“Don’t leave!” I plead.
She walks toward the door as if intoxicated.
“Please stay!” I attempt one final mind manipulation.
But it doesn’t work. She stumbles out the door, leaving me empty and cold once more.
THE LADY IN RED
This is the scene in Chapter 8 of Saven Deception where Neve discovers Sadie and Logan communicating in the library room.
I’m first to arrive. As usual, the library is completely deserted. Lucky for me, or I would never have had the opportunity to get to know Sadie these last few days. A wave of contentment washes over me. My lips curve into a familiar smile whenever I think of her. Everything about her draws me in: her intelligence, her beauty, her sweet, shy nature, her rapturous smile, that gorgeous, lilting voice that does funny things to my insides, and her endearing innocence. She is as close to perfection as there is.
The overwhelming desire to protect her accelerates with every passing second. Darkness shrouds me and I shiver. If my father was aware of this growing closeness between us, he wouldn’t hesitate to jump to conclusions. The wrong conclusions.
Even the thoughts of choosing Sadie as my preferred earthen makes me sick to the pit of my stomach. I’ve seen some of the commissioner’s reports outlining the progress in Sector Twenty, and it makes for gruesome reading. I visited the facility in the early stages, and it made me uncomfortable as hell. Father visits on a regular basis now, and I know I would be by his side if it were feasible. I have plenty of reasons to be glad that I’m stuck in this Mock-Up Facility, but I’m especially grateful for that.
I rub a sore spot between my shoulder blades and arch my suddenly stiff spine. A sour taste floods my mouth. This whole scenario feels wrong, though I can’t deny the necessity. My race is destroying itself, and if urgent action isn’t taken to stem the accelerating violence, the escalating murder rate, then there will be nothing worth salvaging.
I just wish there was another way.
I know Neve and Haydn share my unease, but they don’t appear to have any real qualms about following the plan. Unlike me. Increasingly, I’m finding it harder and harder to reconcile within myself. Perhaps it’s as Neve’s suggested; I’m subconsciously allowing my feelings for Evana to influence me.
But I have a slightly different theory. Ever since I landed on Earth, my distaste has been steadily mounting. Being surrounded by humans is having some kind of effect on me, but I don’t fully understand what or why.
I exhale loudly, forcing all negative thoughts aside. I don’t want Sadie to see me like this. I only have to visualize her in that stunning red dress and my mood instantly lifts.
As if on cue, the door to the library across the water crashes open, and Sadie skids into the room. She looks a little flustered as she self-consciously tugs at the hem of her short—very short—red dress. For someone so small, she sure is rocking an awfully long set of legs. My eyes travel the length of her, taking in the expanse of bare skin and the formfitting dress, which hugs her body in all the right places, perfectly showcasing her alluring physique. The gentle curve of her waist is in perfect proportion to her slim hips and the enticing swell of her breasts. If you handed me a sketch pad and asked me to draw a picture of my ideal woman, it would be an exact replica of her.
She ticks all the boxes.
Except one.
She is a human.
The thought of falling for a human girl never entered my mind. Not for a fraction of a second. Understanding what I needed to do—no matter how distasteful—I arrived on this planet with only one goal in mind: To find a preferred earthen and get the nasty over and done with, pronto.
Now everything has been turned on its head, and I don’t know what my game plan is anymore
Or if I even have one.
Not that I care in this moment.
All that matters is the vision in red across the way.
Quickly composing herself, Sadie carefully closes the door and walks to the window seat.
I stare at my D-pad impatiently as I wait for her to log into our private chat room. Then her angelic face fills the screen and a soothing calmness sweeps over me. “Wow, you look gorgeous. Red is most definitely your color.” I pour my heartfelt emotion into my words and my expression, wanting my sincerity to come through.
“Thanks.” She smiles shyly before looking nervously over her shoulder. “We may have company in a sec. I’ve been busted.”
I send her an inquisitive look, not quite sure what she means. The door to Sadie’s library swings open, and I blink once, twice, three times, in the hope that my eyes are deceiving me. Neve’s mouth hangs open as she stares at the screen. Her head jerks up, and she looks from Sadie to me and back again.
“What are you doing?!” Neve’s silent hiss reaches my mind.
“What does it look like?” I silently retort.
She glowers at me through the window, and her fists tense at her side. It doesn’t take much to press my cousin’s buttons, so this type of reaction is nothing new to me. Still, I don’t understand why this situation has her so riled up.
“Don’t get smart with me, asshat,” she fumes.
“What exactly is your problem?” I pierce her with a challenging glare.
“You and her. That’s my damned problem. I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but you’re not picking her. She’s my best friend, and I won’t let you or any Saven take her conscience. Sadie is off the table. Period. How long have you two been talking anyway?” A muscle ticks furiously in her jaw.
“Since we got here. But, listen, that’s not it. It’s—”
“Bull,” she interrupts me. “What else could it be?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. Hard. How can I define something I have no way of explaining? I don’t understand this connection between us, so how can I expect someone else to? But I need to at least try, before Neve self-combusts. Or worse yet. Takes matters into her own hands. “I like her. A lot. Too much to choose her as my preferred earthen. I could never hurt her. Or let anyone else hurt her. She ... she’s important to me.”
Neve levels a suspicious look at me. “I don’t get it, Logan, but if you mean what you say, then at least we have that much in common.”
“I don’t fully understand it myself, Neve, but believe me, the last thing I would do is hurt her. I don’t want to do that to her. I ... l ...” Just in time I stop myself from expressing the ridiculous thought that erupted from nowhere in my mind.
“Good. Then this ends. Right now. Because the longer you do this—whatever this is—the more danger you put her in. What if your father finds out? You know he would insist that you pick her. Are you prepared to jeopardize her life? Or would you stand up to him? You and I both know the answer to that.”
Sadie tugs on Neve’s elbow, confusion written all over her beautiful face.
My face drops. I don’t want to admit that Neve is right, though I’m fearful she is. And it’s not that I haven’t had similar thoughts, because I have. But I’ve refused to indulge them up to this point. Now I see how selfish I’ve been. Protecting Sadie is all that counts. Keeping her safe is my sole priority from here on out.
Shutting the lid on my D-pad, I sneak one last quick glance at Sadie. She is still yanking on Neve’s arm, demanding answers, no doubt. The look of confusion is gradually being replaced with anger. Gulping painfully, I slide off the seat and walk to the door without another word. With each step taking me farther and farther from her, my heart feels like a piece of leaden wood in my chest. I slip into the corridor, more anguished than I can ever remember feeling.
As I lie on my bed in the dorm, heartsick with longing, Neve’s question reverberates on a continual loop in my mind. If my father did find out about Sadie, could I stand up to him? Would I fight for her no matter the consequence? Shame floods my system. I didn’t even attempt to defend my position, or what Sadie and I have, with Neve. I capitulated on the spot without any protest. The actions of a coward. Sadie
deserves better than that. Better than me. She deserves someone who will fight for her to the bitter end. Someone who isn’t constricted by family and duty and the weight of responsibility for an entire race. Someone who is free to love her the way she deserves to be loved.
How I wish that someone could be me.
But right now, that is the type of foolish notion that could get both of us killed. Could signal the end of my race. Too many people are relying on me, and I can’t afford to indulge in wishful thinking.
A sharp pain stabs me clear through the heart as my thoughts reach a natural conclusion.
I want to be free to love Sadie.
I want to fight for that love.
I want to claim my rightful place by her side.
But I can’t.
Because that would equal the height of selfishness.
And she deserves the whole world.
I wish I could be the one to give her that.
But I can’t ever be that person for her.
FIRST MEETING
This is the scene from Chapter 11 of Saven Deception when Logan and Sadie meet each other outside the apartment block in Thalassic City.
It’s pandemonium when we arrive at the station in Thalassic City. Haydn steers me through the mob out to the RT station. My eyes continuously search all around me as we walk, seeking her out. The weight of disappointment crushes me. These last few days have been the worst form of self-inflicted torture. I can’t evict Sadie from my thoughts. She has thoroughly entranced my mind.
I could count on one hand the number of hours of sleep I’ve had since that dreadful day in the library. Visions of our last time together resurrect to torment me. My head sags. Ignoring all her messages was callous, but I’ve had little choice. This is the best course of action for Sadie, even though she doesn’t know it. My heart physically ached when I sent that fake message confirming I was only toying with her after all. Nothing could be further from the truth. But I did what was necessary, even if it kills me on the inside.
I think I hate myself more than she hates me.
Or at least, I hope so.
I finally caved and told Haydn everything. I figured Neve would do it if I didn’t tell him myself. He was surprisingly supportive, which was unexpected. Haydn is a model of practical emotional indifference, and I was anticipating puzzled looks and teasing. But I underestimated my bodyguard and best friend, much to my shame. He listened patiently as I tried to explain the totality of what is in my heart: The unfamiliar feelings swirling inside me, the unrelenting pull in Sadie’s direction, my tentative suspicions over what I think it means, and the deep-rooted pain that threatens to derail me.
He didn’t offer any meaningful advice, because in reality there is none. Haydn understands fully what it means to be confined by duty. So there were no reprimands. Instead, he gave me a much-needed shoulder to lean on and his quiet, steady support.
Not for the first time, I thank my lucky stars that he came into my life. Haydn is more my family than my actual family. More my brother than Dante could ever claim to be.
“Did you see her?” Haydn asks as we step onto the train.
“No.” A frustrated sigh leaks out of me. “Probably for the best,” I add.
He doesn’t dignify the blatant lie with a response. I plonk down in a seat beside him and stare out the window the entire trip.
***
The large Autovee pulls up outside the entrance to the white-walled high-rise apartment block that we will call home for the next six months. The air is unnaturally warm as I help Haydn unload bags from the trunk. I sling my backpack over my shoulder as a ripple of fiery tingles race up and down my spine. Every hair on my body stands to attention as the realization dawns. I tense, torn between a mix of nervous excitement and wary resignation. I’m frozen to the spot, and Haydn is observing me curiously.
I moisten my lips as I look at him. “She’s here. I feel her.”
“Can you reach her mind?” he asks, transparent inquisitiveness in his tone.
Slowly, nervously, I turn around and search the grounds. It doesn’t take me long to find her. She is a few cars across the lot, standing beside a good-looking tall guy with cropped bleached blond hair, her back to me. Although there is nothing feigning intimacy between them, a surge of jealousy rears its ugly head at the thought that other guys are already sniffing around her. And the fact that he can merely stand there beside her irritates me more than it should. I don’t even want to consider the idea that she may have already replaced me in her affections. I toss that errant thought away. Sadie isn’t that type of girl, I’m sure of it.
“Turn around.” I send the message to her mind. Nothing happens. Hhm. “Turn around.” I try a second time, more forcefully on this occasion. She massages her temples with her fingertips but she remains static, unmoving.
“That is really weird. She isn’t responding to mind implant,” I tell Haydn with a puzzled frown. And it’s not the first time her reactions have been inconsistent, I think to myself.
I audibly gasp when she twists around and starts scanning the crowds. She has sensed me. I feel a little smug. Haydn follows my line of sight and whistles low on his breath. “Wow. She’s a looker.” I growl at him, pissed at what I perceive to be a tremendous insult. Sadie is certifiably drop-dead gorgeous. A looker. Hah! I snort at his cluelessness. “Do you think she looks a bit like ...”
He stops talking the instant Sadie’s eyes find mine, apparently as dumbstruck as I am right now. I lean against the side of the Autovee for support. Stars above! My memory hasn’t done her justice. Not by a long shot. She is completely breathtaking at such proximity. My feet twitch on the ground, itching to go to her. It takes every shred of self-control not to cave to the urge. I have never wanted to swoop a girl up into my arms as much as I want to with Sadie in this moment.
The cord roars to life inside me, weaving a curved path from me to her. My heart swells to life as blood thrums in my veins and hollers in my ears. Our surroundings fade away, and she is all I can see. All I want to see. Her chest visibly rises as a multitude of differing emotions flit across her face. I rub my taut jaw, heart and mind battling within me. I yearn to go to her. To speak to her up close and personal, but I can’t be that selfish.
She isn’t the one for me.
Pain stabs me all over, like a million tiny pinpricks impacting my skin all at once.
A movement out of the corner of my eye darkens my mood in a nanosecond. Neve’s scowling face appears in my line of sight, and I’m dragged back to reality with a bang.
“Asshole! I told you to stay away from her! Back off right now.” Her look brokers no argument. I level a filthy look in her direction before I reluctantly push off the vehicle and walk away.
Neve may well be right, but that doesn’t mean I have to pretend to like it.
FIRST KISS
This scene is from Chapter 18 into Chapter 19 of Saven Deception when Sadie is in the theater to learn of the casting call for the forthcoming production of Romeo and Juliet.
I am going to kill my brother.
The thought bounces in my brain as my fists clench at my sides. I’ve had sufficient cause to make this silent threat repeatedly over the years, only this time I’m going to follow through. I jerk up, growling at the look of malicious intent on his face. If he touches one hair on her head ... I will not be responsible for my actions.
Dante reaches the edge of the stage, and my body springs into ninja mode. Pushing off my hands, I swing my torso around and eject myself out of the row. I hurry toward the stage as the storm mushrooms to tornado-like proportions inside me. “That’s a wonderful suggestion, Dante,” the director says in a loud voice. “It’s important to ensure you both have appropriate chemistry considering you are enacting the world’s most famous star-crossed lovers.”
I emit a silent string of curse words as I pick up my pace and full-on sprint through the auditorium. Curious faces stare at me as I run, but I don’t care what anyone
else thinks. All I care about is protecting her from him. Time and time again, I’ve warned my brother to stay away from Sadie, but he appears to have picked up on just how important she is to me, and now he’s in relentless pursuit. He won’t let it drop. She’s become another weapon in his arsenal. Another manipulation tool.
But he’s failed to understand the difference.
He can inflict the usual nasty all he wants—spread lies behind my back, blatantly attempt to manipulate our father to sully his favor, deliberately antagonize me in meetings, steal my ideas and present them as his own, hire his merry band of thieves and criminals in an effort to sabotage my latest plan or event—and it doesn’t bother me. Inconvenience me? Yeah. But that’s about the height of it. My father is a shrewd man. He knows what Dante’s game plan is, and he has seldom indulged him. To him, he’s barely more than a nuisance.
I lost my brother to his inner demons a long time ago. His behavior no longer hurts me. For me, all Dante has done is turned annoyance into an art form, one I’ve always been able to deflect.
Until now.
No one messes with my angel.
Fury powers through me like a raging bull as Dante grabs Sadie to him and locks her in his embrace. Holding her head securely in his large calloused hands, he crashes his mouth to hers as she wriggles in desperation. The sound of my footsteps urgently slapping against the hardwood floor mix with ushered mumblings of unease at the top of the auditorium. I bound up the stairs two at a time, adrenaline blending with potent anger in my blood. A red haze forms a film over my eyes as I advance forward. Dante continues his assault on her pretty mouth, and I want to rip him limb from limb. Slowly. Painfully. Inflicting maximum damage.
I fist a hand in his shirt and rip him off her. She falls to the floor with a low groan. I want to go to her, to ensure she’s okay, but Dante is pumped for the fight, so I guess it’s game on.
The Logan Collection Page 2