by Bex Dane
"If you're going to do this, at least put on some gear." My mom steps up next to Lola. She looks less worried and more frustrated that another dinner is going to end in an unscheduled fight. She wants us to wear helmets, chest pads, and gloves, but she should know there's no stopping the Volcano when he's fired up. This is my moment with Remy, and we fight underground style, like my dad did back in New York. My dad walks up and makes eye contact with both of us before giving a slight nod that he's okay with this.
"No pads. No rules," I say.
Remy grunts in agreement.
I hear a few more grumbles from the onlookers, but my attention is all focused on him. I've fought Remy a hundred times. His weakness is his eyes tell where he's going to hit. He's too calculating and reveals his plan. His gaze is on my chest now, so I know where he's going. Sure enough, he breaks out with a heel kick to my chest. I grab his ankle and wrench his leg till he falls to the floor with a thump. He scrambles up and glares at me, shocked I'd take him down in the first ten seconds of fighting him.
"You look scared, Rem. What're you afraid of?" I stalk toward him, puffing my shoulders up, arm out wide to the sides and back. That would make any normal man shit his pants, but Remy's known me since we were scrawny teens, so I can't intimidate him with my size.
I throw a punch with my right and scrape his cheek as he's bobbing down. I try to get him with my left, but he's charging and knocking me back with his shoulder in my gut. We hit the mat and start swinging. I nail him several times in the ribs. He has the advantage being on top, and he throws a round of rapid punches to my face.
I can vaguely hear Sutton protesting at the side, but it doesn't matter what anyone says. I'll take whatever Remy dishes out right now.
He leans back and nails my cheek so hard I'm seeing white. Shit. I can't move, but he keeps pummeling me. I hear Lola screaming "Stop!"
Remy lets up and stands. We're both panting and reeling from the shots we got in. He's winning so far.
I stand, but I'm unsteady on my feet. I let the rage inside me boil over, and suddenly I have the strength of a thousand men. I charge and nail him to the rails. I shoot punch after punch to his face. He blocks his face with his hands so I attack his ribs. I won't kill him, but I'm gonna leave some bruises, so we never have to do this again.
"Stop!" Sutton has jumped into the octagon. She's pulling on my arm. "He didn't know."
"Back off, Sutton." I push her away, so I can get back to pummeling Remy.
"But he didn't know who she was when he slept with her."
Hold up. Remy stills. I can't move. He didn't know who she was when he slept with her?
Someone gasps and whimpers at the side of the octagon. It's Loralei. She has her hand over her mouth, her eyes terrified.
I turn to look at Sutton. She's standing with her arms reaching out toward Remy like she wants to grab him away from me.
"He slept with her?" I'm stunned.
Sutton just stares back at me.
"Jesus, Sutton." Remy straightens and runs a hand through his hair.
"You didn't know?" Sutton asks me.
"Fuck no." I turn my gaze to Remy. "You slept with her?"
"A long time ago. It was nothing." He's trying to blow it off, but this is huge.
"Bullshit, Remy. You should've told me. Is that why you're so against her being here?"
Remy shakes his head, but I know it's true. He didn't want me to find out what happened.
"I was drunk. I wanted to make someone jealous. She was there so…" He shrugs like his dick just fell into Lola's pussy on accident.
"Fuck!" I turn away from the whole scene. Red hot magma pulses through my body. Under pressure and ready to blow. If she slept with my brother, that means he's seen her naked. He's touched her skin. He's been someplace I thought was my own. For once, I had someone to call mine, and he slept with her. He didn't know who she was, but…
I turn around and glare at Lola. "You knew who he was."
She looks left and right, then turns away. Her face is bright red, her shoulders stiff. She's humiliated. That means it's true. It's fucking true!
"Mace, stay calm." My mom's voice sounds so distant. She's trying to rein in the inferno, but it's pointless. Once the volcano erupts, you can't push the lava back in. The destruction is inevitable.
Lola strides toward her car. There's no way in hell she's leaving here alone.
I jump over the railing and chase after her. "Lola!"
She rushes faster, breaking into a jog as she's reaching into her pocket for her keys.
"Lola!" My voice is a deep, angry roar. She's not fucking leaving.
She ignores me and makes it to her car door. She's trying to open it when I reach her and grab her keys. "You're not leaving."
She doesn't look at me. "I am! Give me my keys."
"You slept with my brother?"
She flinches back, shaking her head.
"You knew who he was. You fucked him and didn't tell me? I can't understand that. Explain it to me. How does that happen?"
She lowers her head. "Please. Let me leave."
"All of this was bullshit? Some new ploy to get revenge?"
"No." She finally looks up at me, and her eyes are glossy with tears about to spill.
"You planned all this? Are you trying to destroy me? Tie me down?" I'm spitting fire now, and I can't stop. It's hurting her. I don't care. "I trusted you. All this crap about forgiveness. Holy fucking shit. I had you all wrong. You really are wicked."
She swallows, and her eyes harden. "Give me my keys." She glares up at me, no longer hurt. She's angry now. Good. I'm angry too.
"When did this happen?"
"After my father died." Her eyes squint and shoot daggers at me. She's blaming me for his death again.
Suddenly I'm aware of my surroundings. We're having this fight in front of everyone. "Come back to my cabin. We're not doing this out here."
"I'm leaving, Mace. You forced me to come here. I told you no. This is not what I wanted." She throws her hands up and looks at the night sky like she's so frustrated she can't even look at me. "You're out of control. Nothing you do makes sense. No plan. No logic. You just walk around crudely reacting, not caring who gets hurt by it."
You're out of control. That's what people always say before they try to change me. I can't help who I am, and I can't be with anyone who doesn't accept me. "You know what? This isn't what I wanted either. You run back to your boring, safe life. Follow all the rules. Look where it's gotten you."
She growls and grits her teeth. "So we're back where we started? I hate you and you hate me? Fine!" She reaches out, grabs my wrists, and knees me in the balls. I buckle over from the red hot pain, and she snags her keys.
She jumps in her car, and the engine revs like an ugly exclamation mark at the end of her kick to my nards. "Leave me alone, Mace. I don't need you. I don't need anybody."
She glares up at me one last time before she closes the door.
Somehow, once again, I'm the twenty-year old asshole who took her virginity and locked up her dad. She's the psycho vindictive bitch. How easily we fall back into our old roles.
She backs out rough and spits up gravel in her hurry to escape.
What the fuck just happened? I turn stiffly and face my family. Most of them have left. Only Remy and Sutton stayed to watch my life fall apart. My parents are behind them.
I don't even want to kill Remy anymore. I'm mad at Loralei, and I'm furious with myself for screwing this up.
"Not a word," I mutter as I march past them, my balls aching where she nailed me, my heart bleeding where she tore a gash in it.
Chapter 13 Help Me, Dad
Loralei
I haven't cried so hard since my dad died. How could Mace have come to mean so much to me in such a short time? I know the answer. It wasn't a short time. It's been a long time. Since I first met him, I loved him.
It's so hard to admit to myself. I did honestly hate him, but I also loved him.
We always straddled that line, even if it was only in my head. When reality offered to jump over to the love side, I gave him my body again. It was fantastic like the first time, like I'd dreamed it would be, and he shredded my heart again like I knew he would.
Returning to my house, I'm broken. I've lost my job, my dad, my self-respect, and now I have a man named after Satan out to get me. What do I have left? I have no pets, no friends, no one I can turn to.
That's my choice. I've isolated myself since my dad died. I buried myself in my work. Pinned my hopes on a loser like Griffin. I pull my car into my driveway and rest my head on the wheel. "Help me, Dad."
He doesn't respond, so I drag my butt up the stairs to my place.
Something feels off right away. My security light doesn't click on. A weird darkness surrounds the house, and something blocks the window.
Shoot. I don't have a gun. If someone is in there, I'm fighting with my fists.
I carefully open the door. Inside, even without the light on, I can see it's trashed. Coffee table turned up, couch on its side, stuff scattered all over the floor. When I turn on the light, shocking red paint marks everything. The couch has been slashed and painted red. I check the dining room. No one here. The hallway pictures are all smashed. I'm afraid to look in my bedroom. My precious sanctuary.
Oh God. It's even worse in my bedroom. They've taken my pictures from under my bed and sprayed them red.
My life board is trashed.
Someone has come in and erased my life.
I drop to my knees and cry. This was all I had. It wasn't much. It was humble and simple, but it was mine. Everything in this place I bought with my own money. Now it's all gone.
I'm not sure if it's an angel or just the old records in my head, but I hear my dad's voice now. "Turn this challenge on its head. Take it and make it your victory because pain is brought to us to make us stronger, so fight through it and find your purpose on the other side of the battle field."
I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to turn this around.
I cry on the floor until the sobbing ebbs and my dad's words finally penetrate. He's right. I could be on the precipice of something big. I'm supposed to learn something from this. "Okay, Dad. No more hiding."
Even though my heart is broken, I'm not going to pine away for Mace anymore. That got me nowhere. I'm going to go out. Live life. Take chances. I have indefinite time off work. I've never travelled alone. I'm going to drain my savings and hit the road. My journey is waiting for me. I can't sit in my apartment anymore obsessing over my job. I'm going for it.
The second I stand, fear grips me again. What if I get in trouble? Will I ruin the family name? Isn't it already ruined by my dad? What if Diablo finds me when I'm alone, and I won't have Mace to protect me? What if I do something so stupid, and I don't get my job back? It doesn't matter. It can't be worse than what's already happening. I've lost my job. I don't have Mace to protect me. Might as well go for it for once in my life. I don't even know what going for it means, but I know I have to try.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I pack anything I can into a few bags and take off in my car. Tonight I'll stay in a hotel. Tomorrow, who knows? I'm not going to plan it out. I'll take it day by day.
Chapter 14 Check-In
Mace
I am out of whiskey. Again. How hard is it to stock up on Jack Daniels? I'll never learn. I make the same damn mistake over and over.
Someone knocks at my cabin door. "Mace?"
Cutter.
"You bring me a fifth of Jack?"
"No. Check-in. Open up."
Fucking check-in. Another word for big brother nosing into my business. Passing down his judgment and advice from a guy who's just as messed up in the head as I am.
"I'm here too, Mace. Let us in."
I groan at the sound of Sutton's voice. I love Cutter and his biological sister, who is now my sister too, but sometimes they need to learn when to stay away. Let me drink and wallow alone in my cabin.
"Go away!"
I know I'm being a dick, but I'm dead inside. I have nothing to say to Cutter and Sutton right now.
Cutter opens the door and walks in. Well, shit. Guess I forgot to lock it.
He glares down at me. "No more skipping your check-in."
How many have I skipped? I've lost track of time. Does it even matter anymore?
"What's she doing here?" I give Sutton the side eye because younger siblings don't normally attend check-ins with older ones.
"I'm worried about you, Mace." Her voice is soft and gentle, but also condescending as hell.
"I'm fine." I fall back onto the couch and stare at the ceiling. "Except I'm outta booze. Go get me a bottle of Jack."
"Get your ass up and talk to me." Cutter pokes at the nearly dead fire in my fireplace. He throws a log on and moves it around till it catches.
"I got nothing to say."
"Bullshit. You've been moping around here since before Thanksgiving. What's going on?"
"What the fuck do you think is going on?"
He's still crouching in front of the fire, looking at me like I'm a petri dish growing fungus. "This about Loralei?"
Sutton crosses her arms, and her head bobs back and forth as I talk to Cutter.
I sit up and rub my face, trying to shake some of this stupor off me. "Isn't everything about Loralei?"
"I'm sorry about… ya know. Bringing up Remy," Sutton says.
We haven't talked about it since that night, and I'm not interested in doing it now.
"Do not mention it again. Hear me? I don't care what she did in her past. It's a non-issue for me. If you and Remy got a problem with it, go work it out, but don't ever bring it to me."
Sutton nods. "Okay. I just… I feel bad."
"Yeah? Not worse than me." I blew it big time with her. Now it's too late.
Cutter stands up and towers over me like he's superior now that he has Cass. He got lucky with her, but it doesn't make him the patron saint of the Twists. "Call the girl so we can all stop worrying about you." He swipes some food wrappers off the floor and tosses them into the trash.
"Believe me, I've thought about it non-stop. I'm not calling her."
"Why not? You're obviously hooked on her. Making yourself miserable. Get her ass up here."
I shake my head. "I'm a tumbleweed made of razor blades. I'll blow through her life and chop it up again."
"You don't think you can make it with her?" He sits down on the couch next to me and leans back.
"I don't think it's fair to her. I'm not gonna settle down. I'll always be out of control. She's not gonna roll with me."
"Did you give her a chance?"
"No."
He huffs and shakes his head. "She might be up for a roll with a tumbleweed made of razor blades. Some girls like danger. Never woulda thought a good girl like Cass would go for a scarred monster with an obsession for knives. Turns out she's perfect for me. We made it work."
"That's all nice for you, Cut. I'm not you, and she's not Cass."
He pats my shoulder. "Mace, we love you either way. You go with this girl, we'll accept her. You move on and keep rolling the way you always have, we still love you. Unconditional. That's what we are."
I look down and let that sink in. The best part is I know he means it. "That helps, bro."
Sutton leans down and wraps her arms around me. She doesn't usually hug me, so this one cracks my shell. "I love you, Mace. You're my brother too. I want to see you happy. If she makes you happy, I want her to be with you."
When she pulls away, I look up at her. "She doesn't make me happy. She makes me grounded."
They both freeze and stare at me. Sutton gasps. "She makes you grounded?"
"Yep. Only woman in the world who stops the chaos in my head. Never thought I'd see the day. She had me showing up on time. I planned ahead. She was a good influence on me." Now I'm lost without her.
"Oh, you need to go get her." Sutton laughs.
> "There's no miracle cure for who I am. You pin a tumbleweed in place, it still won't grow."
"You got some messed up thoughts in there, Mace." Cutter stands and checks the fire before walking to the door. "But I feel ya. You know I get that."
Cutter's words are hitting home. "I appreciate that you care, but please just leave me alone to sort this out."
"I'm not giving up on you." Cutter gives me his serious face. "I know you're capable of it. Remember those first few years with Mom and Dad, we all fought it. They didn't give up. You came around and let them love you. I think that was about the time you were with Loralei."
Oh man, Cutter's going for the jugular. Cass has him talking about his feelings and shit. He's right, of course. The first time I ever accepted someone's love was when I was twenty, shortly after I had my encounter with Loralei. "You got me thinking."
"Yeah, man. Don't let the messed up thoughts take over. Be open to possibilities."
I nod and he lifts his chin. Sutton gives me one last worried look before they leave.
I love them, and they know me. It's true I never asked Loralei if she would be happy by my side. Her inner lioness probably would, but will Lola let her loose? Only one way to find out.
Cutter walks back in alone. "Got news."
"What?"
"The FBI found three bodies on the island. Loralei reported Diablo as her kidnapper. They're still looking for Giselle, but they think Arthur might have been using that island to move drugs. The girls were the mules."
"And Diablo was the supplier."
"Possibly."
"Was one of the girls named Hannah Clark?" I ask him.
"Yeah."
"That's the girl Loralei was looking for."
"She can stop looking now." He nods and closes the door again.
"Shit."
***
The bloodied and bruised skip coughs as I drop him in a chair in Wayne's office. "Here he is. Failure to show. Pay up."
Wayne's handlebar moustache wiggles as he scans the guy. "He looks beat up."
"He fell."
"The last skip was beat up too, Volcano."