O.J.

by Penny Hawking

  “Yeah but this is the last spring break we have as undergrads…together all of us…what happens when we graduate?” I asked accusingly. “We all go our separate ways.” I turned to Jazmine. “You’re going back to New York to work at your dad’s office.” I turned to Brittany. “You’re going to med school in Colorado.” I threw my hands up. “God knows where I’ll be.”

  I cried dramatically as I buried my head in Jazmine’s chest. “This is it.” I moaned.

  “Look we can do something before graduation.” Jazmine said patting my hair. “This just…this week isn’t good for me…I gotta be there for Laila.”

  “Besides you can do something with Andy.” Brittany said brightly.

  I pouted as I sat up. “Andy’s always busy….I don’t even know what he’s doing.” I lied. Yes I’ve been doing that a lot lately…shoot me.

  “So why don’t you ask him?” Jazmine asked. “That way you guys can go on some lovey dovey couples weekend or whatever.”

  I stuck my tongue out at her. “I haven’t seen him in three days.” I remarked. And boy had those three days been tense. In all honesty, I kept avoiding him and telling him I was busy. I don’t know what he wanted from me. I just felt he had so many expectations I couldn’t live up to and it made me feel like shit. He wanted me to say I love you back. I know he did, even though he never brought it up again…just through text. I knew he was waiting. He was patient, but how much patience would he need?

  Besides it helped that Torn Rose was taking up his time too so it didn’t seem like I was blatantly avoiding him. Andy scared me.

  “So why don’t you just show up to band practice and grab him.” Brittany offered shrugging.

  “What?” I asked turning to her.

  “It’s not like you don’t know where he is…just show up and tell him you miss him.” She said.

  “Wait a minute.” I said standing up. “You guys got this all wrong…I don’t miss him.” I said.

  Jazmine and Brittany looked at each other knowingly and looked away.

  “I don’t.” I said loudly. “We’ve both been really busy and occupied, I understand it. I’m the one that has to tell him, he doesn’t need to come see me every day.” I said shrugging. “I don’t care.” I said crossing my arms. “He can do whatever he wants, I don’t care. See, I don’t even care what he’s doing for spring break.” I said pointing my fingers at them teasingly.

  “Because you’re scared that his plans might not involve you.” Jazmine said loudly. “That’s why you’re over here hounding us about not planning anything and leaving you.”

  “Am not.” I said pathetically. They had part of the truth and the other completely wrong.

  “O.J. when you were all lovey dovey snugged up with Andy, you couldn’t care two cents if we made plans for spring break this year or not.” Brittany said grinning. “But now that you guys aren’t stuck together, and he’s busy…you feel lonely and---”

  That’s not it guys! “I just don’t want to go with him!” I burst out. I quickly covered my mouth in shock. That was supposed to be hidden inside.

  Jazmine’s eyes got bigger. “Trouble in paradise?” she asked.

  I shook my head.

  “Oh shit, O.J. what happened?” Brittany said softly. She scooted down and patted the couch.

  “Nothing.” I said quickly. “I just wanted to spend spring break with you guys like we usually do.”

  My two best friends gave me blank looks. I attempted to smile, but neither of them budged. I looked away from them as my smile faltered. “I don’t know.” I said weakly.

  “Speak now!” Jazmine demanded.

  “He told me he loved me.” I admitted breaking down. “I mean he only said it once…like after sex but…it…it sounded like he meant it.” I said shaking my head. “And every night he sends me these love poems and I just….It’s just so much.”

  “Wow your boyfriend is in love with you…how horrible.” Jazmine said dryly.

  I looked down at the ground. “You guys wouldn’t understand.” I said softly. I got up but Brittany grabbed my arm and pulled me back down.

  “No the problem is we do understand O.J.” Brittany said sighing loudly. “For the first time in your life, you met a guy who was able to put up with your ridiculous antics.” Brittany grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Seriously this guy, I don’t even know how it got this far…but you guys have something special.” She said softly. “You’re different when you’re with him…a good different.”

  Jazmine rubbed my shoulders.

  “What are you so scared of?” Brittany said.

  “And don’t say you don’t want to hurt him.” Jazmine chipped in quickly.

  I closed my mouth because that was exactly what I was going to say. I stood up and looked down at my friend. “We had a deal…Andy and I…he knows where I stand.” I said firmly.

  “You really think love will follow some stupid deals?” Brittany asked.

  “You’re such a fucking scaredy cat.” Jazmine said laughing. “I don’t know why I never noticed.”

  “I am not scared.” I said loudly.

  “Now I get it.” Jazmine said throwing her hands up. “That’s why you guys haven’t been hanging out that much…Andy gets to you.”

  “No he doesn’t.” I protested.

  “Oh.” Brittany said nodded, her eyes getting bigger. “You’re right Jaz. She’s scared that the more time she spends with him, the more she realizes how hopelessly in love she is with him.”

  “That’s not true.” I said loudly because my friends were ignoring me.

  “Yeah because obviously Andy pulls all the strings in the relationship.” Jaz said snickering. “He does have balls after all.” She said thoughtfully. She grinned as she turned to me. “How does it feel to no longer be in control?” she asked innocently.

  “I’m still in control.” I yelled. Why aren’t they listening to me?

  “Right.” Brittany said rolling her eyes. She turned to Jazmine and they both laughed.

  “I am.” I shouted.

  “Yeah so much control you have. You can’t even be in his presence without falling for him. This kid is good.” Jazmine said. “Has our little O.J wrapped around his little fingers…”

  “Yep, determines what she does, where she goes, how she enjoys herself.” Brittany snickered as she touched Jazmine’s hand. “She has like no life now.” Both of my so called best friends started laughing so hard, they fell on the floor.

  “That’s not funny.” I said loudly. They ignored me as they kept bringing up how pathetic I’d become and blah blah blah. “I do have a life.” I said throwing a pillow at them as my anger started to rise. “Matter of fact I have more of a life than you guys.”

  “Right.” Jazmine said rolling her eyes. “Hiding from the big bad lovey dovey Andy?” she teased.

  “No!” I said throwing another pillow at them. “I’m going on the spring break tour with the band!” I said before I could stop myself. I couldn’t take it back as I saw they look of envy and excitement on their face. “Yeah try that!” I said gloating. “Andy invited me to go on tour with them for Spring break, but I turned him down because I thought we were doing something.” Actually, I turned him down because Andy had this hold on me that I couldn’t understand. I didn’t want him to think that I was at his disposal, that whatever he wants I would do. Especially if he was going to act like some lovesick boyfriend. Besides what if he told me he loved me again? What would I do then? I panicked. I panicked a lot, because when I was alone with Andy…I didn’t understand myself. So being on that tour bus with the band and him for 5 days…would I lose myself? I couldn’t lose myself? “So since you bitches have other plans, I am free to enjoy my tour with the band and have the best time of my life.” I concluded. I rolled my eyes and turned away from them.

  Brittany and Jazmine looked at each other grinning and gave each other a high five.

  I slammed my bedroom door and picked up my phone up. Having alrea
dy memorized his number I brought the phone to my ear. There was a fucking hoard of butterflies in my stomach. And I had to sit on my hand to stop it from trembling.

  “Hey beautiful wassup?” Andy answered. I could hear the rest of the band members playing in the background.

  “I changed my mind.” I said quickly. “I would love to go on the spring break tour with you guys.”

  I heard Andy laugh. The noise in the background got softer and further away, so I assumed that he left where he was. “Are you serious?” He asked, I could even hear the smile in his voice.

  “I think that’s the first time I heard you laugh.” I admitted, kind of taken aback by it.

  “I’m really, really happy you want to come.” He said.

  “Yeah….” I said. “I just…I just thought that….you know instead of doing a spread on the making of the band,…I could do it on the different stops you make…life inside a tour bus shit like that.” I said rambling as the thought just came to my mind.

  “Sweetheart that’s great.” Andy said. “That’s really…good…I wanted to spend spring break with you.” He said.

  “Yeah me too.” I said softly.

  I heard noise and shouting in the background. I’d interrupted him at rehearsal. Why had he picked up the phone? Didn’t they have some sort of no phone policy during rehearsals?

  “Hey hun…they’re calling me back…I gotta go, is there anything else you wanna say?” Andy asked. “You can’t make me any happier.”

  “Actually I just thought about it.” I said as I rubbed my clammy hands against my sheet. “I mean since I’m doing…all these…new stuff and shit…might as well do everything.”

  “Yeah, what is it?” Andy asked.

  “The day before we leave….could you come with me to Dr. Honsu’s house?” I asked. “There’s something I should probably tell him.”

  Chapter twenty-three

  Spring Break, the time to let loose and forget you still had a whole month before graduating. I was determined to enjoy it. But first I was nervous as hell. I purposely hadn’t handed in my project to Dr. Honsu saying that it wasn’t done, but I would bring it to his house before I left for break. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized how sketch it sounded, but to my surprise and happiness, he agreed. He gave me his house address and said I could drop it anytime, and if he wasn’t home, I could leave it with his wife. I’m not going to lie, I was disappointed when I heard him say wife. That wasn’t how my happily ever after was supposed to go. But hey, there was room for change.

  Now as I sat on the bench outside the studio waiting for Andy to come back, I clutched my project to my chest. I smiled nervously as I looked around. I mean, I knew there were endless possibilities and there was a good chance that he probably wasn’t even my father. But if he was….man if he was. I took a deep breath, it would be heaven on earth. I tried to calm my beating heart. I’d lain awake all night trying to convince myself not to get worked up. To take everything one step at a time and to prepare for the worst. It’s much easier said than done. Especially when your heart has your emotions in turmoil and out rules the logic of your brain. But still…I though quietly. Let me be happy this one time God…let him please be my father and I promise I’ll be the best person in the whole world.

  “You ready?” Andy asked coming behind me. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me in for a hug. “Sorry it took so long…we had to get a replacement drum set and Brad was throwing a fit.” He kissed my cheek.

  I smiled and nodded. “I’m just going to drop this off….and…and tell him…well ask him…I don’t know.” I trailed off.

  I felt Andy slip his hands in mine and I was forced to look into his clear blue eyes when he gave me soft squeeze. “You sure you want to do this?” he asked carefully. “Maybe we should wait…once your mom speaks up or decides to---“

  “No.” I said cutting him off. “I need to do this now…I need to get this off my chest and enjoy my spring break.” I put on a bright smile that I wasn’t feeling and headed to his red truck.

  Andy followed me but I could have sworn I heard him sigh. I didn’t need the opposition, I needed support right now. I was fidgeting the whole ride there and Andy tried to help by taking my mind off of it but I couldn’t. I was so happy the address was far out of town. Actually it was in a location I’d never heard of. But at least it gave me time to think. What if he didn’t want me as his daughter? What if this whole time he left mom because he didn’t love her? What if I was intruding on his perfect family? Oh shit what if they hated me? What would I do if they wanted nothing to do with me? Would I be fine? Yes. Yes I would. I just needed to solve this mystery before I died. That’s it, I wasn’t looking for or expecting anything more. I was too old for that.

  “We’re here.” Andy said pulling up in front of a big white house with big glass windows, surrounded by a white picket fence. I stared off…I kept forgetting he was rich. Did that make me a princess?

  Andy reached out and grabbed my hand. I looked at him as he bought it up to his lips and placed a soft kiss. “It’ll be okay.” He said as the little kiss traveled throughout my body to warm my insides.

  “Of course.” I said smiling brightly. “Whether or not he’s my father…it doesn’t matter. It’s not like I haven’t been disappointed before.”

  “Ornelia----”

  “Let’s go.” I said happily. I ignored the fear creeping into my body as I stepped out his truck. Andy came behind me and I took a deep breath. He didn’t know it but he was giving me the courage I was lacking at the moment. He being there was making it easier. I shrugged happily as I walked towards the house. Andy opened the fence and led me towards the front door. I bravely reached out but then hesitated before pressing the doorbell.

  “Maybe I should just leave the portfolio on the steps.” I said quickly, turning my back to the door.

  Andy looked at the front door and then at me. He reached out and grabbed my shoulders forcing me to look at him as his blue eyes stared me down. “What do you want?” he asked calmly.

  I looked away. “I want to just leave the portfolio.” I said. I want to meet him. I want to ask him if he’s my dad. I want a happy ending. Can’t I get that at least?

  Andy shook his head. To my surprise he reached past me and rang the doorbell.

  “Andy!” I scolded taking a step back. “What the….why’d you do that?”

  “Coming!” A woman’s voice said on the other side.

  “Let’s go.” I said panicking. I turned and took only a step before Andy grabbed my arm and turned me around to face an opening door. I quickly plastered a smile on my face. I was going to kill that boy.

  “Hi!” A tall Asian lady said opening the door. God she was beautiful. I mean model beautiful. She was slim, her legs were long and seemed to go on for hours in that pencil skirt of hers. Half her hair was in a bun and the other halfway was cascading down her back in beautiful black waves. “You must be Ornelia.” She said sweetly.

  I nodded unable to speak.

  “And you?” she said politely to Andy.

  “Andrew.” Andy said extending his hand and shaking her hand.

  “Oh Andrew, how nice to meet you.” She said smiling as she stepped back. “Please, please come in you two.”

  Andy had to give me a slight nudge to move me forward. It wasn’t my fault, my legs wouldn’t cooperate, but I was able to move and I looked back at Andy hesitantly. “Andrew?” I whispered giving him a teasing look. I’d never heard him introduce himself as Andrew. He ignored me and poked my back.

  The inside of the house looked even bigger than the outside if possible. I stared in amazement at the lighting, the winding staircase. The vintage furniture. What an amazing location would it be for a photo shoot?

  “You’re house is so beautiful.” I said in awe.

  The lady giggled. “Thank you sweetheart, I built it.”

  My jaw dropped. “You…you built this house?” I asked.

 
“I like to dip my hands in some architecture and interior design when I can.” She said humbly. She pointed to the living room. “Come let me show you guys to the living room.” She said walking past them. “Guy just finished testing one of his many different toys this afternoon, saying the lighting in the living room was the best.” She explained.

  We followed her to find Dr. Honsu crouched down by a humungous camera lens.

  “What is that?” I said in awe.

  Dr. Honsu looked up and smiled. This was the first time I’d seen him in just jeans and a t-shirt. Seriously this man could wear anything and be flawless. “Ornelia…” He said proudly. “This is the Canon 5200mm lens.” He said patting it. “I was going to take it out for a couple test shots in the backyard.”