by V. Theia
I gave a nod, words escaping me. He brushed a thumb over my lip.
His smirk was devilishly reassuring, how did he do that? His eyes shined in good humor when he dropped a kiss to the tip of my nose. “I don’t want to miss out on this with you because it isn’t what we’ve been used to. You’ve always got me, Sena, you know that, even if you decide a relationship with me isn’t what you want. How can I make it better?”
He made absolute sense.
“Don’t hurt me.”
“Never.”
My face pushed into his shoulder. “Please don’t tell me lies either, to spare my feelings. If this isn’t what—”
“I don’t lie to you, Sena. I won’t be starting now.”
Relief flooded me.
What happened back at the party suddenly feels silly, to assume he’d been embarrassed by holding my hand. I took it personally.
He’d said relationship.
We’re in a fucking relationship and I can’t breathe through my burst of happiness.
And still as I laid in bed alone that night my heart beating hard, my anxiety swelling by the second when I thought about all the what ifs and what was at stake if we don’t work.
The odds, as they say, were not in my favor despite the dirty, kinky sex we’ve been experiencing, I had a lot to lose.
Were the risks worth it?
Has love clouded my judgement?
Does Noah feel the same threat of losing me from his life?
Sex was different to a man. Even a gay one.
Not even. That made me sound like a sexist pig quantifying it that way. But the truth remained, men view sex differently. I was emotionally attached to Noah long before we involved sex. Now? It’s out of control emotions.
Wall to wall emotions.
Emotions that make me crazy late at night laid in my bed when I should be in a sex-blissed sleep.
I’m just freaking myself out imagining my best fantasy coming to life which it has and then burning in a fiery flame of disaster, which it could.
It’s something I must accept could happen.
The risk right now is worth it.
Part of me ached for the easy non-complicated friendship we had, before we muddied it with my feelings and hormones because now I’m living constantly afraid of us ending and never seeing him again.
The other part longed for everything from Noah.
All the happy ever afters I have only dreamed of.
He’s the man I envision it with.
Kids. White picket fences. Family vacations, holidays and the kind of sex you only have with the one you adore.
As much as I know the odds are against me and my finger is firmly on my self-destruct button, I can't—won't turn from this.
I’m happy.
Whatever we have, however non-conventional it may be and duration; be it a day, a week, maybe a month, I can't step away from it.
It's my greatest longing, the one I sleep dreaming about.
For now, Noah is mine.
We’ve laughed and enjoyed each other so much over the years it was inevitable my lines would cross somewhere along the way.
We’ve acted like a couple.
We’ve tended to our non-conventional, dysfunctional and highly co-dependent relationship.
I fell in love with a beautiful friendship.
I was addicted. Truly, in deep.
Our friendship became a vital inhaled breath long ago.
It's sun on my face.
It's the first taste of sweetness.
Why do some people connect? I don't know. Chemistry, maybe something deeper, I'm not a scientist, I only know I needed Noah to breathe.
Whether he's my friend or he's something else.
I can't lose him.
Because without him ... I don't know how to be anymore.
We're so much more than friends. More than family.
If I were taking a line from one of my dirty romance books, I could claim we’re soul-mates, separated by the stars and we found each other again in the wrong bodies.
The queer and the geek. I giggled to myself. There’s a book in that, I’m sure.
Just as I’m about to sleep a text brought me out of my thoughts.
KingOfManhattan: Sleep tight, kitten. I miss you.
Happiness pounded through me like a drug.
TWENTY-THREE
“Noah!” I yelled later that week, closing the door to his apartment.
Due to a deadline I’d been seriously behind on, we’ve barely seen each other in the last couple of days and I could swear my body assumed it was being punished for a heinous crime. I’m about to change all that since I’d messaged him an hour ago and found out he was having an hour in his gym at home.
With my work sent to the marketing company, I felt able to step away from my desk for the first time in days. They’d wanted an overhaul done for their social media interfaces and while I’d been productive, I’d missed Noah. He stopped by and brought me food and kissed my forehead, but he’d known how busy I was, we’d hardly had an hour together.
“You better—” Words dried on my tongue.
Four pairs of eyes pinned me as my feet came to a halt.
Oh, my god.
I’d been seconds away from saying; you, sexy bastard, better fuck me right now, I need your gorgeous cock.
Cheeks pinked looking at each face of Noah’s four friends.
Noah was nowhere to be seen at first until he walked through from the kitchen holding two beers in one hand, a scotch glass and a wine in the other. He passed out the drinks and grinned at me. “Hey, kitten. What do you want to drink?”
“Eh. Hi, all. Nothing for me, I have work to do.” I replied, still embarrassed.
It was like being caught with my pants down and diddling over Chris Hemsworth circa his long hair Thor days, almost as if they can see directly into my mind and know what I’d been about to demand of Noah.
Thank god I had a fast excuse since I’d called downstairs to my mailbox first and the concierge had a delivery for Noah.
I lifted the fancy gift-boxed bottle of wine. It was probably a promotional gift from a rep. They were always sending Noah things in hopes of stocking their liquor in his clubs. “The concierge said this was delivered for you, I brought it up.”
I sounded ridiculous.
Placing it on one of the tables, I backed myself up.
How pink could I turn, I wondered.
“Hey, it was nice seeing you guys. I gotta get back home. Work never ends, you know.” I rambled. “Bye!” and then to compound my embarrassment I gave a stupid finger-wave and caught Noah’s raised brow when my eyes moved over to him.
With calls of bye following me out, I got myself out of there like I was on fire, cursing the whole way to my apartment.
Noah had several close friends he’d had before I came along.
I like to think I was the best in the bunch, but only Noah truly could tell that.
I know we spend the most of his spare time together.
At first, I got the impression they thought I was homing in on the quarterback like we were all in high-school. I was this highly excitable nerdy white girl with weird hair and a tendency to talk a mile a minute and they all were all socialites with real jobs.
I took it on the chin when they watched me cautiously that first year because even as adults we need good people at our back and they did have Noah’s best interest at heart. Having heard the stories of people trying and failing to garner favor with him because of who he is and what he has, I got their standoffish behavior.
Once his circle had known I wasn’t after his bank account they accepted me to a degree. There were times I still felt like an outsider looking into their circle of closeness, but that was fine, as much as I’d want to be liked by them, Noah and I did not come as a package deal.
I’m his friend first and foremost, not theirs.
We only hang out if I happen to be with Noah at the time. I’m never invited a
long to parties unless again It’s Noah who brings me.
There’s been times he’s chosen me over them, like the time he took me home last minute to Beaufort the winter my momma was sick with pneumonia, instead of a birthday weekend trip in Bora Bora.
I always thought they resented me some for that ever since.
I didn’t blame them.
It’s kind of hard to miss the gravitational pull Noah has. People find themselves drawn to and seeking out his energy, regardless of his surly stay-way attitude, he had a lot of people who cared for and want his time.
Man, my heart was pounding. It was a shock to see them sitting on his sofa. I expected them to see right through me with their judging, to accuse me of somehow corrupting their friend from the queer side.
Two of the men upstairs were in a long-term relationship together. I liked Dane but Terrance more, he was the more approachable.
But as for Nell. The petite blonde had always been passive aggressively nice to me, the way bitchy women get by telling you they love your last season’s blouse. Meow. I’ve had suspicions she cared for Noah in the same way I do. I would understand her jealousy. I’ve tried to be friendly with her to no avail.
I flopped on the sofa, an arm pressed over my eyes replaying the last minute in my mind.
Did they see the desire for Noah on my face?
Why did I even care?
The sound of the front door closing brought my attention.
In strolled the man himself.
“What was that about? You left so sudden.”
“Ugh.” I groaned. Peeking at him from under my arm as he took a seat, his hand on my thigh. “Do you know I almost blurted out I wanted fucking!”
Noah burst out laughing.
I didn’t find it a bit funny.
“I’m horrified. I can just imagine what they would have said.”
The smirking ass chimed in his rakish tone. “I would have paid to see that.”
“Shut up. I’m mortified.”
“What the hell for?”
I glare. “Ehhhhhh… because your friends don’t know you’re screwing me.”
“So, the wine was an excuse to take advantage of my body?”
“What?”
“You said you came up because you wanted to climb on my dick.”
I chuffed a snort. “I didn’t say those exact words, Chuckles. Shouldn’t you be playing host to Cruella De Ville and the others?”
Now it was Noah who laughed as he reached for my legs, stroking his hands along the outside of my thighs, up to my waist then he grabbed and hauled me onto his lap. “They can wait. You can’t.” My blood heated to volcanic temperature, straddling his lap my arms limp at my side, eyes wide.
What was he up to? Though, there was a big, bulging clue pressed to my crotch.
Bless my soul. We were going to have sex, with his friends waiting for him upstairs.
I skinned out of my clothes faster than Clark Kent in a phone booth.
And the way Noah situated me over him, his hands tight on my hips, the hot needy way his lips smashed down on mine and forced my lips wide as he licked in and in and in, I’m in no doubt he doesn’t give a royal fuck who is waiting on him upstairs. Not when he’s pulled out his thick arousal and teased it to my clit.
“Fuck me, Noah. I need your fuck.”
His pupils dilated. “How do you need it? Tell me.”
Before I could get words out of my mouth, he pressed his swollen head on my clit again so slowly it killed me in the best way, it wept at the tip, the cry was dragged out of me.
“Hard. Are you listening? Hard is the only way you ever ride it, kitten. Take me or be taken. Decide now.”
I decided hurriedly by opening my legs wider for him to take me, and he fucked me on my sofa while his friends probably drank his five-hundred-dollar bottle of wine.
I get the better end of that deal. I want to smell like you, Sena. Soak me, baby. I’m boneless by the time we’re finished.
Just before he left we kissed and cuddled at the door. I was reluctant to let him go, not just because I’m post-sex soft and needy, but any time spent away from Noah makes my heart spike.
Noah nuzzled my neck prolonging the minutes as if he sensed my need for his nearness a while longer. “I’ll come back soon as I kick them out,” he conveyed, his teeth nipping my skin.
I want him again. Already.
Slaking myself with a last touch, I let my hands fall from his waist. “Hurry.”
He gave me a look hot enough to blister my skin and his hands squeezed my hips reminding me how rough he’d taken me only minutes before when my bones ached.
One deep kiss later he’s gone but he does hurry back to me.
I’m in deep with Noah.
I’ve let myself fall unequivocally in love with my best friend and it’s nothing like the unrequited kind I’ve been in for years.
This is in its own league.
It has its own pulse and destination.
I can no more stop loving him than I can cease blinking.
It’s as part of me as an organ.
As my momma says; love is love. For all its power, it didn’t recognize sexuality. Love sees only in colors of chemistry from another person who were already destined to be a part of you. It understands pounding blood and rushing sensations in the heart, and never the conformity of reason.
Love is love.
Whatever form it comes in.
You can’t pigeonhole love because it will punch its way out
Noah has become so vital and I’m deeply, no question about it, fathoms in love.
And as momma says, that’s when the trouble begins.
TWENTY-FOUR
“You’re screwing someone,” laughed India over lunch. She tossed her wild, gorgeous blonde hair over one shoulder and pierced me with her shrewd green gaze. “Don’t tell me I can’t recognize the orgasm glow lighting up your cheeks, you, secretive bitch.” She’s a woman of business and a gossip at heart. “Now I need details since I’m in a dry spell, I’ll live through your vagina. Spill.”
Touching the purple tips of my hair nervously I grinned at India’s brash, zero filter tongue.
I love that about her, but honest to god sometimes I wished she’d hold it back, at least when it was directed at me.
Because how do I tell her that I’m having the best sex of my life, in a relationship that could -it already did- mean the world to me but it’s with my best friend?
My queer best friend she knows tipped the scale all the way over the rainbow …or did until he started digging his dick inside me and now I’m not sure of anything other than I want him more than anything.
I could already hear the mountain of questions that will come at me and I’m not ready. Don’t think I’ll ever be ready for people’s judgement. Because I know in their place I’d be the same. The doubting Debbie feeling sorry for the idiot who believed they’ve straightened their gay lover.
I smiled and used the excuse of shoving a few crumbs of cheese bagel into my mouth to not reply instantly. It’s fine because India was checking out the young black waiter wearing the tight pants. He looked college age and a boy Indie would eat for breakfast. He’d probably have the time of his young life.
Orgasm glow. She’s not wrong. I feel the happiness on my skin while I stirred my coffee and licked the sweet cream from the spoon, thinking about this morning and the way Noah strolled into the bathroom while I was getting dry, pinned me to the wall and …
“You look beautiful.” He said, backing me up against the tiled wall with only the motion of his hard body stalking mine to get me moving. I clutched my towel like a maiden, not sure why, since I’d only just crawled naked from his bed, but it seemed a bit indecent now to hardly be wearing a stitch of clothing.
Even though Noah was naked.
Deliciously naked and didn’t care that he was.
It must be nice to be a guy with no body hang-ups.
My eyes didn’t even str
ay down. I’m literally winning at life.
A thrill arrested me with the way he’s looking. Deep. Intense. Unwavering. Not anywhere on my body, directly in the eyes.
I chuckled a little. “You must still have sleep in your eyes.” My hair was a wet, bedraggled mess after I’d soaked half a bottle of conditioner on it. With barely any sleep last night, all his fault, I’m sure my eyes are carrying around suitcases full of pillows.
Noah leaned in, pressed his chest into my hand clutching the towel around my boobs and he cranked his head down to brush his nose on mine. “I dare anyone to tell me different. Drop the towel.” He rasped, and all my insides turned to syrup.
His sexy, hooded lids trained on me. I trusted in his voice. In his presence feeling more like my own second skin surrounding me.
The towel fell and pooled around my feet.
Power and confidence oozed from him.
Sex appeal came at me from every ripped, perfectly formed muscle, his hand, strong and warm touched gently, laying claim. His palm, a little rough from the chin-lifts he did religiously every morning, stroked from my middle, around my belly button for a second and then he moved it up between my boobs and around my throat and it was the most erotic caress.
I was panting before he brought it to a stop against my nape.
Possessive grip.
Assured stroke.
If it were possible for a heart to squeal, mine did.
Since he’s touching me, I do some of my own and I took both hands feather soft down his chest to his belly. I found he liked his belly touched, not sure if it was one of his pleasure sensitive areas, it needed more research on my part and I was up to the job.
Grasping his pulsing erection poking against my fingers looking for attention, right at the root where I know he likes it held hardest, I tugged once and then again.
Noah expelled the sexiest grunt of air, it pumped confidence through me to roll him down my palm, up and down, firm and strong.
Harder. Longer. I knew how tight he liked it.
“You know what’s the difference between gay sex and sex with me?” I asked, smiling with our lips pressed together. I felt his twitch into a devastating smile and then Noah rolled up his brow. He’s so fucking sardonic all the time, it turned me on.