“Sorry, babe. I can’t say I’ll miss that shopping trip, especially with your parents and Madison’s tagging along. I’m going to give Wayne this one last week of work.”
“I think Madison’s dad is actually hooking a trailer up to the back of his pickup to bring back whatever we buy. Our parents seem a little overjoyed to be shipping us off to college.”
“Hey, that’s better than having them pressure you to stay.”
“So true.”
Hayden parks at his house, and I take his spot in the driver’s seat. He leans down and gives me a long kiss before I can shut the door.
“Sleep over at my place tonight.”
I smirk. “Not much sleeping happened last time, but sure. I’ll climb down my escape sheet at ten.”
He laughs and gives me one last swift kiss.
“That’s my girl.”
Hayden
Thursday evening, I’m eating dinner with Wayne and Jewel when my cell phone rings in my pocket. I ignore it.
“Whoever it is can wait,” I mutter. I’m starving after working all day, but only a minute passes before it’s ringing again.
My forehead scrunches as I pull it from my pocket. Not recognizing the number, I suspect it could be someone from back home.
“Excuse me. I’ve gotta take this in my room.” Scooting away from the table, I answer it and jog up the stairs.
“Hello.”
“Cuz ...”
“Ricky, you’re not supposed to call this number unless it’s an emergency.”
“It is, and I’m using a burner phone, anyway, outside of town. No one has a clue I’m calling you, so chill out.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Your pop is sick, man.”
“What do you mean?”
“He has that liver disease. What’s it called? Cirrhosis. Yeah, cirrhosis of the liver. It’s bad, cuz, but he’s trying to hide it.
“He hasn’t been at the club for days, and Watt’s hasn’t, either, so I finally got him to spill that Hawk was in the hospital for over a week and got all kinds of tests ran.
“You need to come home. He’s a sitting target, too sick right now to even leave the house. Dad’s trying to take care of him because he doesn’t want word to get out.”
I sit down on my bed and try to catch my breath.
“Are you sure about this?”
“Yes, and Dad told me not to tell you, but fuck that. You have a right to know.”
“Is he going to die soon?”
“I don’t know. Dad was dancing around the question because he knows Hawk will be pissed off if you come home. He’s too young for this. I mean, early forties. That’s messed up. He was supposed to stay the president for at least twenty more years. I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Will you shut up so I can think?”
“Sorry, man. I’m freaking out over what this means, and word is spreading throughout the club. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before Marksmen Steel finds out about it. Who knows what they’ll do then.”
“I gotta go and think about this. I’m supposed to leave for college in two days, Ricky. Two fucking days, and I can’t leave Avery.”
“That sucks, but I shouldn’t have to tell you what’s most important. You know what you have to do.”
Ricky ends the call before I can reply. I swallow the enormous knot in my throat and feel the one in my stomach strangle. Falling back on my bed, I wonder how this could be happening. It has to be a bad dream.
After a few minutes, I regain my composure and drag my feet down the stairs to the dining room. Racing thoughts are swarming in my mind as I stare at Wayne and Jewel.
“Is everything OK?” she asks.
“No. My dad is sick. Liver disease. I don’t know how bad it is or how much time he has. I might have to go back to Arizona.”
“Hayden—”
“Don’t,” I say to Wayne, holding up my hand. “I know the decision the both of you would encourage me to make, but I’m the only one who can decide this.
“If you want to help, you can send Avery away when she shows up. I can’t have anything or anyone swaying my decision. Just tell her I’m sick or something.”
Leaving them alone, I head back to my room. I climb into bed and close my eyes, praying that when I wake up this will have been a bad dream.
***
My nap is short-lived. I have three texts from Avery and two missed calls. The first text was her excitement over all the cool things she bought for our dorm rooms.
The second was that she was on her way home.
The third was her asking if I was OK?
The calls … well, I’m sure those were to check on me. I never ignore her, answering her almost immediately whenever she calls or texts, but I can’t bring myself to hear her voice.
I’ll text her once.
Me: I’m not feeling well. I can’t talk tonight.
Avery: Oh, no. Let me come take care of you.
Me: No, don’t.
Growling, I launch my phone across the room. It doesn’t break because I hear another damn text message come through. I slam my head back against the headboard and squeeze my eyes shut.
I already know what I have to do. I have to go back and take care of my father and protect him from Marksmen Steel. It’s time to shut off my emotions and become the man I was always destined to be.
Avery
It’s ten o’clock at night, and I can’t take this. Something wasn’t right about Hayden’s texts. Even if he was super ill, he’d say more than he did. He’d call me baby and tell me he’d be OK. I know him.
I swipe my shoes from beside my bed and run down the stairs. After telling my mom I’m going to check on Hayden, I drive down to his house.
Jewel answers the door on the second knock, and there’s distinct worry in her eyes.
“Avery, hi.”
“What’s wrong with Hayden?”
“Uh, he’s not feeling good this evening.”
“Well, what are his symptoms? Is he throwing up? Does he have a fever? Did he get hurt at work?”
“He just told me to tell you he’s not feeling well. You should go home.”
“Something’s going on.”
“I can’t talk about it. I’m sure he’ll reach out to you soon.”
“Jewel, please let me go up and see him.”
She shakes her head, appearing so sad.
“I can’t, Avery. Please, go home and wait for him to call.” Covering my tightening chest, I turn away as a feeling of dread washes over me.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Hayden
“Dude, what’s up with you? Why didn’t you show up at Arni’s for lunch or answer my text messages?” Joey asks from my bedroom door.
I sit up. “How did you get in here?”
“Your aunt let me in. She mumbled something about me maybe being able to help. What the fuck’s going on? Avery showed up at my apartment after I left Arni’s. She was crying and shit, totally losing it and sheddin’ the biggest damn tears.
“She claimed you were refusing to see her, and she begged me to come over here and talk to you.”
Pressing my palms to my eyes, I exhale.
“I have to go back to Arizona. I don’t know how I’m going to break it to her. Honestly, I don’t know how I’m going to get through it myself.”
“Damn. Are you not coming back?”
“I doubt it, but I can’t keep telling her one thing and doing another. Since I don’t know what the future holds, I have to let her go.”
“Why are you going back?”
“My dad is sick. I need to check on him and maybe care for him or handle his affairs. I’m not sure yet. All I know is I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”
“You’re supposed to leave for college in the morning. Were you even going to tell her goodbye? Or me?”
“I’m sorry about lunch. I was going to call you later, and I’m telling her tonight. I can’t give her time
to change my mind.”
“She’s crazy about you, man. It’s going to crush her.” He wanders over to my window and stares out toward the woods. “I bet she’s back there right now just praying you’ll show up.”
I rub my hands down my face.
“I don’t need you telling me. Look, you and I, we’ll stay in touch. We can text, and maybe you can come out to Arizona later and stay.”
“That’d be cool.” He strolls back to me, and as a goodbye, he holds his hand up for me to grip into a fist. “I’ve never pried about what you left behind in Arizona, but since you’re going back there, I feel I need to say the words ‘be careful.’ Take care of yourself, buddy, and don’t disappear.”
“Thanks, and you, too.” Joey gives me one last goofy smile of his and leaves my room.
Avery.
I’m a coward for not talking to her, but it’s only because her pain is going to be so much worse once I do. My pain will be, too. This is going to kill us both.
Avery
Even though Madison should be packing, she and our friend Carrie have been at my house for a few hours to keep me company as I wait to hear from Hayden.
I’ve harassed him all day with calls and texts, but it’s done no good. It’s as if I don’t exist, or more like he doesn’t.
Even Joey wouldn’t tell me what he found out after visiting him. All he said was I had to wait to talk to Hayden, which would be tonight.
“I’m going to miss you two,” Carrie says as she sits sideways in my desk chair with her arm draped over the back of it. Her chin is resting on her arm, and she’s peering over at us as we sit on my bed.
“You’ll have Blake,” I say before I wink at her.
“You’re never going to let it go, are you?” Too lazy to move, she attempts to puff out a breath upward to blow the bangs of her short red hair off her face.
“I’m teasing. It’s fine, and I’m glad the two of you are happy.”
“We are, but I think I’ll always wonder if he still cares for you. He’s mentioned several times over the summer that he can’t believe you had sex with Hayden and not him after you two were together for two years.”
“That doesn’t mean he still likes me. He’s just mad he went without all that time.”
Madison laughs. “I think she nailed it there.”
“Maybe you’re right. I guess I’ll have a better idea how committed he is once we’re at college together.”
I’m propped up on my side, but I roll to my back and spread my arms and legs out while I groan dramatically.
I nudge Madison in the process. She’s cross-legged next to me, her fingers playing with her caramel hair.
“God, why won’t he answer me? This is torture. Maybe he decided he doesn’t want to go to college after all.”
“That boy is nuts about you and possessive, too. Have you not seen the look he gives guys who check you out? There is no way he could stand you going to IU without him.”
“If he changed his mind, I’m going to regret fighting for my scholarship. I could’ve stayed here and went to UofL like my parents wanted and remained close to Hayden.”
My phone buzzes in my hand, so I jerk the screen up to my face.
Hayden: Meet me at the park where we had the party last weekend.
Me: Why can’t we meet in the woods? Or at least can I drive you there?
Nothing comes through. I stare and wait as seconds pass.
Hayden: I can’t ride with you. Meet me in twenty minutes.
Hayden: Wait … I don’t want you driving. Could Madison bring you and stay in the car?
I look to her. “He asked if you could give me a ride to the park. He said he doesn’t want me driving. Is he going to tell me he’s dying or something?”
“Tell him I’ll take you. We have to find out what’s up.”
Me: She can give me a ride. See you there, and I love you.
Since we’re leaving for IU in the morning, Carrie gives us both hugs goodbye. I tell my parents I’m going to Madison’s for a little while to help her pack, and we head out.
She drives me in her car, and my nerves are shot. I’m wringing my sweaty hands and tapping my foot.
“He doesn’t want you to drop me off. Can you wait while we talk?”
Reaching across her car, she squeezes my hand.
“I’m always here for you.”
“I know, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that. I have this horrible feeling, Maddie. My stomach is twisted up, and I’m about to hyperventilate.”
“Take the stress out on my hand. I can drive with one.”
I’m silent the rest of the way. Hayden’s motorcycle is already parked when we pull in, and I soon spot him sitting atop a picnic table under the shelter house.
The playground equipment to the right of it is empty of kids. It’s eight o’clock, so there are few people around. A man is walking his dog nearby, but I don’t see anyone else.
“I’ll be back.”
“I’m gonna lay the seat back and put my earbuds in so you two can have some privacy. I’ll be here when you need me.”
“I hope I’m riding home with him.” Getting out of the car, I tug at the bottoms of my jean shorts, pulling them down a little, before I straighten my pink top.
“Hi,” I say as I take the spot next to him.
“Hi.” He doesn’t turn to face me. His hands are clasped in front of him, his elbows resting on his knees.
“Hayden, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me, and frankly, I’m a little pissed that you shut me out, but whatever it is, I’m sure we can work through it.”
Gradually, his head turns my way, his expression obscure.
“For twenty-four hours I’ve been thinking of how to do this, but there is no easy way, so I’m just going to say it. I’m moving back to Arizona.”
My brow furrows, and I search his face for some emotion, for some rationale of what’s happening.
“I don’t understand. Why would you even consider that right now? I mean, we’re moving away together tomorrow and starting classes in only days.”
“I’m not going with you. My dad is sick. Ricky claims he’s really ill and needs me home, so I have to go.”
Jumping off the picnic table, I walk forward and rub my forehead.
“Did your dad tell you to come back?”
“No, but I have to return to take care of him. My uncle Watts is doing it now, and it should be me. I also need to protect him.”
I turn to face him and shake my head.
“No. You aren’t supposed to go back there. You told me yourself you could die if you do.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t matter? That’s all you have to say? Is that all you think I deserve?”
His head falls over, and he slides his hands back into his hair. As anger rises inside me, I march to him and yank down his hands.
“Why don’t you seem upset? Why are you acting like this is no big deal?” He’s staring at me blankly, and all I envision is smacking the life back into him. “Give me some answers!”
“I’m aware it’s a big deal. Do you think I don’t know what I’m doing to you–to us?”
“Then talk to me, and don’t go.” I push his arms out and shove my body between his legs. I’m grabbing at his shirt and wishing the bench of this picnic table would get out of my damn way so I could fade into him, to remind him of the bond between us.
I’m unable to hold in my cry. He turns his head away, but I grab his face and pull it back.
“Stay with me. We’ll find a way to help your dad from here. We can both get part-time jobs, and I have money saved we could send for his care. You can’t risk your life, and you can’t leave me and our future.”
His stoic expression cracks, and pain surfaces in his eyes. His forehead falls against mine, his fingers clamping around my hands that are holding his face.
“Baby, I’m sorry. There is no way for me to help you understand it, but I hav
e to go.”
My forehead rubs back and forth against his as my tears fall beneath us.
“No, no, no. You can’t. I’ll follow you there if you do. I swear I’ll find you.”
Jerking back, his look hardens.
“Don’t you dare look for me. I mean it, Avery. Don’t you fucking dare.”
I raise my eyebrows. “I will, and you can’t stop me.”
“I don’t want you there, and it’s not safe for you to be. You’re going to get your ass in the car in the morning, and drive to your new life without me the way you were supposed to do all along.”
Yanking my hands free, I grab at the front of his shirt again, clutching it tight.
“Why don’t you hide that you’re there? Once your dad’s well, you could come back, and we can be together like we planned.”
“He isn’t going to get better, and I’m not making you promises I can’t keep. I should’ve never allowed a relationship with you in the first place.”
I shake him by the shirt.
“How can you say that to me after what we’ve built together?! You told me at the hospital that you’d always come back to me.”
Mammoth tears tumble as my sob billows in the air around us. I might tumble, too. My legs try to buckle, and I fight to breathe.
“Hayden, don’t do this. I’m begging you not to go. I love you. God, please stay with me.”
His eyes become watery as they survey my face like they’ll never do it again. An urgent study, scrolling and memorizing.
He’s really leaving me. It’s over.
Our past a memory.
Our future stolen.
Our present agony.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Hayden
I should’ve suspected that Avery would have the power to render me weak. She feels emotions to the depth of a canyon. Passionate. Willful. Determined.
I can’t take it. The yearning to soothe her is overpowering, so I stand and pull her to me.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. I wish it could be different. This life was planned for me while I was still in the womb, and I was a fool to think it could be anything else.”
The Scars Keeper Page 23