“I don’t know. Part of me wants to know who I am…who I was before my accident. But what if I don’t like who I was?”
I shook my head. “That’s impossible.”
“Why?”
“Because I was drawn to you.” A smile crept across his face, and I kissed him. “So, see? You couldn’t have been that bad.”
“Maybe.” He laid his head on my shoulder. “Can we just stay like this instead?”
“In bed? Naked?”
“Mmm. Those things too.”
I curled my arm protectively around him, wanting to shield him from the nightmares, the emptiness he felt. Wishing I could give him back the missing pieces. How would that change him? Change us? And would I do it if it meant I could lose him? He’d become such an integral part of my life in such a short amount of time that the thought of being without him was unbearable. Unthinkable.
I tried not to dwell on those thoughts, distracting myself by kissing the top of his head and trailing my fingers along his spine. His body began to relax, and soon, sleep overtook him again.
But I stayed awake, the silence I’d once enjoyed now deafening in his absence.
Chapter Fourteen
IT’S JUST ME,” Reid called out as he shut my front door the next day after I’d gotten home from work.
I put a pan of lean ground beef on the stove to brown and then began to separate the chunks with a wooden spoon. “Hey, I’m in the kitchen.”
Reid rounded the corner, and it never failed that as soon as he came into any room I was in, his face lit up and a wide smile crossed his lips. And it wasn’t a friendly hey, how are ya smile, at least not anymore. It was an expression saved solely for me, and with the way my stomach unleashed wild butterflies every time I saw him, I knew that feeling wouldn’t be going away anytime soon.
Mine, I thought, as Reid strolled over and planted a lingering kiss on my lips. All mine.
“You look handsome in an apron,” he said, fingering the strap around my neck. I never wore one, but when I’d been out picking up the food for tonight, I’d seen the stack of Kiss the Chef aprons and hadn’t been able to resist. Any reason to get Reid’s lips on mine.
Then Reid leaned in close to my ear and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. “I bet you’d look good in just the apron too.”
Fuuck. If he was trying to make me hard, he was succeeding. My dick punched against my zipper, and I groaned. “If you’re here to torture me, it’s working.”
“Just giving you something to look forward to,” he said, and the promise of what would happen later had me ready to say fuck the dinner. I always did prefer my dessert first.
“It’s not nice to tease,” I said, pushing my ass back against him. His hands slid down the front of my pants, rubbing against my growing erection, and I let out a curse.
“Reid,” I said. If he didn’t stop, I was about to have him for dinner instead. But then he let out a chuckle and his hands disappeared from where they’d been driving me crazy.
“I’ll behave. For now.”
“I don’t think you know how. And I wasn’t complaining.”
“I’d hope not.” He rested his head on my shoulder and watched as I measured out the chili, garlic, and onion powders, and mixed them together. “Smells good. Whatcha making?”
“How do you feel about taco Tuesday?”
“Mmm. I’d say I feel pretty damn good about it. And you make your own taco seasoning? Damn. I scored.”
I laughed and kissed his nose, still blown away that I could do such a simple thing as that.
“How can I help?” he asked, as he went over to the sink and washed his hands.
“You can provide the entertainment.”
Reid shut off the faucet and narrowed his eyes. “Is that your way of keeping me out of the kitchen and away from your pants?”
I feigned shock. “I would never want to keep you away from my pants.”
“Suure,” he said, laughing as he sat at the piano. There was a pause, and then he started an up-tempo song that perfectly matched the mood.
“I like that one. What is it?”
“‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.’”
“Oh. I knew that.”
Reid laughed again. “I love that you’re so easily impressed.”
“Hard not to be when it’s you.”
“What about this one?” He played a little ditty that I recognized straight away.
“‘Old MacDonald Had a Farm’? Now you’re making fun.”
He switched up the song again as I took the pan off the stove and poured the meat into a colander to drain out the fat. Then I rinsed off the pan, put the meat back in, and sprinkled in my homemade seasoning.
It all felt so normal, making dinner while Reid played in the background. Easy. Homey. As it should be.
The music stopped suddenly, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Reid shaking his head before moving his neck from side to side.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Just stretching out a bit.”
“Is that a hint that I should strip you down later for a massage?”
Reid licked his lips and nodded. “Oh hell yes.”
I winked before going back to getting dinner ready, but a few minutes later, the music stopped again, and this time, Reid was bent over the keys, clutching his head.
“Are you okay? Reid?” Dropping the lettuce I’d been shredding, I rushed over to him and crouched down.
“I’m fine,” he said, holding his head.
“What’s happening? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. It’ll pass.” But with his eyes still closed and his face scrunched up, whatever was causing him pain evidently wasn’t stopping.
“What’ll pass? Excruciating pain?”
He grunted. “It’s just a headache.”
“Where does it hurt?”
“On the side. Right here,” he said, covering the scarred left side.
“Just a headache where your skull smashed against the glass and cracked it? Anywhere else?”
“No. And it’s not a big deal.”
My mind went back to last night, when he’d been in this very spot and had paused and shaken his head like he’d had to ward off something. Something like a fucking headache, maybe?
“How long have you been having this kind of pain?”
“Ollie—”
“How long, Reid?”
“A couple of days—” He inhaled sharply and doubled over with his head in his hands, and that was it. My adrenaline kicked in.
With a curse, I squeezed his knee and ran over to turn the stove off. Then I grabbed my keys off the counter.
“Where are you…ah…going?”
I spun back to face him. “Correction: where are we going. And you know the answer to that.” I reached down to feel for my wallet in my pockets, but when it wasn’t there, I raced through the house to check my bedroom. Finding what I was looking for on the dresser, I shoved the wallet into my pants pocket and went to get Reid.
“Ollie, this is crazy. It’s easing up now.”
“Crazy?” I shook my head. He may not understand the implications of what could be happening, but I’d be damned if I let something go down on my watch. I wasn’t taking my chances, not with Reid. “No, what’s crazy is not telling anyone you’re in pain. Crazy is not doing anything about it.” I held out my hand for him to take, and as he got to his feet, I said, “We need to get you looked at, and I’d feel better if we did that now. Okay?”
Something in my face must’ve told him not to argue, because he nodded. “Okay.”
As we went out to my car, my heart beat like a thousand galloping horses stomping across my chest.
It’s just a precaution, I told myself as I got him inside and shut his door. He’s fine. No need to freak out. He’s allowed to have headaches.
When I’d buckled myself in and started the car, Reid’s quiet voice filled the space between us. “Are you mad at me?”
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“No, I’m not mad. I’m just”—I rubbed my eyes with my forefinger and thumb—“worried. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to take that out on you. But if something’s wrong…”
Reid pulled my hand away from my face and held it in his lap. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’m fine. But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll go get checked out and then you can spend the night making it up to me for being wrong.”
God, how I hoped he was right. But I had a sinking feeling in my gut. Call it intuition, but something told me I needed to get him checked out, and it needed to happen now. I knew the signs, I knew the symptoms, but I wouldn’t know anything for sure until we got him to the hospital for a scan.
“Deal?” he asked.
I hesitated and then nodded. “Deal.”
“Good,” he said, letting go of my hand so he could strap his seatbelt on. As he went to buckle himself in, I saw the flinch on his face—another shot of pain; I’d bet my paycheck on it. But when he looked up at me and saw my concern, he schooled his features into a small smile.
He wasn’t fooling me, but I didn’t say anything as I started up the car and shot out of the driveway. Thank fuck the hospital was only a short drive from my place. I felt desperate to get there, at the very least for us to have some peace of mind.
Reid laid his head on my shoulder, and the fact that he was quiet during the ride to the hospital had my stomach feeling all kinds of unsettled. I thought about calling his parents, but if it turned out to be nothing, there was no use riling them up.
Maybe I’d been in this business too long. Maybe I was turning paranoid.
Or maybe not…
The ten-minute drive took less than eight, and when I parked in the emergency room lot and shut off the engine, Reid frowned.
“The ER? Wait, I thought we were just going to a doctor?”
“We are. An ER doctor.”
“But—” He closed his eyes, sighing. “Fine. Okay.”
I was out of the car in a flash and rounding the hood just as he opened his door. He let me take his hand, something we’d never done in public, and that small act wasn’t lost on me. My stomach flipped over on itself, nerves and butterflies warring in my belly as I led him through the automatic double doors of the entrance and down the hall to the ER waiting room.
“Ollie, hey,” Connie, the office manager, said when we approached the window. She looked between the two of us and must’ve caught on to the grim look on my face, because her smile fell. “What brings you in?”
I inclined my head toward Reid. “He was involved in a car accident in early January. Currently experiencing excruciating pain at the point of injury.” I barely managed the next words. “I’d like to get him checked as quickly as you can for a…possible complication.”
She pushed back her chair and stood. “I’ll go see who’s free. Preference?”
I shook my head. “Farruggia saw him last time.”
“Okay,” she said. “Have him fill out the sign-in screen over there, and I’ll be back in just a sec.”
“Thanks, Connie.”
When I turned around, Reid was already over at the kiosk, putting in his information and symptoms via the touchscreen, and I tried not to hover behind him. As he finished, the doors leading to the back opened, and Connie motioned for us to follow her.
This time, Reid was the one to take my hand, lacing his fingers through mine as we walked past the nurses’ station, filled with the people I knew and worked with on a daily basis. With my lips pulled tight, I nodded at them as we passed, and though there were questioning looks about what was happening, they all seemed to understand now was not the time to chat.
Connie led us into one of the exam rooms, where Reid’s weight and vitals were taken before we were left in the room alone. I took a seat in the chair beside the table while Reid changed into the requisite johnny gown, and when he settled back on the table, he reached for my hand and rested it under his on his thigh.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“How sexy you look in that gown.”
Reid chuckled and pulled at the pea-green fabric. “Not my best color.”
“But somehow you pull it off.”
“Hah. I bet you’d like to pull it off.” He winked, and I managed a smile, because fuck, if he was going to try to crack jokes instead of worrying in tense silence, then I needed to go along with it.
The door opened then, and a tall woman with a brunette bun piled on top of her head walked in. She held her hand out to Reid. “Hello, I’m Dr. Rebecca Farruggia.” Then she caught sight of me sitting on the other side of him. “Ollie, hi.”
“Is it okay if he stays?” Reid asked, his grip on my hand tightening.
She smiled at him. “Of course.” I pulled my hand back as she began her examination, all the while asking him questions, and I couldn’t help but think how strange it was to be on the other side of the patient/medic relationship, especially in the background like I was now. It took everything I had to sit quietly, to not answer the questions for him, to not offer my own opinion.
Let her do her job. That’s why you’re here.
After she finished her examination, Dr. Farruggia sat back on the stool. “How does your head feel now?” she asked. “Is it more of an ache or a shooting pain?”
“It’s a shooting pain that comes and goes. Right now it’s not hurting much, though.”
“Well, Reid, I’d like to do a CAT scan first to make sure there’s nothing going on that we need to be concerned about.” Dr. Farruggia glanced up at me briefly, and I was able to read her correct assessment between the lines: the scan needed to make sure there was no bleeding in his brain. “Then, depending on what that tells us, we’ll take it from there.”
Reid looked over at me, and I nodded, agreeing with her plan.
“Okay,” he said. “When will you do the scan?”
“I’ll put in the order now and someone should be here to take you back soon.”
“Oh. Okay then.”
She stood up and shook his hand again. “I’ll be back when we have your results. If you have any pain, let us know by hitting the call button on the remote, okay?”
“I will. Thank you.”
Dr. Farruggia smiled at me before exiting the room, plunging the room into silence again.
“See?” I said, feigning cheerfulness. “Just a quick scan and they’ll send you home with some Tylenol.”
I didn’t know why I said that. I knew that wasn’t going to happen, and the look in Reid’s eyes as his gaze met mine told me he knew that too.
“Ollie…”
I scooted to the edge of my seat and took his hand in mine again. “I know, Reid,” I said, and then pressed a kiss to his palm. “I know.”
Chapter Fifteen
THEY WHEELED REID back for the CAT scan not too long after Dr. Farruggia had left, and I waited alone in the empty room, looking down at Reid’s phone in my hands. He’d handed it to me to keep a hold of while he was there, and I debated whether to make the call to his parents. I’d intended to wait until we got the results back to let them know whether it was necessary or not to come down, but if I were in their shoes, I’d want to know what was going on.
I scrolled through his contacts, looking for either of his parents’ numbers, and when I saw the listing for “Mom,” I hit the call button. His mother answered on the second ring.
“Reid, you’re missing out on the most extraordinary salmon,” she said by way of greeting. There was the sound of people chattering in the background and glasses clinking. “You should’ve come with us.”
“Hello, Mrs. Valentine. This is Ollie, Reid’s”—I hesitated, unsure of how much she knew—“friend.”
“Oh, yes, Ollie, hello. Is everything all right?”
“Actually…” How to put this so they didn’t freak out? “Reid has been suffering from some headaches this week. He assured me it was nothing serious, but he had another one tonight, and I thought we should
get it checked out, just to be on the safe side. He’s getting a scan at Floyd right now, and we should know something soon.”
“At Floyd? Floyd Hospital?” The connection muffled like she’d pulled the phone away, and I could hear her repeating what I’d said to someone. When she got back on the line, she said, “Ollie? We’ll be up there soon.”
“Okay. There may not be any need, but I know he’d like to have you here just in case.”
“Thank you. I appreciate you letting us know.”
“Anytime.” I hung up just as Reid was wheeled back in the room, and I stood up to greet him. “Easy enough, huh?”
“Mhmm.” He winced as another shot of pain seemed to lance through him, and he covered his eyes with his hand.
“Does the light make it worse?” I looked up at the nurse who’d wheeled him in. “Sue, can we dim the lights at all?”
“Of course.” She flipped them off so that only a faint glow over the counter filtered through the room, and soon after, Reid eased back onto the bed.
I leaned down and cupped his face, pressing a kiss to his forehead and wishing I could ease the pain by doing so.
“I’m so pissed off,” he said, his face downturned. “I really wanted taco Tuesday.”
That made me laugh, and he managed a smile too. “You’ll get an even more amazing taco Tuesday when you feel better.”
“I like the sound of that. But for now,” he said, tapping his finger against his lips, “kiss?”
“As many as you want.”
With one hand on the side of the bed to hold me steady, I ran my tongue along his bottom lip, teasing for entry, and he grinned and granted me access, lifting his head to meet my mouth. Our tongues made slow, languid strokes against each other, each of us trying to memorize the feel of the other. Nothing else existed when we came together like this. There was no hospital. No headaches. No worry about what might happen. Just the two of us, devouring each other like we’d never gotten the chance before and not thinking about what would happen if we never got the chance again.
Minutes must’ve passed when Reid tensed and groaned against my lips. I pulled back and lowered his head gently to the bed, and then waited for the pain to pass.
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