by Lacey Silks
The rigorous physical activities are hard. They push you to your breaking point until your mind starts playing with you and hallucinations begin to be a part of your life, but I’m soaking it all in. I don’t want to turn around in eleven months and think that they’ve been a waste. I can already feel that I’m changing. Little things don’t matter. Only you do, our future and safety. I am now more determined than ever to make this world a better place for us to live in, I promise.
The most painful and difficult part by far is being away from you. I miss your sweet lips and your body. I miss everything about you, but knowing that I’ll come out stronger for the both of us is worth it.
Please say hello to our friends, your dad, and give my mom a kiss. I’ll try to write soon. I love you, Joelle.
Forever yours,
Nick
I used my other sleeve to wipe my eyes again. It would take some time before I could read a letter from Nick without crying. I quickly got a pen and paper and sat by my desk, trying to think of what I wanted to say to him. The words came all on their own.
Dear Nick,
I won’t lie, it’s not the same here without you. When you left, I felt like I lost my best friend. My days are long and nights even longer. I try to keep busy at the bakery, both yours and mine. Still, I feel lost more often than I care to think. I’m not sure what to do with myself. Carter and Daisy stopped by today to invite me to a barn dance next weekend. The firehouse is raising money for new equipment. As much as I don’t feel like being there, to me, it’s another few hours without you that I hope will pass more quickly.
I thought about going to the butcher so that he’d let me chop up some meat when I get frustrated, but he said that knives and a lost mind don’t mix. So instead I beat the dough in the morning as if it were a punching bag. I hope I can find my mind again soon, because right now, all that I’m capable of doing is living through the memories of the two of us. I’m not sure how I’ll be able to study with you so far away.
Even if I’d rather you stayed home, I want you to know that I’m proud of you, Nick. I go to the rooftop and think about you every night the weather allows and I watch the stars – the same ones you do.
Wish you were here. I miss you with everything that I am.
Yours always,
Joelle
I kissed the letter, sealed it, and addressed it to the APO address on the envelope I’d received from Nick. I must have jogged to the post office and back at record speed. By the time I returned home, my father was closing up the store.
“That was fast,” he said.
I couldn’t stop smiling.
“You know, today was the first day that I thought I could live through this year without Nick.”
“That’s good, honey. And once you’re back at school full time, the year will pass even faster.”
I took a cloth, soaked it in running water, and began wiping down the counters.
“Dad, how did you know what you wanted to do?” I pushed my arm in a circular motion.
“I didn’t. I took over my father’s business, which had been there for a couple of generations.”
“So you didn’t have a choice?”
“I didn’t think about it that way. I had an opportunity, and I took it.”
“Oh.”
“Why are you asking, sweetheart?”
“I’m not sure about college.”
“Where’s this coming from? Don’t you still want to be a teacher?”
“I don’t know. I think I made the decision to go because Daisy did the same, and I… I’m just not sure it’s my thing. Actually, I’m not quite sure what my thing is. Would you be upset if I didn’t go yet? I don’t want to waste a year on something I’m not sure about. I’d rather do what I enjoy.”
He got a mysterious smirk on his face as if he knew something that I didn’t.
“I’d be upset if you had no plan at all. I’m assuming there’s something else you’re interested in?”
“That’s the problem. I’m not sure. I mean, I know I’m not going to be a doctor or a lawyer, but I do want to do something I love.”
“What do you love?”
I wasn’t sure about that either. I loved my father, and Nick of course, but as far as hobbies, well, I was pretty sure that stone skipping or running wasn’t a career choice. Then the main kitchen oven rang with the afternoon batch of buns and breads.
“I love the smell of bread first thing in the morning. I love the way I feel when I bite into Marge’s cupcakes. And even better, I love watching people bite into them as well – the way their eyes light up when they see a cake that resembles a purse, a shoe, or a ball. Marge creates art, and it’s just so beautiful.”
“Well, I don’t want to push this on you, or anything, but have you ever thought of being a baker?”
A baker?
“Like you?”
“Me, or Marge, or both. You have the experience. And it may be a bit selfish of me, but I could retire earlier.” He winked.
“A baker…” I whispered, suddenly feeling elation fill my heart.
“I think you just got your answer. If you’d like, I can make a few phone calls. There’s a wonderful pastry school in Pinedale. And with the world of the Internet, you can practice off YouTube. I’m sure Marge would love to teach you as well if you’d like.”
I hadn’t felt nearly this excited about becoming a teacher. My heart was drumming in my chest as ideas and possibilities filled my mind. It was all happening so fast. I could already see my own store, an online ordering system, boxes upon boxes being loaded into a truck to make the deliveries.
“I think I’d really like that.”
And with one little suggestion, my father managed to bring meaning to my life once again.
Chapter 12
Molly, Daisy, and I decided to have a girls’ night out by the lake. When we arrived at Pebble Beach, I couldn’t help the memories flooding back to me of our prom night, when Nick and I made love for the first time a few feet away from here. We set up a campfire and our camping chairs. I set the batch of muffins, cookies, and cupcakes I’d made earlier in the day on a table made from a few planks that had been piled by the forest. Molly had brought a healthy plate of fruits and veggies with dip, and Daisy had opted for the junk food: chips and caramel popcorn. With the amount of food the three of us could carry, you’d think we were throwing a party for at least a dozen.
The sun was about an hour from setting. I stretched my legs out, removed my shoes, and warmed my feet by the fire. Evenings in Hope Bay tended to be cool even in summer time.
“So, roomie, are you packing yet for college?” Daisy asked.
“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”
“I don’t like the way this is sounding.”
“I don’t see myself as a teacher. I think I was born a baker, though I hadn’t really figured that out until now.”
“Wait, are you backing out?”
“I really struggled with the decision, Daisy, but the only thing that makes me happy is baking.”
“You mean baking and Nick, don’t you? I can already picture you two on that counter top, with flour sprinkled all over the kitchen and a few chocolate chips here and there.” She removed her daisy printed hat and put it to the side.
“Eww, Daisy. Never!” I couldn’t stop laughing, yet Daisy was serious.
“Why not?”
“Because for one, we knead the bread there and two, it’s the kitchen and it’s not sanitary.”
“Sanitary, my ass. A few drips of sweat never killed anyone.”
“I swear I’m going to think twice when I’m over at your house for dinner.”
“I’d disinfect the table before we eat.”
“Table? Daisy! Where else do you have sex?”
“Everywhere.” She sighed dreamily.
“You keep that up and Carter will knock you up before you finish college.” Molly removed her shoes as well and dug into the b
atch of cookies I’d brought. I had a feeling that the fruits and veggies would be quite lonely tonight.
“So you’re really quitting on me?”
“I promise you can practice your teaching techniques on me.” I crossed my finger over my heart. “And Marge is taking me to San Antonio Texas tomorrow to bake a special-order cake. Get this – we’re flying out on a private jet, and she said she’ll let me do the whole thing.”
“Wow! Soon you’ll leave this tiny town and be a famous baker.”
“Nah. I’m a Hope Bay girl at heart. This town is my home.”
“Well, it won’t be the same without you at school, but I’m glad someone will be here in town, making sure we have fresh bread each morning while I sweat teaching little rugrats.”
“You’re going to be a great teacher,” Molly said. “Kids love you. They always have, because you’re fun.”
“Aww, thanks. What about you, Molly?”
“Oh, I still want to be a nurse. It means I’ll need to go away for a few years, but I’ll be back. There’s no way I’d leave this town permanently.”
Her comment sobered me as I wondered about my and Nick’s futures.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I know you miss Nick, but what he committed to takes a lot of courage.”
“I know. I just wish time would pass by quicker.”
“You know what I would miss the most if Carter left?” Daisy asked in a dreamy voice.
“What?”
“The sex. Carter’s just so amazing, and so, so giving. He does this thing with his—”
“Whoa, girlfriend. That’s TMI.” Molly perked up.
“Oh, you’d know what I meant if you were under him. I swear, he’s had some special training in the sex department.”
Interested in the conversation a bit more due to my lack of experience, I set the bag of chips I’d been devouring aside, waiting for Daisy to continue.
“So, you guys do it often?”
“Three times a week at least. Sometimes four, or maybe five. Who keeps track of these things? What’s important is that when we’re horny, it’s on. I just don’t know how I lived without it before. That’s why I said I would miss it. Actually, I think I’d go crazy. How do you do it, Jo? How can you stand being away from the man you love? How can you not want him all the time?”
“Well, I do want him and I do miss him, but I don’t have as much experience to compare to. We only did it once, the night before he left.”
“Prom night?”
“Yup. Right there on that hill.” I pointed. “He set up a tent and had everything ready.”
“That’s so sweet,” Molly said dreamily.
“Wait, did he pop your cherry that night?” Daisy licked the cupcake icing clean off her fingers.
“He popped mine, and I popped his.”
“Awww, that’s so sweet,” said Molly again. She was a romantic at heart, and she was waiting until she got married to have sex.
“Ladies, you don’t know what you’re missing. It hurt like a bitch after I lost it to Carter, but the next time was so much better. And then every time after that, it was just mind-blowing. He likes it on top, on the bottom… actually, he likes all the positions and surprises me every time we’re together.”
“Wow, that’s… amazing?” I asked.
“Yeah, it is.” Her smile was goofy and nostalgic. “We can’t get enough of each other.”
“Well, you two were definitely meant to be together,” I said. “Like me and Nick.”
“You’re going to go nuts when he comes back.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah, once you get a taste of the forbidden fruit, you want the whole orchard. You should think about a place where you guys can do it because you’ll want to use those few weeks you have him back to your full advantage.”
“Well, you’ll have to tell me some more, then. I want to make sure that I’m ready and that he’s pleased.”
She leaned in closer. “Then you gotta blow him. That’s an easy one. Carter also likes it when we’re on his bed on the side. Our legs are crossed like scissors, and I reach down to cup his balls, and that puts him totally over the edge.”
I almost spat out the chips I’d been chewing. This was way too much information, even for me.
“I’m afraid I’ll lose my virginity just listening to you, Daisy,” Molly laughed, before her concentration flew to the lake. “You know what we should do?”
She stood up and removed her shirt.
“Oh, oh! I have a feeling Molly’s high on fresh air again.”
She giggled. “Come on! We haven’t skinny dipped in ages.” Molly begged.
“I’m game!” Daisy joined her, unbuttoning her jean shorts.
“Well, I’m not going to sit here and watch you, am I?” I laughed, and took my shorts off as well. Once we were closer to the shore we each removed our undergarments without looking at each other, and slowly stepped into the lake.
“It’s colder than usual,” I said, as I swam out. The sun was just beginning to set, and its orange reflection rippled in the water. I loved my town, and the scenery was yet another reason why I knew staying here to be a baker was the right decision. Living anywhere else wasn’t even an option.
“There’s a shift in the weather. Enjoy this, because they’re saying we’re going to get a storm by the end of the week.”
“Those folks are never right about predicting the weather. One job you can always screw up and never be fired from,” I laughed.
“I hope so, otherwise the firefighters’ fundraiser will be ruined. Carter’s been working so hard to make sure everyone in town attends.”
“It’s so nice to see you two happy.”
Daisy dove underwater and resurfaced, spitting some of it out in a fountain, the way kids did. She was going to be a hoot when she taught at school.
“We’re madly in love. I can’t wait to share my life with him.”
“You’re that sure?” Molly asked.
“Yup. If he’d propose tomorrow, I’d say yes without even hesitating. Heck, if he asked me to elope, I’d say ‘let’s go!’”
“Is it bad that I’m jealous of you two?” Molly swam up to us. “I mean, sometimes I doubt my choice to hold off until I’m married, and I don’t even have a boyfriend.”
Molly was a beautiful girl. The problem was that most of the guys in town felt intimidated by her beauty. I had hoped that Andrew would finally make a move, but even he was afraid to ruin the perfection that was Molly. And it didn’t help that she had extremely strict parents. They were awesome parents and raised her well, but going out and socializing other than on designated nights was not making Molly’s life any easier.
“Jealous? No, honey. Your man will come. Saving yourself for the right guy takes more confidence and self-discipline than any of us have. You don’t give up that v-card until you find the right man. One day, he will steal your heart and treat you like the wonderful lady that you are. But first we’ll have to make sure that he’s deserving of you. He’ll definitely need to pass the Jo and Daisy interview.”
“I didn’t know there was an interview.” She laughed.
Neither did I, but knowing Daisy, she was very serious about it.
“Of course there’s an interview. We’re not going to give you up to just any dweeb that decides he wants to get laid.”
“I love you guys. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Molly hugged us both. I loved my girls. They meant everything to me, and I’d miss them when they both left for college.
I dove under the water once more and when I surfaced, someone whistled from the shore. The three of us turned away from the setting sun.
Oh, no!
Carter and Andrew were standing at the shore, waving our undergarments in the air.
“Carter Jacob Clark, you put those down and leave, or…!” Daisy threatened.
“Or what, baby?”
“Or I will come out and get them myself.�
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She wouldn’t, would she? Yeah, she would. Daisy never joked when she made threats. I made sure that my upper body was still covered underwater as I swam closer to her.
“Daisy, what are you doing?”
“If he doesn’t set those down and leave, he’ll get a piece of his own medicine.”
I laughed. “You have no idea how much I love you.”
“Ditto. Are you coming with?”
“Are you kidding me? If Nick ever found out that Carter saw me naked, he’d kill him. This one’s all yours.”
Daisy lifted her head higher and slowly dog-paddled through the water toward the shore while, along with Molly, I watched the game of chess between her and Carter. Slowly, the water level lowered on Daisy’s body, exposing her breasts.
“What are you doing?” Carter yelled.
“I’m coming for my bra and panties,” she called out.
“Are you crazy? Get back in the water, now!” Carter was spitting mad and I couldn’t stop laughing at the way his girlfriend called him out.
“You asked for this. Well, now you got it.”
“Turn around, Andrew,” we heard him order.
“And miss the show?” Andrew chuckled.
“You’ll miss much more when you’re dead.”
Molly and I couldn’t stop laughing, and I was sure that we each even peed a little. Well, at least I did. Andrew finally turned around just before the water dropped below Daisy’s hips as she sauntered toward Carter, who handed over the undergarments.
“I swear if you ever do that again, I will… I’ll lock you up and not let you out until you understand that you can’t expose yourself to other men.”
“You lock me up, baby, and one day you’ll wake up tied to your bed with no one to help you.” She stood up on her toes and kissed him.