“Oh, God, not again,” Maria said.
From the garage, where Maria could faintly hear the ripping of cardboard and soft growls, Sherlock spoke up. Is that Claire? If it is, tell her I take back what I said about her and I not going to Dog Prom!
Maria ignored him.
“To start, you’re going to have to hop in the shower—no, don’t hop. You might break a leg and that’d be bad,” Claire went on, her hands motioning while she talked.
“Har-har.”
“Seriously, you need to tame that wild mane, and the only way I see that happening is by showering…plus, Maria, you kind of smell like—” She sniffed the air deeply. “Is that Milkbone?”
Maria sighed. “Yeah…long story. I’m just glad you didn’t say I smelled like dog pee or Gnome.”
“Better than Gnome pee.”
“Is it?”
Both of them cracked smiles and lost themselves to uncontrollable laughter.
“Go, shower, go!”
Maria showered and when she got out only five minutes later, Claire was standing in the steamy bathroom, holding out a towel in one hand, and covering her eyes with the other.
“Don’t tell me you have a key to my bathroom, too,” Maria said.
“Nope, you didn’t lock it. Hurry up and dry off. And don’t give me that look.”
“I thought your eyes were covered.”
“Maria, please, you’ve seen one pair, you’ve seen them all—at least that’s what my grandma always said…around the time the dementia set in, and she would go gardening in her front yard as naked as the day she was born…”
“Wise words to live by. Can’t beat an old woman who’s bold enough to garden in the nude.”
“Yeah,” Claire said, “I miss her.”
“How’s Tabby?” Maria asked, wanting to quickly change the subject from Claire’s naked grandma—which was a picture she wasn’t going to get out of her head anytime soon.
“She’s good, at home resting. But no more talk. It’s time.”
“Please, Claire, don’t play—”
It was too late. Claire pushed a button, and her iPhone blared ‘Eye of the Tiger’ from the Rocky movies.
The 80s movie montage had begun.
“Holy shit!” Maria said a quarter of an hour later. “I look like a princess!”
Joe would be there in five minutes.
“Where did you even get this outfit? I don’t own this…do I?”
Claire’s only answer was a grin.
“Seriously, where?”
“Magic,” Claire said, waving her hands in an arc.
“Nuh-uh.”
“Okay, I stole it from Ted’s wife…there, ya happy?” Claire said. She stuck her tongue out immediately after. Ted was Maria’s former boss at the Popcorn Palace—a small store in the food court that specialized in all sorts of rare popcorn flavors. Maria had been fired there only a day or two ago—she wasn’t sure which. Ever since going to Oriceran, her internal clock was all messed up.
“Ted doesn’t have a wife. God have mercy on any woman who’d sleep in the same bed as him.”
“I don’t know where it’s from, but it was in your grandpa’s closet.”
Maria paled. “You went in there?”
“Relax, I didn’t see anything weirder than what I saw on a different planet. Some pretty weird stuff—why would he have a stuffed ferret and for what purpose?—but nothing too crazy. The dress was hanging next to a bunch of other weird outfits that I haven’t seen him wear. I see your eyes getting big; don’t worry, it was in plastic and doesn’t smell like mothballs or Gnome pee.”
“I wonder whose it was,” Maria said, mostly to herself. An odd feeling came over her. Was this dress, this ornately decorated blue dress that sparkled like crystals in the sun, something my mother might’ve worn on Oriceran? With the odd feeling and hopeful thought came the sadness. She wished she’d known her mother. She wished she could’ve been there helping Claire get her ready for her first date. She wished for so many things.
Then came the thoughts of the village, and Duke in her dreams, and, for some reason, a great winged beast. No, why am I thinking that? That won’t happen, she thought. Her mother would never rise from the dead. There was no spell to bring her back. It may have worked on the Arachnid, but she doubted it would work on regular Oricerans—that, Maria was almost sure of. She had no intention of using dark magic when she could hardly control her newfound light-magic.
Wow! Sherlock entered the bathroom. There were bits of red cardboard on his muzzle. Maria, you look amazing.
“You’re not being a jerk?”
Me? Never!
“Thanks, Sherlock.”
Maria stood up from the stool she was sitting on. She ran her fingers through her hair. It felt softer than it ever had, and for once, it laid flat; not one stubborn strand sticking out. “Claire, you are seriously a miracle worker. I looked like a fool before you helped me.”
Claire brushed her shoulders and smirked. “No big deal. Better than working on the customers at Sephora. God, some of them can be such a pain.”
Sherlock’s ears perked up, then he barked low just as a knock came from the front door.
All of their eyes went wide, which was really saying something for Sherlock, whose eyes were almost always droopy.
“Joe!” Maria said. “Oh, my God, oh, my God, are you sure I look—”
“You look fantastic. I am an artist.” Claire pronounced it ‘arteest.’ “Now go on, before he changes his mind.”
Maria’s heart went wild in her chest. She couldn’t believe it was actually happening, that she was finally going on a date with Joe. In a way, it was almost crazier than discovering she was a witch, technically born on another planet.
She went down the steps, and Claire and Sherlock followed her about halfway, then stopped so they could watch from the shadows.
Maria opened the door, and Joe’s jaw dropped to his stomach. In his hands he held another bouquet of roses—this time blue, almost the same shade as her dress. He handed them to her shakily.
“You look…you look beautiful, Maria.”
She blushed and hoped that wouldn’t mess up her makeup. She wasn’t used to wearing any.
“Thank you. You look handsome yourself, Joe,” she replied.
Tell him if he hurts you, I’m not only gonna pee on him, but I’ll rip his balls off! Sherlock said. Maria tried her best to ignore it.
Just keep smiling, she thought.
She took the flowers into the kitchen and put them in a vase of water. She and Claire caught eyes when she passed, and Claire nodded, letting her know by way of their own best friend, mental telepathy that she would cut the stems and make sure the flowers weren’t dead by the time they got back.
Joe held the door open for her.
I mean it! Sherlock’s voice chased her.
They walked down the path arm in arm. Joe’s muscles bulged beneath the dark gray cardigan he wore.
Keep calm, Maria, keep calm, she told herself.
Suddenly, her free hand went to her waist, searching for the sword and the sword belt. Had she forgotten to take it off in her haste?
No. It wasn’t there. She could probably thank Claire for that. But she still had her music box, only because she didn’t trust it out of her hands. Gramps brought up Frodo and The Lord of the Rings earlier while they were in Oriceran, hadn’t he?
In some silly way, the music box was Maria’s One Ring. If she lost it to the spiders and their dark magic, she will have failed. And Maria did not plan on failing ever again.
Joe opened her car door. He drove a modest black Honda Civic; nothing fancy, but quite nice compared to Maria’s car—which was currently non-existent.
“Thank you,” she said.
He smiled and got in on the driver’s side.
“Where are we going?”
“I was thinking we could grab dinner. Your choice.”
Maria fanned herself, putting on a south
ern accent. “Oh, Joe, dahling, you’re much too good to little ol’ me.”
He chuckled awkwardly.
Instantly, Maria blushed. “Okay, let’s just completely forget that I did that.”
“Did what?”
Maria looked at Joe, confused.
He winked.
“Ah, I see. Yeah, you’re right…did what?”
“So…dahling,” Joe said, mimicking Maria’s voice almost perfectly, “where are we eating?”
Maria rolled her eyes. “Hilarious,” she said sarcastically, but in all honesty, Maria had been smiling so much since Joe came to her front door that her face was hurting, and she knew it was going to be that kind of night.
“Olive Garden?” Joe suggested when an awkward silence settled over them.
“Sounds delicious,” Maria answered. She could’ve eaten anything at that moment. How hungry she was didn’t hit her until she started picturing Olive Garden’s golden breadsticks and cheesy ravioli. Oh, no, I’m turning into Sherlock. Next thing she knew, she’d be rooting through the dumpsters behind Olive Garden and growling at any people walking by.
“Then to the Garden we go, milady,” Joe said, putting the car into reverse. As he pulled onto the deserted road, he said, “Let’s just forget I said that, too. I’m not some medieval knight. I’m sorry.”
Maria put on her best British accent (which wasn’t very good at all) and replied, “Quite all right, your grace.”
They both laughed, and for a split second, as Joe shifted into drive, their eyes met and Maria felt a fire smoldering between them.
Yes, it was going to be a fine night. The date would go well and she’d eat and be happy and perhaps Joe would even kiss her… She just hoped Gramps was okay.
The ice cream shop on Main Street in Akron, Ohio was busy. Lois looked at the line of people and thought to herself that she could really go for a chocolate-vanilla swirl—especially in this heat. Ohio was hotter than she remembered. Global warming. She shook her head.
She walked across the street and opened the door, turning sideways to squeeze by a group of high school kids dressed in baseball uniforms. The line at the counter was fifteen deep, but Lois was in the PDA; she didn’t have to worry about lines, especially when she was on official PDA/unofficial Silver Griffin business. She cut around everyone, getting a few choice looks from baseball moms and coaches. Her badge burned in her pocket, but not as much as her wand.
At the counter, a thin old man with wild hair and wearing an apron, had his back to Lois. In each hand, he had a cone. He rotated them clockwise, one vanilla, one chocolate, then crossed his arms to make a picturesque swirl.
Funny, how the ice cream machine works itself. Funny, how no one seemed to ask any questions about it, either.
Ohio must have different rules, Lois thought. Nah, not likely.
The thin old man was humming to himself. Lois cleared her throat softly. No response. Then she cleared it a little more loudly.
“Just a minute. Got a full house today. Machines are working overtime, not to mention this weather,” the thin old man went on.
“Hi, Salem,” Lois said.
The ice cream machines magically shut off. Salem turned around so slow, Lois thought she could hear him creaking.
“Say it isn’t so!”
In the back, a witch’s voice drifted out. “What is it, Salem?”
Salem didn’t answer. He was in too much shock.
The same mother who’d given Lois a dirty look pushed her way up the counter and said, “We’re waiting.”
Salem handed her the two cones.
“Hey, I didn’t order these,” she said.
“Those were mine!” a kid whined.
Salem snapped a finger and the machines kicked on. “No worries! Free ice cream for all. All you can eat!” He grabbed a stack of cones and placed them on the counter. “Today is a joyous day! We must celebrate!”
“Salem! We can’t keep giving out free ice cream. That’s not a good business model!” the witch said from the back.
Salem waved a hand. The people waiting in line practically crawled over each other to get at the cones. Amazing what free ice cream could do to a person.
“Agnes?” Lois asked Salem.
Salem, that big grin still on his face, nodded.
“Sounds like her.”
“Come on back, Lois! Come see her. The Muffler twins should be stopping in soon. It’s card night; they never miss card night.”
“I remember those card nights. Muffler twins still get mad when they lose?”
“They’ve calmed down with age.” He was out from behind the counter now, navigating through the onslaught of baseball players and coaches and moms and dads. “Really, you must come say hi!”
“I can’t stay long.” Lois pulled out her badge. “I’ve been promoted.”
“That’s right. You’re not Silver Griffin. Whew.” Salem mimed wiping away sweat from his forehead. He turned and shouted to Agnes. “Ag, get out here! Lois has come to visit!”
“Lois!?”
“I am on Silver Griffin business…unofficially. Things have been hectic lately—”
“You’re telling me,” Salem interrupted. “Wait, what? Silver Griffin business?” Salem grimaced. “So you must have heard about what happened the other night…”
Lois pulled out her phone and swiped the screen a few times until a blurry video of Maria, Ignatius, and a hulking Arachnid fought in the street, blue and black light erupting from Maria’s sword, and the Arachnid’s arms filling the screen.
“I see,” Salem said. “What is that, the internet?”
“Still haven’t gotten with the times yet?” Lois asked.
When Salem didn’t laugh, Lois said, “Yes, it’s the internet. It’s all over. Lacey has people working around the clock trying to get it off, but when we take down one, twenty copies replace it.”
Agnes came out of the back room, dried ice cream on her apron, hair in a ponytail. She gave a few sideways glances to the people fighting over the ice cream machine, mumbling something about how people of Earth will pretty much kill each other over anything, but when she saw Lois, her eyes lit up and a smile replaced her scowl.
“Lois! I can’t believe it.” The two witches hugged, then parted. “How’s Earl?” She put an arm around Salem. “Why do you look so glum?”
“Trevilsom Prison,” Salem answered.
“Trevilsom? What are you talking about?” Sudden realization dawned over Agnes’s face. “Oh, I see. Lois isn’t here on a friendly visit, is she? I thought you left the Silver Griffins.”
Lois nodded. “I did. In the PDA now, but running a check for Lacey. Been hectic lately.”
“So we’ve heard,” Agnes answered. “And witnessed firsthand.”
“That’s what I’m here about,” Lois said. “Oh, cheer up, Salem. I’m not here to take you to Trevilsom. I’m just here to make sure the Silver Griffins don’t need to put this to the top of their list. I mean, an Arachnid? On Earth? That’s almost unheard of. Those creatures hardly leave the Dark Forest, let alone Oriceran.”
“How long does that video go on for?” Salem asked. He looked a bit relaxed now that Trevilsom was off the table.
“Not much longer,” Lois answered. She took her glasses off, breathed on the lenses, and then wiped them off with her shirt. “Far as we know, only one person recorded it. More could’ve been witnesses, but so far nothing has popped up on the web.”
“Can’t we claim it was a hoax? Special effects, that sort of thing?” Agnes asked.
“Believe me, they are. Lacey has people posting videos in reply that point out the use of CGI. A Debunk Team, of sorts. Like I said, no need to worry about the cleanup. Lacey is a tough witch; she’ll handle it. We’re just worried for the people of Earth’s safety.”
“No need,” Agnes answered. “Salem asked how long the video went on because Maria Apple there was the last Oriceran standing.”
Lois’s eyes got big behind the
lenses of her glasses. “A young witch took out an Arachnid?”
“A reanimated Arachnid,” Salem said quietly.
The crowd near the ice cream machines had thinned out. Most had gone outside to enjoy the last bit of sunlight left in the day. Others, too weary of the heat, stayed inside and sat at the various tables.
“Oh, no,” Lois said. “Reanimated? That’s the worst kind of dark magic.”
Salem and Agnes nodded.
“But the Arachnid has been disposed of…again?”
Salem clapped his hands together loudly and said, “Poof!”
“And the threat is subdued?”
“For that, you will have to ask Ignatius.”
“Can you give me his address? Ignatius seems to have flown under our radar for most of his time here on Earth. How long’s it been? Twenty years?”
“Just about,” Agnes said. “I believe going on twenty, yes.”
“I can give you his address,” Salem said, his head tilted, waiting for Lois’s explosive reaction, “but he isn’t home.”
“Well, I’ll just go wait for him. Where’s he at, grocery store? Golf? I heard he’s gotten into golf lately. No fun when you can use magic.”
“About that…”
“He’s on Oriceran, isn’t he?”
Agnes smiled and gave a quick glance to the middle of the dining area, where the portal had opened to their homeworld not too long ago.
“Yes,” Salem answered, “he is. No telling when he’ll be getting back.”
“Subduing the threat?”
Salem nodded again.
Lois sighed and mumbled to herself, “I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I’ll have to tell Earl I won’t be back in time for dinner. Lacey’s really going to have to owe me one.” She reached into her pocket and brought out two photos. “One last thing. Have you seen these agents?”
She held up a picture of Felah Fyre and Tone Doyon, the two missing members of the Order.
Almost instantly, Agnes and Salem lost the color in their faces.
“So you know of them?”
“I was pretty close with Felah. The other, I didn’t know too well. Felah was always complaining about him,” Salem said.
“Where are they?”
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