I shift in my seat, very aware of the fact that I’m wearing a form-fitting dress that shows as much skin on top as it hides with its below-the-knee length.
Why I’d even given a damn is beyond me, but the longer he continues to stare at me, the more I squirm, especially when I feel a distinct tingle set up shop between my legs and the beading of my nipples.
Worse, though I’d denied it all through the morning and even through to lunch, I put this dress on this morning because I’d wanted to look good for him. It was my own little nose-thumbing move to say “See what you’re missing out on A-hole.”
“Lawson.”
He snaps out of his perusal and smirks at me, his wide smile and even wider eyes pretending an innocence I doubt he had even at birth.
“Ah, yeah. I need you to pack a bag and get your passport ready. We’re flying out to Greece. You and I will personally oversee the first phase of getting the stores up and running. We’ll do the first one ourselves, as a template for whomever we bring on to get things ready on the other ships.” He finishes, already shuffling papers around in a dismissive way, as if to say that everything’s handled.
Well, it isn’t!
No way can I go on a cruise with this man. No freaking way can I spend—!
“Uh, that’s not possible. We’re in the middle of—”
“Jared and his team are ready and willing to hold down the fort here, and I’ve handed the Kleinman deal over to Rob to finalize. As of this afternoon, you and I officially have our plates cleared. Pack a bag, we’re going to Greece.”
Goddammit!
I feel myself tensing even as he rises to grab a drink, and I know, shit, I just know, that I have no other alternative here. I have to bring up my son because I have no other way to weasel out of this.
Closing my eyes for a beat, I allow myself a deep breath before facing him on shaky legs.
“Lawson, I can’t just leave at the drop of a hat,” I croak, feeling my palms sweat and the telltale tingle of a panic attack rearing its ugly head.
I haven’t had one in years, ten years to be exact, but I know the signs, and God help me, it takes every scrap of self-control I have to breathe through this and force air into my lungs.
I will not break down in front of Lawson James, never again. I still remember with crystal clarity the look of annoyance on his face the day we broke up—and I had an episode.
When he’d just turned and strode away, leaving me a sweating, hyperventilating mess, I swore never to let myself feel that way again.
But this…I hate having to even mention my son to this man and hate even more that even the thought of it makes me want to start going crazy.
Lawson, being the astute pig that he is, simply breezes past me with his bottle of chilled water—(no thanks, I’m good, thanks for offering, dickhead)—and lowers himself back behind his desk.
“I don’t think you understand how important this is, Nic. We need to get this going before the losses make an impact.”
Gah! I hate that he’s right.
“Go yourself. Take Jared with you,” I say, hating the pleading tone of my voice.
Please, please, please just give me a break here, I say silently, my eyes rolling heavenward. I have so much on my plate right now. I have a meeting with my bank manager about a loan, something I need as desperately as a drowning man needs a life jacket, Cody has a school project that we haven’t finished yet, and I have no one to care for Cody.
Jude is great, but the old bat is in no way one hundred percent ready for Cody all the time. He tuckers her out the five hours she has him in the afternoon. Twenty-four hours with the kid will have her running for dear life.
“No. You’re my VP; I want you there to oversee operations,” he says breezily, actually flicking his fingers at me in a dismissive fashion.
“Law—”
“This is non-negotiable, Nic,” he barks, finally losing patience.
I allow myself a brief look at him and swallow when I meet his determined, resolute blue eyes. He won’t take no for an answer unless…
“I can’t just leave, Law. I have a son to look after and—”
That seems to piss him off for some reason, and I take a hasty step back when he jumps to his feet, his hard gaze pinning me to the spot.
“You have a child?”
The words are a growled mess of what sounds like anger, and my first impulse is to slap his face. How dare he sound upset! As if my kid is an inconvenience to him.
“Yes, I do, and I cannot just drop everything at home and fly to Greece. I have commitments, not to mention that I have a very important meeting the day after tomorrow.”
He takes a deep breath, my tone forcing him to take a step back from his dominant attitude, and I feel the knot release in my chest.
“Doesn’t he have a father to take care of him?”
That question sends grief crashing through me, and I nod, not trusting my voice. If Bro were here right now, I’d be a whole lot better off than almost broke and trying to juggle a full-time job and a full-time kid.
“No.”
“But you’re married?” he presses again, forcing me to breathe deeper before answering.
“I was. My husband passed away.”
Lawson sighs a deep sound of regret, and I see his eyes soften a little. Not enough to make me see him as human, but still, it gives me hope that he’s compassionate enough to understand my needs.
I give two hundred percent of myself to my job as it is, I can’t let him take utter control of my personal life, too.
“I’m sorry, Nic. Being a single mother must be hard on you.”
“It’s fine. So you see—”
“I’ll call Mom. She loves kids and that will free up enough of your time. This way you can bet—”
“No.”
Oh God! If Minnie or Law see Cody, there’s no way they’ll fail to see that he’s theirs. So far I’ve managed to keep it in the dark—with only Jack knowing—and then only because the infernal man showed up at the hospital, took one look at Cody, and knew.
The James men have very strong genes, and Cody is no different. With his blue eyes and golden hair, not to mention the nose that is a mini-replica of Lawson’s…
“Hey Mom. Yeah, I need a favor. Nic and I have to fly to Greece…”
I actually dive at him and go for the phone, my heart beating so desperately I can feel nothing but the rush of blood and the constriction of my lungs.
He fends me off all too easily, of course, his free arm coming around my waist and effectively pinning me to his front.
“Yeah. Thanks, Mom. We’ll be leaving tomorrow morning. Sure I’ll tell her.”
When the call ends, I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown, not only because this is a disaster, but because now that he’s taken my every choice, I have no escape.
And I’ll miss that meeting with my bank manager.
The thought of going through another month without a safety net makes me so weak I just about collapse on his chest when my knees threaten to buckle.
“Nic? You okay, babe?”
No…I am so far from okay that it’s not even funny.
“Oh shit, hey, here.”
I find myself lying on the sofa with a cold bottle of water pressed to my face before the trembling stops and I get myself under control. Lawson is leaning over me, his expression grave and all too kind at a time like this.
“You still get attacks?”
“Not in ten years,” I croak, instantly regretting the words when his face shutters and he looks away, blowing out a breath. “Uh, let me up.”
“No. You’re too pale.”
“I’m fine.”
“Nic.”
“Will you just fucking back off! I said I’m fine. I need to go home and make arrangements.”
Son of a bitch, bastard, bossy ass!
Lawson backs away, hands raised in defense, and I rise, locking my knees.
“That meeting?” he asks, c
hanging the subject when all I do is scowl at him. “Tell me what it is and I’ll get Jared to handle it.”
“It’s personal.”
I walk out before he can pry because make no mistake, he’s about to, I can see it when his lips open.
“Don’t forget your bikini!”
I don’t even glorify that with a response, making sure to remind myself to pack my ugliest, granny, one-piece swimsuit and a lime green wrap that’ll make his freaking eyes water.
Chapter Five
Law
I feel like ten shades of shit when Nic stalks out of my office, her back ramrod straight and so stiff I imagine a good breath would knock her right over.
Those panic attacks, Jesus, I remember the last time she had one of those and just the recollection of why, of the way I’d forced myself to ignore it and walk away…
I feel the shame I’ve never quite managed to escape wash over me and force myself to push it back, lest I do something stupid like apologize. While I’m not the same idiot I was back then and apologies come easier—growing up will do that to a guy—I doubt she’ll accept anything I have to say now.
Ten years too fucking late and a boatload of regrets that I somehow managed to put a Band-Aid on by chasing tail and drinking till my liver hurt.
Now I doubt she’d so much as spit on me. Yeah, I see the anger and resentment there, and even worse, I see nothing of the old Nic. Once upon a time I fell hard for a quirky girl who had the IQ of Einstein and the guts to take one look at me and offer herself as a virgin sacrifice.
Nic and I were hot and heavy for almost two years before I pulled a runner on her and my family. And God, the heat level is still there, for me at least, even ten years later.
Too bad she’s no longer the doe-eyed innocent I remember. No, this woman probably brushes her hair and teeth on a schedule, whereas my Nic needed to program reminders into her phone to remember to brush her hair.
This woman is a widow, with a child, and a hard exterior that I’m dying to break through. Because make no mistake, I’m getting into those panties—one way or another.
I just need to decide if I want a quick fix, one and done visit, or if I want it all.
Right now I’m leaning towards all. Ten years of comparing every woman I fuck to the girl I broke is more than long enough for me to realize that I can’t escape this need I have for her.
So yeah. All. I want it all.
And I’ll even raise another man’s child—if that’s what it takes.
I’m no good with kids though, so we’ll have to see how that turns out, but I’m not worried. What I can’t give a kid will be more than made up for by my parents and a well-placed nanny.
“Trish. Get me Cristo on the line.”
As I wait for my secretary to get the call through, I ponder the fact that Nic got married and had a kid with another guy. For some reason, I hate the thought of another man touching my girl, and even worse, I think I resent that kid for growing in her when all I can think about is what she would look like with my seed taking hold in her body.
Arrogant I know, but I have always seen Nicolette as my girl, and even worse, I think part of me expected her to still be waiting for my grand return.
Worse yet, even if it makes me a complete dick to say this, I had this picture in my mind of my dorky little lady saving herself and her uterus for me. Damn straight I’m pissed off to know that some other dick planted his shit in her and made a kid.
It’s a constant reminder of the fact that I made a huge mistake, one I realized almost immediately but was too prideful to fix. If I had, I would have been back between her thighs, planting her full of my babies less than two weeks after I walked out.
No time for regrets though, because there’s nothing I can do to change the fact that I am not a “first” in her life as I used to be. No, that honor goes to the fool she married and gave a son to.
My own fault, and yet I can’t stop myself from feeling resentful and angry, and God help me, bitter about an innocent little boy.
“Mr. Cristo on the line for you, sir.”
“Dmitri.”
“Law. What can I do for Europe’s most prolific skirt chaser?”
He’s chuckling, but the words leave a bad taste in my mouth because I’m pretty sure that if someone I call a friend sees me as some shallow asshole whose only goal is to chase women and party, then my parents and Nic see me that way, too.
“I need a complete dossier on Nicolette Sharp. You have two days and then I want it. I’ll be flying out to Greece and then taking a chopper to the Zeus.”
“Aaah, a little rest and relaxation, eh?”
“No. I’m checking out the operation of the liners, and I want to boost shipboard profits with a designer boutique James acquired a few months ago.”
Silence greets me, and I can almost see the shock on his face. Yeah, my friends are in for a rude awakening if they think I’m just a pretty face. I’d gone to school to study business, and even though I’ve spent a decade just pursuing my own pleasure and freedom, I’m still savvy enough not to have blown through my trust fund like a rich brat.
Most of what I have is through investing my money, and I own a few concerns in Europe that not even my father knows about. The only person I’ve allowed to see this side of me is my best friend Derek, and that guy won’t spill a word unless I give him the green light.
“Sounds like you’re settling in nicely.” Dmitri muses quietly, and I can hear the surprise in his voice.
I don’t like it. I’m arrogant, yeah, but color me green for thinking that my friends saw more in me than the party animal. No wonder Nic looks at me as if I’m a freaking bug caught on her windshield.
“I’m fine. Get me what I need.”
I’m short with him, but right now I don’t give a shit. I’ll prove to everyone that I’m more than the label they’re sticking on me, hell, a lot more than the label I hand crafted ten years ago when I ran scared from everything that meant anything to me.
It’s going to take a lot of hard work, but I swear to myself then and there that no matter what it takes, I will be the man who deserves respect from his family. And I’ll be damned if Nic doesn’t meet that man. I just have to loosen her up a bit first. Good thing I am an expert at showing a girl a good time.
Yes, sir, I’ll show Nic in these two weeks that I’m a safe bet while forcing my buttoned-up love to let loose and stop being so serious and dull.
Chapter Six
Nico
The drop off at Jack and Minnie’s goes relatively well. I’d stressed about this the entire night, and after pacing my room till five in the morning I’d come to one conclusion, things will happen as they will.
With that in mind, I’d stocked my fridge and moved Jude into my place for the next two weeks. (She needs her shows, and my absence will see the poor dear trapped in her apartment without cable.) Then I packed for Cody and me.
We took a cab all the way to the James mansion, and the closer we got, the more nervous I became. Imagine, me a thirty-year-old broad getting physically scared about things.
Minnie, of course, started crying the minute she saw Cody, and it took a lot for me not to grab my boy and make a run for it. We both held it together though, and after a ten-minute conversation, she got my reasoning.
Law ran and left me holding the bag, and I didn’t want half a father for my boy. Of course, now that he’s back, I’ll have to bite the bullet. Or so I thought.
Turns out being the gentleman he is, he went on ahead to the private airfield and left a car for me. It’s a blessing I never thought I’d have, and I am grateful.
It means I have another two weeks to plan my big reveal and get my ducks in a row before all hell reigns down on me.
At the very least I have Minnie and Jack’s promise that they’ll keep mum about Cody till I’m ready. I know that most of that is just Min’s need to keep the peace, so she can keep her grandson close, and while I feel all kinds of guilty for keepi
ng her in the dark, I don’t regret my decision for a moment.
I’ve had ten years with my son, ten years in which to make him a strong, independent, stable little man, who won’t be slayed if he should meet his real father and see the disinterest there.
Make no mistake, I know that Lawson will be angry and that he’ll insist on claiming his heir, but I have no illusions that the guy will be father material.
I should have seen it ten years ago before I let him ride me without protection.
Oh, the rosy glasses of love. They turned me into a sappy fool.
Now I’m on a helicopter that is landing on top of a freaking ocean liner, and I’m about to spend two weeks with the world’s biggest gigolo.
Yay, freaking me.
He’s been vibrating with excitement though since we landed in Greece, and with every new sight he pointed out, he touched me to get my attention.
Call me crazy, but a flock of birds flying close to the chopper doesn’t require having every inch of his toned, awesome smelling body rubbing all over me.
Though Lord above, I still feel every lusty tingle from the small touches and constant contact. Shamed though I am to admit it, I’ve definitely gone ten years too long without sex, and I think my body is protesting that action now.
No, I never slept with Brody. Besides being his best friend and confidante, I was also one vagina too many for the poor guy since his speed was of the meaty variety.
In short, I married my very best—but very gay—friend who enjoyed a secret relationship with his secret boyfriend of five years while his family was satisfied with little old me.
He’d made the ultimate sacrifice and played the part he had to, all to no avail since his Mom and Dad died not even a month before he did, their impromptu ski vacation having turned into an avalanche nightmare that took not only the Sharps, but also three other people.
So yeah, I am totally hitting a dry spell that smells as hot and dusty as the Sahara, and maybe my body likes the soft, subtle touches and the way his eyes go all hot whenever we touch.
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