O.J.

by Penny Hawking

  I laughed in disbelief as I hit his chest. “I’m serious.” I said. You see what I mean? Always finds a way to bring it up. It kind of pulled at my heartstrings a little. It was cute…it was really cute.

  “So am I.” He said grabbing my hands and placing them around him. He smiled as he rubbed my arms as I shivered. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and held my gaze.

  I had to give it to him for persistency like Brittany said. I mean this guy managed to bring this topic up almost every time we talked. You see how I keep bringing it up? Yep that’s what he kept doing. And now for some reason it was ingrained in my head. I would be lying if I said he wasn’t wearing me down, I mean he put up a good fight. And I guess he knew me better than I knew myself, making himself purposefully unavailable… knowing it would drive me crazy…but actually having legit excuses because of the band…oh man genius Andy.

  “I can’t.” I murmured as I kissed his bottom lip. Seeing him lick it made me want to touch it too. I leaned into him and kissed him again. I guess a part of me really wanted to be his ideal girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I really did, but I couldn’t. I can’t lie to myself, I mean I couldn’t! I always fucked it up. I admit…when shit got real, I fucked it up. It was just in my nature. I didn’t want to fuck this up. Not with him. He was too special.

  “Yes you can.” Andy murmured as he kissed me. His warm lips against mine were welcoming. He brought my hands under his coat for warmth as I snuggled against him some more.

  I groaned. “I can’t.” I kissed him back harder. Just forget it. I thought as I slipped my tongue between his lips. Just let it be.

  Andy wrapped his arms around me as he deepened the kiss. Shit this guy could kiss. His mouth worked against mine claiming whatever it is it wanted. I laughed against his mouth as he swayed us back and forth dramatically. “Let’s give it a try.” He said breaking the kiss. “Just try it out, you and me…together.”

  “I---”

  Andy kissed me before I could protest. He pulled his head away to stare at me with those gorgeous eyes. Was it just me or was this boy getting more handsome as the days progressed?

  “I ca—”

  He kissed me again to silence me. I grinned against his lips. He was so sweet. I didn’t, I shouldn’t deserve this.

  “Yes?” He asked.

  I shook my head. I felt his lips descend upon me again. Even against this brisk cold, he was warming me up from the top of my head to the tip of my toe. He nibbled my bottom lip and tightened his hold on me. Oh man, if he kept doing these cute things… “Andy---”

  Andy cupped my face and turned me around so I was against his truck.

  “I thought you said you couldn’t stay long.” I teased as I held on to his butt.

  “I can’t.” Andy replied. “I have to do this first and then I have to catch up with the gang.”

  “Do what?” I asked smiling as I gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Attempt to convince me to---“

  Andy rubbed my face. “I like you so very very much Ornelia.” He said cutting me off. “More than I can even began to describe without you running off.” Andy wrapped his arms around me as my breath caught in my throat. “I don’t know why I’m like this…I can’t help it…I can’t control it….”

  “Don’t.” I started.

  Andy put his hand over my mouth, surprising me. My lips were pressed against his cold hand as he stared down at me. “You started it.” He said softly.

  I expected him to say more but he didn’t. He just stared at me. I knew exactly what he meant, the whole chasing after him, forcing him to work with me, finding potential dates, pushing myself on him till he could barely breathe. It was supposed to be all fun and games I swear, but when did it become like this? At what point? When I saw his scars? When I saw his smile? When he looked at me like I was the only person in the room? I put my hand over his and brought his hand down away from my mouth.

  “You can’t put all the blame on me. If you really wanted to, you could’ve stopped me at any time.” I said defensively. When did we get to this Andy? When? Could I have stopped this? Could I have stopped me?

  Andy put his hands up on either side of my face and trapped me with his body. “I obviously didn’t want to stop you.” He said simply. He traced a line across my cheek with his finger. “Maybe I was partially bored and partially intrigued by this random black girl who just would not leave me alone.” Andy said. He lowered his head and gave off a small smirk. “In case you’re wondering saving your ass in Dr. Mauizzo’s class was probably the best thing that could have unintentionally happened to me.” He whispered.

  I didn’t know what to say as I stared at him. What if we didn’t have class together? What if I’d skipped that day? What if I’d known the answer to the question? Would I even be here with Andy…would I feel this happy? It didn’t matter, I didn’t have to say anything because his phone rang.

  Andy looked irritated as he looked down. He reached into his pocket and took out his phone. “Fuck.” He muttered.” He shoved it back in his pocket and turned his attention to me.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I’m late.” He said. He shrugged. “They’ll be fine.” As soon as he said that his phone went off again. He sighed as he reached into his pocket and turned off the music without taking it out.

  “Andy you’re late. When you said you could drop by, I thought you were free.” I said hitting his chest. “Why didn’t you just tell me you couldn’t come instead of staying her for 5 seconds?” I argued as his phone went off again. I was a bit irritated we got interrupted. I mean I shouldn’t be encouraging this behavior of his, but hell it was cute…plus things were looking up this semester…maybe….oh shit what if I’d never met Andy?

  “If I get to be with you for even 5 seconds, my life becomes a little more perfect.” Andy said with a straight face. He kept his eyes on me the whole time as his thumb brushed the edge of my lip.

  My jaws literally dropped. “No you did not just say that.” I said in utter shock.

  Fuck it. I’m a girl. I was sold with the cheesy line that he made look so suave. He has to be in love with me…he has to…I can’t encourage this.

  “I guess I’ve fallen.” He whispered looking down at his phone as he played with his lip ring.

  “What?” I asked confused.

  His phone rang again. “Shit.” He took out his phone. “I’m on my way.” He said to whoever was on the other line.

  “I’ll fuck it up.” I said. I’m not going to accept your love. No way Andy…don’t do this, we promised right. What do you mean fallen? As in fallen for me?

  “I don’t care.” Andy said putting his hand on my shoulder. “No not you…” He said into the phone.

  “You’ll hate me.” I said softly. I…there’s so many reasons why I’m not going to do this with you…I—I---I can’t even name one.

  “Tell the manager I’m stuck behind a couple slow drivers.” Andy abruptly put his phone to his chest and leaned closer to me. “I could never hate you.” He whispered. He kissed my nose. “I just…we work, I want us to work, I want you and me to be us.” He declared. “And I’ve wanted that for a while now.”

  Since when? I thought as I searched his face. It looked like everything was going around in slow motion. Fuck slow motion, time literally stopped for me as I watched him watch me.

  I could hear what I believed to be Jared on the other line and Christina’s voice and another voice I couldn’t make out.

  “Can you just trust me on this?” Andy whispered to me, forgetting all about his phone call. He kissed my forehead. ”Just trust me.” He said. I closed my eyes and let him kiss me. I held on to him as a peaceful wave fell over me. I didn’t feel like myself, everything was surreal. Was this cloud nine? So imagine my surprise at the next word out my mouth.

  “Okay.” I whispered.

  Andy pulled back abruptly and looked at me in shock. “Okay?” he asked. His face broke out into a genuine smile and my h
eart flung out of my chest. That smile…Oh my God that smile.

  I nodded. “Okay, just trying it out…I’m serious, just a---”

  Andy didn’t let me finish as he pulled me to him and kissed me hard. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him display this much emotion outside of sex. I could hear Jared yelling his name through the phone trying to get his attention. Andy still looked surprised as he searched my face and brought the phone up to his ear. “I’m coming.” He said and hung up without a response.

  “But if I say I don’t want to do this anymore, than we stop.” I said quickly. “No saying I love you, and making false promises.”

  Andy grabbed my hand and pulled me to my house. “I’ve never met a girl so scared of being my girlfriend.”

  “I’m not.” I said wondering why he was pulling me to the house. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

  Andy didn’t even look like he was listening to me. “What are you doing?” I finally asked him as we reached my front door.

  Andy rang my doorbell and then on the second thought just yanked my front door open and practically pushed me in. I stumbled and looked at him in shock. “What did you say?” He asked me as he nodded to Jazmine and Brittany who were looking up at us like we were a bunch of fools.

  “You gotta be kidding me.” I said crossing my arms across my chest. This kid wanted witnesses?

  “You’re taking too long, I don’t have time.” Andy said turning to my friends. “She said yes. She said she’ll be my girlfriend.”

  If my friends’ mouths could have dropped to the floor like in the cartoons they would have. Jazmine and Brittany both turned to me in excruciating slow motion.

  “Well technically I sai---”

  “She said yes.” Andy said cutting me off. “I’ll go before she changes her mind or I get fired.” He said quickly. Before I could say another word he slammed the door behind him without a final good bye or anything. Well how rude…you see, you agree to go out with somebody and they act brand new.

  I rubbed the back of my neck as I felt Jazmine and Brittany’s eyes on me unwavering. I shrugged. “He said being with me for five seconds makes his life perfect.” I said feeling guilty. My friends didn’t even move. I pointed at the door. “I didn’t even think he was possible of saying stuff like that.” I said defensively. “I’m a sucker for cheesiness.”

  “No you’re not.” Brittany said knowingly.

  Fuck.

  “Looks like you’re a sucker for the emo kid.” Jazmine said.

  “He’s not emo…He’s Andy.” I mumbled.

  Jazmine turned to Brittany and grinned. “Love-1, O.J.-0…pay up.”

  *****

  I sat on my bed and stared at the wall. Andy had just texted me and they signed with the label. The Torn Rose was legit now and Andy was considered part of the band. During winter break he’d played as the guitarist because Seth had convinced him. Now that they were a complete band the negotiations were simple. Andy had told me of his reluctance to play with them, but it couldn’t be that bad could it? He said the life of fame wasn’t for him and he would only stay until Seth was confidant with another guitarist. I was so proud of him it was crazy. I think I went through a phase in middle school or something where I really wanted to date a band member. I don’t think I’d ever dreamed it would be some up and coming indie type band. I was really happy for him and hope he went far with his dream. What was his dream anyways since he didn’t really want to be in the band? Did he just want to be a songwriter and that’s it? Well I guess that counts for something.

  I spread the Polaroids on my desk and sighed. You wouldn’t believe how on edge I was after seeing Dr. Honsu again this semester. As I sat in class watching him, I tried to find every little thing that we could have in common. The way he talked, laughed, walked…but then again my imagination always ran wild with me. I knew for a fact that I saw what I wanted to see. But that didn’t stop me from having a goofy grin on my face. This man was just amazing, he was everything I could ever want in a dad. Plus he was hot! When do I go talk to him? I almost squealed as I smiled to myself. I can’t get ahead of myself…I can’t. I reached for my phone. I needed to call Andy. Staring at my phone, my fingers wavered over his name. What was I doing? Why did I always feel the need to let him know every little detail in my life? I put my phone down and stared at it some more. What was he to me? Why was I so scared? I think I stared at the phone for a good minute until I realized somebody was calling me.

  I picked the phone back up and saw Celine’s face and answered. “What do you want heathen?” I asked.

  “I love you too sis.” Celine said sarcastically.

  “Did you leave him?” I asked.

  “I….Nee-nee it’s complicated.” Cece answered.

  “What’s so complicated with you breaking it off with a MARRIED MAN?” I asked.

  “Wow, I really thought you would be the last one to judge me okay. Don’t you think I’m torn up inside about it?” Cece asked.

  “I’m not judging you.” I said loudly. “I just think you deserve better than that bastard.”

  “Wow so I need to be involved in an affair for you to act all sisterly?” Cece asked.

  “Fuck you.” I replied.

  “Thanks that actually makes me feel better as weird as it may sound.” She said sadly. Her voice was laced with tiredness and I knew she was talking with her head on her desk. Her typical stance of defeat.

  “Why’d you call?” I asked rudely trying to lighten the mood.

  “You’re somebody’s girlfriend.” she stated proudly. “About time.”

  “Oh my…..what? How do you know?” I asked surprised. He’d just asked me like two hours ago…I hadn’t even changed my Facebook status yet.

  “What you don’t think Andy talks to me?” Cece asked.

  “He told you?” I said still in shock.

  “Of course he told me.” Cece said. “Matter of fact I told him to keep asking you till you broke.”

  “You?” I asked my voice breaking. “Why?”

  “Because you need to break down this freaking wall and let yourself love somebody…love is beautiful.” Cece said sounding devastated.

  I scoffed. “Coming from---”

  “Yeah I know, coming from a homewrecker, what would I know huh?” Cece asked. “I know that my little sister is too blind to see what’s in front of her and I’ll be damned if you let this opportunity pass because you secretly believe every guy is my dad in disguise. “

  “I do not.” I said defensively. My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach.

  “Cut the bullshit Ornelia.” Cece said. “What kind of lawyer would I be if I didn’t notice this?”

  “It’s not true.” I said holding back tears.

  “I’m just doing this because I believe this is your opportunity to break free of this okay.” Cece said softly. “Don’t hate me, this guy really loves you, even though you’re a thorn in his side.

  “Cece you are in no position to tell him---”

  “Curse me now, and thank me later.” Cece said cutting me off. “At least one of us can be successful in our love life.”

  I hated these moments when Cece went into full big sister mode. It just made me realize how vulnerable I really was. I laid down on my bed. “I don’t know what’s going on.” I admitted. There was no point in arguing with her or yelling at her. In the end, I agreed to it, no matter how it came about. I wanted it right? But…there was always a but….

  “You and I both.” Cece said cursing under her breath. “Our family must be cursed.”

  *******

  What’s life as Andy’s girlfriend like? Pretty fucking amazing. I mean, I feel as if he kept all his sweetness bottled up until I agreed to be his girlfriend. He made me feel like the freaking queen of Sheba. I guess you can say I was happy right? I mean happiness is only temporary, but at the moment I was. The way he held me, he smiled at me, he made me feel so special. I fe
lt like such a jerk because it was scaring me. Where was the standoffish Andy huh? I mean he was still Andy, with the cynical humor, the chuckle, the intense gaze…but everything was warmer. I don’t know if you guys can understand, I mean call me crazy but it was. And I was scared out of my mind. This didn’t look like a situation that I was going to be able to handle, but each day I felt myself chip away and I couldn’t stop it.

  He was getting to me, in the strangest way. I needed to gather myself quickly before I completely lost the little bit of sanity I was holding on to. I watched him talk to Jared and Christina as the rehearsal wrapped up.