by Dawson, H A
‘I’m sure I’m right.’
His expression was reassuring. He had seen her like this before, after the tragedy. He had witnessed her nightmares and her delusions, and he had seen her turn to drugs and drink, both obligatory tools to aid her need to block out her conscious thoughts. He was trustworthy. It was a comforting thought.
‘Do you think I could have written Kelsey’s name into the flour?’
‘Is that what you think.’
‘I . . . I was troubled. This morning I remembered a conversation with between my mother and Kath.’ She glanced towards him, searching for his reassurance. ‘I don’t know what they were talking about, but I knew I didn’t approve of it. It upset me . . . really upset me. I think it was to do with my mother’s suicide. I think they were planning it.’
‘But you don’t know.’
‘No. This amnesia is so frustrating.’
Joe rested his arm around her waist. His sympathetic gesture was appreciated.
‘It’s not important. I have wondered though, if I was so wrapped up in my troubles, that I didn’t realise I’d written Kelsey’s name in the flour.’
‘If you’re questioning it, then I’d say it was possible.’
Jade shuddered and wrapped her arms across her front. Why couldn’t she remember? She couldn’t cope with more memories disappearing. Not again.
‘Maybe you should call off the investigation.’
‘What! Why?’
‘It seems to me it’s stirring you up. All this thinking can’t be good for you.’
Jade gulped. William had said the same thing, but he didn’t want to end the investigation, quite the opposite. He believed she should leave them to it and not get involved.
‘Have they come up with anything?’
‘No. Although I haven’t spoken to Luke for a few days.’
‘What leads do they have?’
‘I told them the stalker has to be connected to the fire. I . . . I haven’t mentioned you.’
Joe smiled. ‘I wasn’t worried.’
‘I wouldn’t do that. It’s not important anyway.’
The sun was dipping and there was a nip in the air. Jade buttoned her jacket and huddled closer to Joe. They joined the path, heading back to the community centre.
He turned his head, drawing her attention. ‘If you’re certain that this stalker is connected to your family and that Kath is the only suspect, then maybe you should speak to her. You don’t need any help from outsiders.’
Jade frowned.
‘You’ll feel better being in control. I think this entire business is working you up unnecessarily.’
‘Will you stand by me?’ she asked.
‘Need you ask?’
Having taken a few minutes to mull over the situation, and with Joe’s confidence and reassurance projecting towards her, she reached a conclusion. She could do it alone, so long as she could muster enough courage to speak with Kath.
‘Okay, I’ll do it.’
‘You won’t regret it.’
Their lips met. It reaffirmed her decision
Making easy conversation, they trundled along, back to the community centre. There were fewer people wandering in and out of the building, and less cars in the small car park and the surrounding streets. Nonetheless, in an attempt to keep their relationship secreted, she tried to free her hand. He would not let go.
They arrived at her car. They stood on the pavement. He was centimetres from her face and held both of her hands. Tingles exploded across her body.
‘William’s away,’ she said, her voice breathy.
‘Is he now?’
‘The house is empty.’
‘Then we better make the most of it.’
‘What about Dawn?’
‘I don’t want a threesome.’
Jade grinned. ‘Neither do I.’
Chapter 21
She opened her eyes and a rush of warmth enveloped her body. Looking to the space in the bed by her side, she searched for evidence he had ever been there. There were no hairs on the pillow and none of his scent remained on the sheet. It could have been all a dream. It wasn’t. This time she remembered everything.
Jade tilted back her head, releasing a soothing groan, and her skin prickled with her memories. She imagined his delicate touch and the warmth of his tongue, and she craved his intoxicating scent. Feeling as though she could explode with happiness, and wanting to share her joy, she reached for her phone.
‘How do you feel?’ she asked Joe.
The reply was swift. ‘Great. Dawn has just asked me why the perpetual grin. If she looked harder she would see.’
Jade chuckled. ‘Take a day off work.’
‘Wish I could.’
‘Then I’ll send you some photos later, to remind you of what you’re missing.’
‘Appreciated, but I don’t need reminders.’
The exchanges continued. Once completed, Jade placed the phone by her bedside and snuggled under the covers. Her expression was dreamy. She did not want the moment to end, and struggled to motivate herself to get up. With nothing to do other than speak with Luke and Kath, a sinking thought, she allowed her mind a free ride.
Joe’s mouth had lingered over hers, murmuring his pleasure. His yearnings had been deep and desperate, and his pain had watered his eyes. Almost frantically, he had tried to hold back. His love had exploded, creasing his face.
A frown settled on Jade’s forehead. Why had she ever left Joe? He would have supported her after the stillborn; she need not have rushed away. They could have had a future together. How could she have been so impetuous and not recognised the extent of their love?
Her gut twisted and her face scrunched. They had wasted seventeen years when they could have been together. It was too late now; they both had other commitments. She glanced to the wall on her right and her eyes settled on a photo of her with William. They had loved each other once upon a time, but it had been different, somehow. Even at the peak, it was less explosive, less passionate. Now there was nothing. He must feel it too.
William made her feel old and frumpy, and not the beautiful, young woman she was meant to be. He finished her sentences, he ordered her drinks without checking with her first, and he knew which television programmes were her preference. There was no excitement, no life left in their relationship. They were too familiar.
Jade could not ever imagine being like that with Joe. He was unpredictable. He was passionate. He held her every desire close to her heart.
The doorbell sounded. Jade jerked and leapt out of bed, grabbing her dressing gown, pounded the staircase and glanced out of the window. A van was parked across the driveway.
She opened the door.
‘A delivery for Mrs Horton,’ the woman said, thrusting the flowers in her hands. ‘Sign this.’
Jade signed upon a little machine, shut the door, and breathed in the delicious scent. What a wonderful gesture! What a wonderful man!
She opened the envelope and extracted the card. They were from William, an apology. Her guilt exploded.
The bouquet of flowers sitting in a vase on the dining table was an exquisite display, with red roses, yellow Asiatic lilies, and orange and white chrysanthemums. She stared for a moment, taking in the detail whilst cradling the message. It said ‘sorry’, and ‘love you’, a simple message but with huge connotations. It meant he cared, told her he understood the hardship she endured.
Her guilt was vast. She had made a monumental misjudgement by rushing into Joe’s arms and should never have told herself William was without feelings. He was a sweet man and he loved her. He may be secure and dependable, and maybe even a little boring, but that did not give her the right to treat him so appallingly.
She moved to the lounge, hoping by removing herself from the flowers, she would be released from her torment. But reminders of William were everywhere; the décor, the furnishings, the ornaments in a glass unit. If he found out what she had done, he would be wrecked.
Biting he
r lip, she retrieved her mobile phone from her pocket and started to type. She was intent on ended her relationship with Joe, but for some reason, her finger would not obey. His broad grin was infectious, his compassion endearing, and his lure intoxicating. It was too much to ignore. She was under his spell.
Folding her arms and fiddling with her fingernails, she sought a solution. The phone landline interrupted her thoughts.
‘Hello sweetheart,’ William said.
‘Thanks for the flowers.’
‘Glad you like them. So they’re okay then?’
‘Beautiful. It was a lovely surprise.’
‘It’s the least I could do after yesterday. I hope you weren’t too mad at me. I tried to ring last night – a couple of times in fact – were you out?’
Jade’s pulse quickened, she glanced to the display on the phone and noticed there were two messages. ‘No . . . sorry. I switched the phone off. I had a bit of a headache so had an early night. I haven’t been up long.’
‘You okay now?’
‘Yes. I had a good sleep.’
‘That’s good. I spoke to Anita at the tennis centre. Have you spoken to Kelsey yet?’
Jade stood up and ran her hand through her hair. She hadn’t even tried since mid afternoon yesterday. What kind of mother was she?
‘She didn’t answer her phone,’ Jade replied, ‘have you?’
‘Yes. She’s still angry but it’ll pass. I have tried to encourage her to ring you.’ His words hung in the air. ‘Anita has questioned the boy. He’s a friend of Kelsey’s, or at least he was. Kelsey says he’s been scared off. She said the other kids have too, and she claims no one wants to practise with her.’
‘What? Why?’
‘I’m sure she’s exaggerating.’
‘You think?’
‘They’re kids. He’ll be embarrassed by Anita’s intrusion into their relationship. It’ll blow over.’
Jade’s back stiffened. She raised her knuckle to her mouth.
‘I told Kelsey to try speaking to him again, but she was mortified by the suggestion. You know what she’s like . . . can be a little dramatic.’
‘What was the boy’s name?’
‘I don’t know. Anita thought it better not to tell me and Kelsey didn’t want to either.’
‘Then how do we know for certain he’s not connected to . . . to him.’
‘He’s not. I told Anita what was happening and why you were a bit upset. She assured me she would keep a keen eye on Kelsey.’
‘Does Kelsey know?’
‘No, I don’t think we should involve her.’
Jade clamped her mouth. Was it not better she was told? At least then, should she find herself in a potentially vulnerable position she would be able to make an informed choice.
‘I think it’s for the best,’ he continued. ‘I think we both have a habit of thinking Kelsey is much older than what she is. She is still just a child. I wouldn’t want to put her under that kind of pressure.’
‘Yes, you’re right.’
‘If you’re still worried then speak to Luke. I’d do it myself, but I’m going to be tied up for the rest of the day.’
‘About that . . .’
Her voice trailed. How could she tell him she had decided to end the investigation? She couldn’t explain how she had come to her decision, not when Joe was involved. Even if she said it was simply due to the stress it had created, William wouldn’t agree with her solution. No, it wasn’t going to work. It was much better if she told Joe she had changed her mind. Either that or lie.
‘What is it?’ William asked.
‘Nothing. Don’t worry.’
‘Great. Until later . . . and love you.’
‘You too.’
Cradling the handset, his declaration of love echoed.
Having settled her churning insides regarding her transgression with Joe, Jade turned her thoughts onto more important things. Kelsey was all that mattered. She had made her daughter’s life hell, and she was helpless to do anything about it. Clinging to the hope that Kelsey was exaggerating was her only respite. In actuality, however, it provided Jade with little calmness.
Jade’s helplessness was overwhelming, sucking her of breath, of life. Kelsey was alone in a foreign country and she was with people who had made her into an outcast. She had no one to turn to, no one to cuddle, no one to reassure. Under normal circumstances Kelsey was confident and made friends easily, but this was hardly normal. What had happened was not, in any way, her fault.
She picked up her mobile phone. There was no point in ringing; Kelsey would be in a class. Maybe she should leave a text message. However, they were a little too impersonal, and not right given the situation. She wanted Kelsey to believe her apology and hear the love in her voice. She wanted her to be drawn into making contact.
Jade made a decision. She would ring Kelsey and leave a loving message on the answering facility. Doing just that, she dialled the number, breathed deeply, and spoke calmly and coherently. With any luck, Kelsey would not be able to resist. She may be stubborn and determined, but she would relent to her inner needs, eventually. She was still a little girl; she still needed her mother.
Feeling much calmer, and believing her call would force Kelsey’s hand, she placed the phone onto the arm of the chair. Impatiently, despite knowing it could be another half an hour before the call was returned, she awaited her daughter’s response and mulled over their reunion. As promised, she would not mention the stalker. Nor would she persist in her questioning regarding the boy’s advances. She would regain Kelsey’s trust, and she would keep her paranoia private.
Stiffening, Jade reminded herself they would not be in this situation if it weren’t for him, her stalker. He was perpetually in her thoughts, coercing her actions. He was the one that had made her act irrationally, and he was the one who had caused her to upset Kelsey. It was time she did something about it. Reminding herself of Joe’s offer of support, she dialled Luke’s number.
Chapter 22
Luke waited by the door of Sarah’s flat. Ava was crying. Hesitantly, he rang the bell.
‘Hang on a minute,’ she called.
There was a clattering sound, as though something had dropped to the floor, and the wailing grew more impatient. Feeling helpless, he tried the handle. The door was locked.
‘Everything all right?’ he called.
The door opened. Sarah was holding Ava. She thrust her into his arms and hurried away to clear the scrambled egg and broken plate from the floor.
‘She’s been irritable all night,’ Sarah said, ‘I’ve hardly slept a wink.’
‘Then I’ll stop over. It’s too much for one person.’
She crouched on the floor and began scraping up the mess. ‘That won’t work.’
‘We managed it for the first couple of weeks.’
‘Luke . . .’ She stood up, dropped the waste food into a bin, and reached for a floor cloth, ‘. . . we’re better off living apart. We both like our own space. You know that.’
Reluctantly he agreed, and his focus became concentrated on Ava. The anxiety had gone from her face, and she was happy and settled. Enwrapped, he cooed and chirruped, and presented his finger to her hand. She squeezed it tight.
‘You seem to have a way with her,’ Sarah said.
‘She’s happy to see me . . . loves her daddy.’
Sensing Ava wanted his hand closer to her mouth, he edged it closer and allowed her to suck his finger. It was an adorable sensation, warm, wet and spongy, and oozing with love.
‘You shouldn’t let her do that,’ Sarah said.
‘Aw, she likes it.’
‘Please Luke, don’t . . . and put her back in her cot before she starts again. I want her to sleep.’
Luke weaved around the table and placed her onto the mattress next to the sofa. ‘Are you sure you won’t let me stay over – even just for a couple of nights.’
‘I’m going to take her to my sister’s this morning. Then
I’ll get some rest.’
‘You need to sleep at night.’
‘Will you stop your fussing! I can manage!’
She was hunched over the frying pan making fresh scrambled egg, her movements were laboured, her actions slow.
‘You never were good at asking for help,’ he said.
‘And I’m not going to start now! This is something I have to do for myself.’
‘Why do you always resist me? She’s my baby too.’
Ava started sobbing.
‘Now look what you’ve done!’ Sarah turned off the heat and thrust the spatula down. Egg dripped onto the worktop. She stomped towards him, desperate to pass and get to the baby, but he resisted her efforts. She moved to his left and then his right, all to no avail. Giving in, her body weakened and her eyes moistened.
‘Let her cry a little bit,’ he said
‘She won’t stop once she’s started. She’s been at it all night.’
‘Is she hungry?’
‘Of course not. I do know what I’m doing.’
‘I never said-’
‘It’s your fault she’s crying. You’ve set her off with your antagonistic attitude. You just don’t know when to let it drop.’
She jerked free her arms and stomped back to the egg. Puzzled by her statement, Luke’s frown settled on the back of Sarah’s head. She was stirring the egg with a passion, mixing it to its death with a newfound strength. Fearing there was going to be nothing left, he considered taking over, but ultimately decided it was wiser to keep quiet. His gaze wandered to the cot.
Ava had stopped crying, yet her whimpers still rang inside his head. Wanting to check she was breathing easily, he tiptoed across and peered in the cot. Her eyes were tight shut and her nostrils rose and fell in a gentle rhythm. Smiling, Luke leaned forward, wanting to absorb her aura and project his love. Aside from being adoringly beautiful, she had a mystique about her, and he craved more understanding. He reached to touch her.
‘Don’t!’ Sarah hissed. ‘You’re breakfast is ready.’
He ambled to the kitchen where she thrust the plate into his hand. It didn’t look too bad considering what it had been put through, and whilst it wasn’t creamy and smooth, as he preferred, it wasn’t too badly burned either. He ate it with smiling eyes, and complimented her efforts. She stared at him with taut look.