by James Peters
“I’m going to crush his nuts. Fucking disgusting primitive primate spineless bastard monkey.”
“Quit screwing around and get up here. He’s insisting on taking the controls,” Maven said.
I wiped myself off with a towel, getting the big chunks off of me. “He can’t fly this thing, can he?”
“Not that I’m aware of. Get up here. Maybe you can calm him down?”
I raced to the cockpit to find the chimp at the controls, Maven trying to coax the yoke away from him. She looked at me and with a silent gesture, one hand moving like a mouth, the other pointing to me to go around. She would distract the crazed monkey and I could sneak up on him. As I got nearer, Marco turned toward me, hissing and reached a hairy hand deep into his ass-less chaps to produce a small handgun. I recognized it as the one Nicholai had given me so long ago. I had stuffed it in a pocket then never thought about it again. At some point, Marco must have taken it from me. He pointed the gun at my chest.
“Whoa, there buddy!” I said, raising my hands up. “Come on Marco, relax. There’s no reason to shoot me. I’m backing away now, slowly.”
Marco pointed the weapon at me, shaking it repeatedly. He wanted me to stay put. He turned the gun toward Maven and she did the same, stepping back.
Maven’s clinched her fists, her eyes glowed with rage. “What’s gotten into him?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he did the brown acid? Who knows what he and Nicholai have been taking.” I noticed a bright spot enlarging before us, with a blue tint and slightly noticeable ring system. Definitely a planet; an ice giant by my non-technical appraisal. “Is that the seventh planet?”
“Yes,” Maven said. “It’s clearly not habitable, so by our standards, it would be known as Sol Seven. The Barbarians, er, Earthers have a name for it I would imagine…”
She did a quick search on the ship’s database. “Uranus.”
“Of course. It all makes sense. This is all a joke, isn’t it Marco? Your final insult to me so that forevermore I’ll be the butt of, ‘Where did Raka die? Circling Uranus.’? Seems like a lot of work for a grade schooler’s joke Marco. I expected more, really.”
Marco raised an eyebrow and looked over imaginary glasses, indicating that I was truly an idiot. He waved the gun around wanting us to give him more space. We backed up as he made some adjustments to the controls. An alarm klaxon went off.
“What the hell?” I said, scanning the control panel.
“Targeting sensors! We’ve got company! They have a lock on us,” Maven said, pointing to a display. “They’re coming in hot.”
Marco jerked the controls and we dove toward the planet, it's blue surface growing in our vision. When the shuttle’s skin glowed orange, Marco fired the retros hard to slow us down. When he did, Maven and I both slid forward, grabbing on to whatever we could. I cracked my knee on a control board; Maven grabbed a handle and maintained composure. The chimp pointed the nose of the shuttle to what was now ‘down’, and winds tossed the shuttle around.
“Marco, do you know what you’re doing?” Maven said, with uncalled-for calm. “Why are you taking us into the stratosphere?”
The chimp grabbed the control yoke with one foot and motioned with both hands. One hand swayed as a bird on the wind, the second came in from behind as if it tried to hit the first, missing every time. “I think I get it, Marco!” Maven said. “You’re saying a second ship couldn’t hit us in this wind.”
The targeting klaxon whined a slow death. Maven looked at a gauge on the control board. “Wind speeds around four-hundred fifty miles per hour. In the atmosphere, they can’t target us, and an attraction field won’t work. Even if they try to fire magnetic seizures, they’d never hit us. Hell, they’d have to harpoon us! Raka, this chimp is a genius.”
“Why do I find that so hard to believe?”
“It takes one to know one? It doesn’t matter. He’s right, in these winds, we should be safe. There’s not a sane pilot in the fleet that would try to dock with us under these conditions.”
“So that means they’ll just shoot us down. Is that any better?” I said.
“Targeting is thrown off too. The Emperor will want proof. In space, they’d fire a disabling shot to take out our controls. But if they shoot us down in the atmosphere, the shuttle and all evidence of us will be lost. Just a sec.”
Maven worked controls. “Damn. I can’t get a solid signal. We’re bouncing around all over the place. I can tell you it’s a single ship, but that’s about it. Smaller than a Dreadnought and larger than a Transport.”
Nicholai stumbled in, shaking his head. “Fucking Hell. Is dat’ monkey-mon at the controls? He can’t fly ‘dis thing, he’s all messed up mon. I tol’ him not to take da’ brown acid. Makes you see things. Not good things.”
“Cut the chatter!” Maven said, sounding like a drill sergeant. “Raka. You work that joystick.”
She pointed to a small controller labeled ‘Aft Camera’, “It controls a visual camera system. Can you get an image?”
I maneuvered the joystick to the best of my ability, found a button marked ‘record’ and actually got several seconds worth of viewable images. “I’ve got something. Do you recognize this?”
“That’s a Daemon class,” Maven said, then exhaled as if it pained her. “Definitely a retrieval squad. Likely trained specialists, picked specifically for their mission: to bring us back.”
“In that case, perhaps Marco is a genius,” I said, not believing I had said that. “I mean, good job, Marco.”
Marco chattered; it sounded like laughter.
“So what’s the plan?” I asked.
“Plan?” Maven said, laughing. “We have to decide right now how far we are willing to go. They are one ship. Probably sending a signal back toward the relay as we speak. We can buy some time in the stratosphere, but they are bound to pick up signals from Earth. They may assume they are false beacons for a while, but eventually, they’ll figure it out. If they tire of waiting on us, they’ll move on to Earth.”
I shook my head. “We can’t let that happen. What if we signaled them and surrender? Then when they dock, someone opens the cover to the Chronos Drive. You said that would set off the grandmother of all explosions, right? We all go up in an instant, and Earth is safe. It would be painless. I’m willing to be the one.”
I heard a terrible crash, and I went headfirst into a bulkhead as everything turned upside down. I found myself flat on my back, on the shuttle floor, as everything spun in inexplicable directions. I fought black curtains from closing out my consciousness as my ears rang and blood ran down my forehead. The shuttle spun harder, until engines kicked in, thrusting the shuttle at a vector that didn’t make sense.
Alarms went off. I heard yelling and voices I did not recognize, and a sudden increase in air pressure blew through the craft, with an overwhelming odor of sulfur, methane, and raw sewage. I gagged at the smell, as if someone had stirred up the sludge at a wastewater treatment facility, then stuck the spoon under my nose. As I tried to figure out what had just happened, I struggled to stand, and was helped into a horizontal position by a friendly strike to the back of the skull. I took the hint and lay down flat, face down, as boots stomped around me. Huge, hairy feet approached and lifted me by the collar in a swift jerk. I found myself staring eye-to-eye with a gorilla. He had an odd scar on one side of his mouth, and dressed in a very smart, tailor-fitted, gray suit.
Chapter 35
Dissolute at the Door
ESS Dissolute Ultralog-Complete™ Log, recorded in accordance with the Patriotic Love for the Empire and Freedom of Monitoring Act. Released under Imperial Order #C53TQ582
“How long do you think we’ll have to wait?” Denton said, staring at Perry over plates of beans, spiced with a beancurry dip and an ice-cream-like dessert made of blanched beans covered by imitation vanilla.
“Assuming we passed them in the jump, and based on the calculations I’ve done time and time again, if we guessed correctly, w
e should see them appear within the next forty-eight hours. There are a lot of assumptions in those calculations, so I only have a—”
“Do not tell me the percentage. Is it more likely than not?”
“Yes, slightly.”
Denton Morrow picked at his food. “Good. If we can pull this off, Mr. Tremblan, I’ll be pardoned, you’ll be handsomely rewarded, and the Empire will once again be safe.”
“Safe from what, exactly? A fool, a whore, a drug dealer, and a monkey? Seems to be a lot of trouble to bring that lot to justice. I have to think there’s something more to this.”
“The something more is they exposed and embarrassed the Emperor. If he were to let that go unpunished, what would be next? Protests in the commons? It takes an iron fist to rule an empire, and that means that justice must always be served. It’s as simple as that.”
“If you say so, Lt. Morrow. But that last statement sounded like something I’d expect from Natastia Briggam, not you.” Denton Morrow’s eyes turned downward. “While I can predict what the Emperor will do with great accuracy, the reasons behind his actions escape me, most of the time,” Perry said.
“Not everyone can see things like an Emperor. Some people are just born for it.” Denton replied.
“Or perhaps corrupted by it? Hypothetically speaking, of course. Not our Emperor by any means, but just a generic person without the will power and wisdom of our great Emperor.”
“Hypothetically speaking, of course. Just keep in mind, our orders are to bring the fool back to justice, where he will be tried, found guilty, and summarily executed in full compliance with Imperial law.”
“With great certainty, he will be.” Perry Tremblan’s turned his eyes to a point on the holographic display. “Now that’s interesting.” He pointed to a specific area. “That looks like the incoming signs of a blue shift. Wait for it. Wait. There!”
A blip showed up on the display, as a voice came over the intercom, Magnus’s voice echoed around them. “Yo, Morrow. I’ve found that fool Varoule, I’m setting an intercept course. Targeting lock initiated.”
“No! Initiate silent running protocol. I’m on my way to the cockpit. Don’t do anything else until I get there.”
“Too late, I’ve already gotten a lock on them. They think they can run.”
“What the fuck, Aldis? I wanted this to be clean.”
“Clean? I thought you wanted them to be captured.”
“Captured alive,” Denton Morrow said, entering the cockpit. “They’re running. Fuck me!”
“I hope that’s not an order. You’re not my type. But that gorilla has quite the butt on him. A couple more months in space…”
“Can it, Aldis. What are they doing? They’re heading right toward the gas giant. Can you catch them before they hit the stratosphere?”
“Negative. Doesn’t matter anyway, they can’t get away from us in that bucket.”
“If they make it to the stratosphere, the winds will make our attempts to capture them useless. That’s why I wanted to sneak up on them.” Denton Morrow shook his head and pounded his fist. “There goes that plan.”
“Sneaking is for cowards. You ready to see some skills? Strap in, prepare to tighten your sphincter, and try not to shit yourself, Morrow.”
“I’d ask if you were crazy, but I already know the answer. Are you sure you can pull this off?”
“Might scratch the paint a little,” Magnus said, just as Perry Tremblan entered the cockpit.
Perry spoke through a grim frown. “I’m assuming you are aware of the opportunity for this maneuver to end with an unsatisfactory outcome, Mr. Aldis? Very unsatisfactory.”
Magnus laughed. “Unsatisfactory as in we’re all going to die in a tragic docking explosion. Punctured liver, serrated spleen, foreign bodies impaled into our chests, arms ripped off, and ‘I can’t breathe’ vacuum.”
Perry turned pale as the Dissolute’s floodlights made the shuttle plainly visible.
“Get a grip, stat boy. There are worse ways to die; this will be quick and give us something to talk about in hell,” Aldis said.
Perry Tremblan pointed at the shuttle, his pupils dilated, and his jaw hung loose. “What is that?”
“That would be the shuttle, dumbass.”
“No. On the side?”
“Cute. Looks like they painted a chicken on the side and gave it a name. Black Swan. What the fuck does that mean?”
“Abort!” Perry screamed, “Abort now!”
“Too late, we’re committed. Extending forced docking barbs. I’ve got a target on their hatch. Coming in hard. Bite the pillow sweetheart because this is gonna’ hurt.”
The ships slammed together, barbs, or ‘harpoons’ pierced the shuttle’s skin and with every vibration, they drew the two crafts closer as they spun in eccentric, nauseating spirals. Magnus Aldis punched the throttle in a rhythmic pattern; each thrust driving the ellipse longer and more controlled. He finally overpowered the inertia and gained an awkward control over both ships. “Got ‘em.”
Denton Morrow struggled to his feet, fighting the urge to vomit, dizziness, and a sense of overwhelming vertigo. He cleared his throat to speak. “That was interesting.”
He opened the comms. “Boarding party to the main hatch. Remember, we are here to take them alive. I want non-lethal takedowns of all occupants.”
“Shoot ‘em in the legs, boys!” Magnus shouted as he pulled the HFG-9900 from under a control panel, now handily equipped with an eight-inch-long, razor-sharp bayonet.
“Non-lethal. Overpower them, hold them down, or use a stun charge. Get a seal on that connection and get that hatch open! Whoever brings me Virgule gets a bonus. Get in there and take control.”
Magnus retorted over his shoulder as he rushed to the hatch. “If the Doc can patch them up, that’s still non-lethal in my book. Fucking Hell! Get through that hole ya’ stupid gorilla!”
ESS Dissolute Ultralog-Complete™ Log coverage ended as boarding party exited coverage area.
Chapter 36
The Tonton Macoute
Things happened so quickly. The gorilla had me by the collar, my arms pinned behind me. Stun bursts flashed, lots of commotion, then a beast of a man approached me with the largest gun I’d ever seen. He poked at me with a knife blade mounted on the business end.
“Fucking ape gets the bonus because he couldn’t get his ass out of my way. Just my luck,” The horrible man said with a fierce scowl. “Now I’m left hanging.”
Nicholai and Marco had been surrounded by grunts. They had their hands on their heads, dozens of weapons aimed at them. Marco stared at the gorilla. His head turned, eyes strained as if he looked for something. The vile man noticed this and poked Marco in the belly with the bayonet. “I’ll skin you, chimp.”
Marco howled and hissed.
“Leave da’ monkey-mon alone. He not hurtin’ nobody,” Nicholai said.
I clenched up and tried to motion to him to keep quiet.
The man held out his right hand. “My apologies. I don’t think we’ve met. Magnus Aldis.” He reached out to shake Magnus’s hand.
“Nicholai Anterwon.”
I gasped as Magnus turned the weapon toward Nicholai and plunged the bayonet deep into his chest. Nicholai’s eyes widened, his mouth formed a horrible grimace as the revolting man pushed a foot into his stomach to retract the weapon.
“Damn vacuum lock. Should have fullered the blade a bit more,” Magnus said as he kicked and pulled, and the bayonet popped out with a smack. He watched Nicholai crumble to the floor, and tapped his communicator. “Doctor to the shuttle.”
I rushed to help Nicholai as the blood poured from his chest. Nicholai’s eyes fluttered and he strained to breathe. He grabbed my collar and pulled my ear close to his mouth. “Save Marco.”
Nothing more. His last words, to save the chimp he’d gotten high with so many times. I sighed, tears welling up in my eyes, trying to piece together what had happened. A hand lay on my shoulder and heard a voice
.
A man pushed me away and began to work on Nicholai. “Let me in. I’m a doctor.”
Another man stepped entered my field of vision, this one appeared to be wearing the stripes of an officer.
“Is he…?” The officer said.
The doctor spat out the words. “He’s dead, Denton.”
“You can’t let that happen. We’re supposed to bring them all back alive to be killed by the Emperor!”
“Dammit Denton! I’m a doctor, not a resurrector. Your goon here pierced his aorta. There’s nothing I could do.”
“Magnus Aldis. You are under arrest!” Denton said, spitting with each word.
“Under what charges?” Aldis said, wide-eyed.
“Murder to begin with.”
“Murder? I just stuck him a little. I’ve survived worse. It’s the doctor’s job to fix him. It’s not my fault the doctor’s incompetent. Next time let’s get a decent doctor. This one just wants to sell underpants.”
“Incompetent? You are an evil, sadistic brute with no moral compass, no sense of shame; no control whatsoever!”
“It’s too late for flattery, doc. You’ve proven that you’re just a quack. Proper medical attention would have saved this man. Here’s your real killer.”
The doctor’s jaw dropped. “What? This conversation is insane! Mr. Morrow, what are you going to do about this?”
“Men, arrest Magnus Aldis. Take him to the brig.”
“You’ll never take me alive!” Magnus said as he started to back up, raising his weapon. A voice cut through the din, a strong female voice I hadn’t heard before.
“Smiles! Gun.”
The gorilla snatched the weapon from Magnus’ hands, flinging it across the room. The gorilla grabbed the man’s ankle and pulled him down with blinding speed, pinning him to the floor and raising a big hairy fist.
“Two ribs, Mr. Smiles.”
The gorilla’s fist struck with a sickening snap, Magnus Aldis yelping.