I’m out of personal questions for the day again.’
‘You’re like a dog with a bone,’ I groaned.
‘And you’re like an ostrich, burying your head in the sand hoping that whatever’s bothering you will go away. You wanted a relationship, relationships mean sharing, supporting each other when needed.’
‘I’m not used to sharing. This is all new to me,’ I uttered feeling frustrated. The last person I wanted perceiving me as weak was Ellie.
‘You know I’ve just realised what you meant, when you told me all that time ago that you weren’t used to two way conversations. I thought what an odd thing it was to say, but you were talking about sitting with Moira every day weren’t you? And I guess being the boss of your company, you’re more used to telling people what to do, not communicating with them on a friendly or emotional level.’
‘I communicate on a friendly level,’ I objected.
‘But you give nothing away. It was like pulling teeth that winter here with you.’
‘Well yes, but I was trying to conceal who I was, the fact I was married and what had happened.’
‘Ok fair enough, but now there shouldn’t be any secrets between us. I don’t cope well with you hiding things from me, as that winter proved. What are you scared of? Telling me something that will make me run from you?’
‘Are you always so bloody insightful,’ I laughed, as I crossed around and took the knife off her and pulled her against me and swept her long soft hair over her shoulder. ‘I’ve just been alone and single for so long, I’d forgotten what it was like to be truly happy.’
‘So being happy gives you a miserable frown?’ she looked up at me confused, her stunning luminescent green eyes searching mine for answers.
‘I haven’t been happy like this since … since …’ I blew out as I felt myself tense up. I’d blocked out all my feelings that reminded me of the way I felt about Rebecca and our baby when I left the country all those years ago.
‘You shut down emotionally after such a loss and it’s hard for you to go there again,’ she nodded, as she reached up and gently stroked my face, her caring touch affecting me in ways I wasn’t used to. ‘Loss changes us, but it doesn’t mean we have to stay lost, not when we have people to take our hands and guide us back to the right path. Let me be your person.’
‘You are Ellie Baxter, but its early days. I love you, but opening up about my feelings is going to take some getting used to.’
‘You know what, maybe I’m the wrong person to get you to embrace your emotions and feelings as they’re too close to what you felt for her,’ she sighed as she lay a soft kiss on me, that had me close my eyes as the sensation surged through my whole body.
‘Then who?’ I asked puzzled, as I looked back down at her. If my own mother and Magda couldn’t coax me to delve deep, let alone Ellie, no one could.
‘Go and spend some time with your son. If anyone can pluck at your heart strings he can, have some alone time with him every day, play with him as you talk to him and tell him how you’re feeling, because he can’t judge you, he won’t interrupt or talk back and he’ll love hearing his dad’s voice. We’ll have lunch and then I’ll go for a run and leave the two of you alone.’
‘Alone?’ I tensed back up again. I had no experience with babies at all.
‘Yes,’ she laughed.
‘What if he needs you?’
‘He only needs me for love, fun and milk. He’ll have had his feed and you’re more than capable of giving him the rest and you also know how to change a nappy now too.’
‘That was the bit I was concerned about,’ I protested.
‘Just keep your mouth closed this time,’ she grinned.
‘And my nostrils.’
‘As long as you don’t drop him, or lift him up so high you smack his head on the ceiling you can’t go wrong.’ She kissed me again, but this time I didn’t let her go until I’d kissed her properly and smiled as she looked at me slightly dazed as I released her lips. I loved that she got turned on by me so quickly, she was affected by me just as I was by her. ‘Food, then baby time before you even think about sex again. You’ve given me friction blisters on my vagina you’ve been that vigorous during all the sex we’ve had since Friday.’
‘Seriously?’ I uttered, feeling a mixture of guilt and pride at the same time.
‘Wow and I never thought gullible would be on your list of qualities, I guess I still have a lot to learn about you, Dan.’ Her laughter and smile cheered me up, even if we weren’t having sex again until later.
I watched her head off for her run, with a large bottle of water, her backside looking seriously sexy in those cut off shorts and went to stand and look at Oliver still sitting in his rocker staring at the mobile above him and he smiled as he saw my face and started kicking his arms and legs.
‘Do you want to come out of there?’ I asked, wondering if it was normal to ask questions when he had no idea what I was saying, in addition to not being able to answer back. He just carried on babbling, so I undid the seat belt and lifted him up and held him ag
ainst my shoulder, as I just looked at his smiling face and big round eyes. I wondered what my son with Rebecca would have looked like? Rebecca and Ellie were similar with their green eyes and blonde hair, though Ellie was stunning in a different league. Was the expression third time lucky really true? I hoped so, because I’d rather die than let something happen to either of them. ‘You’re one good looking little dude,’ I told him as I kissed the top of his head and he giggled.
I took him over to the lounge, where we had a play mat with raised soft edges and a teddy bear head, so he could lie in the middle gently propped up. When he was safely inside I lay down on the floor next to him and gave him my finger to hold and felt a swell of pride when he grabbed it immediately and gripped on tightly, as he watched my face. I took a deep breath and started to tell him how well I was going to look after him and his mother. Ellie was right, having someone to talk to, that didn’t talk back, felt therapeutic. Maybe if I could vocalise things I’d not been able to yet, to my son, it would help me actually go there with my therapist, instead of holding back.
‘O my God,’ I gasped about an hour later, when my nostrils were assaulted by the foulest smelling odour known to man. He just giggled his head off as I screwed up my face in disgust. If drinking breast milk was responsible for that smell, no way was I trying any. I ran upstairs to get the changing mat, baby wipes and a clean nappy. ‘You my boy are not going to pull women if you keep doing shits like that,’ I chastised him, as I got him undressed. I undid his nappy and groaned to see what was in it, which made him laugh again. I quickly scooted it out of the way, and learning from last time I plonked a clean baby wipe over his penis to shield me if he decided to spray again. Feeling pleased with myself I cleaned him up and turned to get the clean nappy only to find I’d forgotten it. I sighed and ran upstairs grabbed one and ran back down to find him still lying there thrashing, with a big smile on his face. I smiled and set to work and stood him up to examine if I’d done a good job, before dressing him again.
‘Piece of cake,’ I nodded, as I gave him a kiss and lay him back down on his mat. I stood up and froze to feel hot, soft, wetness under my left foot. ‘No, no, no,’ I groaned. I looked down and sure enough I’d trodden on his damn dirty nappy and had shit all over my foot. As if he knew what I’d done he burst into a fit of the giggles. I managed to lower myself to the floor and wipe up with a wet wipe and figured that was why Ellie had bags and tied the offending items up straight away. I scooped him up and strapped him in his rocker and took him upstairs to the bathroom and sat him facing me in the shower as I headed in to clean up, shuddering at the thought of what had just happened. I jumped when I felt a pair of hands go around my waist and Ellie’s body press up behind me.
31 Days of Summer (31 Days #2) Page 28