“I appreciate yer understanding, Bryce, truly I do,” Gavin said seriously. “I will send word to the McKendricks. Mayhap they can send men to your clan. I will allow one hundred of my men to accompany them.”
Again Bryce shook his head. “‘Tis verra generous, Gavin, that ye offer yer aid, seeing as how the men remaining are here to protect the clan, but ‘twill be insufficient. The McKendricks have sent men to aid the McArylls, and they doona have any to spare. Liam mentioned this in his message.”
Gavin sighed and leaned back in his chair. He wondered how Andie would take this news. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to be the one to deliver this news to her. Bryce saw the troubled look on the laird’s face. Although Gavin was as hot-headed as Andie, it was apparent that he had a heart, and one that beat. He cared for the McBrides, that much was obvious.
“We’ll have to wait,” Bryce finally said what was on all of their minds.
“Did Liam’s message mention how long he thought this McAryll battle could take?” Gavin asked.
“Nay,” Gabriel said.
“Verra well. I will tell Andie of this. I will explain it to her,” Gavin said, getting up.
He walked towards the stairs and his dread increased as he ascended them. Reaching the landing, he heard her with his keen sense of hearing. She was crying out and sobbing. Walking towards her room, he marveled how his son hadn’t heard Andie’s distress as he had on previous occasions.
Before going to Andie’s room, he quickly checked on Riley. Finding that his son was sleeping soundly, he closed the door quietly and stood outside Andie’s.
“Mama! Tanna! Ailis! No!...I’m here, but I canna save ye,” she sobbed in an anguished cry. Her weeping wrenched his heart in two. “Papa? Doona die! I am here,” she cried.
He opened the door, stepped inside, and closed it. Maybe this news should wait until the morning, he thought. He shook his head. He couldn’t leave her locked in her nightmare, anyway. Her anguish, her soul, pulled him towards her.
Looking at her in the throes of her night-terror, he noted her sweat slicked forehead and tear-streaked flushed cheeks. He walked towards her and sat facing her on the edge of the bed.
“Andie?” he called to her, softly.
“Please doona die. Doona leave me alone, Papa!” she pleaded.
“Andie? I’m here,” Gavin said, cupping her wet cheek.
She came out of her nightmare and bolted up, reaching. She was sucking in air harshly, as if she hadn’t breathed in minutes. She looked over at Gavin.
“Gavin?” Her voice trembled. “Is something the matter?” She looked at him, and then fear entered her honey eyes. “Riley?” she asked, grabbing his forearm.
It was starting to hit home, how much she cared for his son. It warmed him. “Nay, Riley is fine. I heard ye crying out,” he said, still maintaining his warm palm on her cheek.
She broke down in front of him all of a sudden. Everything that had been welling up inside her for a week and a half, exploded from her. She felt so shameful doing this in front of him, but the tenderness she saw in his eyes undid her.
“I’m sorry! I canna sleep and when I do, I have nightmares,” she exclaimed, sobbing. “I feel so alone!”
“Shhh, I’m here for ye, Andie,” he said gently, bringing her into his arms. She clutched him tightly, sobbing into his shoulder. Her body was trembling and he tightened his embrace.
He ran his hand through her damp hair and down her back. He held her tightly, wanting to absorb her sorrow. He couldn’t remember the last time he wanted to do such a thing for a woman.
Sarah.
The last time he’d felt this way was with Sarah, and look where that got him. Nay, he wouldna let that affect him here with Andie. She needed him and he would be here for her. He rocked her gently until her sobbing eased.
“I’m sorry, Gavin,” she said, sniffing. She let out a shaky sigh. “I’m feeling sorry for myself.”
“Shhh, ye’re allowed, Andie,” he said, resting his chin on her head. He continued to run his fingers through her hair. Holding her this close felt so damn good. She moved back and looked up at him with sad eyes. He pushed a long tress behind her ear. He just wanted to feel. He’d been numb for years and now he just wanted to feel.
And she made him feel.
She spawned emotions in him that he thought were dead and buried long ago- buried long ago with Sarah. Andie was different than Sarah had been. Her purity, her honesty, her love- he wanted it. He wanted it all.
He wanted her.
And damned be the consequences.
He dipped his head down for a kiss. As soon as his lips touched hers, fire sparked between them.
His heart was beating again; it had new life. And he wanted it to beat.
To beat for her.
But just as the kiss had begun, it ended. He stopped kissing her, breathing harshly.
“Why did ye stop, Gavin?” she asked, looking up at him trustingly. Her lips were dewy and her eyes still misty from her shed tears. She looked so beautiful, but oh so vulnerable.
“There’s something I have to tell ye, Andie,” he said gently, softly.
“What?” she asked. He looked to her plump, moistened lips again, then to her eyes. Molten honey seemed to swirl in their depths. Her smooth, soft cheeks were pink, and were still wet from her tears.
She was so beautiful, so innocent, and so pure. He wanted her to remain that way. She was like a source of pure bright light. He wanted to protect her from the world’s evil.
He rested his forehead against hers.
“W-what? Ye’re scaring me,” she said, her gaze searching his.
A dim candle almost at its dissolve, cast a faint glow on her face, which made her seem, oddly, more angelic. It flickered once, twice, and still blazed as she waited for him to speak.
“We received notice from Liam. The battle fares worse than we thought. He doesna know when they will be able to return,” Gavin said slowly, waiting for her reaction.
Her lips trembled. “Then we can send word to the McKendrick. He can help me retake my clan,” she said in a small voice, almost as if she expected his next bit of bad news.
“Nay, Andie, he has sent men to help the McArylls as well. He canna spare anymore,” he said, waiting for her to explode against him.
More tears fell from her eyes.
“My eyes hurt from crying so often,” she said, giving a half, pitiful laugh.
His thumb caressed her cheek, and he brushed her hair back with his fingers. “Ye’re nay angry at me?”
“For what?” she asked, looking at him with a confused expression on her face.
“That I canna send men to help ye and yer clan. I would allow one hundred of my men to go along with the McKendricks, but it was confirmed that the McKendricks have nay men to spare,” he said.
She shook her head and stared intently into his eyes. “I understand, Gavin. I’d never ask ye to risk yer clan to the same fate mine is now suffering.”
He released his held breath. So young, so innocent, yet so perceptive and giving. She leaned her forehead down on his shoulder and sighed.
“I’m nay strong enough for this, Gavin. I thought I was, but I feel so inadequate. My clan needs someone who will lead them better than I could lead them,” she said in a trembling voice. He’d never heard her speak this way before. She always appeared so self-assured, and he’d had no idea she harbored such doubts. It bothered him.
“Doona say that, Andie. Yer clan is fortunate to have ye as a leader. Ye’re a leader with conviction, intelligence, heart, and compassion. All fine qualities for a laird,” he said softly, rubbing her neck. “Yer father thought so, too.”
“Ye’re being kind, Gavin, but I know ye were surprised when I said I was the laird,” she said, laughing.
He smiled above her head as he held her. “Aye. It took some getting used to, but being a woman doesna mean that ye canna be a good, capable laird,” he said with surprising conviction. His voice
was so deep it resonated around the dark room.
She quickly looked up at him, surprised.
“What?” he asked.
“‘Tis just that ye’re so powerful, Gavin. Most men in yer position would shun a woman laird, and scoff at it while calling it an absurdity.”
“Men who think like that, Andie, have nay confidence in themselves, and they feel threatened by a strong intelligent woman. I’m nay one of those men,” he said. She went back into his arms, laying her head on his shoulder. It felt so good to be held by him, to be surrounded by his strong arms. Was she mad to feel this way?
He held her in silence, as his own battle raged within him. Such conflicting emotions, he had- wanting her, yet not wanting to be close to a woman. Would she betray him like Sarah did? The hilt of the knife that Sarah buried in his heart still protruded from his chest. At the time she had buried it there, he felt as if his heart had stopped beating and had disintegrated into dust. Andie made something flutter in his chest, and he had a sinking feeling it was the heart he thought he’d lost years ago.
She looked up at him again. He leaned down and savored her lips. She tasted so sweet and luscious. It was the sweetest wine, the sweetest nectar. He hungrily fed off her.
She moaned against him and wrapped her arms around the large expanse of his shoulders. He was so masculine, so solid. She felt so small next to him, so protected. Her feelings for him were growing and that frightened her. Andie presumed he had been the victim of a woman who hadn’t known, or hadn’t cared, who Gavin was. She was a stupid woman to treat this wonderful man so poorly. This wonderful man who was loving to his son and, Andie knew, who must have been just as loving to that harlot.
He leaned her back on the bed and continued to kiss her. His hand, again, went to her stomach, which immediately went concave at the sensations his touch evoked in her. He slowly moved his hand to cup her breast and she arched her back, opening her mouth wider to moan. Taking advantage of her widely opened mouth, his tongue began to toy with hers. A playful match began, and she found herself smiling.
He pulled back and looked down at her. Her eyes were the most beautiful shade he’d ever seen. They had turned a molten honey that almost seemed yellow, with emeralds swimming in their pools. Her smile was wide, and she looked so beautiful and untainted, he stopped breathing.
“What?” he asked, his voice hoarse from the need he now felt.
“This is pleasurable,” she said, smiling.
“If ye think this is pleasurable, it only gets better,” he whispered.
She looked at him for a long moment, intently. He thought he’d taken it too far by telling her what he was thinking. She was innocent after all, but he couldn’t control himself.
He wanted her.
“I’m sorry, Andie, I-”
He stopped speaking when she tried to tickle him. His eyes grew wide as if he couldn’t believe what she was doing. His pale silver eyes flashed. He looked down at her as if she had grown horns on her head.
“What are ye doing?” he asked, stunned. She tried tickling him again, all to no avail.
“I’m trying to tickle ye, ye oaf,” she said, smiling.
“Tickle? I canna be tickled,” he said, aghast, as if it were unthinkable.
She touched his trim waist, where his chiseled abdomen met his ribs. He flinched.
She giggled. “Nay?” she asked, laughing. She tried it again, and he jumped back.
He sat back on his heels, staring down at her incredulously. She had her hair fanned all around her face and she watched him from where she was sprawled. His heart constricted at her innocence and playfulness.
“Ye are,” she said, a sneaky light coming into her eyes.
“Nay, I’m not,” he said, trying to keep a straight face.
She sat up with a gleam in her eyes and a smile on her lips. The bad news he’d given her was temporarily forgotten. She reached to touch his sensitive, ticklish spot, and he grabbed her hand. He kept that one hand in his, focusing solely on that one, and forgetting about the other. Not to be defeated, she reached out with her free hand and touched him. He broke into a wide grin.
“Stop that,” he warned, trying to force a straight face. Her laughter served as her answer to his command and her luxurious hair swayed about her shoulders.
“Really? We’ll see how ye react when the table is turned,” he said, smiling.
“Nay, I’m nay ticklish. I’m nay lying like ye were,” she said, straight-faced.
“We’ll see,” he said and dove for her. She squealed as he grabbed her and tickled her. Tears streamed down her face, she laughed so hard.
“D’ye yield to me, Andie?” Gavin asked, grinning.
“Nay!” she said, laughing. He tickled her again, and she erupted in laughter.
He’d always felt carefree with Riley, but their playtimes were limited because of his duties. The thought struck him that perhaps he spent too much time taking care of his duties and not enough with his son. Gavin hadn’t felt this way in a long time.
She made him feel carefree.
She made him feel.
“Stop!” she said, sucking in pockets of air.
“D’ye yield to me, Andie?” he asked, his eyes glowing as a smile spread wide on his face.
“Aye,” she said, laughing. “Aye!”
He stopped and sat back on his heels again. She lay on her back with her hands on her stomach, catching her breath. She had on a night shift, a very prim and modest garment. She had been given garments to wear while she stayed there.
It was riding up on her thighs.
He didn’t think he could get harder. He was wrong- painfully wrong.
“What’s wrong, Gavin? Ye’re so serious, now,” she said, looking at him quizzically.
He moved nearer to her and leaned down, inches above her face. They stared into one another’s eyes and he kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Their kiss was tender and then it turned carnal.
Her moans excited him beyond control. He was so hard and the only thing he needed, was her. Guilt, an odd emotion for him to feel, gnawed at him. She was too innocent to understand where this was leading. He stopped and rested his forehead on hers. His breathing was ragged and harsh in the quiet room.
“Andie, we canna continue. If we do, I canna stop,” he said hoarsely.
She looked up at him, trustingly. “Doona stop, Gavin,” she murmured.
“Andie, ye canna know what ye’re giving consent to. Ye will no longer be a maid,” he said, looking into her swarming honeyed-gaze.
“I know what goes on between a mon and woman, Gavin,” she responded.
He inched backwards as if slapped. “How d’ye know?” he barked.
“I spent a lot of time with the men of my clan,” she said slowly. Why was he so angry?
“What?” he said, now angry. “What d’ye mean?” he asked, near a rage.
“Gavin, I spent a lot of time with my father. He trained me alongside the men. I heard them talk, when they thought I wasna listening. I also saw the animals. I know that they mate to conceive. Besides,” she continued, eyeing him suspiciously, “my mama told me what happens between a mon and a woman.”
He visibly relaxed.
“Why does it matter?” she asked, confused.
He shook his head. How could he tell her when he didn’t know himself?
It had reminded him of Sarah and how she clawed into his life.
But…
He felt ultra-possessive and protective towards Andie. The thought of another man touching her drove him into a maddening rage. He would rip the man’s throat and heart out with his teeth.
“Nothing, I’m sorry, Andie,” he said, picking her hand up and kissing it. He would be deflowering her now. He would now become the very man he wanted to kill only a moment ago when he’d thought her precious skin had been touched by another.
“Andie, are ye sure?” he asked her.
Lord, but he was a bastard.
She nodded her head and smiled, stretching her hand out to cup his cheek. It felt rough from the stubble. She loved the feel of it, of him. He was so different than she was. Her body was as soft as his was hard. Her skin was delicate and soft, in contrast to his, which was callused. She liked that. It was a sign of a hard-working man.
He dipped his head down and sealed her consent.
He kissed her tenderly, taking it slow. He tasted her mouth and then moved to her neck. She moaned loudly, her nails raking his back, which was still covered with a tunic.
He took off his clothes in a matter of seconds. His manhood sprang into life, growing harder in anticipation. He moved onto the bed and when she saw he was naked, she gasped and looked away.
Dear Lord, he was bigger without his clothes! He looked so massive. She avoided looking at his manhood. The thing had a life of its own! It was as long as a sword!
Gavin smiled in response. She was so adorable, and so endearingly innocent.
“Want to take off yer shift, Andie?” he asked softly.
She shook her head and brought her hands up to her chest.
“Ye have to take it off, if we’re to go on, Andie,” he said, looking tenderly at her. She looked up at him and he saw the uncertainty in her eyes.
She saw the tenderness in his.
“We’ll stop. I’ll leave ye,” he said, beginning to get up. He wanted her but he didn’t want to push her. Most importantly, he didn’t want to lose her respect. She looked at him in a way that he’d rarely been looked at, ever, by a woman. She looked at him with sincere trust, respect, and adoration.
Andie stared at him for a long pause, knowing that this moment was meant to happen, knowing that he wanted her, that he would be gentle with her- knowing that she wanted him.
She stayed him by touching his hand. She laced her fingers through his and looked in his eyes.
“Nay. I want ye to stay, Gavin. I’m afraid, though,” she said quietly.
He looked at her, amazed by her strength and honesty. She humbled him. She was amazing, and were he a better man, he would leave her now.
But he wasn’t.
He wanted her.
Nay. He needed her.
To Have and to Trust (Heart of a Highlander Collection Book 1) Page 9