I manage to get some strength back in my hands and lift myself onto the edge of the sink, ripping my panties at the side and throwing them away.
“Fuck-ing-hell,” he growls, holding me open and looking at me. “So fucking deep red and wet. Fuck. So wet and hairless, I don’t know where to begin.”
“Let me help you with that.”
I grab him by his hair and shove him back into me, wrapping my thighs around his head now my weight is on the edge of the vanity unit and I can enjoy his touch without having to manage my own weight on the ground.
He slurps and dines on me. I don’t care. I love a messy eater. I love everything about the way a man touches a woman with his tongue. Adam ferociously eats me out, devouring my insides, his tongue plunging deep into me, over and over, his stubble against my perineum and almost touching my pucker.
When he goes for my clit, I reach underneath his chin and slide two fingers into myself. Two of his fingers join mine and I cry out, orgasming wildly as we both fuck my vagina and he sends my clit into a tailspin of pleasure, my insides crushing downwards, my pelvic floor clenching madly.
Then I’m assaulted by his mouth, smothering my face with his cum-ridden lips, smearing the taste of my pussy all over me.
He slips the first bit of his cock into me and I bite his shoulder, reaching around him to grip his body, holding my breath as I prepare for the pleasure he’s about to unleash.
Adam slowly, carefully, plunges inside of me and I like that he’s tender at first, but then I kiss him and put my hand on his bum, urging him deeper, a little harder.
“Circle inside me, yeah, like that.”
“Can I come inside you?” he asks.
“I’m on the pill and never miss one. Splash all you like.”
“Yes, fuck,” he groans. “I want to fuck you deeper.”
“Take me to bed.”
He carries me to the bed and pulls the covers off, laying me beneath him. He looks unsure of himself, that dark lust replaced by something else, and I don’t know what this is about… only that maybe I need to reassure him.
“Adam, it’s okay.”
“If I do this, it means it’s over.”
“You can fuck me in whatever way you want. Nobody will ever know. This is two friends helping one another to get over some horrible things. I want you, Adam.” I lie back, arms above my head. “I’ve never, ever let a man come inside me without a rubber. I want to know what it’s like. I trust you and I want you.”
He looks me in the eye as he kisses me softly. “You’re incredible, you deserve more.”
“I deserve to be fucked hard. I like it rough, Adam. I really, really like everything. Don’t hold back.”
He bites my lip again and a new lust stirs inside me. “How rough?”
“I’ll tell you if I don’t like things, but believe me, I like most things.”
He slaps my pussy when I’m least expecting it and I cry out in pain, my chest heaving, my body screaming in ecstasy. He slaps my breasts and then bites my nipple until it’s burning and I’m trying to get away.
“You like that, dirty Russian beauty of the night?”
“More,” I groan.
He flips me over and lifts my hips off the bed, slapping my rear and watching while I start to glow, no doubt. It stings fiercely after a few smacks and then he’s moving up behind me, sliding his cock into me.
“I’m villainously hard,” he growls. “I want to break you in two. You make a man wild. You make him inhuman.”
“That’s all I understand.”
I lift my bum high, my face pressed in the sheet, my hands reaching behind to hold my bum open to him. He rides me until I come, my teeth clenched around the sheet, then he scoops the slick mess from my vagina and rubs it into my anus, lubricating me. I did it like this once before and it was amazing, although that guy was wearing a condom. As Adam presses his cock to my pucker, I bear down to open and he gasps, pushing in the moment he finds me like that.
The intrusion is agony and he spits some saliva onto my hole, urging me to push back against him, take what I can and do it at my pace. I take all of him and rub my clit beneath me, ready to come again.
“Saskia,” he growls. “Saskia.”
I look over my shoulder and see him banging his hips against me, his eyes closed, his mind taking in the moment and the feeling. It’s never felt so good, at least not for me. I want to remember this moment forever… how happy and pleased he looks, just this man in a state of nirvana because of me… a man I trust and love as a friend… now at my mercy.
I push back against him faster and he gets the idea, fucking me without any impediment. I finger myself silly and he comes inside me, deep into me, the sensation of warmth knocking me for six. It’s so beautiful, I want to cry. And I haven’t cried in so long.
Adam’s body falls against mine and he grips my shoulders in his hands, catching his breath against my back. Then he starts crying. I roll over, gather him to my chest and hold him against my heart as this man weeps against my body.
“Hush, darling, hush,” I whisper, “it’s okay now.”
He clings to me as I brush my fingers through his hair and let him weep into my skin, his pain, anguish and torture… all coming out at once.
I shed some private tears as he continues to unburden himself.
I worry if Chloe found out, she’d never forgive me.
Nor would Lily, probably, because she’d leap to Chloe’s defence.
It would be unforgivable, I know that, but there was a man here tonight who needed to be allowed to be a man again and he’s finally able to release his burden and be himself with me.
Eventually he settles a bit and kisses my breast, taking some deep breaths.
It goes without saying that was amazing. I’m still buzzing even now… my clit tingling so much, maybe even a little finger would do the trick.
I love playing with his hair and I wrap a leg around his back, holding him close, gathering him to me. After a while, he leaves my arms gently and heads for the bathroom. I hear the taps on the sink and some splashing sounds. I’m worried he might leave but then he exits the bathroom and switches all the lights off, coming back to bed.
Within seconds, he’s back on top of me. “Just needed to wash my cock in the sink.”
He pushes back into my pussy and my hips rise towards him, ecstasy burning through me all over again as he kisses me mercilessly and grinds himself deep into my body, making love to me. His kisses are desperate and he holds my hand, kisses my breasts and my throat… he holds me close as he plunges into me, over and over, his muscular back rippling under my touch as he rips me open, shooting into my womb and making me ache throughout my whole body, my cries and his loud, unashamed and fervent.
I lie in his arms afterward and he strokes his hands up and down my back. Then he gets his hands intentionally tangled in my hair and seems to fall asleep.
“Don’t worry, I’ll wake you up again soon,” I whisper.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be ready,” he says, kissing my temple.
I pull the covers over us and roll over onto my side. He wraps his arms tight around me and kisses my hair, his body against my back.
“Adam?”
“Yes, beautiful.”
“Was that good?”
“It was scarily good. Get some rest, sweet angel.”
“Adam?”
“Yes, princess.”
“I loved every second. Especially when you cried.”
“I loved it more when you cried,” he whispers, kissing the palm of my hand.
My heart skips a beat and I know in this moment, I really love him. It was always there, but like a phantom it evaded me, creeping in the shadows of my own crushed heart… which is now finally open… and it might never shut again. Adam’s worship of me… his passion… might be enough to get me through this thing we call life.
“Just one more kiss,” I whisper.
I turn my head and he presses his lip
s gently to mine, delivering a sleepy, soft kiss, his lips slightly chapped. Another tear leaves my eye, but this is one of complete and utter happiness.
Chapter Eleven
The early-morning light is peeking through the thin gap between the curtains, lighting up the tiny dust particles in the air, swirling and almost static, like time is standing still. It feels like I slept for a thousand years. Yesterday was busy and long, and last night almost feels like a dream now I think back to it. A beautiful, unbelievably sensual, lust-fuelled fantasy… and yet… I’ve woken up and he’s still here.
Adam sits on the corner of the bed, his boxers his only clothes, his back bent over as he holds his head in his hands. I feel scared to approach. Was it real? Did I imagine it? Then I look down at myself, barely covered by the sheet, my nipples still raw and my body still throbbing from the most intense sex of my entire life. Waking up this morning and staring at the back of him, his wavy hair and elegant, long back… his muscles delicate but defined, I know I could end up really loving this man. He has a mind and a body; he’s passionate and a kind, sensitive soul. I might even already love him, just for giving me last night.
I push the sheet off myself and move across the bed on my knees until my front touches his back. He gasps with shock, not expecting me to touch him. I wrap my arms around the front of him and bury my face in his neck. He drops his lips to my hand and reaches back to put his hand in my hair.
“Do you feel this, too?” I whisper.
He hesitates, finding it difficult perhaps, but I have no doubts as I hold my arms around him and bury my nose in his hair, inhaling him and enjoying the softness of his wavy strands.
“I do,” he eventually whispers, like it’s a terrible but glorious secret, “I do. I shouldn’t, but I do.”
I kiss his nape and stroke my hands through the soft hair between his pecs, following the lines of his body until I reach his stomach, mapping the abdominals hiding beneath his soft, sleepy skin.
“Saskia,” he breathes, and I climb off the bed.
I walk around the bed to stand in front of him and I groan when he takes my waist firmly and pulls me quickly onto his lap. He’s breathy when he looks up into my eyes, his hands on my waist, holding me to him. I touch my nose to his and stare back, then close my eyes, our foreheads together. I allow myself to feel whatever it is between us, as does he, his body slackening and relaxing beneath mine.
The moment he touches his lips to mine, my sex drive is awakened and I come to life, quickly and intensely, my heart beating harder with one delicate touch.
He pushes my mouth open with his tongue and kisses me until I’m on fire and pushing my breasts against him, my core sat astride his length.
“Uh, fuck,” he moans, kissing my breasts, his hands on my body, fingers spread, gripping me in all kinds of places as he tastes my nipples, his tongue greedy but gentle. It feels like he’s made himself vulnerable and is gentler today because of that. I sense he’s shocked by this, too. But also amazed.
“Adam,” I groan, in response to his little kisses against my throat. I throw my head back and hold onto his shoulders, delighted when he just keeps going.
He keeps kissing my throat but he shuffles about, getting his boxers off I think, my head still thrown back. He drags me into him, his fingers separating my folds, gasping, “You’re wet, princess.”
“I know. I ache for you.”
I cling to his shoulders and press my nose to his as he holds himself to my entrance and waits for me to slide down onto him. I whimper as he pushes into me, his teeth capturing my bottom lip briefly.
“Fuck,” he mutters.
“I know.”
I sink down onto him and want to cry, the pure pleasure, the satisfaction, the beauty of his body filling mine… I grab hold of the back of his hair and pant, capturing his lips and kissing him open-mouthed, my tongue making demands of his for a change.
He leans back on the bed on his elbows and watches as I begin to writhe on top of him, my hands on his chest, levering my body over his. I get lost in pleasuring myself, the fronts of my feet hooked over the edge of the bed, my body able to ride him without shifting much out of place. All he can do is tip his head back and moan.
I squeeze his pectorals and bounce on him, the fever inside me growing, my muscles squeezing around him in a rhapsody of convulsions, my ability to stop myself all but gone.
“Ah, god,” he cries, as I fall on top of him and call out, my orgasm ripping into me, the unending throbbing making him cry out in pain. He tugs himself free of me and comes against my backside, spurting all over my body.
I take a few minutes to relax and catch my breath. Adam lies inert, unable to do anything but breathe. However, once we have our breath back, I lift my head and kiss him, softly at first, then deeply, tenderly… then demandingly.
He holds his hands around my bottom as we kiss for an endless time, eyes closed, our hunger for kisses from one another never abating. I need to know what every pore of his mouth tastes like, every bud on his tongue, every corner of his inner cheeks. Eventually, after an incredibly long, loving and beautiful kiss, he drags himself up the bed and takes me with him. We lie in the pillows entwined, his hands stroking my body, up and down. I see him staring at me with reverence, his eyes soaking in every inch of me.
“I always go for strong women,” he murmurs, “or at least I thought I did. All I know is that you’re the strongest, Saskia. You’re amazing. There’s nobody like you.”
He rubs the back of my calf at the same time as kissing the inside of my wrist.
“I’m not strong, Adam.”
“How can you say that?”
“If I were, maybe I’d have stuck around Leeds for my parents’ sake. They’ve disowned me, you know.”
When he turns and looks into my eyes, he looks mortally wounded on my behalf. “What?”
“I haven’t heard from them in a while. I send them cards but never hear anything from them.”
He pulls me close and huddles me into his embrace, pulling the scrunched-up blankets back around us.
“That’s why you’re so strong, then,” he murmurs, holding me so close.
“No, Adam,” I murmur, and cry into his chest.
He hushes me, holds me to his chest. “You’re not alone, Saskia.”
“I know,” I whisper, “it just hurts.”
“Why are they like that?”
“Bitter, I suppose. They never forgave me for my sister’s death.”
“What death?” He pulls back, horrified.
“We were three,” I tell him, wiping my eyes. “I’ve never spoken about it with anyone. Nobody at home spoke about it so I thought that was what people do. You don’t speak about people you’ve lost.”
He frowns. “I hate that you’re hurt.”
I huddle back into him, taking a deep breath. “We were three. She was my twin, non-identical. My older sisters Helena and Heloise are also twins, living a couple of states apart in America now, still close, I think.”
“Oh my god, baby.” He holds his hand to my cheek and doesn’t let go.
“We were in the street. Sasha was being badly behaved. Mum had smacked her bum. We’d just been to the sweet shop and Mum gave them all to me. I was always a timid child, up until I met Chloe, I think. Anyway, we were walking back home and Sasha was crying. We were only three but I remember snapshots, feelings. I remember my pockets were full of sweets and I knew I would share them with Sasha when we got home, perhaps in secret. But Mum stopped to talk to her friend in the street as we walked home. She told us to hold hands and be good girls but Sasha was upset and being unruly and I let go of her hand because she was hurting my fingers. She got loose and ran into the road, back in the direction of the sweet shop where she’d just a few minutes ago tried to steal some sweets into her pocket. A car was coming and I didn’t even see it happen. There was a thud, a screech of tyres… screaming… Mum’s friend wrapped me so tight in her arms I could hardly breathe and she
never let go of me. I don’t remember anything after that… just this odd feeling… like it took a while to wake up after that. Like my memories in the few weeks and months after that got erased… or I never lived again. Maybe not until I found Chloe, perhaps the sister I once lost.”
Adam holds me tight and I cry against his chest, our bodies on our sides, his leg trapping me against him, his kisses against my cheeks and forehead making me cry with as much happiness as sadness.
Once I’m rinsed out, he strokes my hair and we just hold one another, like whatever time we have left is short but it feels like a lifetime. It might last a lifetime.
“I know you love Chloe,” he murmurs, “but I am going to divorce Susan and I do want you to be in my life.”
“I don’t know, Adam. I just don’t know, honey.”
He kisses my forehead hard. “You’ve carried this your whole life and never told anyone.”
“It was a scar, Adam. I was so young.”
“I know but it explains everything. They blamed you? A little tot.”
“I know.” I hide my face against his shoulder and push him onto his back.
“They made you withdraw from your true self.”
“I can’t explain it, Adam but when you lose someone like that, it forever feels like a piece of you is missing. It doesn’t matter where I go or what I do, it will always be missing. It is horrible that they blame a little girl for their own mistake, not watching out for Sasha as they should have been… letting her always be ill-behaved and always expecting her more sensitive twin to balance things out. But truly, the worst thing about all of it has always been this feeling of incompleteness. It will never go away, Adam. I will live with it forever. The saddest thing is that my parents don’t realise we all feel this same emptiness. And the truth is that it’s not because I’m the youngest that they expected me to stick around and nurse them into their later years… it’s that they want to know that I feel as punished as they do. They don’t want me to have a life of my own in London. And I can’t help needing them, even now. But… they don’t love me like they should do. It hurts so much.”
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