“Okay.” Andy shrugged. He was sitting in a corner hugging his knees. The wind was blowing his midnight black hair all over the place. Under his unzipped black leather jacket he was wearing a plain black t-shirt and had on black ripped skinnies with some black unlaced combat boots. His blue eyes smiled at me as he watched me approach him.
“Missed me?” I grinned as I dropped down on my knees to the side of him.
Without warning Andy grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. I lost my balance but it was okay because his arms caught me as his mouth descended on top of mine. Cold, soft, rosy lips moved against my brown ones. Gentle yet possessive. I held on to his forearms as I kissed him back. Relinquishing in the coldness of his metal lip ring. Andy captured my top lip in between his’ slowly and then did the same thing to my bottom lip and gave it a playful tug before pulling away.
“Naw, not really.” He answered in that same nonchalant voice. The only thing that gave him away was his smiling eyes and his thumb rubbing my arm.
“Rude.” I said hitting his chest.
Andy chuckled and rested his hand on the back of my neck. “Ornelia, Ornelia, Ornelia…” He chanted softly. He brought his head down and kissed me again. I swear this kid put a spell on me, because there was no other explanation, no explanation for this ecstatic feeling in my very soul. I sucked his bottom lip and pulled away.
“Are you done for today?” I asked as I tried to smooth my hair down. I moved from practically falling in his lap to sitting next to him. I tried to ignore the fact that my heart was breathing 300 beats a minute.
He shrugged. “I guess.” He moved his hair out of his face and looked at me.
“Guess who I was just talking to?” I said happily.
“Apologized to Brittany?” He asked.
I rolled my eyes. “I did that last night, but no…our good friend Zeus.” Andy’s expression didn’t change but he did look away. “He was telling me how you two were like best friends in middle school and high school and stuff.”
Andy moved his lip ring in and out of his mouth as he stuck his hands in his front pockets. He closed his eyes and rested against the pipe. I waited for a response to my statement. I don’t know what I expected him to say, but he needed to say something about it.
“Which Luke Davies poem did you do the literary analysis on?” Andy asked, completely ignoring what I’d said before.
“The lit—oh shit. It’s due in his office by 4 today isn’t it?” I said. I groaned and leaned against the pipe. “I’m so going to fail this class, that one A I got is not going to last me in Dr. Mauzzio’s class.”
Andy grinned and opened his book bag. He searched and took out some papers. “Here this is yours.” He said handing me a couple papers stapled together.
Confused I took it. If Every Step Taken is A Step Well-Lived: by Ornelia Jones.
“I knew you would forget to do it.” Andy said. “I even put some grammatical errors in there for you.”
I was shocked. I finally closed my mouth. “Andy…you’re amazing.” I said. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You wrote my paper for me, that’s so adorable.” I said softly.
“It was easy, just five pages.” He said shrugging. I moved his chin with my index finger and lifted my head slightly to kiss him. “Really it was nothing.” He murmured. I took that time to slip my tongue in between his lips to gently caress his tongue. Andy’s hand came down to stroke my butt. Heat was rising throughout my body and small tingles on the tip of my finger. I knew if I didn’t stop now, I’d be straddling him in no time. I pulled back from the kiss and smiled when Andy instinctively leaned closer. His breathing was heavy and his lips looked fuller than before. I reached up and moved his hair out of his face and smiled. His lips were parted as he stared intensely at me with those blue eyes.
“Thank you.” I whispered sincerely.
Andy nodded and backed away, he put his paper back in his book bag. I put mine in my bag. “So were you and Zeus really best friends?” I asked, not easily deterred from my previous statement.
“Yes, but I was a jerk okay. I was an asshole back then.” Andy zipped his book bag. “Can we not talk about that, or the past, or whatever?” He asked zipping his bag. He seriously needed a new book bag. That ripped sleeve and the safety pins holding scraps of material together just wasn’t doing it. Maybe I should get him another bag. Maybe a satchel or something…probably black, I think that’s his favorite color…anyways back to the discussion at hand.
“I get it, you were a douchebag like Zeus, but you’re not anymore. What’s the big deal, it happens all the time?” I shrugged. “People change, duh that’s life.” Anyways, there’s no way you could have possibly been that bad.
“The Torn Rose is playing tomorrow night at La Greta downtown, wanna come?” he asked.
Was this kid for real, he was totally ignoring everything I had to say? “What can we talk about Andy? Since we can’t talk about your past, or your cuts, or Zeus…God forbid we bring up the glorious magnificent Christina.” Oh no I was not bitter, nope not at all. I don’t do bitter.
“Do you want to come?” He asked, ignoring my rant.
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I would love to come and watch you once again be rendered speechless by the amazing, splendid---”
“I don’t like her like that anymore.” Andy said cutting me off. “I don’t.”
“Right.” I scoffed.
Andy sighed and stood up. “Seriously I don’t. I’m over here, but I just can’t get away.” He said seriously. “It’s me okay…I can’t fucking move on, she moved on a long time ago. I…I miss the way she made me forget…there, are you happy?” Andy grabbed his book bag and slung it over his shoulder. “I thought we were on the same page Ornelia. What we fuck a couple times and you want to know my whole fucking life?”
I blinked, my mouth dropping open. Wow that was not like Andy at all. What was I missing?
“Why do you insist…God…” Andy closed his eyes. “You know what whatever…Zeus stopped talking to me junior year after I…” Andy took a deep breath. “I told his sister I’d take her to homecoming if she would give me and this other guy a blow-job. She did, I videotaped it and showed the school during lunch.”
I gasped. “Why would you do that?”
Andy shifted uncomfortably. “We argued over something dumb, I had to get back at him.” Andy said throwing his hands up. He threw his head back and sighed. “What do you want from me?” he asked. “Is this what you wanted?” He asked emotionless. “I…fuck…I don’t know what I’m doing.” He said remorsefully. I knew he instantly regretted telling me anything at all. His posture told it all, the way his eyes avoided mine, the way his body sort of slumped. Andy turned and walked to the door. I was still sitting in shock, trying to let everything sink in. He did what? To Who? What the fuck!
“Are you coming?” He asked his back to me as he opened the door. Great, I knew this was the part where he once again created distance between us, and avoided me at all cost. Fuck if I was going to let that happen.
I got up quickly and grabbed my bag. I ran to the door and grabbed his leather jacket. “Okay so you were really fucked up, but I also know that your parents died your junior year.” I winced. I know I was snooping, but I was just so curious. “Please don’t hate me for snooping, I asked Susan about your parents last week and she told me but I didn’t know how to tell you that I knew.”
“It’s whatever.” He said unemotionally. “She told me she told you.”
“Well at least you didn’t die.” I said attempting to be cheerful.
Andy paled. “Yeah, that’s what everybody says.” Andy chuckled. “Lucky I was spared right? So fucking lucky.”
I shouldn’t have said that. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing was running through my brain. “Andy…”
“I don’t want your pity.” He said sharply as he cut me off. “You’re gonna be late for class, you should go.” He said opening the door wider.
I kn
ew there was nothing I could say at that moment that could fix the mess I just made. “Okay.” I said softly. “I’ll call you after class?” I asked hesitantly.
Andy shrugged.
I never know when to keep my mouth shut. I turned and stepped through the door. The door closed behind me and I sighed. I didn’t need to turn around to know Andy hadn’t followed me and was still standing on the roof. Great how do I get out of this one?
****
Andy swallowed hard as he took a deep breath. He leaned over his sink and splashed ice cold water on his face. He looked up in the mirror. His skin looked so pale, the water dripped down his red lips, his ice cold blue eyes stared back into the soul of someone lost and confused, he blinked several times. He splashed more water. The last thing he wanted to do was feel, he was getting so good at not feeling. Why were girls so full of bullshit? Ornelia had made it seem like it was nothing, like she didn’t care. So why all the questions? Why all the probing? Why all the fucking emotions! Andy slammed his fist against the mirror. The mirror cracked and he stood up straight. His gaze dropped down to the blood on his left hand. He froze for what felt like eternity. He’d felt nothing, hadn’t even felt the glass break the skin. His hand trembled as he reached for the small piece of glass that was stuck to his palm. He pulled it out and looked at it. So tiny, so insignificant so….Andy closed his eyes and let the sharp glass press into the back of his hand. He slide it down and kept applying pressure until he felt the skin break and could feel his hand moisten with warm liquid. He kept penetrating his skin. His thoughts wandered, so many regrets, so empty, so----Andy gasped and dropped the glass as his eyes flung open and he saw the panicked look on his face. An image of Susie, his mom and dad….and Ornelia? He turned on the faucet and ran his left hand under water. Something snapped in his brain. He lifted his hand and looked at it in amazement. For the first time in a long time he actually felt the pain. It fucking hurt like hell. What the fuck?
*****
I knocked loudly at his front door. I wasn’t going to give him the chance to stop talking to me. No I was going to apologize. I was going to stop prying. His business was his business. My heart skipped it beat. Why was it so important for me not to lose him? What the hell was wrong with me…I barely knew this kid, as we obviously found out. Girl get a grip. I moved around anxiously.
I stopped when I heard someone unlock the door and it creaked open.
“I’m sorry, I promise I’ll mind my business now!” I said loudly and sincerely.
Susie rewarded me with two blank stares. “Ooookay.” She said slowly dragging out the words.
I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry I thought you were Andy.”
“Yeah…I get that a lot.” She said sarcastically. She opened the door wider and stepped back. “He’s downstairs.” She said giving me a sly smile. “I would show you, but you know you’re way around.”
My mouth gaped open and I quickly shut it. What? What the---oh she thinks I’m a slut…No! “Umm Susan…” I said nervously. Okay how do I get out of this one?
“I’m joking by the way.” She said with a straight face at my obvious displeasure.
“Oh.” I said with a sigh of relief. I smiled.
“But not really.” She added with a slight smile.
My own smile dropped. I gulped.
“But that’s a good thing.” She added with a genuine smile on her face. She cocked her head towards the basement door.
“Thanks.” I said suddenly shy. I didn’t know how to respond to that. I walked to the door cautiously. Did she know I’d almost screwed everything up today with my big mouth and nosey attitude. I opened the basement door and closed it behind me as I went down the stairs.
“Andy?” I said.
“Yeah.” A calm voice replied. I heard the chair squeak.
I took a deep breath. As soon as I got off the last step I closed my eyes and turned the corner. “I’m so sorry for being nosey and I promise I’m going to mind my business from now one.” I recited. I waited for a response but none followed. I nervously opened one eye to see Bernard, Andy and Carly staring back at me with blank faces. I quickly opened both my eyes. “Oh.” I said as I bit my bottom lip. Em-bar-ras-sing.
Bernard and Carly burst out laughing as Andy’s mouth broke into a very very small smile. It was small, but it was a smile nonetheless.
Bernard ran his hand over his green Mohawk and wiped his white eyes. “Man where did you find her?” he asked.
I put my hand on my hips. “I thought he was alone.” I said rolling my eyes at Bernard. “Uuugghhh that was so embarrassing. Why couldn’t you have been alone?” I said.
Andy shrugged.
“If he’d been alone we wouldn’t have witnessed this amazing apology.” Carly said, sarcasm dripping off her voice. She raised her eyebrow at me as she sat up straight on the bed.
I exhaled deeply. “Apologies aren’t exactly my strongest traits.” I admitted
“Ya don’t say?” Bernard said in feign surprised.
“You know what Bernard?” I said. He didn’t scare me anymore.
“Apology accepted, now can we finish this.” Andy said throwing a pen at Bernard.
“What happened to your hand?” I asked as I started walking towards him. His left hand a big white bandage around it. “Let me see.” I said taking his left hand gently. “Does it hurt?”
“Uhm…no.” he said with a slight blush. “I’m fine it was an accident.”
“You need to be more careful.” I said seriously as I rubbed his arm. Andy was looking at me strangely and I couldn’t figure out. I was going to ask until I heard gagging sound behind us.
“I’m sorry do you two need a room.” Bernard said. I turned to see Bernard and Carly both sticking their fingers down their throat.
I rolled my eyes playfully and turned back to Andy.
“Ignore them.” He said. The tip of his ears pink.
I smiled and nodded. Why was he acting like this? I mean it wasn’t bad…it was different. He was…different.
“Okay look over this paper.” Carly said twirling her long hair around her index finger. She handed a paper to Bernard, who handed it to me and I handed it to Andy. He slowly took it out of my hand and gave me another look I can’t even begin to describe, but it was followed by a smirk.
What did I miss? Okay if I backtrack, he’d been mad right? I mean I know he’d been mad. But now he was…he was….shit I was confused. I rubbed my arm. Where were Jazmine and Brittany when I needed them?
“Sit.” Andy said pointing to his bed. I walked over to where Carly and Bernard where and sat in between them. Bernard grinned evilly showing me his sharp teeth, I imitated his grin and he laughed out loud.
“Oh yeah by the way.” Carly said turning to me right before she smirked at Andy’s back. “The band is getting kind of big and we need a personal photographer. Andy said you would be able to do it.”
I turned to look at Andy.
“I said you can ASK her if she wants to do it.” Andy corrected keeping his back to us.
“No you said she was the best photographer you’ve seen in a long time and she would be good for the band.” Carly said.
“If you ask her.” Andy insisted.
“He even showed us your blog.” Carly said wiggling her eyebrows at me.
“Shut-up.” Andy said.
“You saw my blog?” I asked in disbelief. “Did you like it?” Wow now I really wanted to know what was going on. Andy checked out my blog?
“Can you just ask her if she wants to be photographer for the Torn Rose Carly, and stop messing around?” Andy said sharply as he hovered over the paper he had.
“You ask her, she’s you’re girlfriend.” Bernard challenged.
I turned to look at Andy. What is he going to say to that?
“Get out.” Andy said standing up. He shooed Bernard and Carly away.
“What did we do?” Carly asked innocently.
Andy put his right hand on his hip. “Co
me on both of you out, you’ve been fucking nagging me all day. I’ll see you guys later.”
I bit my lip to stop commenting.
“Are you PMSing?” Bernard asked as he got up.
“Yeah you’ve been testy all afternoon.” Carly remarked. She shrugged at me as she got up and followed Bernard. “If you wanted to be alone with Orn---”
“Out.” Andy said practically shoving his friends around the corner. I heard footsteps on the stairs.
O.J. Page 35