“You need to come to practice more often.” Brad said as he gave me a quick hug. “He’s less of an antisocial ass.”
I laughed as Brad winked at me and walked away. He twirled his stick in the air as he whistled to one of the girls walking by.
I smiled and turned my attention back on stage to see that Christina had taken the mic again and was listening intently to Andy. Seth had gotten back on the keyboard. His usual diva rehearsal self in full mode. It looked like they weren’t satisfied with the last song and Christina was going to sing a piece of it again.
I leaned on the railing as Seth started to play the beautiful melody and Christina closed her eyes and concentrated.
“This quiet still, this lullaby
She wants, but she’s afraid to get by
Those laughing eyes, that teasing smile
A mask she wears so she can hide
Her diamond tears
Her ruby cry
Silent all though the night”
I leaned more against the railing. This wasn’t the song they’d rehearsed a couple minutes ago. Why was it so familiar?
“This fallen angel,
With a broken wing,
A passing reflection of your dream,
Her fingerprints, upon your soul
Reminds you of so much more”
I put my hand across my chest. Her voice was angelic singing this song. It was downright beautiful. I looked around to see that I wasn’t the only one affected. Everybody in the room had stopped to stare at Christina on the stage. You could see the pain, and anguish in her soul as she belted out the song.
“What does it take
For her savior to come along
To answer the plea
Of her broken-hearted soul……..”
If I wasn’t mistaken it sounded like Christina had gained a lot of soul as she hit that note.
“Just let me in…just let me in…”
Christina chanted softly as the music faded. That’s all that song needed. Her voice and the keyboard and it was perfect. It was superb and I was blown away. I quickly wiped a tear I hadn’t known had fallen down. I took a deep breath and looked up to see Andy watching me from across the stage. I smiled brightly and waved ecstatically at him. He smiled and I looked away. How long had he been watching me? I thought he was watching Christina.
Everybody hollered and clapped as Jared lifted Christina and twirled her around. I laughed because she looked slightly uncomfortable at his public display of affection. She pushed him away but everybody could tell she was blushing.
“We’re gonna be so famous, thanks to her voice and Andy’s songs.” Brad said startling me. I swear this kid always popped out of nowhere. When did he come back?
I turned to him. “Andy wrote that song?” I asked in surprise? Was it Christina’s song? She was the broken-hearted girl he was singing about. It was beautiful. Wait so was he still in love with her?
“Yeah you didn’t know?” Brad said surprised. “He wrote it like a couple weeks ago. Showed it to us on the winter tour we took and Christina loved it so much we’re having that song as a single instead of Torn sunrise.”
“Oh.” I said. He wrote such an intense song about Christina in the last couple weeks. There was no way he was over her.
“It’s called Black Rose, in case you’re wondering.” Brad said grinning. “Get it?” He asked.
I looked at him confused. Like their group the Torn Rose but black?
“Black…rose….like…black” He gave me a confused look. “Wow you really don’t know.” He said. He looked over my shoulder and grinned. I turned around to see Andy coming towards us.
“Hey you ready to go?” He asked taking my hand.
I nodded.
“She didn’t know about the song.” Brad said smiling. “You sneaky little devil you.” He teased.
I was confused at their interaction as Andy twirled his lip ring nervously and pulled me to him. He told Brad to mind his own business as we walked away.
“I really like it.” I said wrapping my arm around his waist.
Andy grinned as he looked down at me. “I’m glad.”
“It’s really sad, but really beautiful.” I added. An image of Christina came to mind. “Like Christina.” I added. Just to let him know, I knew who he was talking about and it didn’t bother me. I didn’t mind if he still had feelings for Christina.
Andy didn’t miss a beat as he kissed my forehead. “Christina might be singing the song, but it’s not about her.” He whispered.
Uhm…what?
*****
“Okay so I want you guys to bring me a quick performance shot by Thursday.” Dr. Honsu said as he smiled at the class. “You guys can interpret that however you want.” He walked around the desk. “But Mr. Belors, it doesn’t include your activities last night with your girlfriend.” He said grinning up at Timothy.
The whole class broke out in an uproar as Tim laughed and shook his head. Last week we’d been told to bring something that helps us go to sleep at night and Tim had brought a picture of his hand. Which Dr. Honsu had begun calling his girlfriend since Tim, was of course single.
I looked at Candace and smiled and turned my attention back to Dr. Honsu. He was so amazing. Could he possibly be my father? I looked around as he dismissed the class a couple minutes early. Nobody really wanted to leave so they took their time asking him questions about anything. Dr. Honsu casually sat on top of his desk as he handed back several pictures he’d graded.
“I’ll see you at the 2:00 class.” Candace said as she got up. She turned around and came back to me. “Can you save me a seat next to you and Zeus?” she asked shyly.
“Zeus?” I said smiling. “Really?”
“Is that okay?” she asked quickly. “I mean, I know you’re going out with Andy now…I…”
“It’s perfectly fine.” I said cutting her off. Zeus was still my friend and he will always be my friend. He was just a cool guy to be around. “I just didn’t think he was your type.” I said honestly.
Candace shrugged and looked down at the ground. “Actually the problem is, I’m not his type.” She said nervously. “I’ll see you later.” She said quickly. I could see she was uncomfortable and I waved her goodbye as she almost sprinted out the class.
“Ms. Jones.” Dr. Honsu said waving my folder in the air.
I smiled and gathered my stuff. I walked quickly to him and took the folder. “I handle criticism well.” I joked.
Dr. Honsu smiled at me and nodded. “I can see that, and it shows through your latest set. Amazing job.”
I nodded. My heart rising. “Thank you.”
“Can I give you a challenge for the next set?” He asked.
I nodded again. I wondered if I looked dumb just nodding at him every time he said something. I admired his flawless dark skin and his bright smile. Shit, I must really take after my mom.
“It’s really hard…but I want to see if you can capture a bug in action.” He said. “I think you can do it.”
“Oh wow.” I said sounding defeated already.
Dr. Honsu laughed. “I see a lot of myself in you, that’s why I keep giving you all these impossible tasks.” He said pointing to my folder. “But you always come through.”
I would not be lying if I said I couldn’t breathe for the rest of the time he was talking. I see a lot of myself in you. Did he know? Did he want me to know that he knew? What was he trying to say? Oh shit, Ornelia calm down, it was just a figure of speech.
“If I can be half as good as you, that’s all I need.” I said softly.
“Even better than me.” He said nodding at me. He picked up the next folder. “I’ll see you on Thursday Ms. Jones.” He said. “Mr. Jett.” He called out.
I nodded and turned around.
“Oh by the way, ask your mom if she remembers a Guy Honsu at Penn state.” Dr. Honsu said off handedly.
I froze. All I heard was whistling in the background and Dr. Honsu telling
the rest of the students to mind their business. He asked about my mom. He asked about my mom. Now out of all times. I see a lot of myself in you.
*****
“And then he asks me to ask my mom if she remembers him.” I told Jazmine and Brittany as I looked at the different shots I’d taken of a ladybug. Their jaws dropped. Yes I finally told my best friends about the possibility of Dr. Honsu being my father. They were kind of piss that it took me so long to confide in them but after their anger they were right along with me. We could all conclude that it seemed likely that he could be, but more than likely that he wasn’t. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to shun away from his responsibility. So I had to remind them that my mom never told my father she was pregnant. She just dropped out of school and lost contact with all of them. Of course that seemed like the wisest thing to her since she was married and already had a little girl back at home. I’d asked my mom before if she ever considered passing me off as Steven’s child, than life would have been much easier for me and her. She said she couldn’t, she was filled with so much guilt when she came back that the least she could do was tell her young husband of two years. Now I don’t regret that decision, if the choice was to be fathered by Dr. Honsu or Steven, the latter would be out the door in a heartbeat.
“Have you told Cece yet?” Jazmine asked. “I bet she’ll have a heart attack.”
I shook my head. I hadn’t told anybody in my family. Especially not Cece, I know she always wanted me to regard Steven as my father and throw away the knowledge of my other dad. No matter how many times she helped me when I asked, I always knew her heart was never in it. She just couldn’t understand what I was going through and why I needed to do this. Even when I was asking mom for pictures and college stories, she would help me out, but she would always just tell me to forget about it. I never said it out loud but I think Cece secretly thought that if I ever found my biological dad, I would up and leave them. That would never happen, it was just something I need to know. I pushed it away for so many years, and now that it was here…I wanted it solved.
“Oh wow, this is amazing, look she’s in midflight.” Brittany said lifting up the 5th picture. I had my eye on that one and I knew this was the best one in the pile.
“Could be a dude.” Jazmine said. “Haven’t you seen a bug’s life?” she asked teasingly.
We all laughed as we sorted through the rest of the pictures. I watched my two friends laugh and pretend everything was okay, but something was up. I saw it in their demeanor and their avoidance of each other’s eyes.
“It’s so weird that Nico barely comes over anymore.” I said loudly. “He hasn’t even called me all week.”
“He was devastated that you fell in love with Andy.” Jazmine said.
“First of all nobody’s falling in love.” I spoke up.
“Yep really broke his heart, that he’s no longer your number one go to guy.” Brittany said dryly.
There was silence as none of us spoke.
“Well…” I said trying to break the silence. “Maybe we should invite him over.”
“No need.” Jazmine and Brittany said simultaneously. I guess they surprised each other because they turned to look at the other.
I put my pictures down and crossed my legs. “Okay, I’m just going to ask. Are you two sleeping with him?”
Brittany and Jazmine looked at me in disgust. “Eeewww like a threesome?” Brittany asked.
“What? No!” I said laughing. “I don’t mean at the same time.” I laughed again and winked at them. “Or do you guys like that?” I joked.
Jazmine threw a pillow at me. “You should be the last one to talk, you’re gayer than both Brittany and I combined.”
I feigned shock as I stared at them. “Whatever are you two talking about?”
“Oh like you don’t remember spring break sophomore year.” Brittany said.
I lunged at my two friends and laughed as I made kissing faces at them. Sophomore year spring break had been a wild one I had to admit. We’d managed to get a group of us down to Florida and it was the funniest week ever. Including convincing the other three guys that we met down there that I was gay as I kissed and groped my best friends in the Jacuzzi. Their three girl fantasies were endless as they begged and begged to join. Even Nico had been almost convinced even if he’d known us the longest.
“But you guys loved my kisses.” I said wrapping my arms around both their necks. I struggled to kiss them but it was two against one. Plus I was laughing too hard and they mostly ended up with sloppy kisses on their necks and chins. We laughed and fell back on the bed.
“I told Jazmine that I didn’t mind if she went out with Nico.” Brittany spoke up.
“And I told Brittany that if she really really liked him, that I wouldn’t mess with him.” Jazmine said.
“So the conclusion is?” I asked.
Both were silent.
“I made out with him over winter break.” Brittany admitted guiltily.
I gasped.
Jazmine sat up in the bed. “I really like him.” She said looking at the ceiling.
I sat up too and Brittany followed suit.
“I know.” Brittany said. “But I keep telling you it won’t happen again…I was playing dirty because of the cruise thing from last time.” Brittany shrugged. “Nico and I are seriously just friends…we agreed we don’t like each other that much like that…but he is a good kisser.” She admitted.
Jazmine threw the pillow at her. “God that kid drives me nuts.”
“Maybe you should have done like my sister and gone for your teacher.” I said jokingly. That asshole.
We chuckled softly. “She’ll get over it once she realizes half the professors are slim balls and she’s not the only girl he’s probably done this to.” Jazmine.
“I think she’s’ in love with how smart he is.” I said thoughtfully. “You know how I’m all obsessed over Dr. Honsu’s work and stuff…I think it’s kind of like that.” I said. “I mean if Dr. Honsu hit on me, I’d probably fall for it.”
“Eeeewww you want to fuck your dad!” Brittany yelled.
“Incest!” Jazmine screamed. “You’re so disgusting…does Andy know this fetish of yours.”
I was laughing so hard at their reaction I couldn’t even defend myself.
*******
Andy pulled the chair out for me. I sat down and he scooted me in. “Oh such a gentleman.” I joked.
“I finally get to take you out on a real date.” Andy said grinning.
I smiled back at him as he settled in his chair. He looked so handsome in his black button down shirt, black skinny slacks and black leather boots. He even got a haircut. It was a drastic change. Even though his hair was still down his neck, his bangs were gone and out of his face. You could now appreciate the full effect of his dazzling eyes and his gorgeous face. No wonder girls kept checking him out.
Throughout our date, I watched in surprise as he talked animated…well for him it was animated, for everybody else it would probably be normal. He would occasionally hold my hand or rub it as he was talking. His blue eyes would light up as I told him stories. If people didn’t know any better, they would think I was the most interesting person in the world with the way he was watching me. As we ate and talked, I couldn’t help but to feel a little bit giddy inside, I’ll admit. I found myself giggling and feeling shy on occasions. Why? I don’t know, this was Andy, he wasn’t a stranger. But as the date progressed, little did he know he was making my ideal date situation come true. To have dinner with a guy I could talk about anything with. To go watch a movie that made me laugh so hard my side heart. To walk down a trail with hot chocolate and have snow start falling. I was so happy January wasn’t over yet. With his car we went to an empty parking lot and he made figure 8s with his manual drive. The most exhilarating experience ever, especially when he put me behind the wheel. We sat in the car and talked about my family, about his family, about Susie’s apparent stalker boyfriend, about Nico a
nd the girls, about the band and finally about Dr. Honsu. I told Andy I wanted to tell Dr. Honsu that I thought he was my dad. Andy said he wanted to be with me when I did and I was grateful. But he advised that I find out more and that requires talking to my mom. We both knew that wasn’t going to happen so the only possible piece to the puzzle was going directly to my teacher. As I told Andy my thoughts that I never exposed to anybody, I became scared. This was the vulnerability that was exposed in so many relationships and it crumbled. Expressing myself like this with somebody; having them know all about me, was not the path I wanted to go. I had unwilling signed our break up on the dotted line because I let myself become too trusting, too exposed, too caring.
Now as we laid in my bed watching old school cartoon on Boomerang, I couldn’t help but stare at him. What was it about him that hit me so hard? What was it about me that he liked so much?
O.J. Page 50