by Nora Phoenix
Plus, Palani didn’t have a reason to be upset, now did he? He’d invited them in. Hell, he’d all but explicitly given permission, and so had Vieno. They had both wanted this, if out of necessity, so there was no reason to be…frustrated.
Jealous.
Feeling inadequate and like a total failure.
He sighed again. It wasn’t the sex he was jealous about. That, he was able to categorize as a physical necessity for both Vieno and Lidon. That didn’t take his own reaction to Enar into account, but he chalked that up to hormones. They’d all been affected, so that made sense, right?
No, it wasn’t the sex he worried about. It was the connection he’d detected between Lidon and Vieno. Lidon hadn’t just fucked Vieno into next week…he’d connected with him. Vieno liked him. They hadn’t spoken a word about it, but Palani didn’t need to hear the words. He could read Vieno like a book.
And how could he blame him? Lidon was…perfection. The man was sexy as fuck with his tall, strong body, that chiseled face, and his long, dark brown hair that curled in his neck. He was built like a freaking god, and how could Palani compete with that?
It wasn’t Vieno’s fault. He couldn’t help being attracted to an alpha. Fucking biology all over again. Technically, it wasn’t Palani’s fault either, and in his more rational moments he realized that, but it was hard not to blame himself. He’d just have to find a way to get over it. He’d avoided Vieno a little, opting instead to hang out a few times with his brothers, but that wasn’t fair to Vieno.
When he got home, Vieno was on the phone, waving happily at Palani.
“Yes, sir. I completely understand. I will inform Mr. Waterbrook, and he’ll get back to you at his earliest convenience.”
He rolled his eyes, and Palani grinned. It was good to see Vieno happy again.
“I understand, sir. I will call him as soon as I end this call.”
After repeating the same platitude four more times, he managed to get rid of the persistent caller.
“Trouble in paradise?” Palani inquired. He checked to make sure he’d hung up his coat and placed his sturdy boots in the right cubby in the hallway. Vieno tried hard to keep the apartment neat as a pin, and in return, Palani tried not to leave too much of a mess.
Vieno shrugged. “Same old, same old. They all think barking at me will help get them access to Waterbrook. It doesn’t.”
Vieno worked as PA for Mr. Waterbrook, a pretty well-known author of horrifyingly creepy thrillers. Palani had only made it halfway through his first book before he’d given up, and Vieno hadn’t even attempted. Still, they sold well, and he was busy enough to employ Vieno for ten hours a week. He also PA’d for an up-and-coming romance author.
Vieno took his headset off and jumped up to hug Palani. “I’m happy you’re home.”
Palani hugged the slender body of his lover tight, always reveling in how perfect Vieno fit in his arms. “Yeah, sorry it was another late day. Did I ruin dinner plans?”
Vieno let go, then dropped a soft kiss on his lips. “Nope. I made a casserole this morning that’s easy to reheat.”
Palani’s face softened as he cupped Vieno’s cheek. “You take such good care of me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Vieno bit his lip, then looked up at Palani from between his lashes. “Does that mean you’re no longer angry with me?”
Palani closed his eyes for a second, then opened them again. “Baby, I was never angry with you, only with myself.”
“But why? You did the right thing, calling Enar. Dr. Magnusson, I mean.”
Palani took a step back and gestured with his hand. “Enar is fine. We lost all formalities about him and his friend a long time ago. Look,” he said, then struggled to find the right words. “Knowing it was the right call and feeling okay about what happened are two different things. I’m ecstatic you’re doing so much better, but—”
“But it was hard for you to witness,” Vieno completed his sentence. “I know.”
“No, you don’t know. All due respect, Vieno, but you have no idea. I get that it sucks for you that you’re an omega and that you have the gene and all, but I can never fully understand it because I’m not an omega. In the same way, you can’t grasp what it’s like for me to watch you…” He swallowed, unable to continue.
“Pal…” Vieno’s voice broke, his eyes welling up with tears.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“I’m sorry I caused you pain.”
Palani’s inner alarm bells went off. He didn’t like where this was heading. At all. “You didn’t cause anything. It’s not your fault, and don’t you dare take this on you.”
“If you hadn’t met me…”
“My life would have been so much worse for it. I wouldn’t trade you for anything, baby.”
“I’ve caused you so much pain. And money. And shit in general. Without me, you’d be able to live your life, not be bound to home because I’m such a fuckup who’s too scared to set a foot outside…I’m dragging you down, and I always will.”
Palani bit back his sigh. They’d repeated this conversation many times before, but each time, it was getting harder to talk Vieno back from it. This time, he lowered himself on one of their comfortable dining chairs and reached out for Vieno’s hand. After a slight hesitation, he accepted and allowed himself to be pulled on Palani’s lap.
“That’s not true, baby. It may feel that way to you, but I don’t see you that way, and I never will. You’re not a burden to me, and you never have been.”
Vieno surrendered, his head nestled against Palani’s shoulder. “I believe you when you say that,” he whispered. “But it’s getting harder and harder to feel it.”
“I understand…or at least, I try to. You’re my best friend, Vieno. A life without you would be pretty damn bleak.”
“Your best friend? Is that all I am?”
“That’s all that’s possible between us. I refuse to stand in the way of you finding someone who can give you what you need.”
“And how the fuck do you envision that happening with me being in this damn apartment all the time?”
He had a point there, but Palani wouldn’t surrender so easily. “What about Lidon? Or Enar? Both are healthy, virile, unattached alphas.” He almost choked on the words, but he managed to get them out.
Vieno scoffed. “Yeah, right. Like either of them would be interested in me. If they had been, they’d been back by now, don’t you think?”
Palani pinched his eyes shut for a second, then forced the words out. “Lidon likes you.”
Vieno leaned back his head to meet his eyes. “What?”
“He likes you, I can tell. I think you may have a shot with him.” Vieno blushed, which confirmed Palani’s suspicions the attraction had been mutual. “You should call him, see if he wants to come over sometime. I’ll make sure to be out.”
Vieno shook his head. “I don’t want him. Not if it means losing you.”
“You’ll never lose me. I’ll always be your friend.”
Vieno pushed out of his arms and got to his feet, turning around. He didn’t lose his temper easily, but when he did, it was a sight to behold. “You need to fuck off with the sacrificial martyr routine. I’m sick and tired of it, dammit!”
Palani balled his fists. “What would you prefer, that I tore my hair out and wailed?”
“Yes! Anything other than this…this passive fake acceptance of me choosing another man. I don’t want anyone else. I want you! And dammit, I want you to fight for me too!”
Palani lost it. He, too, jumped up. “And then what? We’re together and I get to watch you die? Because that would be the result, Vieno. I can’t give you what you need. I can’t knot you. I don’t have the hormones you need.” As sudden as the fight had consumed him, it released him again. “All that would be left for me is to watch you die little by little…and I love you too much to do that,” he ended quietly.
Vieno stood before him, h
is eyes cloudy with tears. “We could hire a caretaker every other heat.”
“We both know what would happen, babe. They won’t be able to control themselves.”
“We could ask Lidon again?”
Palani rubbed his temples. “Sure, and it might work for a while. But what happens when he falls in love with you, and he will once he sees how sweet you are. What happens when you want kids? You’ll want them at some point, and I’ll never be able to give them to you.”
At that point, Vieno broke down, a sob coming from his lips that stabbed Palani’s heart. “It’s not fair! None of it…”
Palani pulled him close again, holding him as he wept. “I know it’s not. Biology sucks.”
He held him until Vieno had calmed down again. “Please, don’t make me call him. I don’t want him. I want you,” Vieno begged.
Palani kissed his head. “I’d never make you do anything you don’t want to, you know that. Just think about it, okay?”
Vieno slid off his lap, then turned around to face him. “And what about you, Palani? When will you find happiness?”
He found the strength to say the words and mean them. “If you’re happy, I’m happy, baby.”
For some reason, Enar flashed through Palani’s mind. Maybe, if Vieno and Lidon had a future together, he could… Nah, it was too farfetched to even consider. Enar was a sexy doctor who had to have a line of admirers a mile long. He deserved much better than a scrawny beta who was and always would be in love with his best friend.
9
The rain obscured some of his view from his unmarked car, but Lidon recognized a drug transaction when he saw one. Two betas, a blond one and the dealer—a tall guy wearing a faded baseball cap—meeting on the street, Blondie looking around before he approached the other guy. A short, but intricate handshake—undoubtedly an agreed-upon code. A minute of supposed chatting and catching up, but the dealer was even worse of an actor than Blondie. Then another handshake, too slow and too obvious to hide the exchange of money for whatever Blondie was buying.
It was the sixth transaction they’d witnessed the dealer making, meaning they had enough evidence to arrest him. Lidon waited till they completed the exchange, then signaled his partner. Showtime. They stepped out of the car, each going after their target. Within minutes, they had the two betas handcuffed in the back of their car.
Blondie sobbed as Lidon secured him in the car and closed the door on him. “You don’t understand. It’s not drugs. I need these for my husband.”
Lidon slid behind the wheel again, glad to be out of the pouring rain. He was still wearing the gloves he’d put on before extracting the little ziplock bag from Blondie’s pocket. He retrieved it from the evidence bag he’d put it in to study it. The beta was right that it didn’t look like any standard hard drugs. The ziplock contained small pink pills, about thirty of them.
“What are they?” his partner asked him. He’d only joined narcotics a few months ago, and Lidon still taught him stuff on a daily basis. Still, Sean was a good kid at the core and a fast learner.
“I don’t recognize these,” Lidon said. “Looks like some kind of illegal pharmaceutical drug. The lab will find out. Let’s head back to the station and book these two.”
“Please, I need those for my husband. He’ll die without these.”
Lidon started the car. He’d been with narcotics for three years now, and he’d seen it all. Still, cases like this got to him. They’d investigated the dealer they’d arrested for a while. Their surveillance showed he sold any hard drug known to man. It was Blondie's rotten luck he’d gotten arrested as well. If Lidon had known he was buying meds and not hard drugs, he would’ve waited for the next customer before making the arrest.
“What are they?” he asked Blondie, meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror.
The beta replied without hesitation. “Heat suppressants.”
“Your husband’s an omega?” Lidon asked.
“Yes. And he needs these. His heat is starting, and it’s bad. Please. I need to get back to him.”
Something tickled Lidon’s brain. “What do you mean his heat is bad?”
For the first time, Blondie hesitated, and he cast his eyes down. As a cop, Lidon had always relied on his instincts. When you dealt with assholes and criminals all day long, you learned to recognize the victims, the innocent. Everything in him screamed that Blondie was telling the truth.
“Give me a minute,” Lidon told Sean. “Stay in the car.”
He took the little bag with the pink pills with him as he got out of the car. He opened the back door and gestured Blondie to step out. His trembling body told Lidon the beta was scared. Lidon waited till he’d closed the car door again before speaking. “I’m not gonna hurt you. Walk with me for a sec.”
He found a dry spot under the entrance to an apartment complex. “Talk to me. What’s wrong with your omega and what’s the name of these meds?”
“He’s…he’s young, sir. Twenty. This is his third heat. We got married less than a year ago, before his first heat. I love him, sir. We’ve always been in love, ever since we met in school. But during his heat, he’s…he’s different, sir.”
“Different how?”
Blondie blushed, two flaming red spots burning on his pale skin. “He’s insatiable, sir. We had plenty of sex before his first heat, but never like this. I can’t… He needs more than I can give him, sir.”
Lidon frowned, his unease growing. “Hire a caretaker.”
“We did, sir. Last time. It didn't help much. It’s two days before his heat, and he’s already climbing the walls…” He swallowed, and his eyes were trained on the wet pavement as he rushed out the next few words. “I already had intercourse with him three times today, sir, and it’s not helping. I ordered a caretaker for tomorrow, but I’m scared.”
“What are the pills? I’ve seen heat suppressants, but these are unfamiliar.”
“They’re a new generation suppressants, sir.”
“Illegal?”
Blondie sighed. “Yes, sir. They’re still in clinical trial, but they have been for years, and there’s no news on when they may become available, even though the trial results are promising. They’re called X34.”
Lidon couldn't ignore the similarities. The beta's description of his omega sounded too much like Vieno. He had to ask. “Has your omega ever been tested for the Melloni gene?”
Blondie’s eyes shot up to meet his. “No, sir. What is that?”
Lidon couldn’t do it. He couldn’t arrest this kid and not only fuck him over but his omega as well, all because he was trying to do what was best for him. He wasn’t a druggie, but a husband doing whatever his omega needed. “Give me a few minutes to make a call. Stand here and don’t fucking move.”
A glimmer of hope sparkled in Blondie’s eyes. “Yes, sir. I’ll stay right here.”
Lidon signaled Sean he was making a call, then whipped out his phone to call Enar. He made sure to step out of hearing distance from Blondie while keeping an eye on him to ensure he wouldn't take off.
“Lidon, what’s up?”
Enar sounded tired, but he usually did. Five hours of sleep constituted a luxury for him, he’d once confided to Lidon. The man needed to take better care of himself, but he never would as long as patients needed him.
“I have a question,” he said, skipping formalities. One thing he could appreciate about Enar was his ability to focus on the important stuff, niceties be damned.
“Shoot.”
“New generation heat suppressants called X34, still in clinical trial. Ever heard of those?”
Enar hesitated. “You need an official or unofficial answer?”
“If I wanted the official one, I would’ve called you from the station.”
“Yeah, I'm familiar with them. They’re rumored to be a big improvement in suppressing heat.”
“Have you used them on patients?”
“Two, with good results. Better than the standard ones.”
“Would they work on someone with the Melloni gene?”
“I don’t know. There are still too many unknowns about what the specific effects of the gene are to determine if the meds will work or if they will interact with whatever hormonal process the gene is triggering during heat.”
“Would you recommend an omega try these suppressants unsupervised?”
“Hell, no. Under no circumstances. Lidon, what have you gotten yourself into?”
Lidon sighed. “Not me. I arrested a beta for buying them illegally for his omega. He hasn’t been tested for the gene, but it sure sounds like he has it. The beta is scared to death for his husband.”
He wasn’t asking, but he didn’t need to.
“Tell him to call me as soon as you release him. I’ll help his omega.”
Lidon shook his head. “How do you know I intend to release him?”
“Don’t try to fool me, Lidon. You wouldn’t arrest a man for trying to keep his partner safe. I assume you have to keep the meds?”
Enar knew him too well. “Yeah. We busted his dealer, so I need it as evidence.”
“That’s okay. I’ll figure something out for his omega. Tell him I’m ready, awaiting his call.”
Lidon had to ask because his mind wouldn’t let go otherwise. “Have you heard from Palani and Vieno?”
Enar sighed. “No.”
“It’s coming up again, right?”
As if he didn’t know. As if he hadn’t marked it on his calendar, making sure he was off those two days. As if his body wasn’t shouting at him to call Vieno right fucking now and make sure he’d be the one knotting him again.
“Yeah. Little over two weeks from now.”
“Maybe if this X34 works for this omega, you could try it on Vieno?”
“Is that what you want, Lidon? Something tells me you’d be all too happy to be of…service again.”
“Fuck you,” Lidon said but without any real anger behind it. Enar did know him too well. He was conflicted about Vieno finding another way to quench his sexual appetite during his heat than through Lidon. How fucked up was that, considering they’d had only one encounter? True, it had lasted almost two days, and they’d fucked like rabbits, but why couldn’t he erase the little omega from his system?