Meghan stepped around Andie to face her, and leaned on the window. Andie’s face was murderous and she didn’t bother looking up.
“I’m nay marrying that toad,” she said, and crossed her arms over her chest.
Meghan let out a sigh that sounded more like a groan. “Andie, would ye please cease being a child. This is what ye want. Ye love him, and though he willna admit it, he loves ye. Ye will have a great life together.”
Andie looked at Meghan and her stare was chilling.
“Cease being a child? Meghan, I’m being reasonable here. The mon hates me, loathes me, more appropriately said. And he’s wedding me because of duty, because of what he believes he owes my father, nay because he loves me. He doesna even believe that this bairn is his.” Andie stopped when she didn’t see the understanding that she wanted to see in Meghan’s brown eyes. Meghan remained looking at her as if she refused to understand, with her arms crossed as well.
“Ye doona understand do ye? Imagine for a minute how ye would feel if Gabriel, the mon ye loved, accused ye of being unfaithful and a wench who lies with any mon. And then, the fruit of yer love ripens in yer belly, and he believes ye grow the seed of another mon,” Andie said, disheartened, wiping away tears as they fell. “Canna ye nay imagine, Meghan, how it hurts me to hear him accuse me of lying with other men and to hear him deny the bairn that I carry?”
Meghan let out a slow breath and nodded. “I understand, Andie. But it wasna that I didna understand ye before, ‘tis that ye sound like ye’re making barriers between ye two. No, before ye interrupt me Andie, let me say this. I know that Gavin is a verra difficult mon. He’s stubborn and doesna have the greatest opinion of women, but it isna what he really feels, d’ye understand that? ‘Tis something on the surface, for if he really detested women, he wouldna like me, nor love ye.”
“He doesna love me, Meghan,” Andie said, letting out a frustrated breath.
Meghan pursed her lips in annoyance and grabbed Andie’s hands. “Yes, he does. Would ye trust me? Do ye think that I am naïve? The mon loves ye, Andie, and ‘tis a love so deep, it scares him. And that is where the problem lies.”
Andie looked at her with surprise alight in her eyes. Meghan nodded to stress her point. “Did ye nay tell me about that woman, Sarah? Doona ye think that he would fear that ye would be the same? Doona ye think that it is hard for him to trust again?”
Andie laid her head back on the chair. “Ye’re right, Meghan. I should be patient. I have been, but mayhap he needs more time.”
Meghan smiled so widely, she made Andie suspicious. Meghan gave her a kiss and said that she had grown very tired. Andie wished her a good night, with a raised eyebrow, wondering why Meghan needed to leave all of a sudden.
Andie yawned. She was very tired, and sleep sounded like a very good option at the moment.
“Doona force her.”
Gavin groaned. “Damned if I willna,” he muttered. “She says she willna go willingly.”
Gabriel bit back a smile.
“Why doona ye just tell her ye love her? That would move her feet down to ye and the priest.”
Gavin, having spent all of his anger already that evening, just stared at his brother. He was in no mood to explode for the third time this evening.
“Doona look at me like that, Gavin. Ye know ye love her. She loves ye, and if ye’d only open yer eyes, ye’d see it.”
Gavin rolled his eyes. “We seem to have this conversation too often.”
“If ye wouldna be so stubborn, we wouldna have a need of this same conversation at all.”
Gavin and Gabriel sat in front of the hearth in the great room. Both were drinking. The spirits burned down Gavin’s throat as he took a long swig.
“She does,” Gabriel said, referring to Andie loving Gavin.
“It’s pure conjecture on yer part.” He loved the fiery sting in his throat.
Gabriel looked harshly at his brother. “Gavin, ye are a bloody fool. Before ye say anything more, ye listen to me. We are brothers, are we nay?”
Gavin nodded his head.
“Doona ye think that I have the best in mind for ye? I warned ye about Sarah and ye didna heed me. Althor’s prophecy forewarned ye, and still ye turned a blind eye. I am telling ye now that Andie is in love with ye.”
“How are ye so certain?”
“Meghan is my wife, I’ll remind ye.”
“What has that to do with anything?”
“She is Andie’s best friend,” Gabriel said tersely. “Meghan has confided in me many times that Andie is verra much in love with ye. Ye are a fool for not seeing it.”
Gavin took another swig and refilled.
“She isna a whore.” Gavin’s eyes glowed at Gabriel’s statement.
“Why do ye look at me like that, Gavin? ‘Tis alright for ye to refer to her as that, but when another mon says it, ye want to kill him?”
“I’ve had enough,” Gavin said, getting up.
“Nay, ye havena. I’ll ask ye to please sit and hear me out for I’ve grown verra tired of this game between ye two.”
Gavin sat down, sighing as he did.
“She isna a whore.”
“I know,” Gavin said quietly.
“Then why do ye accuse her of whoring? Doona ye think that lass has had enough pain? She was untouched, Gavin, until she met ye. Doona ye think that ye calling her a whore and accusing her of lying with other men would hurt her? Ye were the one she gave herself to and then ye slap her in the face by accusing her of lying with others. Ye are a bastard, Gavin.” His voice shook.
“She nursed ye to health when ye were almost dying. Everyone believed there was no hope for ye. Some wanted to see ye a last time while ye still breathed but feared becoming ill. Andie believed that ye would survive, risking her own health to help ye. Ye near almost killed her twice, and still, she cared for ye. She didna leave yer side.”
“Fine. Quit obsessing on this.”
“Wake up, Gavin,” Gabriel shouted. “Are ye going to live forever behind that impenetrable wall ye’ve built? Do ye want to be alone for the rest of yer life, never knowing love, Gavin? It wasna love with Sarah. It was pure lust and ye were a blind, smitten pup. Nay! Doona interrupt for ye need to hear it and I am the only one fit to tell ye!” Gabriel said, heaving a breath in before continuing.
“Sarah wasna for ye. The only good to come from her was Riley. And might I remind ye, that Riley adores Andie. Most importantly, Andie loves Riley.”
“He was the only good that came from her,” Gavin agreed.
“Did she ever confide in ye who the father was?”
Gavin shook his head. “Nay. She was a whore. We’ll never know. But he’s my son.”
Gabriel nodded. “As he is my nephew.”
Gavin took another swig and Gabriel did the same.
“‘Tis yer child, Gavin.”
Gavin sighed, a sense of resignation flooded him. “I know.”
Gabriel cursed under his breath. “Why did ye deny it then?”
Gavin shook his head, taking another sip.
“Why, Gavin?”
Gavin took a moment and then looked at his brother. His eyes were curiously moist and were subtly glowing. Gabriel saw vulnerability there and it was the first time he’d ever seen that emotion in his brother’s eyes.
“What if she’s the one, Gabriel? What if she and I have a connection, and we’ve yet to feel it? What if we do and she carries my son? I’ll lose her during childbirth, Gabriel. What would I do then?” Gavin asked hoarsely. Everything crashed down on him now. Months of denial lifted to reveal the vulnerability and fear that were hidden beneath. His eyes were bright with moisture.
“What would I do if I lose her?” he whispered. “Twas easier to deny what was between us.”
Gabriel shook his head, his own emotions as raw as Gavin’s. He’d never seen his brother this way.
“I love her, Gabriel. I love the arguments we engage in, her playfulness, the way she loves and cares fo
r Riley, the way she tells her stories at night, the way she wields her sword, the way she stands up to others. Everything! I love everything about her.”
“Ye’ve nay felt a connection yet?”
Gavin shook his head. “Nay, and I hope that I willna. Ever. I’ll be verra content to never feel a connection with Andie.”
“All will be well, Gavin. Even if ye feel a connection, ‘tis nay to say that she will perish in childbirth, even if she gives ye a son.”
“The curse, Gabriel. She will die if there’s a connection between us and she carries my son.”
Gabriel looked at him a long minute. “Gavin, if that may be the situation and she dies birthing yer son, do ye really want for yourself the same sadness that our father experienced with yer mother? Would ye nay wish instead to spend every moment with her, happy? The situation is what it is- it will be what it will be. Treating her poorly and keeping yerself apart from her willna change it. Whatever the Lord wishes will be, whether ye’re with her or not. The caber has been tossed, brother, and ‘tis too late to go back. Ye can go through this time with her, happy, or ye can avoid her, and be bitter and miserable. ‘Tis yer choice, Gavin, but those are yer only choices.”
Gavin drank the last of his spirits and refilled for the fifth time. The drink was beginning to affect him.
“Ye’re right, Gabriel. Those are my only choices. I remember Da saying how he regretted what he did to my mother. He didna regret ye, Gabriel, but he regretted pushing aside my mother. Yer mother brought him happiness, I know that.”
Gabriel nodded and stood.
“‘Tis late and my wife is sleeping alone in our bed. I love ye brother, but she warms me more than ye do,” Gabriel said, winking. Gavin gave a small laugh.
Gavin stood up as well. “Thank ye, Gabriel, for forcing me to understand and see the truth,” Gavin said sincerely, though Gabriel noted he was reaching the point of inebriation.
Gabriel pounded Gavin on the back. “Ye’ll always have me, Gavin. And I’ll always be here to kick ye in the arse when ye need it.”
They shared a laugh and Gabriel left upstairs. Gavin stayed downstairs and drank four more rounds of spirits. Aye, they were fine spirits and just starting to affect him. He sat there, staring at the fire, with his head resting on the back of the chair. He held his drink with his left hand, and his right hand was resting on the armrest.
As he saw the fire pull and tug to and fro, memories came forward of the time when he was ill. He saw Andie caring for him, feeding him, bathing him, and soothing him. He saw himself as he strangled her. How she must have been afraid, he thought angrily. Somehow, he recalled her argument with Gabriel when he wanted her to leave Gavin’s side for fear that Gavin would kill her in his illness. He remembered all the foul names he’d called her when he thought she was Sarah.
He remembered them making love- in every possible way, in every position. He remembered the ecstasy of being inside her, of finishing inside her.
Although he’d known all along that the bairn was his, remembering these memories filled him with a sense of possessiveness. He ached to touch her now, to beg for forgiveness at how horribly he’d treated her for so damn long.
How could he let her into his life? She could die on him and what would he do then?
He shook his head, laughing. The spirits were starting to control him.
“Where would I be if she died on me?”
He didn’t have an answer to that question, but as for now, he knew where he wanted to be.
She kept trying to push her husband over, trying to press her ear to the door in order to hear the footsteps in the corridor.
“Quit, Meghan, I’m trying to hear, too.”
“Move over, ye large mon. Is that Gavin I hear?”
The door to the chamber opened slightly. They peeked out and saw Gavin heading to Andie’s room. They quietly shut the door and hugged one another.
“I knew it would work,” Meghan said, clapping.
Gabriel looked down at her and raised an eyebrow.
“‘Twas my idea. Doona ye take the glory.”
She puffed out a breath. “‘Twas my idea, Gabriel, and doona be taking what I should rightfully be getting praise for.”
He laughed and hugged his wife.
Aye, their plan had worked.
Gavin walked right into Andie’s room. He quietly closed the door and stepped in. He took off one boot then the other, dropping them carefully and soundlessly onto the floor. He looked to the bed, expecting to find her there, and felt his heart stop beating when he saw it was empty. He took deep breaths and told himself not to panic, his soon-to-be-wife who was with child was not in danger.
He took a step forward and saw the dress she’d been trying on earlier. Or trying to try on, he remembered, smiling.
He squinted at the garment on the floor. Were those footprints on it? And shears next to it? He shook his head and decided not to drink so much the next time.
Gavin walked further into the room and found her huddled in the chair facing the window. She had fallen asleep looking outside, he presumed. She had on only her nightgown.
His heart constricted.
He didn’t bother to deny it any more. He wouldn’t deny it to himself, his family, to anyone, or to her.
He loved her so much, it scared him.
He knew without a doubt that she was his other half, his better half. She was the most amazing woman he’d ever known.
Gavin picked her up gingerly as if she were a fragile flower. He tenderly placed her in the bed and stripped bare. Gavin snuffed the candles out, climbed in bed, and brought her into his arms.
He sighed from the pleasure. It had been months since he last held her this way. It felt so good. He sighed again as a feeling of completion and rightness settled over him.
She sighed as well, and snuggled up to him. “Gavin,” she mumbled, and rubbed her face on his chest. He placed his hand on her head and caressed her hair.
Slowly, he felt his troubles dissolve away. He felt the ice melt in his heart. He felt the love for her grow, until its warmth eased him into the best night of sleep he’d had in two and half years.
Chapter Thirteen
Andie moaned, feeling a great weight on her tummy. Had she expanded overnight? She looked down and let out a yelp.
A man’s hand covered her belly.
Immediately the man got out of bed and grabbed his broadsword, as naked as the day he was born. Andie looked up and saw Gavin posed in a fighting stance. Seeing no threat, he relaxed.
“Lord, Andie, ye scared me,” he said, propping the massive sword against the wall.
“Ye were scared? I almost gave birth now from the fright ye gave me, Gavin,” she said, flabbergasted.
“Greida!” he yelled, ignoring her hushing him.
Gavin frowned in worry and got on the bed on his knees. He cupped her chin and held her face up for his inspection. “Are ye nay well, Andie? Dear Lord, are ye going to give birth. ‘Tis too early!”
She hushed him and told him to calm himself. “Nay, I’m nay in jeopardy of giving birth. I only said that ye frightened me enough to force me into labor.”
Gavin exhaled loudly.
“What are ye doing here?”
He looked a little guilty and she wondered why.
“Andie,” he began slowly, sighing. “I apologize to ye. I’ve nay been good to ye and nay have treated ye well. The bairn,” he said, reaching out to touch her belly. He stopped speaking and reaching when she moved away. She stood up on her side of the bed, giving him a cold shoulder.
“Is nay yers,” she finished coldly for him.
He shook his head, a determined light entering his beautiful silver eyes. “Aye, it is,” he said fiercely.
Her gaze returned to him. Fear entered her gaze and he wondered what he’d said to make her afraid.
“Greida!” she yelled. She hurriedly got onto her knees on the bed, like Gavin, and reached out a hand to touch his forehead.
“Are ye ill again, Gavin?”
He shook his head and smiled. “I’ve something verra important to tell ye. I’m nay ill, Andie,” he added when she looked doubtful. “Please, listen to me. I know I doona deserve it, but please let me have my say.” At her nod, he continued.
“Andie, ye know about Sarah and all that I experienced with her. ‘Twas nay hard forgetting, I had once thought. I soon realized, though, that I hadna forgotten and that ye reminded me of her. Yer eyes, yer hair, and the prophecy.”
“Prophecy?” she asked, interrupting him.
He quickly told her of the prophecy Althor had never let him forget, then he continued with what he needed to tell her.
“Having survived Sarah, I believed that ye were the woman in the prophecy and that the prophecy had yet to come into fruition. I believed that ye would destroy me. But I realize now, that I had made the right decision. I had chosen on that day to aim the arrow at Sarah before she killed Riley, and that had ended the prophecy. I realized this last night.” His eyes were pale, imploring her to understand.
“All this time, I wanted to push ye away. I thought that the prophecy Althor told me of had nay ended. Then when I saw ye for the first time the night you brought Riley, and saw yer honey eyes and wheat colored hair, the prophecy reverberated in my head in an angry echo. Ye haunted me because ye reminded me of Sarah. In appearance, only, because ye’re nothing like her.”
He paused for a moment and she noticed he was gathering more thoughts. His gaze caressed her face and her belly. Was he looking at her lovingly? Nay, she was mistaken on that point.
“Ye are nothing like her,” he repeated fiercely. “Ye are light, as she was darkness. Ye are an angel, my angel,” he whispered gruffly. “Ye are good, honest, loving, caring, and beautiful. Everything I’ve ever wanted and nothing I thought I’d ever have,” he said, his voice husky.
“I want ye, even though I doona deserve ye, and even though I doona deserve that angel ye will bring into life.” He stopped when he saw her shaking her head. She was still kneeling on the bed, holding a hand up to her mouth quietly sobbing.
To Have and to Trust (Heart of a Highlander Collection Book 1) Page 24