by Samie Sands
Jason came up with a brilliant plan. It’s fucking amazing! It’ll ensure that the bastards who did this to Ashley will suffer. Their deaths will be slow and painful, and they’ll get to experience what they have done to everyone else. I can’t wait to administer it upon them.
Jason will be in stage three soon—deep into it. This fact is inevitable. He’s already showing signs of waning, but as with the rest of his descent into AM13, it seems to be going slowly, allowing him to maintain some humanity. As much as my heart bleeds over his loss, it’s essential to the plan. It’s a shame that such a wonderful man has to be sacrificed, but it’s difficult to see it in that way when he will die anyway. Maybe he is more of a martyr? Who really knows, his death will ultimately be highly significant in ridding the world of this evil.
He’s going to tell me when it’s time. That point is pivotal. When he’s almost at the point of really losing himself, then we begin. Then I’m going to release him and Kevin Hall and ‘John Smith’—I desperately wish that I knew his name. It’s such a shame for an unnamed person to aid in the saving of all of these people, but I really have no information to go from…
When Jason’s ready, I’ll send them into the boardroom and let havoc ensue. They will tear the people in charge, the ones who have made all these shitty decisions, to shreds, infecting them as they go. Doing unto them as they have done unto everyone else. Giving them exactly what they deserve. However much could go wrong, this much will go right. These fuckers will get exactly what’s coming to them.
It means I’ll lose Jason, of course, but unfortunately that’s happening anyway. It’s sad to see his descent, it’s heart-wrenching, just as I knew it would be, but he’s quite upbeat and positive about it all now he knows he’s going to put his infected self to good use. He’s happy to help save the world. So am I, even if it isn’t in the way I originally had planned. But I suppose, in many ways, this is much, much better.
Of course I could die too, but I have nothing left to live for anyway, so I really don’t care. With no remaining family and a career in tatters, what’s left for me? What sort of life will I be able to lead post AM13—if there is a post AM13, of course. That all depends on how accurate my research really is! If I do manage to survive, I’ll do what I need to and put Ashley down. It’s a terrifying, horrifying thought, but I just know it’s what needs to be done.
Then, if I make it that far, I’ll go out and find Melody, do the same to her. My poor, beautiful little princess. I so want to believe that you’re alive, but my subconscious knows you’re gone. I can just feel that your wonderful spirit is no longer on this disgusting planet. You’re somewhere much more deserving of you. But your body needs to be let go too. I’ll be brave. I will do it. I’ll be the man, the husband, the father that I’m supposed to be. The man that I should have been during the whole time I was neglecting my responsibilities, putting more time and effort into my pointless job than my loving family. I can’t take back my decisions, but abandoning them after the Lockdown was the most God damn stupid thing I’ve ever done. Ever.
God, how I want to string all the boardroom fuckers up, cut them piece by piece. Make them watch as I remove their genitals, the disgusting members that defiled my wife. I would make them eat their own body parts, laugh as they’re violently sick. I would dislocate their limbs, as they’ve clearly done to others. Infect them with the vicious AM13 virus and pierce bullet holes into their bodies. Make them suffer a taste of their own medicine. Then I could parade them around as they deteriorate into a black, sludgy nothing. I’d enjoy everyone’s cheers as they see that I’ve saved them. As they witness what I’ve done to them to avenge what they’ve had done to others. It would be a great moment. I’d be hailed a hero; everyone would know I’d made them safe from the psychopathic dictators that have been driven mad by false power.
Well, soon they won’t be able to do that anymore. The pigs. The fucking disgusting twats. I hate them. There are no God damn words to describe how much I hate them.
I can’t do that of course. I fantasise over it repeatedly, but following through would be a whole different matter. I’m sure I would be caught by the soldiers as I act anyway, and overpowering all of the board members would provide another obstacle that would be challenging to overcome.
No. None of that matters, as fun as it would be. What we have is so much better.
I wish I could find all of the family members of these specimens, tell them exactly what they did, let them know that they helped save everyone. Make them proud. But of course I can’t. I won’t live that long. What use am I without my family? I’m nothing without them. I’ll be so glad to make it even that far, but I’m quite sure that I won’t. Really, this is my last hurrah!
Unless I find Melody. That will change everything.
As much as it would be poetic justice, I’ll keep Ashley here. I can’t put my beautiful wife through anymore. I won’t make her face her attackers again. Once the others have gone to carry out the deed, I will put her down. I may have been bitten by this point, but I can still do this. I can’t even begin to guarantee that the specimens won’t get to me. I’ll try of course, I’ll hide and Jason is going to move loudly, to keep the attention of the others on him, but who knows how foolproof that plan is. In fact, it isn’t foolproof at all. But it’s still amazing. It’s still the best damn thing to happen since I’ve been locked up in this nightmare. It’s still the best way I’m going to get revenge and we’re going to help all the civilians stuck here. It’s necessary and perfect for what needs to be done.
We’ve examined it from every single angle, we’ve worked out every single thing that could go wrong—and believe me, there’s a whole lot—but the end result will be effective. Even if all the board members aren’t killed, I’m pretty sure they’ll be running scared. It’ll show them that they aren’t invincible; it’ll let them know that someone is after them, coming for them. Even if I’m dead, it leads the way for others to take over the attack. It sends a message. We won’t take the bullshit ‘rules’ from nobodies lying down. The power of the many, of the people, is more powerful than them. AM13 has ripped up civilisation, it’s changed all of our lives for the worst. There has been so much that we haven’t been able to control, but who rebuilds our lives is in our hands. This is the time to establish what we want. I’m certain that I’m not the only one who can see this.
Revenge is going to be a dish served ice cold. I wish I could be around long enough to watch the life leave all of their revolting eyes, but doing my piece is enough. I’m going to be important in this; even in my death my name will be remembered. I’ve done so much; I’ve actually achieved quite a lot. It’s taking my impending doom for me to see it. My entire existence hasn’t been wasted, but this is it. This is what it’s all been building up for. This, right here, is my life’s purpose.
CHAPTER 49
ALYSSA
The moment comes way before I’m ready for it.
“Still avoiding me, huh?” I glance up to see Emily’s bright blue eyes gazing back at me, fully of unanswered questions and hurt.
“I…I um, I don’t…”I stutter, trying to find a way to dispute her claims, but I can’t. We both know that she’s right. A blush fills my cheeks as I try to find a way to convey the truth. How do I tell her that I’m afraid? That these emotions are too much? I can’t face dealing with them. I don’t know how to admit that Emily blurs all of my vision. I’m in complete and utter awe of her. She’s an obsession that I cannot shake. But I can’t act on my feelings, even if I wanted to. Now just isn’t the time.
Emily lets out a deep sigh; her whole body seems to deflate with it. “Look, I shouldn’t have kissed you.” The words come out stiffly, as if they’re tricky to say. “It was wrong, I know that now. I don’t want it to affect the group, so can we just forget it?” She doesn’t look at me, even once, so I can’t gauge any of her emotions. I don’t know if this is what she really wants, I sense that deep down, there’s a whole lot more sh
e wants to say.
So I nod feebly, knowing this is really the time that I need to speak out and make everything all right again, but my tongue is tied and my throat is dry like sandpaper. I watch her sadly as she turns abruptly and stalks away, wishing dreadfully that I wasn’t a wimp. Wishing that I could do something, anything to turn this whole thing around.
Suddenly my heart starts pounding heavily and my brain goes fuzzy with emotion. My legs start moving before I can stop them, before I can even consider what it is my body’s doing. A hollow feeling in my stomach tells me that if I don’t do this now, then I never will. I’ll lose Emily forever. That feeling alone is more terrifying than accepting emotions that I don’t understand. It’s more frightening than any zombie I’ve ever faced, any horror I’ve endured. I’ve never felt a fear like it.
I grab her shoulder and roughly pull her towards me. I push my lips onto hers, no longer caring about any of my previous ‘rules’ or decisions. This feels right, which means it must be right. Yes, we could die tomorrow, so shouldn’t we embrace life now? Of course it’ll hurt if I lose Emily, but at least I’ll have the knowledge that I followed my heart and had something amazing, for however long it lasts. I won’t have regret, and that’s something.
A warm sensation erupts and encloses around us, the rest of the world melts away. An involuntary moan escapes my throat as the kiss deepens. My heart almost bursts from my chest; I never ever want this feeling or this moment to end. This is perfect. It’s amazing.
We break apart, panting for breath and I let out a nervous laugh. I wish I could convey my apology with my eyes. I try to communicate that I was acting crazy and it won’t happen again. I don’t know if the message is received, but Emily finally looks happy. She looks relaxed. In this moment, all of her previous strange moods become clear. They were all my fault, my constant rejections burned her deeply. I didn’t even realise I was doing it. I lean forward again, pursing my lips. I don’t know how to say what I mean, I don’t have the right words within me, but I can show Emily how much she means to me. I can make up for my mistakes with actions.
* * *
The next morning, I awaken with a huge grin on my face. Last night was simply amazing, it was monumental. Emily is so beautiful; having her body tangled with mine all through the night was remarkable. I’ll never be able to experience anything so wonderful again. I look down at her blonde hair sweeping across my chest and sigh with contentment. I’m in love. I’m one hundred percent, definitely in love. Or at least lust. Either way, it feels exhilarating.
My bladder forces me to move way before I want to. I tiptoe quietly out of the room, pulling on an oversized man’s t-shirt that was left behind here as I go. As I wander down the halls, I try to keep my face straight. I want to look innocent. I don’t want anyone to know what happened between me and Emily. I want it to be our little secret, at least for now. Constant scrutiny always ruins things, especially as one of the people who is bound to show a lot of interest is Sarah, Emily’s mum.
I bump into Pete as I emerge from the bathroom. He looks strange; green, sweaty, and panicky. I grab hold of him as he almost falls to the ground. He tries to talk to me for a while, but his words are garbled and make no sense. I force him to drink cool water until he’s calmed down enough to tell me what’s going on. The worry never leaves his expression, the whole time he speaks.
“I need to get out of here, Alyssa. I need to go on a supply run or something. I can’t just stay here where Randy died. I need a break from this place. Just a few hours. Anything.” I’m absolutely stunned. I had no idea that Randy’s death had affected Pete so badly. I didn’t know he cared enough about any of us to feel this way. His grief is making him act crazy. “I can’t just…sit and—”
“Okay, okay, Pete,” I interrupt quickly. “I’ll go with you. I’ll come out with you when you decide to leave.” I know this mission is unnecessary and dangerous, but sometimes you just have to do something, however little it makes sense. I understand his irrational need; sometimes this apocalyptic life feels claustrophobic. I’m not about to let Pete do something stupid by himself while he’s vulnerable. “I’ll do it, Pete, but the earliest we can go is tomorrow, not today. You aren’t well; you’re not yourself at the moment. So tomorrow, if you still want to go, we will. Okay? You need to calm yourself down first, get yourself back on track.”
He nods, grateful that I didn’t immediately shoot his insane idea down. He goes off to his bed, reassuring me that he will sleep, and I watch him leave, deeply worried about his state of mind. I didn’t tell Pete the whole truth. I also don’t want to leave until tomorrow because I’m not quite ready to be separated from Emily yet. I want to cling to this happiness for a little while longer before I’m forced onto a fool’s errand.
Emily is awake when I walk back into my room. She has the sheets draped around her and her bed head makes her look sexier than ever. I take in a deep breath before telling her about the exchange I just had with Pete. She riles up with immediate fury and I kiss her hard to stop her rant before it can even begin.
“Em, I doubt it’ll even happen. Tomorrow Pete will have forgotten all about it. Just don’t worry about it, okay?” She looks doubtful, but thankfully lets the subject drop.
I knew Emily wouldn’t understand Pete’s need to get out as much as I do. We’re cut from the same cloth. Me and Pete silently just ‘get’ each other. Instead of trying to explain, I spend the rest of the day ensuring that we continue the wonderful time that we’ve been having, now our feelings are out in the open. Of course, we make a separate appearance to meals and for our chores, neither of us ready to go public with our newly found relationship, but every spare moment we find is spent together, alone.
When the night rolls around, we cuddle up in my bed again. Emily’s arms are wrapped around my neck and her nose is touching mine, so we are breathing in each other’s breath. I’m just staring at her beautiful features as she sleeps soundly, trying to live in the moment. But I can’t stop my mind worrying about what the next day will hold. Despite my reassurances, I know Pete will still want to go and I’m just a bit worried. Now I have someone to live for, the pressure to survive is so much higher. It’s everything I feared it would be. It’s exactly why I attempted to avoid anything like this happening, although now it has, I don’t regret it at all.
I push my lips softly down onto Emily’s, being careful not to wake her, as I say a silent goodbye.
Just in case.
CHAPTER 50
DR. JONES
April 18th
9:25 a.m.
This is it. The end. It’s arrived at last. The moment is here. Everything is over. Finally this nightmare is done. It’s time for the plan to begin. The moment I’ve been waiting for. I feel…I don’t know how I feel, really. The anticipation is heightening all of my senses. I guess I just feel weird. I suppose that’s the only word for it.
Weird. Strange. Odd. Bizarre. Peculiar. Unusual.
I’ve been pacing around the room for the last hour or so, looking at all of my equipment and do you know what? I’m going to miss it. Can you fucking believe how crazy I’ve become?! I’m in the middle of the fucking war to end everything, and I’m getting sentimental over a few fucking test tubes. I’ve lost my freaking mind. This room has been nothing but awful for me. It’s been my own personal torture chamber; it’s where all of my worst nightmares have come true. It’s hell, full of demons, and I feel a weird sadness at leaving it behind.
I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. I can’t even remember who I am. Is that weird or what? Fuck it, it doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t matter anymore. None of us do. This isn’t about us anymore; it’s about making things better for others.
Jason is nearing his demise. The inevitable is happening. I’m too concerned with the plan now to be as sad as I should be. He looks a complete and utter God damn mess, to be honest. I’ve never seen him look so bloody awful. AM13 doesn’t suit him at all. At all. I think he’s mo
re excited than me about the oncoming onslaught. He’s bloodthirsty, I can see it. It’s terrifying and compelling all at the same time. I would look at him scientifically, but I really don’t care anymore. He wants to kill and maim and I want the same from him. That’s all that matters anymore.
I look at him and laugh. I don’t know why I do that because inside I’m silently crying. I mean, how am I really supposed to feel?! I’m upset because I want to feel the human sadness, but I can’t. I’m numb and void. I’ve become solely focused on this plan. This war.
Ashley’s dead to me now. I can look at her. I can see her. If I want to, I can touch her, but she’s gone. She’s dead. She was no longer alive from the second she was brought in here, but I just didn’t know how to accept it. I mean, how are you supposed to come to terms with any of this? My wife, my marriage, my life has been stripped away from me. These fucking evil monsters have taken it all! I’m going to make them pay and I’m going to love every God damn second of their pain. They deserve to feel what I have, what we all have.
Maybe I’m bloodthirsty too. I certainly can’t wait to see their limbs ripped violently from their bodies. Their screams will fill me with a morbid satisfaction. This has to happen to them. They need this as much as I do. I’m saving every single person whose trapped here under the fucking dictatorship of this psycho bastards.
None of it makes any sense!!! What the fuck did I do to deserve it?
Any of it.
5:35 p.m.
It’s time.
It’s happening. Jason has just told me that he’s ready to go. He’s actually finally ready for this to happen. Much as I’d prepared myself, when the moment arrives, I panics lightly. A whole range of unsuspecting emotions run through me, but I push all of that aside. Now isn’t the time to start ‘feeling’ things. I’m just about to get Kevin and John ready to go. I said thank you to them. I think they understood. They looked at me like they did. But who knows? Maybe I’m imagining things. I’m probably just completely mental now.