I stretched out flat on my back with my hands behind my head, thinking. I could still smell her, hell, I could practically still taste her in my mouth. I wanted her again so badly I almost touched myself. I don’t want this going any further than you, me, and the lamppost, but I even cried a little bit—just a tear or two leaking quietly out the corner of my eye. I buried my face in her pillow then, the pillow she slept on, that still smelled like her fancy perfume. And when I turned over and reached my hands up under my head again, I felt something cold, round and hard. One of Natalie’s bracelets. She’d either forgotten it or left it under the pillow on purpose, for me.
I put it on and a second later took it right off. It looked silly, like an ankle bracelet on a dinosaur. I’ve never worn a bracelet or a ring or a necklace in my whole life. But when I got dressed later, I surprised myself and put it on again, just to keep her near me. I pretended like we were going steady and I liked the feel of that bracelet sliding up and down my arm like a kid on a water slide. I wished I had given Natalie something and I probably would have if she’d stuck around a little longer. Or maybe what I had given her was enough.
So that’s what happened to me, Zoey B. Jackson, on the twelfth of May. It’s a true story and here’s the bracelet to prove it. Funny, I feel almost naked without it, wear it all the time now, in case she comes back. Well, that’s not really why. I guess, I know Natalie isn’t going to pass through this town again except in my dreams maybe. Hell, who knows how long I’m going to stay in this town anyway? Been thinking I might get myself to San Francisco one of these days, see what Sally’s up to. Bet I could get myself a job there, and wouldn’t that be something, riding up and down those San Francisco hills in a big red fire truck? I’m not really a city person, but I don’t know, these past few weeks, this town has felt too small all of a sudden, like a sweater that shrunk in the wash one day and doesn’t fit right anymore. Al says there’s something different about me too, but he doesn’t know what. Oh, he noticed the bracelet right off—said it looked real fine, and was I going to start putting out fires in high heels and skirts now? I must have blushed real red when he said that. If only he knew what I knew. And don’t you dare tell him.
Meghan O’Brien lives in Northern California with her partner, young son, and gang of four-legged friends. She is a dog lover and a gamer who lives to tell stories. She has two novels published by Bold Strokes Books, Thirteen Hours and the e-book The Three. She also has had selections in Erotic Interludes 2–5, as well as Romantic Interludes 1: Discovery. Her romance Battle Scars is forthcoming in 2009.
Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
Meghan O’Brien
The frigid rain plastered Coast Guard Executive Officer Erin Brooks’s hair against her face, where it quickly froze to her skin. Her uniform was soaked through, and even with her free hand jammed in the pocket of her thick coat, her fingers had gone numb. The medium endurance cutter Storis pitched and rolled on the waves, tossing her this way and that on the well deck. She had to clutch the ice-cold railing just to stay on her feet.
But Erin was oblivious to her own body, and to the fierce rocking of the ship that knocked a seaman onto his ass just to her left. She’d stopped registering the cold an hour ago. Eyes narrowed, she struggled to keep sight of the seaman, just a yellow slash bobbing up and down in the choppy gray sea, and the woman who was towing him to the safety of the rigid hull inflatable boat. The storm raged around her, wind howling, but the only thing she could hear was her own heartbeat, thundering in her ears.
“XO Brooks!” Petty Officer Jackson shouted from her right side. The tone of his voice made her suspect that he’d been calling her name for a while. “Ma’am, you’re shaking.”
Erin said nothing. Katy finally made it to the RHIB and two other rescue swimmers reached out to pull the drowning man inside. Seaman Young lay at one end of the boat, head lolling against the side in time with the massive waves. If Katy hadn’t gone out there when she did, he would probably be dead.
Until the chief warrant officer made it back on board the Storis with her charge, that thought was cold comfort.
“That’s the last one,” Jackson said. “Ma’am, why don’t you head to the bridge? You’ve been out here for two hours straight.”
“When they’re on board,” Erin answered. One of the sailors manning the RHIB caught the back of Katy’s suit and tugged her into the rescue boat just as a particularly massive wave soaked all its occupants. Erin’s heart leapt into her throat and only started beating again when the water receded and she could make out Katy clinging to the man she had just rescued, keeping him anchored in the RHIB. “I’ll go in once they’re on board. Thank you, Jackson.”
He nodded crisply and made his way across the deck, moving hand over hand along the railing. He took his place at the crane that would raise the RHIB from the water. Erin leaned over the rail and watched Katy intently as the rescue craft approached the starboard side of the Storis.
Jackson was right, she was shaking. Hell, she was scared to death.
Katy and another sailor worked to attach the RHIB to the crane that would hoist it back aboard the Storis. The coxswain was clearly struggling to keep them in position as the nearly ten-foot swells battered the small boat and its occupants. Erin held her breath as the stern line was ripped repeatedly from Katy’s hands.
“Come on, come on,” she whispered.
Despite the coxswain’s efforts, the RHIB jerked sharply as rough water lifted it, then sent them riding down the face of the giant wave. Erin’s stomach dropped. The rescue swimmers and the last of the survivors from the Merry Lady were in serious danger of capsizing. If they pitch-poled, it could be all over.
A seaman brushed against her as he slip-slid purposefully across the deck. All around her, people went about performing their jobs, just as their shipmates were doing in the sea below. Erin tore her eyes away from the RHIB for the briefest of moments to glance up at the bridge. The CO, Atkins, was up there looking down on their efforts. What must he think of the vigil she was keeping?
A shout arose from the starboard side, and Erin refocused on the RHIB. Katy had managed to attach the stern line, and now the small boat was ready to be hoisted aboard. But first all its occupants would have to board the Storis using a rope ladder thrown over the side of the deck. Erin hated this part. With the way the waves tossed about the RHIB in counter-rhythm to the Storis, the able-bodied would likely have to jump to grab on to the lowest rung. They would lower a Stokes rescue basket for the injured.
Erin could barely stand to watch when it was Katy’s turn to scale the ladder. The waves pounded the ship relentlessly, and a large swell crested just as Katy jumped for the bottom rung. To Erin’s horror, one of Katy’s hands was torn from the ladder and she dangled precariously for what felt like an eternity before regaining her hold. Erin knew Katy was operating on pure adrenaline at this point. She should be too exhausted to hold on to that ladder, or to power her way to the top. But somehow she did. Two seamen pulled her onto the deck and supported her until her footing was secure.
The boatswain’s mate assembled his crew to start the arduous process of hauling the RHIB aboard, but Erin’s only concern was Katy. Katy shouted to the other members of her team, her words lost on the wind. Then her gaze shifted to Erin.
Erin knew she was showing more than she should when their eyes met. She felt open and exposed, raw and battered by the emotional toll of the last hours. It took her more than a couple of breaths to regain her composure, and Katy’s face told her that she had just revealed everything in those few moments of pure, utter relief. Erin broke their gaze first, and turned quickly to shout to the sailor who was helping carry Seaman Young, the injured crewman, across the unsteady deck.
“Take him to see the corpsman!” It was a ridiculous order. He already knew what to do, but he gave her a polite nod anyway.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, never faltering in his quick transport.
Erin nodded curtly, then tur
ned to make her way back to the bridge. Even though all she wanted to do was reassure herself that Katy had made it back in one piece, she didn’t trust herself to hide her emotions from the curious eyes on deck.
“Ma’am!”
Swallowing, Erin stopped mid-step and swiveled. Katy stood no more than five feet in front of her. Erin’s knees nearly gave out at the sight. Katy’s short, dark hair was a mess, stuck to her face, and rivulets of water coursed down her smooth, tanned skin. Her brown eyes burned with some unspoken emotion, her lips tinged blue from the cold. Erin gripped the railing for support, and Katy did the same.
Erin pulled herself together the best she could. “Yes, Chief Warrant Officer?”
“Ma’am—”
A wave crashed into the starboard side and soaked them both, knocking Erin off her feet and into Katy’s chest. A strong arm caught her there and kept her from taking a header onto the deck. How could Katy be so warm when she had just been pulled from the Bering Sea? For a moment Erin allowed herself the pleasure of being held, then she pushed away from Katy with both hands on her chest.
“Report to the corpsman, Ms. Ortiz,” Erin said, forcing steel into her voice. She grabbed the railing again and concentrated on stopping her legs from shaking. “Good job out there.”
“I’m fine, ma’am. I promise.” Katy took a step away from Erin, as if sensing she needed the space. “Seaman Young took the worst of it.”
“You were in the water for a long time. Two hours, seven rescued. Go see Doc right now. That’s an order.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Katy bit her lip, then searched Erin’s face. “I appreciate your concern.”
More than anything, Erin wanted to touch her, to reassure herself that Katy was very much alive. But that was impossible. With a tight smile, Erin locked all her personal feelings away. There was no place for them here.
“That’s my job,” she said, and turned to go to the bridge.
*
An hour later, Erin stretched out on her bed, wrapped in a warm robe. A hot shower had her blood moving again, but her fingertips still tingled from the previous cold. She stared at her stateroom door, afraid of hearing the knock, hoping for it all the same.
As much as she needed to see Katy, she didn’t know how she would maintain a professional distance tonight. Though Erin had stood vigil during perilous rescue situations before, never had it been so personal. Never had she stood watch as Katy’s lover. She was shaken by how frightened she had been, and by how unimportant their secret had seemed in those moments when she wasn’t sure Katy would make it back to the Storis alive. It had taken everything Erin had not to kiss her when that wave sent her crashing into Katy’s arms. She doubted she would be so controlled in the privacy of her own stateroom.
Their one unspoken rule was no physical contact when they were at sea. It was just too risky, and it would be too easy to get carried away. If they were discovered, they could both be discharged. No matter how much she hated denying what they shared, Erin wasn’t ready to give up the Coast Guard yet. She didn’t think Katy wanted that, either.
Yet Erin couldn’t imagine not holding her tonight. Just one hug, maybe. Or was that too dangerous? Erin held vigil on the door, willing the knock to come. Could she really stop at one hug? If she had Katy in her arms, it would be so easy to kiss her. And then what?
No, it was probably better if she didn’t see Katy at all tonight. She needed to touch her so badly and if they were alone together, she was afraid she’d give in. Erin sighed uneasily. Shouldn’t Katy be done seeing the doc by now? What if something was wrong?
Erin closed her eyes. Watching the door wouldn’t make Katy appear. And even though she didn’t know how she would sleep until she saw Katy again, she needed to try. They would see each other tomorrow morning on duty. For now, that would have to be enough.
A knock at her stateroom door brought Erin upright, her heart pounding. If she were smart she would ignore the knock and hope that Katy would go away. But what if it wasn’t Katy? Erin’s throat tightened. What if something had happened to Katy and this was someone coming to her with a report?
“Just a moment,” Erin said, and glanced around for her uniform. Her head felt strangely light. “I’ll be right there.”
“It’s me, ma’am,” Katy said. “Katy.”
As though Erin wouldn’t know her voice anywhere. For a moment she sat paralyzed, unsure what to do next. If she let Katy in, she wasn’t sure what would happen. But she didn’t want to tell her to go away.
“Please, ma’am.” Katy’s voice wavered, so full of emotion. “May I talk to you for a moment?”
Erin got to her feet and crossed the small room in three steps. Though she knew she should get dressed before answering, she didn’t want to take the time. She could hear the raw need in Katy’s voice, and her body responded. Throwing caution to the wind, Erin opened the door and tried to keep her own voice steady. “Yes, Ms. Ortiz?”
Katy stood in the hallway wearing dry uniform pants and a navy blue Storis T-shirt. She squared her shoulders and gave Erin a sharp salute. “XO, I just wanted to make sure that you were all right.”
Even having spent the past two hours battling the Bering Sea, Katy looked gorgeous. It had been three weeks since they last kissed, let alone made love. Normally a patrol lasted only a month, but this one had been extended because of repairs. Erin didn’t know how she would make it another three weeks. Surely she would die of wanting before then.
“Ma’am,” Katy said quietly. “May I come inside?”
Erin’s face burned in a way that didn’t seem connected to either the cold rain or the hot shower. She poked her head out into the hallway, checking to make sure it was empty, then gestured Katy inside. “Come in, Chief Warrant Officer.”
Katy stepped into the stateroom and closed the door behind her. Her posture was ramrod straight, but her expression was open and full of need. “Ma’am, I apologize if I’m being presumptuous.”
Too worn out to keep up the formalities in private, Erin murmured, “You can drop the ma’am stuff, Katy.”
Katy’s whole body relaxed. She leaned against the stateroom door and smiled, so unthinkingly beautiful that it sent an ache to Erin’s stomach. In an instant, the chief warrant officer became the lover she cherished in port. And immediately Erin regretted letting her guard down. How was she going to stay in control with Katy looking at her like that?
“I really am okay, Erin.” Katy reached out, and after a moment’s hesitation, put her hand on Erin’s arm. “I promise.”
“You were out there a long time,” Erin said under her breath. The walls were thin enough that she didn’t feel comfortable speaking at full volume. “You were in the water too long.”
“I’m tough.” Katy pulled her hand away, leaving Erin empty with its absence. Grinning, she whispered, “You know that.”
“Tougher than me, I guess.” Erin blinked back the tears that threatened to escape and leaned close so she could whisper in Katy’s ear. “You have no idea how hard it is not to kiss you right now.”
“I have every idea how hard it is.” Katy’s cold lips brushed against Erin’s earlobe, making Erin shiver. “But to be honest, at the moment I don’t care much about keeping secrets.” Despite her words, she made no move to touch Erin.
Exhaling, Erin said, “We can’t.”
“Okay.” Katy drew back and gave Erin a sad smile. “I understand.”
“I’m sorry,” Erin mouthed. The tears spilled over then and she turned away, embarrassed by her naked emotion. Resisting temptation was the right thing to do here, wasn’t it? So why did it make her feel so bad?
“I’ll see you tomorrow, ma’am.” Though Katy did a hell of a job keeping her voice steady, Erin could hear the sorrow in her words. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
Erin closed her eyes, torn apart by the return of formality between them. She didn’t want Katy to leave, but it wouldn’t be fair to either of them to let her stay. One of them needed to
be strong, for both their sakes. No matter how much she needed to feel their connection right now, no matter how strong her emotions, she had to let Katy walk out that door. There was no other option.
Erin jerked in surprise when Katy’s fingers touched her face, gently wiping away her tears. “None of that,” Katy whispered. “It’s all right.”
The tenuous hold Erin had on her control snapped. She opened her eyes and stepped forward without thinking, taking a fistful of Katy’s T-shirt and pulling her close. Their first kiss was clumsy, all passion and no technique. The second was perfect, familiar and life-affirming.
Erin struggled not to moan when Katy’s tongue dipped into her mouth. She sucked on it lightly, and felt Katy shudder. Erin broke their kiss and released Katy’s shirt, shaken by her own weakness. She had promised herself she would never cross this line on duty, and yet all she could think about now was kissing Katy again.
“You should go,” Erin whispered, not daring to meet Katy’s gaze. “Before we do something we’ll regret.”
“Okay,” Katy whispered back, but she didn’t move. “You want me to go?”
Gathering her courage, Erin looked at Katy. What she saw made her legs shake. She could feel how much Katy loved her every time they touched, and she had heard the words so many times she’d lost count. But right now Katy’s eyes said more than her mouth or hands ever had. Erin placed her palms on either side of Katy’s face, wishing she could capture this moment and keep it forever.
Radclyffe & Stacia Seaman - Romantic Interludes 2 - Secrets Page 5