by Sarah Morgan
There was a moment of exquisite torture when she thought he might pull back, but then his mouth touched hers and he kissed her, opening her mouth with his. There was none of the primal desperation of their last encounter. His kiss was skilled and gentle, a slow, deliberate exploration, a relentless pursuit of pleasure, but her response was as powerful as ever. She fell, tumbling into the whirlpool of heady excitement, lost in every breath-stealing, heart-stopping moment of that incredible kiss. Never in all her life had she felt the same wild rush of excitement that came from kissing Zach. Pleasure was thick and sweet. Need became desperation, desire an agonizing ache low in her pelvis.
And he knew.
He knew what he was doing to her.
She felt his fingers tighten on her head as his mouth moved over hers with knowing expertise and erotic purpose.
A moment before she’d been cold, but it was impossible to feel cold as each melting slide of his tongue sent heat shimmering across her skin. She lifted her hand to his face, felt the roughness of his jaw against her palm.
This, she thought. This they’d always had.
It seemed impossible that a simple kiss could make her feel so much, until you remembered that this was Zachary Flynn, who knew how to kiss a girl until the flesh melted from her bones. And because she knew his skills weren’t limited to kissing, she wanted more. So much more.
“Zach—” She tried to shift her body against his, but he eased back slowly.
“You’re cold.” His body was no longer touching hers but his hand was still locked behind her head, as if he was letting her go by degrees and couldn’t quite manage the final part.
“That’s why you kissed me?” Her voice was a whisper, lost in the rush of the breeze over the pond. “I thought you didn’t want to. I thought— I don’t understand what’s going on here.”
“Nothing is going on.”
But she wanted it to. And she knew he did, too. She could feel the tension in him. Knew that if she pressed herself close to him, she’d find him hard and ready. Once again she felt a rush of frustration that this had to be so complicated.
And still she felt the firm pressure of his hand, holding her. All it would take was a small movement on his part to bring their mouths back into contact.
“Have you wondered what would have happened if we’d met for the first time now?”
The pressure of his fingers increased. “Nothing would have happened.”
“Yes, it would. And because I’m no longer an idealistic teenager, I wouldn’t have pushed for more and scared the hell out of you.” She heard the harsh rasp of his breathing and carried on. “I wouldn’t have got so serious so fast. I’m not really interested in serious relationships anymore.”
“That’s because you married some loser who didn’t treat you well.”
“No. I married someone I didn’t understand.” Guilt stabbed at her, sliding between her ribs like the blade of a knife. “And it was over before I had a chance to figure any of it out.”
“Probably a good thing. You found a job you loved and traveled the world, none of which you would have done if you’d stayed married to me.”
“If we’d met for the first time now, all our baggage would be with other people.”
Unsmiling, he drew the pad of his thumb slowly over her cheek. “And?”
She tried to ignore the pounding of her heart. “And I’d make you an offer you couldn’t refuse. And before you freak out, I should tell you it would involve both of us naked and nothing more. Nothing deeper. No dreams and no promises. Just the moment.” She felt his fingers tighten on the back of her head and there was a fierce gleam in his eyes.
“You’d make the same mistake twice? I thought you were supposed to be smart.”
“You want the same thing, Zach. I know you do.”
“What do you want me to say? That I can’t look at you without wanting to nail you to the nearest flat surface? Of course I do.” His voice was husky, and still his thumb stroked across her cheek in a motion that fell somewhere between soothing and seductive. “You’re still the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
Her stomach lurched. “Even in my pajamas with bits of the forest stuck in my hair?”
A smile played at the corners of his mouth. “Especially that way. But it makes no difference. We’re not going to do this, Brit. Last time I was selfish. I thought maybe if I pretended to be the way everyone else was, I could have the things they had. But you can’t fake it. I can’t fake it. I’ve never got close to a woman. I don’t know how. I can give physically, but emotionally I don’t feel anything. That isn’t ever going to change.”
She was the one who had been selfish, not him. She’d been so crazy about him, been so desperate for it to work, she hadn’t stopped to wonder whether what was right for her would be right for him.
“How do you know it won’t change?”
“I know.” His voice was flat. “I learned to switch my emotions off a long time ago and I can’t switch them back on.”
“Because if you don’t feel, you can’t be hurt.”
His hand dropped and his gaze held hers in the semidarkness. “I don’t spend time analyzing the reasons.”
“But you do feel, Zach. You have made connections.” It was desperately important to her that he see that. “Friendships. You have Philip and Celia, Ryan and Alec. They care about you. Even Hilda! Plenty of people care about you. I know they’re not your family and maybe it’s because I was raised on this island, but I always knew growing up that family was more than your parents. Friends are just a different type of family. Em and Sky—they’re as much family as my grandmother was. When I look back over the things I’ve done in my life, it’s the people I remember as much as the places. I love knowing that there are people who have my back, and I have theirs. I’d do anything for my friends. That’s why I gave Em and Sky a key to the cottage.”
He gave a grunt. “They don’t need a damn key. They could have just pushed extra hard on the door to gain entry.”
She ignored that. “The key was symbolic. Castaway Cottage is a special place for all of us. And they’re not just my friends, they’re your friends, too. Emily will never forget that you were the one who flew her and Lizzy to the hospital when no one else would.”
“I’m on probation. They’re ready to kill me if I hurt you again.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“No. It’s not. And you should go to bed.”
She hesitated, the emotional side of her wanting to argue, the rational side telling her to do what he ordered.
“First I need to ask you something.” Something that she’d always wondered. “Why did you go through with the wedding? Because Ryan forced you to show up?”
“No.” There was a long pause. “Because part of me wanted to be that guy.”
“What guy?”
“The guy you thought I was.” Finally, he released her. “Now go to bed, Brittany.” And perhaps because he knew one of them needed to make the decision, he turned and strode away, leaving her staring after him, wearing his coat, her heart aching and her head full of questions.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
WHEN ZACH LOOKED back on his life, a life littered with examples of things he shouldn’t have done, a fair proportion of his regrets involved Brittany.
He shouldn’t have had sex with her when she was eighteen and too naive to know he was trouble. He shouldn’t have married her and he shouldn’t have left her ten days later.
When she’d returned to the island, he should have kept his distance. He shouldn’t have had sex with her that night in her cottage and he definitely shouldn’t have followed her to the pond the night before and kissed her.
That kiss had destroyed all hope of sleep and he’d lain awake listening to the ghostly sounds of the loons on the far side of the pond, trying with no success to will his body into slumber. He’d contemplated a cold swim in the water, but decided in the end that there was no point. There was
only one activity that was going to relieve his current frustration and that was strictly off-limits.
All he had to offer a woman was a satisfying sex life and a whole lot of emotional frustration and misery, and he wasn’t prepared to serve that up to Brittany a second time.
He rose early, packed up his things and kept his distance as the other counselors gathered the group together for breakfast around the fire. Breakfast was followed by a morning swimming and canoeing in the pond.
Brittany was directing activities from the bank, wearing her favorite cargoes with a long-sleeve cotton shirt. Underneath the smile, her eyes looked tired and Zach could see she hadn’t slept any better than he had.
He wished he could leave behind the conversation of the night before, but it clung to him like a burr clings to a sweater.
Have you wondered what would have happened if we’d met for the first time now?
He didn’t need to wonder. He knew.
He would have stripped off those cargoes and kept her in bed until neither of them had the energy to crawl to the door. He would have explored every part of her firm, athletic body and then done it again and again. It didn’t help that he knew how physical she was. Her sexual appetites matched his, and knowing that did nothing for his internal cooling system.
Hot and frustrated, he turned away and focused on something else. Usually the forest was his favorite place, but now he was looking forward to getting back to his cabin, away from Brittany’s swinging braid and infectious energy.
Because walking behind her would have meant trying not to stare at the swing of her hips, he chose to walk in front and led the way as they hiked back down the forest trail towards Camp Puffin.
Pushing the pace, he arrived back at camp a few minutes ahead of the others and immediately sensed a problem.
The area that was normally thronging with activity was eerily quiet and he glanced towards the catering barn and saw Callie, one of the counselors, guarding the door.
White-faced with anxiety, she waved at him frantically and he walked across to her.
“Problem?”
She cast a nervous look over his shoulder. “There’s a dog prowling around the camp. Looks like someone dumped him in the forest and he broke loose. There’s wire still attached to his neck. No one knows who owns him, but the chief of police is on his way. In the meantime Philip told all the kids to stay in the barn. You should bring your group here, too.” As she finished speaking Zach saw the dog, a muscular bulldog breed, emerge from the trees, snarling and shaking his head as he tried to free himself from the wire. It didn’t take an expert to know the animal was crazed with pain and fear.
Zach was about to radio Rachel and the rest of the group to warn them to stay back until the situation was handled when he saw a flash of red at the edge of the forest, and there was Grace, slightly ahead of the group because she’d been trying to catch up with him, her ribbons unraveling in her blond hair.
She saw him a split second before she saw the dog.
And froze. She opened her mouth to scream, but fortunately her lungs wouldn’t work.
The dog saw her, lowered its head and started to growl, a deep-throated, menacing sound that would have sent chills down the spine of the most confident child.
And Grace Green certainly wasn’t that.
Zach knew fear when he saw it. He’d seen the same look in his eyes every time he’d looked in the mirror during the first eight years of his life.
Ignoring the frantic warnings of the counselor next to him, Zach strode across the clearing towards Grace.
“Stand still, Grace.” He pitched his tone to a level he hoped would reassure her and not unsettle the dog. “Don’t move. He doesn’t want to hurt you. He’s got a wire round his neck that’s making him angry. It’s not about you. He doesn’t want to hurt you. He’s just telling you he’s in pain. And we’re going to fix that. Stand still. That’s it. Good girl. I’ve got this.”
As he drew closer Zach could see dried blood matting the dog’s fur and felt a rush of anger.
The dog snarled a warning. Zach chose to ignore it.
There had been moments in his past when he probably would have made the same sound himself.
“You’re mad and you don’t trust me. I know, and I don’t blame you. Who did this to you?” He kept his tone low and measured and his movements smooth and unhurried as he put himself between the dog and the child. “We need to get that wire off your neck because it’s digging in and making you sore. And you need to stop growling at Grace because you’re scaring her. And we both know you don’t want to scare her. You don’t want to hurt anyone, except maybe the person who did this to you. And I wouldn’t mind going a few rounds with them myself.”
He kept talking, taking it as a positive sign that the dog didn’t attack. Instead the animal backed up a few steps, growling deep in his throat. Then he shook his head angrily, sending blood and saliva flying through the air.
Zach kept talking. “You’re probably wondering if I’m another bully like the one who dumped you in the forest, but I’m telling you I’m not. I know that thing must hurt like a b—” At the last minute he remembered Grace. “A lot. It must hurt a lot. But I’m going to take it off and make you more comfortable. And you’re going to let me do that.”
He saw Travis reach Grace. Saw the boy clock the situation in an instant.
“Stay right there, Travis.” He kept his voice at the same easy pitch. “Stay near Grace for me. She’s uneasy around the dog. Grace, you stay with Travis. He’s going to take care of you. Whatever you do, don’t run.”
He saw Grace step closer to Travis and slide her hand into his. He saw Travis hesitate, shock and uncertainty on his face, more freaked out by the little girl holding his hand and trusting him than he was by the angry dog.
Anger was familiar.
Trust wasn’t.
Zach was willing to bet no one had trusted him with anything before.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Caleb Cook, the island’s police chief, arrive and park his cruiser a safe distance from the barn.
The dog’s growling intensified and Zach lifted his hand as a signal to Caleb to keep back.
Dimly aware that Brittany was approaching down the trail, he dropped to his haunches in front of the dog. “It’s turning into a circus around here. You don’t want to hurt anyone, do you? You just need someone to take this thing off.”
The dog snarled, clearly ready to argue with that analysis of the situation.
“Who put it there? Who did that to you?” Zach slowly reached out a hand to the dog. The animal bared its teeth but didn’t bite as Zach tried to gently maneuver his fingers under the wire. It proved impossible. Whoever had put it there hadn’t intended it to be taken off. They’d intended the animal to die in the forest, helpless and alone.
Anger ripped through him and the dog must have sensed the shift in his emotions because he snarled and turned his head. For a moment it looked as if he was about to bury his teeth into Zach’s arm. He snapped wildly and Caleb took a step towards them, but Zach sent him a look warning him to stay back.
“You’ve been pulling at it. That’s why it’s got so tight.” He stroked the dog’s head, gently soothing him. Then he slowly reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pair of cutters he kept with him whenever he went into the forest. “Hold still. If you move I’ll either lose a finger or cut your throat and we don’t want either of those things to happen.”
Zach knew he only had one shot at it and he didn’t hesitate. He slid the clippers under the wire and cut before the dog had a chance to protest at this apparent assault. The wire dropped to the floor and the dog yelped and shook himself, as if checking he really was free.
“It’s gone.” Zach kept talking to the dog in the same even tone, kept stroking him gently as he rose slowly to his feet. “I don’t like the look of that wound so I’m going to put you in my car and take you to the vet.”
The dog gave a whimper an
d sniffed his hand but he didn’t run off.
“Yeah, that’s right. Friend, not foe. I bet you haven’t had many friends in your life, have you?”
He knew how that felt, too.
Knew how it felt to be so scared you didn’t know who the hell you could trust.
Caleb moved closer. “If you pick him up, chances are he’ll bite you.”
“I don’t think so, but I’ll take my chances. He only snapped at me because I hurt him trying to get the wire off. He was trying to protect himself.” Zach pushed the cutters back in his pocket, his fingers slippery with the dog’s blood. “You’re not going to punish him for acting in self-defense, are you, Officer?”
Caleb gave a faint smile. “It’s your flesh. I got a call saying the dog was dangerous. If he’s a stray, we can’t leave him here. We need to trace the owner.”
“That’s your job. Trace the owner, and when you find him I hope you’ll press charges. The dog would have starved if he hadn’t broken free.” Banking down the anger, Zach stroked the dog gently. “I’m going to take him over to the animal center and get that wound checked out.”
“And then what?” Caleb frowned as his radio crackled.
“I don’t know, but I’ll work something out. You go and deal with whatever crisis is going on. I’ve got this.” Zach carried the dog to his car, put him in the backseat and closed the door firmly. The truth was he had no clue what he was going to do with the dog, but it couldn’t be left injured and angry in a camp full of children and the alternative wasn’t an option.
Why the hell should a perfectly healthy dog be destroyed just because some idiot didn’t see a place for him?
As someone who had always known that if he’d been a kitten he would have been drowned in the river at birth, destroying a living thing for the convenience of others didn’t sit well with Zach.