No matter how much I insisted, he wouldn’t tell me what he thought we needed to discuss, deflecting each question by changing the subject. He talked about the tavern brawls, which always surrounded some sort of perceived insult, and then he told me about the little-girl games his sister would make him and Fabian play. It all seemed so…human. I imagined if I had older brothers, I would’ve forced them to play with dolls and eat pretend food. I would’ve chased after them just like Scorcha had with Fabian and Caden.
When Caden finished with my hair, I could actually run my fingers through it, and like I had suspected, he didn’t leave. After helping me lay back down, he got me one of those pain pills and refilled my glass. Then he pulled up his chair as close to the bed as he could get it and told me more stories about him and his brother like he had before. And when my eyelids got too heavy to keep open, his voice softened. I fell asleep knowing that he would remain and that he’d be there when I woke up.
And I wasn’t afraid.
Chapter 18
When I woke the following morning, I remembered.
In my sleep, I had shifted to my side, and I was surprised to find that it didn’t cause my ribs to hurt all that much. Opening my eyes, I found Caden asleep in the chair beside the bed, just like I had the last time I woke up. He was closer than before, the chair right next to where I slept, and not only were his legs propped up on the bed, but his left hand…his fingers were threaded through mine.
We were holding hands.
If I’d done that in my sleep or if Caden had, who knew? But it was as sweet as him brushing my hair the night before, and just as wrong.
In the moment, none of that seemed to matter.
I didn’t know why or how, but I remembered bits of what Aric had told me about Caden—about the mortuus and about Siobhan…and about the Summer Kiss.
Important bits.
I remembered why Aric had dressed me in that gown, and that he had planned to use me to force Caden to open the gateway, something that, at the time, hadn’t screamed how much of a big deal it truly was.
Because Caden was the King. He could open those gates, releasing the Queen and God only knew what else. That was something I doubted Ivy and Ren were aware of, and I also knew it would unsettle them and the Order.
I stared at our joined hands. I also knew that if the Order ever became aware of what Caden could do, they’d put a hit out on him. I knew it to my very core. They wouldn’t care that he wasn’t evil and hated the Queen more than anyone else. He’d be viewed as too much of a risk.
And being a member of the Order, even if one undervalued, it was my duty to inform Miles of what I knew. If I didn’t, and they were ever to discover that I knew the truth, they wouldn’t just remove me from the Order, there’d probably also be a hit placed on me.
Hell, if they learned I’d had relations of the forbidden kind with Caden, they’d probably boot me right out of the Order. The fact that Ivy still remained a member even though it was known that she was a halfling wasn’t something that all Order members supported. She had Ren’s support, and she was also a hell of a fighter. The Order needed her.
They didn’t need me.
I thought about what Caden had said the night before about duty and how following it wasn’t always the right thing to do.
Reporting what I knew about Caden was my duty, and to the Order, it was the right thing to do. But it wasn’t. They wouldn’t care what had been done to him or how he’d been forced to do the Queen’s bidding. They already didn’t like or trust him, and Caden…well, despite what had happened between us, he was good.
He didn’t deserve to be hunted down.
Caden stirred, his lashes lifting. Eyes the color of amber jewels met mine and then drifted to where our hands remained clasped. The corners of his full lips tipped up.
“You’re awake,” he murmured, voice thick with sleep.
“He said I was your mortuus,” I blurted out.
I’d never seen someone wake up as quickly as Caden did. He slipped his hand free from mine as he pulled his legs off the bed. All traces of languid sleepiness vanished. “What?”
“Aric told me that I was your mortuus,” I repeated, sitting up and finding that I could do it without too much pain, which reminded me of something else I now remembered. “He told me you gave me the Summer Kiss, and that was how I was still alive after everything he did. It’s probably why I’m healing so quickly now.”
Caden swallowed, saying nothing.
“He told me that I wouldn’t age like a normal human, that…I was only mostly human now,” I said, shifting so I wasn’t leaning too far to the side. “Is it true? Is that how you healed me? With the Summer Kiss?”
“It is.”
Even though I already knew it, it was still a shock to the system. Possibly because I’d totally forgotten about all of it. “Were you ever going to tell me? I mean, eventually, I would’ve figured out that something was up. Or what if I was injured and went to the doctor? They’d see—”
“They would have no way of knowing. Your blood work would not show anything abnormal. They do not have the technology to test for that,” he explained. I gaped at him. “Aric didn’t explain it to you completely. The Summer Kiss healed you, yes, but I had no way of knowing that it would have long-term effects on you. It doesn’t always, and I wouldn’t have known until you were injured again or—”
“When I stopped aging?” I suggested because I was helpful like that.
“You will age, Brighton, just at a much slower rate.”
“How much slower? Like I’ll have to leave before people start asking questions?”
“Yes,” he answered bluntly.
I opened my mouth and then closed it.
“You won’t live forever. Neither will I. But from what I know,”—he exhaled heavily—“for every fifty years, it will be a year for you. Give or take a few.”
“Oh, my God.”
Caden sat back. “I didn’t tell you because if Aric hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have wanted you to worry unnecessarily. But once I knew for sure, I would’ve told you.”
Nodding dumbly, I admitted to myself that I believed him, but it was still a lot to process. Everything was a lot. Silence fell between us as I gathered my thoughts. There was more we needed to talk about, and right now wasn’t the time for me to freak out.
Apparently, I’d have a lot of time for that later.
“He told me about Siobhan and what…what he did to her,” I continued, heart thumping. “And how that started the Great War. It was why he put me—”
“In the dress,” Caden said, dragging his finger over his brow. “I know. It was her wedding dress. Or it was supposed to be. Aric took her on our wedding day.”
Empathy crowded out the anger and confusion, taking center stage in my chest. “I’m sorry. What he did… He was truly evil.”
Caden nodded. “It was a long time ago, Brighton.”
“That doesn’t make it easier to deal with.”
“No, you’re right. I knew what he did to her. He made sure I did. And the rage…it made me vulnerable to the Queen.”
I shifted carefully, letting my feet touch the floor. Like this, we were only inches apart. “I understand why you wanted to be the one to kill him.”
“It wasn’t just because of what he did to Siobhan. Don’t get me wrong. That was part of it, but it was also what he did to you and your mother. It’s what he’s done to countless others. His death was a long time coming.”
That was true.
I drew in a shallow breath. “He said I was your mortuus. That through me, he could’ve forced you to open the doorway and free the Queen. What does that mean?”
His gaze lifted to mine. He was quiet for so long that I didn’t think he’d respond. “You are my mortuus.”
The breath I took seemed to go nowhere.
“It means you are…you are my strength. My sun. You are my heart.”
My entire body jolted.
> “You are also my greatest weakness,” he continued. “It is not an object or anything tangible. It is the source of my power and my weakness. Through you, complete and utter control of me is possible. That is what mortuus means. There was only one before you. That was Siobhan.”
I drew back, shaking my head. “I don’t understand. How is that possible? You…” I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat.
“I love you.”
Those three words were like a bomb.
And Caden wasn’t done. “I love you, and that is why you’re my mortuus. My everything.”
“You love me?” Happiness I didn’t know I could even experience rushed through me in a wave that left my skin tingling. Then it was squeezed too tightly by the grips of reality, turning my entire being numb. “How can you love me? You’re engaged—”
“Not anymore. I broke the engagement before I even knew you disappeared.”
“What?” Thunderstruck, I stared at him.
“When we were together, that wasn’t planned. You know that. I wouldn’t have set out to sleep with you while still marrying Tatiana, but I…I wanted you. I’ve wanted you from the first time I saw you. Before I even knew you. And I don’t know why. Our elders say—” He cut himself off. “That doesn’t matter. My duty is to take a Queen of my kind, but that isn’t right. It’s not what I want, and it would not be fair to Tatiana. To marry her when I love and want another.”
My heart was pounding so fast, I feared it would come out of my chest.
“I thought I could go through with it. That I could keep you away. I tried. The moment I became King, I tried, and I failed. Obviously.” His eyes closed. “I knew what you were to me. Not when I saved you after Aric’s attack that night years ago, but not too long after that. I watched you, watched you heal and then hunt. From afar, I saw you grow braver and stronger, and I admired you. I respected you. I…knew after I found you in that club, pretending to be someone else.”
Oh.
Oh, wow.
“But I also knew that if Aric or Neal or any of my enemies realized that you were my mortuus, you’d be at constant risk.” His gaze held mine. “I thought it was best to marry Tatiana and keep you safe.”
His words came back to me. You’re a distraction. A weakness that I will not allow to be exploited.
I’d thought he meant that I was nothing more than a distraction that could be exploited, not what he was saying.
“That’s all I was trying to do, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t go through with it, being with someone else and knowing that you’d eventually find another. I’m too selfish for that. I couldn’t do it. I broke the engagement and then went to you. You weren’t home, and you didn’t come home. That’s when Ivy reached out to say that no one had heard from you.”
“You…you told me that you needed a Queen of your kind and that what we did was a mistake. You said it was nothing. All of that was a lie?”
“It was,” he said quietly.
“Do you have any idea how much that hurt me? How much that sliced into me because I—” I cut myself off. “If it wouldn’t hurt me so much, I’d totally punch you in the throat right now.”
“I’d deserve it. I hurt you. I thought it was the lesser of two evils. I was wrong.”
“You were so wrong.” My hands curled into fists. “Because Aric figured out anyway. There was…” Something tugged at the fringes of my memory. “I don’t know… I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing you need to say.” Caden leaned forward, his eyes snagging mine. “Not right now.”
But there was. Because, damn it, I was tired of lies. “I love you. I’m in love with you.”
A half-grin appeared. “I know.”
I blinked. “Excuse me?”
“I can sense it.” His grin turned to a smile that took a little of my breath away. “I could feel it.”
I snapped my mouth shut, blowing air through my nose. “But you hurt me, Caden. You hurt me twice now, and I’m just supposed to be okay with that? Take that risk again?”
Sadness crept into his gaze, and his smile faded. “I know. I don’t expect you to be okay with it. Not right now. But I plan to prove to you that there will be no risk. I will not take from you like I have. Never again will I hurt you.”
God, I wanted to believe that—so badly that it almost hurt. But I… “I don’t know what to think right now. About anything. I don’t even know what is going to happen to me.” Tears pricked my eyes. “If you had told me this before…before what happened with Aric, things might be different. I wouldn’t just be learning this.”
“I know,” he repeated. “All of this was what I needed to talk to you about, but I knew it wasn’t right. Not after everything. Some time needed to pass. You needed to heal. I had no idea that Aric told you any of this.”
I believed him, and maybe…maybe if this conversation had come later, it would have been easier to process. Right now, it was like being handed what you wanted most after suffering a great tragedy. And that was what had happened in a way.
“I need you to know something.” Caden reached out, taking my hands. When I didn’t flinch away, he threaded his fingers with mine. “I am here. I know you need time, and if it takes a hundred years, so be it. I’ll wait. What I feel for you is not going to change. Not today. Not next year. Not fifty years from now. You tell me when you’re ready, and I’ll be there.”
My throat closed off, and now I really wanted to cry, because…God. That was exactly what I needed to hear. What I needed to know. That he’d be there when I was ready. That I could have time to piece myself back together, to find myself again, and then I could find him.
“I need to check in with Tanner and see about getting some food sent up to you,” Caden said after a couple of moments. “Then, if you’re feeling up to moving around, maybe we can go outside. Get some fresh air. What do you think?”
The breath I took was shaky, but it felt good. It felt clean. “That sounds good.”
“Perfect.” A smile appeared, and then what happened next surprised me.
Caden rose and then lowered his head, kissing my forehead. I hadn’t expected that. I also was surprised that I didn’t recoil or flip out.
“See you in a little bit.”
I might’ve nodded. I didn’t know. But he left, and I just sat there. I didn’t know for how long. I just absorbed everything he had told me.
Caden loved me.
The King of the Summer fae loved me.
In a daze, I rose from the bed and showered, wrapping the fluffy robe around me. And when I returned to the bedroom, sore and more tired than I wanted to be, I was still caught in the grasp of confusion, but an intense rush of emotions brimmed just under the surface.
The King loved me.
I stopped in the center of the room, behind the cream-colored couch.
Caden had ended the engagement before he even knew that I was missing.
None of that changed how badly he’d messed up, but I…I loved him, and that hadn’t changed. And the most wondrous thing happened. Just like when I realized how awe-inspiring it was to still feel attraction, a sense of hope rose for the first time since…since Aric had taken me. I knew that I could move on from what had happened, even if moving on took a long time. Because I could still feel love, and Caden—
A memory surfaced, one of Aric and I when I was bathing and glamoured but aware of what he was saying.
A certain member of the Summer Court who, like me, wishes to see the return of the Queen.
Oh, my God.
There was someone within the Summer Court working with Aric. Someone who claimed that they could bring Aric the mortuus.
I needed to find Caden. I started toward the door just as a knock sounded. Expecting it to be Ivy or Caden, I called out, “Come in.”
The door opened, and my lips parted. It wasn’t Ivy or Caden.
Tatiana stood in the doorway.
Chapter 19
Although I�
��d only seen Tatiana briefly, she was as beautiful as I remembered.
Raven-haired and statuesque, her skin tone was a deep silvery hue, and her ears were delicately pointed. Tatiana didn’t attempt to glamour herself as she stood before me, hands clasped in front of her. She wore an off-the-shoulder dress the color of buttercream that hugged her breasts and waist before flaring out at the hips.
Tatiana looked like an ethereal princess straight out of a Disney movie, while I looked like I’d gone a few rounds with a meat grinder and was currently starring in a horror flick.
Not exactly how I wanted to look when I came face to face with Caden’s fiancée—ex-fiancée.
I stared at the would-be Queen, wishing that there had been clothes for me to wear. Maybe a head-to-toe bodysuit. Anything would be better than the lumpy, shapeless robe I currently wore.
“I hope I am not intruding,” she said, her voice carrying a soft lilt that reminded me of someone who was from Great Britain. “But I was hoping you had a few minutes to spare.”
Wondering how rude it would be to say no, I looked around the room like an idiot. Based on what Caden had told me this morning, I had a good idea of what this conversation would be about. And considering that I hadn’t even had a drink of anything other than the berry water, I really wasn’t mentally prepared for this. But more importantly, I needed to find Caden and tell him what I remembered.
Instead, I said, “Sure. Would you like to sit?”
She nodded, and I limped my way to the couch. I was a little too relieved to be sitting. The shower really took a lot out of me, so I plopped down like a horse falling over.
Tatiana sat on the other side of the couch, as graceful as a ballerina, crossing and tucking her ankles and resting her hands in her lap. “How are you feeling?”
“Um, better than I look.” Which was true.
A faint smile appeared. “I’m relieved to hear that. Your injuries are…frightening.”
I blinked.
“I mean, they don’t frighten me, but you must have suffered greatly,” she rushed to correct herself. “I am glad to hear that you killed your tormentor.”
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