by Howes, Pam
She got a pad and pen from the bureau and started to write back to him immediately. She gave him all the latest news about herself and Cathy and his mam, the air raids and the struggles to get stuff at the shops. She told him about Millie’s brief adventure with the Land Army. She assured him that she was perfectly safe on her walk home from the Legion and that the barman who accompanied her to the corner of the lane, to make sure she got back safely, was an acquaintance of his who was no longer a soldier due to his injuries. She gave him Jack’s name; after all, she had nothing to hide and would rather hear from Terry that Jack was a bad lot than from Marlene, who had always been prone to exaggeration. If Terry said to keep away from him then she would. But for now Jack was keeping her safe and they should all be thankful for that.
She finished her letter and pushed Cathy, who had now woken up, along to Lark Lane to catch the last post and then headed over to Millie’s mam’s house to see what her friend’s plans were for the future.
Millie was sweeping hair into a dustpan as Alice popped her head into the front room salon.
‘Alice, come on in,’ she said. ‘I’ve almost finished here. Mam said I could take the rest of the afternoon off as we’re shutting up shop early while she takes a break.’
‘Oh well in that case, do you fancy a stroll around Sefton Park with me and little Madam? It’s quite a pleasant afternoon.’
‘I’d love to. I was going to pop round to Terry’s mam’s to see if you were back from work. I’ll just let Mam know I’m going out.’
As they strolled through the park and sat down on a seat near the boating lake, Alice said, ‘Have you decided what you are going to do yet?’
Millie shrugged. ‘I’ll help Mam for a few weeks as she’s not feeling too good with her bad chest, but I’ll go to Rootes and speak to Freddie when she’s feeling more up to managing on her own. See if I can get my old job back.’
‘I’m sure he’ll welcome you back with open arms.’
Millie smiled. ‘One day, Alice, when this is all over and we’re doing something we really want to do, hairdressing in a posh salon in the city for me, nursing for you, we’ll look back on this time and wonder how we got through it all.’
Alice laughed. ‘I think I can kiss goodbye to my nursing dreams. I’m sure Terry will want more children, and you might be married by then too.’
Millie laughed and rolled her eyes. ‘And pigs might fly,’ she said wistfully.
15
August 1942
Two weeks before Cathy’s first birthday the news the family had been dreading was delivered by telegram. Alice arrived back from work following a phone call from Mr Floyd at the Lark Lane Post Office, requesting that she be allowed to leave for home immediately.
Freddie had put her in a taxi, his face grave. ‘Take your time, gel. Your mam will need you right now.’
Everyone knew Alice’s older brother was missing in action and a phone call to work usually only meant bad news.
Mam was huddled in a corner of the sofa clutching the telegram. She was rocking back and forth and crying, loud wailing sobs that struck Alice through the heart. Her eyes went to the framed photograph on the mantelpiece of her tall, good-looking brother, smart in his army uniform. To think she’d never see him again, never have him ribbing her and pulling her leg, was just unbelievable. Deep down she’d known, but had blocked the possibility, because while there was no news, there was always the chance he’d be found alive and well.
The newsagent’s wife, Teresa Thomas, greeted Alice from the kitchen and brought a tray of tea things through.
‘Do you think we should get Brian home from school, Alice love? I thought I’d better wait for you to arrive before I did anything.’
Alice poured a cup of tea and put two spoons of sugar in it. She sat beside her mam.
‘Here, Mam,’ she coaxed, ‘drink a bit of this. It’s got extra sugar in it. Come on. It will do you good.’
She held it to her mam’s lips as she took a couple of sips.
‘He’s not coming home,’ Mam wailed, pushing Alice’s arm away. ‘My Rodney, he’s not coming home.’
Alice chewed her lip. All she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and howl, but she had to stay strong for Mam and Brian. She was all they had.
‘I think we’ll leave it until Brian’s home at four,’ she whispered to Teresa, holding her mam close. ‘Let Mam have a bit of time to get her head around the news. I don’t want to leave her to go up to the school.’
Teresa nodded. ‘I understand, chuck. It’s terrible; we were doing a window display when your next-door neighbour came to the shop to tell us the telegram boy was at the house. So we hurried back here. I don’t know what to say to Edith. I really don’t.’
Alice shrugged. ‘I don’t think there’s anything anyone can say that will make it any easier. I don’t even know what to do now. I expect Rodney’s regiment will be in touch with us soon.’
‘Perhaps the vicar could come and offer a few words of comfort to your mam. She may appreciate something like that; a little prayer or two.’
‘That’s a lovely idea.’
‘Shall I pop up to the vicarage on my way home?’
‘Oh please, if you would. Could you also do me a big favour and let Terry’s mam know? She’s got the baby today and she’ll be expecting me back within the hour. Just tell her I’ll be home later, after our Brian is in from school.’
‘I will, chuck. I’ll leave you both in peace for now, and I’ll pop back tonight.’
Alice helped her mam up to bed and tucked her in. Sleep was the best thing for her. She couldn’t stop shaking and said she felt cold.
‘You try and shut your eyes for a while before our Brian gets home.’
Mam clutched Alice’s hand. ‘I think I knew, you know. I think I always knew. I couldn’t admit it to myself, but I knew deep down we’d never see him again.’
Alice swallowed the huge lump that threatened to choke her. She squeezed Mam’s hand and went to draw the curtains across.
‘Will you tell Brian, chuck? I don’t think I can do it.’
Alice nodded. ‘I’m going back downstairs now, Mam, to tidy up. Shout me if you need anything.’
Downstairs Alice stared at the telegram; just a few short, clipped lines that had tipped their world upside down. She wondered how many similar telegrams had been delivered to families like theirs today. She dreaded the thought that one day something similar might be delivered to Granny Lomax’s house. There were no guarantees.
She felt like a zombie as she washed that morning’s breakfast dishes and tidied the kitchen and sitting room. Jobs Mam usually did when she finished work at dinnertime. She’d just sat down to while away the hour until Brian arrived home when the doorknocker rattled lightly. She ran to open it. Granny Lomax had parked the pram on the scrap of lawn and she came inside carrying a basket covered with a tea towel.
‘She’s just shut her eyes,’ she announced as Alice stepped back to let her in. ‘Now I know you won’t have given any thought to tonight’s meal, so I’ve brought a rabbit pie and rice pudding. I’ll put them in the oven to keep hot and I’ll peel the spuds and carrots here. Brian will still need feeding even if you and your mother don’t want any.’ She put the basket down on the table and took Alice into her arms. ‘I’m so sorry, my love. I really am. How is your mother?’
‘She’s lying down,’ Alice said. ‘I just feel numb. There was always hope, until now.’ The tears she’d tried to hold onto tumbled down her cheeks, soaking Granny Lomax’s shoulder.
‘Is Brian not here?’
‘Not yet. I didn’t want to leave Mam on her own.’ Alice sobbed.
‘I understand. But I think you should meet him from school and take him somewhere quiet to tell him, before someone else does. You know how quickly news spreads around here. If you hurry now they’ll let him out before finishing time and then he doesn’t have to face all those questions his pals will throw at him. I’ll sit here and listen o
ut for your mam and Cathy.’
Alice wiped her eyes. ‘Thank you. I’ll go right away. And thank you so much for the food.’
She wasn’t hungry at all right now, but she knew her brother would be.
Alice took Brian to St Michael’s churchyard and led him to their father’s grave. The headmaster had given his permission for Brian to leave with her as soon as she’d explained why she was there, telling her to keep him at home for the rest of the week.
There was a bench close by and they sat side by side. She held his hand as he looked at her from underneath his dark fringe. He was so much a younger version of Rodney and their dad that it quite took her breath away. He spoke first.
‘What’s up, our Alice? Why have you been crying? Is me mam all right? Why have you come to get me early? Where’s our Cathy?’ His questions tumbled over each other and Alice saw the fear of the unknown in his blue eyes.
‘Mam and Cathy are at home with Granny Lomax,’ she began. She took his sweaty hand in hers. ‘I’m crying because I’m feeling very sad. We’ve had some bad news, Brian. Now you have to be a brave boy for Mam. She’s going to need lots of love and looking after.’
She swallowed hard and continued. ‘We had another telegram today from the army. I’m afraid Rodney won’t be coming home when the war finishes. He died somewhere out in France. It’s taken them a long time to be sure it was him. That’s why they told us he was missing at first.’
Brian’s eyes brimmed with tears, but he swiped them away with the back of his hand. He nodded. ‘Don’t you worry; I’m the man of the house now. I’ll look after me mam and you and our Cathy. I’ll get a proper job as soon as I can leave school. Where is me mam?’
‘She’s at home with Granny Lomax, like I told you. Come on, let’s set off and see how she’s doing.’
Alice took his arm as they walked slowly back to Lucerne Street. Her poor little brother. What a mucked-up last few years he’d had. Losing his dad so young, being shipped off to Wales, and now dealing with the loss of his big brother. She made a decision to move back in with Mam and Brian right away. They needed her. She had a feeling this shock was going to set her mam right back to how she had been after Dad had passed away. The next few months were going to be a struggle, of that she was certain.
There would be no funeral in Liverpool for Rodney as his body would be buried in France, but the vicar held a service for him and two other soldiers from the parish who had also died abroad while on duty. Alice held Mam up in the pew and supported her while the congregation stood to sing a hymn. She felt worried to death about Mam’s wellbeing. She’d retreated into herself, spending the last few days up in her bedroom, crying and not eating. Last night Alice had practically forced her to take a bath and wash her hair in readiness to get her to church this morning.
‘Come on, Mam, we can’t let him down,’ Alice cajoled. ‘Think how it would look if you didn’t put in an appearance, and the mothers of the other young men do. It’s the last thing we can do for him. We have to be there, united as a family.’
Alice had taken the week off work to get as organised as she could. Brian had been very quiet all week, just helping when she’d asked him to, running errands for her. Granny Lomax had looked after Cathy each afternoon and had brought them ready-prepared meals round. Alice had been touched and grateful at how kind their neighbours had been this last week. There wasn’t a day went by that one or another didn’t knock on the door with a little gift of food to help them out.
Considering times were hard and money and goods in short supply, the community pulled together as it always did. Maisie had called round with Jack Dawson in tow and had handed over an envelope containing a few pounds that they’d collected from the Legion customers. Jack gave her a bouquet of summer flowers and said, ‘For you and your mam from us all at the Legion.’ Alice had been overwhelmed and Jack had given her an awkward hug. He and Maisie had taken their leave with the words, ‘Let us know if there’s anything we can do.’ Marlene and Freddie had called in too and again a collection had been made at Rootes and given to Alice with their condolences.
Alice didn’t know how she was going to manage to go back to work. She needed to as there was no money coming in and she didn’t want to spend any of the collection money. What she planned to do with that was have Rodney’s name put on Dad’s headstone at the grave. His body would never be buried in Liverpool, but his name would live on alongside their dad’s. Mam was in no fit state to look after Cathy or even to be left alone at the moment. Granny Lomax had made a suggestion yesterday that Alice said she’d talk to Mam about.
‘When you go back to work and bring Cathy round to me in the morning, bring your mother as well, dear. She can keep me company and I can keep my eye on her. We’ll be able to go for walks to Sefton Park or catch the tram for a bit of a ride out. See what she thinks of the idea.’
Alice thought it sounded ideal. But she hadn’t broached the plan with Mam yet. She’d need to pick her moment.
Over breakfast the next morning, Alice told Mam of Granny Lomax’s suggestion.
‘It’ll be good for you both and Cathy will have her grannies under one roof to play with her. What do you think, Mam? I really do have to go back to work, we need the money.’
‘Oh I don’t know, chuck. It will mean getting up really early to be ready and I’m not at my best first thing, as you know.’
‘Well, think about it. Maybe you could see our Brian off to school, walk with him halfway and then go on to Linnet Lane. I’ll take Cathy first thing, then you can join them.’
‘I’ll see.’
Alice shrugged and finished her toast. Cathy’s first birthday had gone by in a blur and although Granny Lomax had thrown a little party for her, it had only been attended by Alice and Brian and Millie. On her birthday itself Cathy had delighted them all by walking across the bungalow’s sitting room before flopping down on the rug, giggling. There’d been no stopping her since and now she was into everything. All the ornaments had been moved to higher shelves and the cloth on the dining table was tucked under at the edges so that she couldn’t pull on it and cause the pots to fall off. She was a work and a half, and two grannies to keep up with her antics was a good idea.
Alice was halfway through her morning chores when the doorknocker rattled.
‘Mam, can you see who it is?’ Alice popped her head around the sitting room door. Her mam was staring into space on the sofa, appearing not to have heard, so Alice hurried to answer, wiping her hands down the front of Mam’s old cross-over pinny that she’d slipped on over her summer dress, before opening the door a fraction and peering out. She breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn’t the telegram boy, her one dread, and smiled as the woman on the path turned around.
‘Millie! What are you doing here?’ Alice flung her arms around her friend and nearly knocked her flying. She hadn’t seen Millie since Rodney’s service as she hadn’t had a minute to herself and her friend was still helping out at her mam’s salon.
‘I’ve got a day off,’ Millie said. ‘I broke a tooth and have been in agony so Mam made me go to the dentist to get it sorted. I thought you might need some help here.’
‘Come on in. Mam,’ she yelled, ‘look who’s here.’ She grabbed Millie by the arm and propelled her down the narrow hall into the sitting room.
Mam looked up briefly and smiled. ‘Nice to see you, Millie.’
‘You too, Mrs Turner. I hope things are getting a bit easier.’ Mam nodded and went back to staring into space.
‘Come through to the kitchen and I’ll put the kettle on,’ Alice said. She shook her head as Millie followed her.
‘She’s not right again, is she?’ Millie whispered. ‘The light’s gone out of her eyes.’
‘That’s one way of putting it.’ Alice filled the kettle. ‘Think I need to make her see the doctor. I’ve been concerned about her for a while, even before Rodney. She’s been forgetful for a good few months, you know, muddled up with things. It takes m
e all my time at the moment to get her up and dressed, never mind anything else; and she’s eating just enough to keep a mouse alive. Thank God our Brian’s home, at least he keeps talking to her, even though half the time she doesn’t even seem to know he’s there.’
Millie shook her head. ‘It must be so hard for her.’ She glanced around the room. ‘Where’s my little god-daughter then?’
‘Granny Lomax has got her. She takes her out to give me a chance to get on with things here.’ Alice brewed a pot of tea, took a cup through to her mam and invited Millie to sit in the garden on a bench that her dad had made years ago. ‘Might as well enjoy the sun while we can.’
‘Now my mam’s feeling a bit better I’m going to pop into Rootes soon to see if Freddie will give me a job again,’ Millie said.
‘I’m sure he will. I’m in next Monday again, so why don’t you go down and see Freddie and we might be able to start back on the same day.’
‘I’ll do it tomorrow,’ Millie said. ‘And I’ll call in on the way home; let you know what they say.’
16
True to her word, Millie arrived next morning and reached the door at the same time as the postman. He had a letter for Brian from his evacuee family. Alice thanked him as she let Millie in. Cathy was playing on the rug with her bricks and Mam was still in bed; there was no rousing her, although Alice had tried three times.