“You did?”
“We didn’t tell him that you were missing. Ivy knew that if we told him, he would be out there looking for you. Him falling into the hands of a Winter fae is too much of a risk,” Caden explained, and that made sense. For someone as goofy as Tink, he was incredibly powerful. “We told him that you’d been sent on assignment with the Order.”
“Really?” I replied dryly.
“It was Ivy’s idea. Tink believed it.”
“He’s…he’s going to be so mad when he finds out you all lied.”
“Yes, he is.”
“Going to be mad at you.” My gaze shifted to him.
A small, lopsided grin appeared. “I’m the King.”
“Doesn’t that make you an even bigger target for people to be mad?”
“Not in my world.”
I sighed.
“Plus, he loves me. So, I figure he will direct his anger at Ivy and Ren.”
“Nice.”
His gaze flickered over me, lingering on the left side of my face. I had a feeling that side looked particularly messy. Sadness crept into his warm eyes, along with what I easily recognized as guilt.
“This wasn’t your fault,” I told him.
“We’re going to have to disagree on that.”
“No, we don’t. You…” I blinked rapidly as an image of Aric formed. “You didn’t do this to me. Aric said…he said he knew I’d been looking for him.”
“This wasn’t your fault either.” Caden sat on the bed, planting a hand on either side of my hips, startling me. I tensed as my heart turned over. He pulled back, lifting his hands. “Nothing that was done to you was your fault, Brighton. It wouldn’t matter if you walked right up to him. He did this.”
“And it’s not your fault either.”
Caden turned his head. A muscle flexed along his jaw. “I know why he took you. I knew why before I saw you in that tomb, in that…” He trailed off, releasing a rough breath. “I wish he was still alive so I could rip him apart, finger by finger, limb from limb.”
Part of me thought I knew why, too. That Aric had told me, and it was important. All of it.
“There is something… I can’t remember.” I moved my head from side to side like it would somehow jar the memories loose. Of course, that didn’t work. Frustration rose. “I can remember things that don’t matter, but I know there is more.”
“As you begin to heal, your memory should also mend itself.”
I barked out a short laugh. “I know that’s not always the case. My mom…” I pressed my lips together, ignoring the pain. “She had good days, and then days where it was like she wasn’t there. She didn’t really know who I was or that she was at home. And her memory? It was never the same. Whole years were forgotten, and they only had her for a few days. Aric fed on me…” I swallowed at the blast of heat that rolled off the King. “It was a lot, and there were times in that chamber where I…I had no idea where I was, how I got there, and I’d have to remember who I was. That could happen again, and there’ll be nothing I can do. Even if it’s just a couple of hours, I’m going to lose parts of myself.”
“That’s not going to happen to you,” Caden swore.
My gaze shifted back to him. His face blurred. “You can’t say that. You don’t know that.”
“You’re right.” Caden slowly reached for my hand, and when I didn’t react, he picked it up, holding it loosely in his warm grasp. “But I was wrong.”
“Really? You’re admitting that you’re wrong? About what exactly?”
That small smile returned. “I doubted your strength. Instead of forcing you out of the hunt for Aric, I should’ve included you. I was…it doesn’t matter right now what I was trying to do, but none of us should’ve forced you out. That includes Ivy and Ren, and the Order, and any of our warriors. We were wrong.”
Hearing that meant a lot. It really did.
“I don’t know everything you suffered, but I know enough to confidently say that very few people could’ve gone through what you did and be here right now. Not only that, to kill him…your only source of potential freedom without believing anyone was coming from you? That was not only strong, but also incredibly brave. The latter is something all of us need to face,” he said, and I opened my mouth, but he continued, his voice rough. “You were willing to sacrifice yourself. In a way, you did. I believe you will heal far better than you fear, but even if you don’t, you will be okay. I will ensure it.”
He would ensure it? How? He was the King, one I imagined had duties beyond taking care of me if or when I roamed off in a state of confusion. And besides, he was about to get married.
MARRIED.
I doubted his soon-to-be Queen would be thrilled about that, and the last thing I needed in my life was one more pissed-off fae becoming psychotic and gunning for me.
And I really didn’t need to be reminded days, weeks, or even years from now of why Caden felt he needed to ensure that I was okay.
Staring at our hands, I welcomed the burn in the center of my chest only because that sensation was a dose of reality. Caden wasn’t here because he felt for me what I did for him. He wasn’t promising to be there for me while I dealt with the consequences of…of what Aric had done. We weren’t partners in the way that made people stick together through sickness and health and all that jazz. What I felt for him wasn’t returned, at least not to the same degree. That much was obvious since he was engaged to someone else. He was here because he felt guilt, because he felt pity.
And he felt responsible for me.
It took nothing to see his expression when I freaked out over the glass of water. I squirmed a little, embarrassed.
Out of all the things I was having trouble remembering, I hadn’t forgotten how he had looked at me before. Even when he was angry with me or we were arguing, he stared at me like he could barely restrain himself from leaping on me and taking me to the ground—or against a wall. I shivered.
Now, he looked at me with a mixture of pity and horror, guilt and regret, and seeing that sat like a lead ball in the pit of my stomach.
And that was the worst part about everything that had become of us. I’d gone from respected and desired, even if reluctantly, to someone Caden pitied. I didn’t need time to recover to see that clearly.
I already saw it.
Uncomfortable in my own skin, I pulled at my hand, and he let go. I clenched the blanket. “I really am tired. I think I need some sleep.”
Caden was quiet for several moments. “I’ll be back with something to eat in a few hours after the healer sees you.”
“You don’t have to. “
“I know.” He placed his hand over mine, gently prying my fingers loose. “I want to.”
My gaze shot to his. “More like you need to.”
“That, too.”
“I’m sure someone else can bring me something. You have to be busy, and Tatiana—”
“We will talk about that later,” Caden interrupted. “I’ll be back.” Lifting my hand, he kissed the top of it, surprising me once more. “Get some rest.”
Caden was standing and already at the door before I had the chance to process what he’d done. He stopped and looked over his shoulder at me. “I was wrong about a lot of things, Brighton. Things I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for, but things we will discuss when you’re better. When you’re ready.”
* * * *
I really had no idea what Caden thought we needed to talk about. What kind of paper he and his soon-to-be Queen were going to use for their wedding announcements?
Did fae even send invites?
I had no idea, but about five minutes after Caden had left, there was a knock on the door, and Ivy poked her head in.
“Hey,” she said, stepping inside. “It’s Ivy—”
“I know who you are.” My cheeks flushed as I toyed with the blanket.
“Sorry.” She cringed.
“It’s okay.”
Her face smoothed out. “We ran into Ca
den, and he said you were awake. You up for a quick visit with me and the doc? She wants to check you over.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
Ivy smiled as she moved aside, and the tall female fae entered. My first thought was that she looked like a mortal doctor, white lab coat and all, and even though the four-leaf clover had been taken from me, I could still see the blond female for what she was. Silvery skin and ears slightly pointed. She walked to the bed with the innate grace of all the fae.
“I don’t think I got a chance to introduce myself. I’m Luce.”
“Hi,” I murmured. “I’m Brighton.”
The fae’s pale eyes lightened. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay.”
Her head tilted slightly. “There’s no way, with your level of injuries, that you’re feeling okay. No one would expect that of you, and the most important thing right now is that you’re honest with me so I can make sure you are okay. If not, I’m pretty sure our King will have me drawn and quartered.”
Uh.
I glanced at where Ivy had plopped into the seat Caden had occupied. All her wild, red curls were pulled back in an impressive bun. Widening her eyes, she nodded in agreement to what Luce had said.
Alrighty then. “I feel better than before.”
The fae smiled. “And your pain?”
“Not bad.”
“Good. I’m going to check some of these wounds and do a quick check-up,” she explained. “Then we’ll see about getting some real food in you.”
The exam was rather quick and only a little painful. Sitting up wasn’t exactly fun, and it was only when she lifted the hospital-type gown that I really got to see how the cuts were healing.
My legs and stomach looked like someone had been counting the days on my body like I had been on the stone.
When the healer was done, I was sitting completely upright, my feet resting on the floor, focusing on taking slow and even breaths.
“Everything looks like it’s healing up just fine,” Luce told me, slipping her hands into the pockets of her lab coat. “Actually, you’re healing better than I would’ve anticipated given the number of wounds and the lack of nutrition combined with dehydration. I am aware that can be particularly dangerous for humans.”
“Luce works part-time in a human clinic,” Ivy explained, apparently noting the way I was staring at the doctor.
“Just a couple of hours a week,” she said. “Humans fascinate me. Sort of like how I imagine wild animals fascinate zoologists.”
I blinked.
Ivy pressed her lips together, expanding her cheeks as she widened her eyes once more.
Unabashed by the human and wild animal comparison, Luce continued, “Have you had any more nausea? Vomiting?”
I shook my head and then said, “Not that I remember.”
“Not since yesterday,” Ivy confirmed.
“Good. I think we can get some food sent up. Something light. We’ll see how that goes.”
Exhaling, I nodded again. “Can I take a shower? I really want to wash my hair.”
“If you feel up to it and keep the wounds on your legs and arms bandaged, I don’t see why not.” The fae jerked her chin in Ivy’s direction. “I do think you should have someone here while you do it just in case you get tired.”
“I have ample time on my hands,” Ivy offered.
My gaze shifted between the two women. “When can I go home?”
Luce’s smile remained firm as she glanced at Ivy. My brow puckered. “We’ll see how you’re doing in a day or so, okay?”
I opened my mouth.
“In the meantime, I’ll have some more pain meds sent up,” she moved on. “There’s something else I want to talk to you about.”
Ivy started to rise. “I’m just going to go see if I can rummage up some food for you.”
Understanding flared. I knew what the healer wanted to talk to me about. “You don’t have to leave,” I said, and Ivy halted. “I know what you want to talk about. If I was sexually assaulted.”
Luce nodded. “As you know, there are no diseases that can be transmitted between human and fae, nor is pregnancy common. It’s rare and has to be done without compulsion, but that does not rule out physical force. Even so, it’s still extremely rare, but there are people that you can talk to. Humans I know that specialize—”
“I wasn’t raped,” I cut her off. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t. I don’t remember anything like that happening.” My stomach soured. “He did get…handsy a few times, but I think he was actually disgusted by humans.”
At least until the end.
In the end, I had a vague sense that he’d begun to admire me and had started to view me in a different light, as twisted as that sounded.
Luce nodded. “There were bruises on your inner thighs and hips, the kind that are sometimes found in victims of assault.”
Victims.
I closed my eyes, took a breath, and then reopened them. “When I said handsy, I didn’t just mean in a sexually unwanted way. He liked to hit and kick. Those bruises could be from anything.”
Luce smiled faintly as she nodded. It was one of those well-practiced smiles designed to make a patient feel at ease. “Okay, but if you happen to remember something, please do not hesitate to come to me or someone else.”
“I will,” I said, hoping that would be a non-issue. “Thank you for helping me and for…well, making sure I’m okay.”
Luce left after mentioning that she’d pick up the routine blood work that she’d sent into the clinic soon, leaving Ivy and me alone. Things were oddly awkward between us as Ivy found a pair of loose pants and a shirt that I could wear. Ivy was too smiley and too nice. Not that she hadn’t been nice before, but she was like Positive Polly now, and that wasn’t her.
“I’m still Bri,” I told her.
She was in the process of yanking a shirt out of the dresser. Who the garment belonged to, I had no idea. She looked over at me. “You are.”
“And you’re still Ivy. I’m not like my mom,” I said. Ivy cast her gaze to the shirt. “At least, not right now. Maybe I was earlier. I don’t remember you helping me. Thank you for that. Seriously. And for looking for me.”
“You don’t need to thank me for that—any of it.”
Caden had told me the same, but it still needed to be said.
She lowered the shirt as she drew her lower lip between her teeth. “I don’t mean to act weird.”
“I know.”
Ivy glanced over to where I sat. “You know I loved your mother. She was a bit…brash at times, but I loved her.”
The corners of my lips turned up. “Brash would be an understatement.”
“True. So, you know when I say this, that I say it with all the love in the world.” Her lower lip trembled. “I don’t want what your mom went through for you. I don’t want to see you go through that.”
Tears filled my eyes. “I don’t either.”
She inched toward the bed, balling the shirt in her hands as she sat beside me. “But if you do, Ren and I will be here for you. So will Tink.”
“That is if he doesn’t turn you all into troll dolls first,” I joked. “I heard that you guys told him I was on assignment.”
She grinned. “Yeah, he’s probably going to max out my credit card or something.” Her grip on the shirt loosened. “You have a lot of support.” She cocked an eyebrow. “Even royal support, and I’m not talking about Fabian.”
“Ivy—”
“Caden nearly lost his mind when I told him that we couldn’t get ahold of you. Pretty sure he actually did lose a little bit of it, and I’m also sure he holds the record for the most Winter fae kills.” Ivy smoothed the shirt. “I know there was something going on between you two.”
“There’s nothing—”
“Everyone knows that there is or was or whatever, including Hotel Good Fae.” She slid me a long look. “You know I have my issues with him even though I know he wasn’t responsible for my
kidnapping,” she added when I opened my mouth to, well, defend him. “It’s just…when I see him, I remember.”
I could understand that.
Unfortunately, it took being kidnapped myself to do so.
“But he did everything to find you. Nearly tore this city apart. And when days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, I saw what it did to him. We all did. I don’t think he slept more than a few hours a day. Every waking second was spent looking for you,” she said. “Whatever was going on between you two doesn’t seem to be in the past.”
“It is,” I told her. “He’s engaged. To be married. Like forever and eternity kind of married. Like I said, he just feels responsible and guilty. That’s all.”
Ivy lifted a shoulder. “All I’m saying is that he earned some brownie points with me, and even Ren.”
With Ren, too? Wow. That was unexpected.
And it also didn’t matter. “I’m glad he’s redeeming himself with you guys, but it’s…there’s nothing going on. Not anymore,” I added.
Ivy just stared at me.
“Anyway…” I drew out the word. “I just wanted to make sure that you knew you don’t have to treat me like fragile glass. If I break, then I break. There’s nothing anyone can do about that.”
Ivy held my stare, nodding. “Okay. Now it’s time for me to make sure you know something. If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I know what it feels like to be held against your will. I didn’t go through what you did, but I still understand on some level.”
And she did. “I know. Thank you.”
She smiled then, and it wasn’t a weirdly forced one.
We decided that a shower came first, and then I’d eat something. She helped me to the bathroom, and even though I wanted to do it on my own, I had to lean on her for support. It wasn’t until I was stripped down, and the bathroom was filled with steam that I saw why.
I hadn’t just lost weight, I’d lost muscle mass. My legs felt like jelly and looked like tenderized meat. My reflection was no better.
Seeing myself for the first time was a shock, even though I knew it would be bad.
My hair was a matted, limp mess, slicked back from my forehead, but that looked decent compared to the rest of what was going on.
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