His smile was slow and sweet. “Madeline, then. And I do hope you will call me Edward.”
“All right,” she said, her voice far too breathy for her liking.
What am I doing? Her mind was racing nearly as quickly as her heart. This was lunacy. She should not be encouraging his attentions, not when they could never lead anywhere.
Nowhere good, at least.
Nowhere proper.
No marquess in his right mind would wish to marry a penniless, aging headmistress when he could have his pick. Perhaps she could be considered as a friend or a...a mistress.
She pulled her hand back from his touch as though he’d pricked her with a pin.
He stopped just as they reached the landing. “Are you all right? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, I just...It is only...” She stopped with her lips still parted, the words refusing to come.
He arched one brow and she could have drowned in those dark eyes if she dared. She tore her gaze away.
She did not dare.
Daring was one word no one would ever use to describe her. But then again, she wasn’t certain how she would describe herself these past two days. She wasn’t herself.
And yet, she felt more like herself than she had in ages.
Oh, this was dreadfully confusing.
“What I wouldn't give to know what thoughts were racing in that mind of yours,” he murmured, so softly it was unclear if he was talking to himself or to her.
She met his gaze and froze. It felt as though her very life depended on this moment. Ridiculous, of course. She knew that. And yet...
His gaze held a challenge—the same challenge he’d spelled out for her so clearly. He wished to know her. The real her.
She wished to know that lady, as well.
“I am afraid you are under the misguided assumption that I might be inclined to be your mistress.”
His eyes widened in surprise.
Her heart nearly leapt out of her mouth in horror and terror and also...just a little bit of pride. Had she really just said that aloud?
“My mistress?” he echoed.
She clamped her mouth shut. Yes. Yes, she had said it. And though her cheeks might have been burning and her belly was in full-on revolt over having spoken the brash, brazen truth like that, she could not deny the heady sensation that stole over her as well.
It was relief. Freedom. An unexpected joy at having said the words she’d truly meant to say. At having been bluntly honest.
His laughter was loud and lovely...and not at all unkind. She even found her own lips twitching as if his laughter was infectious.
He turned to face her fully, his eyes so warm she might melt. “Oh, my dear Madeline. Nothing has been further from my mind.”
The urge to laugh died swiftly as his meaning became clear. Was it possible she’d misunderstood his intentions entirely the night before? She had been so sure he was flirting with her. Charming her. But now...
Before she could finish the thought, he’d grasped both her hands in his and tugged her closer with an urgency that was written all over his features. “I wish to court you, Madeline,” he said, his voice gruff. “But I mean to do it properly. I would never treat you with disrespect. Never.”
She had no choice but to believe him. Everything in his demeanor spoke of sincerity. Honesty. He might very well be the most straightforward gentleman she had ever met. He seemed to be waiting for a response, so she nodded quickly. “I believe you.”
He let out a long exhale, his posture relaxing visibly. “Good.”
“But I do not understand it,” she said.
His gaze met hers and held for a long silence. “Don’t you?”
Her breathing grew shaky. She shook her head.
“Funny, I thought you might,” he said. Keeping her hand in his he moved her closer to a window alcove where they might hang the mistletoe. “I thought perhaps you would understand this feeling that after spending decades doing what was expected, what was proper...that now I long to do something for myself.”
The air rushed out of her lungs. “Yes,” she whispered. “I do understand that.”
His smile was knowing, and she was struck with the realization that perhaps he did know her in ways that she did not yet know herself.
“But you are having trouble believing that what I want is you, is that it?”
She blinked rapidly, her lips parting. What I want is you. The words nearly knocked her sideways.
He winced. “Was that too forward? I apolo—”
“No apologies,” she interrupted quickly. “Remember?”
He nodded. “Indeed, I do. Then I take it back. In fact, I shall make a point of shocking you from here on out.”
She choked on a laugh at the teasing twinkle in his eyes. “You are different when you’re like this.”
“Like what?”
She tilted her head to the side to consider him. “Teasing, laughing...merry.”
He held up the mistletoe. “’Tis the season, no?”
She laughed, taking the decoration from him to have something to do with her hands, somewhere to look that was not his handsome, appealing face or those frighteningly familiar eyes.
She continued to keep her focus on the task at hand as she summoned the nerve to continue their conversation. “But yes,” she said. “To answer your question before. That is what I have trouble believing.” She dropped her hands to her sides as she turned her head to face him. “You could have anyone. Why me?”
His eyes grew soft with emotion as he reached for her hand. When she stiffened, he arched his brows slightly. “May I?”
She gave a short nod and did not fight his grip when he lifted her hand and placed it on his chest. “Why you?” he repeated. “Because you are in here.” He pressed her hand to his heart and her mouth went dry as she felt it thudding beneath her touch.
The air between them felt thick and heavy when she dragged her gaze up from their joined hands to his searching eyes.
“Do not ask me to explain how or why. Up until yesterday afternoon when I came upon a beautiful young lady in a storm, I would have told you that such magic did not exist.”
She was not breathing. She could not remember how. It was a miracle she was still standing as she wet her lips and leaned in close. “And now?”
“Now I know it exists because nothing has ever felt more real.” One corner of his mouth hitched up. “Believe me, I know how crazy this sounds.”
Crazy, yes. But also...undeniable.
“Do you believe me?” His question was so urgent, his concern so very real. “I know that you have more to risk here. But I am asking you to trust me. That if you let me in, if you allow me to know you, I would move heaven and earth to keep you safe, to make sure that you are never hurt.”
Her inhale was audible in this quiet alcove, the sounds of music and merriment of the others like music from a distant world. “I believe you,” she whispered.
“Then what do you say? Will you give me a chance? Allow me to court you?”
Yes! The word echoed inside her, but she kept her mouth shut. A lifetime of lowered expectations and dashed hopes could not be erased with one magical day. “I am afraid to believe that this is real,” she said slowly. Because he deserved her honesty. So did she.
He nodded. “I can understand that.”
They stood there in silence for countless moments, their gazes locked, their hands entwined over his heart.
He was waiting for her. She knew that. He was patiently waiting for her to face her fears.
The hope.
Hope for love and a family. Hope which had become a terrifying specter, lurking at every turn.
“I am afraid to hope,” she whispered.
The pain and empathy in his eyes was nearly her undoing. “Trust me when I say I understand that most of all.”
“You do?”
He tugged her closer still, his voice so low and so soft. “I was married before, you know th
at, yes?”
“Yes.”
“It was...not a good marriage.” He breathed out slowly. “It was not a happy one. And after my wife died—God rest her soul—I promised myself that I would never try again. It seemed easier to focus on all that I had been given than hope for things I thought I would never see.”
“Like what?” she asked.
“Love,” he said simply. “A family of my own. Around that time Damian’s parents died and I took him in and...we were happy. I was happy having a child to take care of. Someone who needed me. Someone who loved me as I loved him.”
She nodded slowly. “You two are very close.”
“Yes,” he said simply. “But now he is grown and will be starting a new family of his own and I...” He cleared his throat. “Well, I know I am not a young man anymore, but it occurred to me after meeting you that I am not dead yet, either.”
A laugh was startled out of her, easing the seriousness of the moment.
He leaned forward. “And might I add...neither are you.”
She smiled up at him. No, she was not dead. Nor was she so very ancient that all her best days were behind her. And now, staring up at this man with the kindest eyes she’d ever known...
Now she thought perhaps...she feared maybe...she hoped that...
It was possible the best of days were yet to come.
With a deep breath, she pressed her hand against his heart and met his eyes. “Very well, Edward,” she said slowly, pushing past the fear that threatened to choke her. “I accept your challenge.”
He grinned and she did too.
What did it mean to let him close? To let him in?
She wasn’t quite certain.
But she suspected she was about to find out.
7
Sleigh rides. Edward rocked back on his heels as he took in the day’s source of entertainment, organized by his fun-loving nephew and niece-in-law.
“Be careful, Uncle,” Damian said as he joined him on the snowy veranda overlooking the sleighs. “If your smile grows much broader we might start to doubt your mental faculties.”
“Oh, that time has already passed,” Prudence said with a teasing wink as she joined them. “But I suppose you’ll be heartened to hear that at least you are not alone in losing your senses.”
He grinned over at Prudence. “I always knew I liked you best.”
She laughed as Damian pretended to be offended. He itched to ask her for more details, to hear exactly what his lovely Madeline had said or done to make Prudence think that she, too, was losing her wits during this whirlwind courtship.
And a courtship was what it was, even if they were in the midst of a Christmastide celebration and surrounded by family and friends.
“Ah, here they are,” Prudence called out as they were joined by the others. Their numbers had grown over the past few days as Damian’s former schoolmates came to visit, along with their wives.
None of the young couples had children yet, and Edward had never felt more keenly the lack of youthful voices or cheerful enthusiasm.
Perhaps one year soon there would be a child here to share this Chrismastide joy with them, he told himself as Madeline came outside along with the others, Miss Farthington at her side.
The two had become friends over the past few days, and Miss Farthington had become his most staunch ally in his quest to court his lady.
Despite her mother’s clear disappointment, Miss Farthington had continued to do everything in her power to ensure that he and Madeline were together as often as possible.
For that alone, he would have believed her to be his own personal angel. But added to that fact her unceasing loyalty to Madeline... Well, he only wished he had more eligible nephews so he could officially add her to their family.
Madeline’s gaze met his as Prudence and Damian led the way to the sleighs. As there were not enough sleighs for everyone, it was decided that the group would take turns. While some were enjoying sleigh rides, the others would make a game out of collecting holly and boughs for decorations.
Edward cared not what activity he and Madeline were tasked with first, just so long as they did it together.
For days now, they had been enjoying one another’s company, all under the watchful eye of the group. But even with the others around, they’d managed to have private conversations, get to know one another more deeply.
He’d learned all about her past, her relations, her friends. He’d come to understand how a lovely, gracious lady as she had been raised to believe that she could expect little from the world except for its charity. A lesson he’d devoted himself to undoing.
This woman deserved more than the scraps others were willing to hand her. This woman with her kind heart and her sweet smile and her mischievous gaze...she deserved the world.
“Good afternoon, Edward,” she said quietly as she reached his side.
“My lady,” he murmured. He’d been teasing her more and more with the proposal they both knew was coming. He could hardly wait for the opportunity to ask for her hand, to make this growing intimacy between them official. To show the world the gem they had overlooked, to his good fortune.
She blushed as he’d known she would. His heart swelled in response.
He savored every second of this bliss as her head tipped down but her lips curved up. This anticipation was the headiest feeling he had ever known. There was so much good to come.
And all in due time, he reminded himself.
It was decided that the married couples would take the sleighs out first, which worked well for his plan.
For tomorrow was Christmas Day and while he was enjoying every moment of this courtship, he could not wait another day to make her his.
If he had his way, she would wake on Christmas morning as his bride-to-be and, if all went according to plan, she would be on his arm as his wife by the time the next season began.
But first, there were things to discuss. Some topics they had not touched upon. Some things that needed to be said. For his sake, he supposed.
She had not asked him for the details of his previous marriage, but if she wished to hear that story he was prepared to tell her. It wasn’t such a dramatic tale, and one likely commonplace the world over. He would tell her about the ‘good match’ with the young lady his parents had chosen. About how he’d tried to love her. About how she’d loved another.
Perhaps he’d tell her the recurring hell of her every miscarriage, and how her health grew frailer with each passing month when she could not conceive. She’d made it clear that her only wish was to be a mother—and she merely put up with him because he was the one who would provide a child.
But that child never came and her health never recovered and...
Well, it was a bitter day indeed when he’d realized that she’d grown to despise him for it all. She’d blamed him. And while it had never been true love for him...he’d tried. He’d wanted to love her. But she hadn’t wanted his love.
As they set off in the direction Prudence had pointed out to find their decorations, Miss Farthington and her mother fell back, talking amongst themselves as he and Madeline spoke quietly, discussing everything from the history of the property to the holiday traditions she’d enjoyed with her cousin Amelia.
“She sounds like a dear friend,” he said as they stopped beside a tree that provided a shelter of sorts from the cold breeze and gave some privacy from the others as they spoke.
“The very best,” Madeline said, her eyes soft with affection.
“Madeline, I—” He reached for her hands, more nervous than he expected. “I wanted to find a moment alone today because...because I wish for you to know. To understand...”
Her brows arched high.
He cleared his throat. “I thought I’d missed my opportunity at finding this.” He tugged her closer and her eyes grew beautifully dazed as she allowed it, her body brushing up against his as she leaned in close. “I thought I’d missed my chance at love.”
&nbs
p; Her lips parted on a gasp that made his heart clench with a joy so painful it hurt.
“I was married once, you know that...”
She nodded encouragingly.
“But it was not a happy marriage, and I want you to know why.” He drew in a deep breath and told her everything. The whole sordid tale that he’d kept buried somewhere deep.
Somewhere dark and cold where it had festered and tainted his view of the future, of what he might have.
“Do not misunderstand me,” he said as she squeezed his hands, her eyes bright with unshed tears as he finished his all-too common tale of a loveless marriage and the bitterness that had come from it. “I had more than enough love in my life these past fifteen years or so with Damian at my side. I couldn’t have loved any child more, but...”
“But you still wish for a family of your own,” she said quietly. With so much understanding.
“I do,” he said simply. “But the thing is...what I really wanted to say was...I did not know that until I found you.”
Her eyes widened and filled with an aching tenderness that no doubt matched his own. “I did not know that I could feel this way, that I could be open to wanting more, to feeling more...” He gave his head a shake. “I just needed you to know how indebted I am to you.”
She choked on a laugh, her eyes brimming with unshed tears now as she squeezed his hands tightly. “Then you and I are even. For I will be forever in your debt for showing me what it is to live without fear, without constraints.”
He arched his brows high, amusement and joy making it hard to breathe. “I did all that?”
“You did.” She nodded, laughing softly as she did. “I’m still learning,” she said slowly. “I’m still trying to sort out how to be brave when all my life I’ve been taught to be safe.”
He nodded in understanding. “Take all the time you need, my dear. I want you to be comfortable. I wish to make you happy.” He smiled down at her with all the love in his heart. “I wish to give you everything you’ve ever wanted and more.”
“Well...” Her voice was breathless, and he watched with a surge of tenderness as those tears brimming her eyes spilled over. “What is a lady supposed to say to that?”
The Mistletoe Mistake of Miss Grayson: School of Charm: Christmas Novella Page 6