by R. H. Vesely
"I think that's Kelley over there isn't it?" said Colleen. She knew full well it was. She also had heard of their breakup and that Kelley likely had a lot to do with Pat being disowned.
"Yep, that's her alright," said Pat.
"Do you want to go over and say hi?" queried Colleen, an action which she had no interest in pursuing, though at a loss for anything else to say.
"Nah, maybe on the way out but not now. I'm enjoying our talk and we have to go soon anyway," said Pat.
While he was trying not to make Colleen feel uncomfortable, it was all he could do to stay where he was and Kelley had definitely become the elephant in the room or as his friend Jon would say "the turd on the table".
Colleen sat there looking at Pat, trying to gauge his reaction to the unexpected appearance of his old love, or at least she hoped it was unexpected.
"So, Jon and Ed claim it is going to be a great party. Personally, I'm just hoping for not lame. No just kidding, Jon has an incredible taste in music and he and Ed both have interesting friends, so it should be good," said Pat breaking the awkward silence.
"Great, I'm really looking forward to some good dancing, you and I always seemed to have a good rhythm together," said Kelley with a big smile as she touched Pat's Hand and poured him some more beer.
"Yeah, we certainly did, didn't we," said Pat with a smile, but at the same time, he shifted his eyes for a quick glance at Kelley's table. Colleen took note.
"So, what time is it anyway, didn't you say it was supposed to start at nine and it may even be past nine by now, maybe we should go? We have been talking for quite a while I think," said Colleen in an attempt to draw Pat back in.
"Sure, we have, haven't we and some good stuff too, I've really enjoyed it," said Pat, and it was true, up until ten minutes ago, they had been really enjoying each other.
As they got up and were walking to the bar to pay their tab, there was no question Pat was repeatedly glancing at Kelley's table. He was thinking, I will just wave hi, pay the check and get the hell out of here and while this may have been what he was thinking, it is not what he did.
"Hi Kelley, how are you, long time no see?" said Pat approaching the table.
"Oh, hi Pat, this is my friend Doug," as she put her arm around the guy next to her. "What are you doing in town?" said Kelley flatly.
"Just here to visit friends, nothing special," said Pat.
"Yes, I see, Hi Colleen how are you? Long time no see. Still spending all your time riding horses?" said Kelley with an edge in her voice.
"Hi Kelley, yes, but not at the moment, Pat and I are going to a party and hoping to get some good dancing in," said Colleen looking directly at Kelley.
"Oh, dancing, yeah Pat loves to dance," said Kelley staring back at Colleen.
"Ok, good to see you and keep in touch," said Pat awkwardly trying to break the tension and immediately thinking to himself, "keep in touch", what a friggin idiot you are and he was.
Colleen was right, they had been talking for a long time and the party was going strong by the time they got there. The ride over had been uneventful as Pat had immediately put on some music in an attempt to settle his mind and avoid talking. He was feeling unstuck. Colleen accepted this but at the same time was aching to talk to him about Kelley.
"Hey Jon, sorry to be late but looks like things are going well. This is my friend Colleen,' said Pat.
"Wow, you are beautiful," blurted out Jon. He had obviously been drinking since before the party started and as a result his verbal filter was long gone.
"Gee, thanks. Looks like a great party," laughed Colleen.
"Yeah, beer and booze in the kitchen and I think there might actually be something to eat around somewhere. That's Ed's department, I tend not to want to ruin good booze with food," laughed Jon.
"I can see," laughed Colleen as Jon wandered off beer in hand.
"Sorry, he's really a sweet guy but he does like his beer," said Pat.
"No worries, hell never feels bad to be told you are beautiful," smiled Colleen.
"Well you are," said Pat as he put his arm around her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.
Wow, where did that come from, thought Colleen as they headed into the kitchen, holding hands no less.
On the ride over, while not talking, Pat had thought of Betsy's constant refrain " You may love her but she is toxic, I repeat toxic. So get that in your brain". Somehow by the third repetition it worked and Kelley was literally no longer on his mind and he thought to himself count your blessings and enjoy this night.
He and Colleen spent the night laughing and dancing. Their rhythms matched perfectly and their dancing was sensual, bordering on obscene. As he was getting a beer in the kitchen, Jon came up to him and grabbed his shoulder.
"Jesus man, you two are unbelievable. You've done everything but fuck each other on the dance floor," he blurted out way too loudly.
"Easy my friend," a bit loud, said Pat.
"Oh sorry, but shit man,, I almost came just watching you two," whispered Jon drunkenly into Pat's ear.
"You keep that up and I may have to excuse myself for a little me time," laughed Jon.
Pat knew this was true. He and Colleen were both pouring sweat and rhythmically sliding every inch of their bodies together. He was in fact in a fair amount of pain but could not make himself stop.
As he reentered the living room, he saw her standing there with a smile, slowly shifting her hips to the rhythm. Her reddish blond, wavy, long hair was now down and she was holding it off to one side of her neck as she moved oh so perfectly.
"Hi babe, how good is this, I needed this sooooo bad, I am so glad you called," said Colleen as he handed her a beer and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"Yeah, me too, I haven't danced like this in forever. This is better than sex," laughed Pat.
"Not sure about that," said Colleen as she gave him an odd smiling look.
By this time, even though sweating and dancing, they had both consumed their fair share of beer and all inhibitions had flown. Just then a slow Elvis Costello song came on. They both looked at each other, smiled and headed to the dance.
The rest of the week that Pat was home he and Colleen spend as much time together as possible. They talked about their families, their upbringing, that Colleen was basically raised by Lettie, his breakup with Kelley and every topic either could think of to get to know the other person better. They laughed, danced, watched old movies in the game room, while Pat sampled all the different beers and they became intimate friends. However, the one thing they did not do was have sex. Though he was dying to sleep with Colleen, Pat felt he couldn't do this to Betsy without first talking to her. He knew Betsy wouldn't mind and had even said so before he left. Hell, they had even laughingly talked about a guy who Betsy referred to as her "next charity case". But this and other things running through Pat's mind had convinced him in a rare spate of self control to hold off. What he had done is explain his situation with Betsy to Colleen and surprisingly, she was not only ok with it, but complemented him on his decency.
It was early morning the day before he was to leave. Pat was just lounging at Jon's to some Miles Davis and talking to Jon. The phone rang and Jon went to get it.
"If it's my dad, tell him I"m on a merchant ship to Rio," laughed Pat.
Jon came back in with his hand over the receiver and stared at Pat.
"It's Kelley, for you, are you here?" asked Jon.
Ia - Wow, this one came out of left field. If it hadn't been for the ending I would be all over this one. But you bastard you keep dragging Kelley back into this. What is that girl's problem and why is he so damn stupid.
In - You never know people do work these things out, not often but they do. Think about all the ones we've seen where people who have been apart for twenty, thirty years get back together and then have an unbelievable life together.
Ia - Yes, but this is only a year or two and those couples don't then have kids.
In
- But you admitted before I went in that they were extraordinary, as was their connection.
Ia - True but how could he not see what Colleen has to offer. She certainly fits your kindness bill and I could see her, god help her, feeling a strong connection for him but boy he is still just too out of it. This would be another of those make it easy on yourself ones to me except for the fact that Pat is so messed up. He's got three, I repeat three going here now Betsy, Colleen and Kelley.
In - I agree, he is a mess but like they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Ia - Well if he keeps this up, he may be the next Hercules.
In - Exactly.
Ia - Come on you honestly don't think that if he had a child with Colleen that that child might be in for a possible tough go. I mean do you think he is over that thing with Kelley. I doubt it and if no, what is going to happen to any deep connection from Colleen.
Chapter 12
"Hey Mattie, so whats up?" said Kelley as she grabbed a seat at the table. "What do you need to talk about. Anything cool, like a new job instead of your crappy waitress gig?"
"God I wish, no still the queen of polyester," laughed Mattie.
"How about you, anything new in your life?"
"Nah, basically same old same old. I did get a call from that Bill guy we met a couple weeks back but nothing special just a nice talk."
"You're kidding, Bill the guy who the red neck wanted to beat up! Jesus, what a coincidence," said Mattie.
"How so?" asked Kelley.
"Well remember his friend Randy. Well he called me about a week ago and asked me out for a drink."
"Wait I thought he had a girlfriend, right?"
"Yeah, he does but she was out of town and you know it was just for a quick drink and a chat, no thing."
"Yeah, he seemed like a nice guy and if I remember right you two had a decent chat."
"Well, so we met in the bar at the Essex."
"You know I always wondered what that place was like." "How is it?" asked Kelley.
"It was my first time but I love it. A bit like here but bigger, beautiful pressed tin ceiling and wooden fans and big thick tables, a copper bar top and a colorful leaded glass window at one end. If it weren't for Ed I'd prefer it to here, still old and warm but less smell and better ambiance," said Mattie.
"Geez, well we will have to give a try next time."
"Anyway, so we meet there and start talking and laughing and I have to say it was spectacular. He is such a nice guy and we talked about our lives and thoughts and some dreams. It was great fun. I could have kept going all night and in fact we sort of did come to think of it," laughed Mattie.
"Wait wait girl," said Kelley, "you sort of did?"
"Well, like I said we sat against a wall at one of the heavy wooden tables and as the night wore on we slid closer and closer to each other, so we could hear over the noise."
"Yeah right, the noise."
"Well maybe not just the noise."
"We had briefly talked about his girlfriend and he was real flat in the way he talked about her. Completely different than how we were otherwise talking. So, I kind of thought, may not be the strongest relationship, hmmm. I admit I was starting to really look at him. I mean, he was really fun to talk too and I was pretty sure he was feeling something more than just friendly towards me so I thought I'd see where it went. If nothing else, just for the fun of the game. I hadn't really let loose with a guy for a long time. Robert hadn't been the best companion for quite a while before we broke up, so I was in some serious need of, if nothing else, some flirtatious fun. You know, where for some reason the guy makes you feel extraordinary."
"Yes, and you were more than due one," said Kelley, "good for you."
"So we're sitting there in this lovely warm bar, both being very kind to each other and all of sudden the wall behind where we are sitting opens up and music comes wafting out of the opening. Then like something out of Alice in Wonderland, this incredibly hot black guy in a white linen suit comes through. Randy asks about the music and he tells us there is a nightclub in back and asks if we want to go in. At this point, I can see from the expression on Randy's face, that he is thinking it may be time to cut this short. Well not exactly short since we had already been there for at least three hours."
"Jesus, weren't you drunk by this time, after three hours?" said Kelley.
"No, Randy may have been a bit high but I had sort of paced myself and like I said we were doing a lot of pretty fun intimate talking which seems to negate at least the mental effects of alcohol for me, but back to the story, ok."
I am all ears honey, this has the makings of a good one. This is by the way real isn't it. I mean you are not making this up to torture me or anything? said Kelley.
You will only wish, laughed Mattie.
So, seeing him possibly waver, I gently put my hand on his arm and slide it a bit and laughingly ask if he is up for some music, as I look in his eyes."
"Game over," interjected Kelley with a slight laugh.
"So we go into this nightclub and it is magical. The music is soft and sensual, like a mixture of Marvin Gaye and John Coltrane ballads. You could get wet just listening to this stuff."
"Damn girl, you're already getting me going," laughed Kelley.
"It was surprisingly bright for such a small club with old 50s style round tables with linoleum tops and a shiny band of metal around the edge."
"What kind of chairs?" interrupted Kelley.
"Metal ice cream parlor chairs with red vinyl seats. It was funky, eclectic but somehow it just worked and with the music, I felt like I had stepped down the rabbit hole. So we sat down next to each other with our legs touching o so gently and you could feel the electricity running between us through just this small connection. Then, God then.... ," Mattie let out a small laugh, "this gorgeous tall black man, dressed all in black, began to sing and within a minute I felt as if he were tearing the heart out of my body. You know me Kelley, when I feel that level of emotion, I can't stop smiling from feeling so damn happy and emotionally alive. It must have hit Randy too because we both slid closer together, leg to leg and began lightly touching each others hands and he too had a giant smile on his face. One of the band even came up to us at the break and asked why we were smiling so much and I told him it was simply pure joy," sighed Mattie with a laugh.
"Babe are you in trouble here, I' m not sure you are ready for another mister right," said Kelley very directly.
"I don't think so. I think it was I just desperately needed to feel this level of joy and excitement with a guy and he happened to be there," said Mattie.
"Anyway, the rest of the night went on like this and it was true magic. We ended up kissing softly between songs, gently pressing hands and absorbing the music until the place closed."
"Yeah, but then what," said Kelley, "Hmmm!"
"We went out into the crisp night air filled with the warmth of the music and carefully held and kissed and went our separate ways."
"You didn't sleep together after all that. Jesus, poor Randy's balls must have been destroyed by then. You are a true temptress, bravo for you," said Kelley.
"No, it wasn't really like that. I think outside made him think about what was happening and he was basically confused in that classic male way. I probably, hell definitely would have slept with him. I just think, he had no idea what to do," said Mattie.
"So are you going to call him?" asked Kelley.
"Don't know. Can't decide if I want to risk ruining such a rich and beautiful memory. I mean was it the music and everything that seemed to so magically fit with my need to feel pure joy and was he just the guy thrown into my personal mix or.......," Mattie tapered off into silence.
"Orrrrrrrr?" said Kelley.
"Or was it a lot him. I mean, I think he may be the kindest, emotionally available and solid man I have ever met," said Mattie. "There doesn't seem to be much pretense about him."
The two sat quietly for a while. Mattie was
lost in re-feeling that night. Kelley was caught in the true friends dilemma of do I rain on her parade or do I just congratulate her on her good fortune. Kelley broke the silence.
"Mattie, you asked me here, so I only have one question, do you want to talk, I mean really talk about this or would you rather just purely enjoy the gift of the night that life gave you?"
"I'm not sure on one level, I don't want to ruin it by talking but on another level I won't know what to do unless I do talk about it. You can't imagine how many times I have relived this in my mind. I even had a dream where I was dressed like Alice in the old Disney cartoon. I sang with the flowers, talked to the Cheshire cat and ended up sitting blissfully in the Essex nightclub with Randy, wearing that same little white and blue dress that Alice had on. I even had the ribbon in my hair. So to answer your earlier question, yes, I am in trouble, help."
"Well, I will admit that he seems like an awfully nice guy but the reality is you are still just coming out of a long term relationship. One if I remember correctly, in your mind, was likely to lead to kids, yes?" Kelley looked in Mattie's eyes and Mattie nodded agreement.
"So this was serious shit. Though I joked about it last time, you really did think Robert was going to be it. To go from two years of that to another intense relationship seems like a very bad idea to me. I would think you would want to spend some time being with yourself and processing what went on with Robert."
"Thanks Mom," said Mattie.
She had already said the exact same thing to herself but tempering emotions was most assuredly not her forte and she knew it. That was why she had asked Kelley out to try to help her keep on top of herself. Her problem was that when she saw a path of joy in front of her, she wanted to run not away but down it and after that night, like Alice, she wanted to jump, no leap down the rabbit hole.