Edwin winced at the word life and it unexpectedly hurt my feelings. It should have made me more hesitant to slip in my own strategies, but instead it had the opposite effect. As we rounded the corner and headed back toward our house I got brave.
"About that… life: I want to talk about where we're going.”
"I thought we were going home."
I chuckled at his ignorance, though anxious and disappointed that he wasn't meeting me on the emotional level I needed him at to discuss our life together. "No Edwin. I mean where our relationship is going. I know we've talked about our future plans a million times before, but we really haven't talked about it since we got back together. Now that we are, I need to know where things stand. Where I stand."
We walked up our front porch and I could tell Edwin’s muscles were tense. His thumbs were clamped inside his fists and his teeth were clenched as if he was in pain. "I thought we were just gonna take it easy this morning?" he said.
"We are."
"That's pretty intense for this time of day if you ask me. Besides, we just got back together. I don't see why we need to rush into anything."
The answer of death. "I'm not asking you to marry me Eddie. I just want to know what way you see things going in the future. I do want to get married someday and have children of my own…" I didn’t insert the word soon, though it was on the tip of my tongue.
"Oh, I see where this is going.”
"Eddie, you know how I feel about it. You know I planned to have kids by now. My biological clock is ticking and I can't just go on forever like this. I need to know that we're on the same page."
He took a deep breath and growled under his breath as he stared blankly at the porch. "I need some time to think about all of this. I have to admit, I wasn't expecting it at all. I thought things were going great," he said, hurt and confused.
"They are Eddie, but there's more to life than just being a couple. I want a family."
"I need time.”
I wondered whether he meant before talking about it or before he's ready to have a family. It choked the life out of me momentarily and I swallowed it down to maintain my cool. "Think fast, because I want to know how you feel now, not next year. You shouldn't have to think too hard about it."
Edwin looked stunned, his lips parted in shock, so I decided to leave him alone so he could think.
I kept talking, with confidence, as I unlocked the front door. "I just want to know what it is that you expect out of this relationship. We'll talk tonight," I said, not letting up. I let myself inside, leaving Edwin traumatized on the porch. Weird, I felt relief, when I should have been bursting into tears.
I pulled off my walking shoes, carried them to the back door, and slipped them back on before ducking out onto the back patio. Overwhelmed with unanswered expectations, saddened by Edwin’s hesitance, it felt like I was contemplating how our relationship was going to end. Unfortunately, I have no choice but to give him an ultimatum. I sat on a cushioned rocking chair and sorted through my thoughts, as I rocked myself into a false sense of comfort and sanctuary.
I took advantage of my alone time to emotionally prepare myself for Edwin's answer. Though I believed in my heart, until today, that I had good odds of keeping Edwin, it was quickly becoming obvious that it could go either way. Betting on Edwin's immediate reaction – like he had taken a sudden blow to his manhood – it would be smart to proceed with caution. As I feared, he's just not ready.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
~
IT STARTLED ME WHEN I heard someone walking up the side yard. Even though it was a bright, sunny day, I still felt a terrible sense of danger wash over me. The neighbour's dog barked at the intruder, as I stared at the treeline, defenseless, waiting to see who or what it was. I was relieved to find that it was only Edwin.
"Hey. I thought I heard you back here," he said, very casual as he sat in the rocking chair next to me.
A shallow smile formed on my lips. "Sorry to lay it on so thick for you. I'm sure it was a lot to hear all at once."
"It's probably for the best. I see where you're coming from and I want you to be happy. We'll talk about it tonight, but for now we should eat. It's almost lunch and we haven't even eaten breakfast."
"I don't really feel like cooking. What about Tim Horton’s?" I suggested.
"That works for me, since I want to take you out for dinner later. You ready to go now?"
"Yeah, let's go."
Edwin took my hand and led me to the back door, where he carefully secured the lock and proceeded around the house to do the same in the front. He opened the passenger door to his truck and I let some steamy air escape before pulling myself up to get in. He pushed my butt, to give me a helpful lift, and swiftly rounded the truck toward his own door.
Over lunch we talked about superficial things: the weather, my hair, the food; anything but the elephant in the room.
"So are we still on for dinner?" I asked, after swallowing a bite of apple fritter.
"Yeah, I thought we would do dinner at a downtown restaurant and maybe take a walk through the park after. It's supposed to be real nice out tonight."
"That sounds nice," I said, honest and hopeful.
Edwin’s gaze flicked to the exit and so I glanced over my shoulder to see who had stolen his attention. "Looks like we have company," he said softly.
Samantha noticed us immediately. Her latest victim, Caleb, did soon after and gave us a full arm wave. Sam shot me a cool gaze, as they waited their turn in the short line-up. Before long, they ordered their cold drinks and came over to our table to join us.
"Hey brother. How’s it going?” Edwin asked, sharing a handshake with Caleb.
“It’s going,” he said, then ran a hand through his dark hair with icicle highlights.
“Hey Abby,” Sam said. “Edwin.”
I was amazed that she could manage to be pleasant with me when Maddie wasn’t around. She was outright ignorant, more often than not, with her perfect little nose to the ceiling. “Hey. What are you guys up to?” I asked.
“Caleb thought we should go for a walk,” Sam said, rolling her pretty eyes.
“How was I supposed to know it was gonna be this hot?” Caleb said to us.
"It's definitely a scorcher, but there's a nice warm breeze," Edwin said. He stretched his bulging arms out in the air and then tucked his hands behind his head, his biceps displayed in a delightful package framing his equally as intriguing face.
"It's suddenly even hotter in here," Sam replied, fanning her face and flushing profusely.
If I didn't know any better, I would say she was flirting with Edwin. Yes, she definitely was. She tried to catch his eye with a seductive smile, lashes fluttering over her heated cheeks. She was hitting on him!
"You guys going to the fireworks tonight?" I asked, hoping to distract Sam.
"Well I've been trying to convince Sam to come with me tonight, but she's giving me a hard time. Maybe you'll have better luck," Caleb said, lifting his chin toward Edwin with a smirk.
See? Even Caleb noticed Sam’s slutty charade. “Well, I'm definitely going. You should go Sam," I said, though I really could care less what she did.
Sam made a sour face and rolled her hazel eyes, suggesting she had no intentions of going. That seemed to hook Edwin's attention and, in turn, irritated me even more.
"I feel you," he said. "I could pass tonight too. I'm not really feeling it. Honestly, I could use a nap right about now."
I swallowed my disappointment, upset to hear that Edwin was dreading our night out together. It was having a debilitating effect on my self-confidence.
"Me too. I have an idea," Sam said to me and Caleb, all chipper. “Why don't you two go to the fireworks together and Edwin and I can go to bed."
My mouth dropped open in disbelief. Once I snapped my mouth shut, I squinted at her with a cold, vexed stare. She giggled at her own plays on words, which were all too convenient to be unintentional. Edwin chuckled at her secret
suggestion, though I knew he would never bed her. Caleb laughed out loud and then immediately called her out on it.
"You just want to get Edwin in bed," he said, amused.
"I didn't mean that. Oh, guys! That's not what I meant," she yelped.
I was glad Caleb thought it was funny, because I certainly didn’t think it was. Angry, but with my best effort to stay calm, I stood from my chair. It screeched across the solid floor, but I didn’t even care. I couldn't sit and listen to that whore for another minute.
"Anyways. We should get going. Maybe we'll see you there," I said, as I hinted for Edwin to get up. I smiled at Caleb and he looked like he wanted me to take him with us.
"Later," Edwin said, as we walked away.
"Gator," Sam replied, as if it was directed to her.
Silence followed us all the way home, until we walked into the comfort of our open foyer.
"Can you believe Sam said that?" Edwin asked, taking the words right from my mouth.
"I know, eh? I don't think it was by accident either."
"I thought it was pretty funny. You really think she has the balls?"
"She said it didn't she? And in front of Caleb at that. What a whore."
Edwin laughed. "You're just jealous."
"Of Sam? Never! But I do notice I’ve been seeing her around more often lately." I stomped off toward the living room, angry that Edwin was so amused by Sam's flirtations.
"You have nothing to worry about. She's got nothing on you," Edwin said, chasing after me.
I spun on one foot and stood my ground, fists at my sides, catching him off guard. "Quit kissing my ass. I don't need your reassurance.” I paused. Then with a huff, "You know what? I need some air. I'm gonna go for a drive to Aliah's house."
Edwin reached his massive arms toward the ceiling and stretched them out. "You go ahead, I need a nap. Check yaaa…" he said with a yawn. “Later,” he finished, dragging himself up the stairs.
He really had no clue. This was not a laughing matter.
Still pissy, I retrieved my cell from my purse and punched Aliah's number in. I stepped out onto my front porch, as my call went straight to voicemail. "Hey Ally, it's me. I'm coming over," I said, and then ended the call. Would she ever forgive me?
HOURS HAD PASSED SINCE I had visited Aliah's empty house and Edwin still wasn't giving any indication that he planned to wake up any time soon. That was about to change. I stomped to his room, walked swiftly to the bed and stopped, hands on my hips.
"You gonna sleep the whole day away?" I grumbled.
He didn't budge, eyes sealed shut, and he looked so damn comfortable that I felt guilty for interrupting him. On a huff, I slipped onto the bed and curled up behind him.
"I wouldn't mind," he answered belatedly. He fell silent for another minute and I wondered if he had fallen back asleep.
"Well I need you," I interrupted, acting like a greedy girlfriend.
Edwin tossed me aside, flung open the blankets and wrapped both of his substantial arms around me dragging me into his warm lair. It was amazing how he could make me feel so secure at such a dangerous point in our relationship. Our bodies were pressed close together, our legs intertwined, and Edwin nuzzled his nose in my hair, inhaling me like I was a dying flower.
Mindlessly, a tear fell down my cheek, but I quickly wiped it away before Edwin could notice. "I love you," I said, and I meant it so much.
"I love you too Abs," he replied softly.
I tucked my chin in, hiding in his armour, the looming conversation hanging over my head like a storm cloud. The prospect of not making love to Edwin ever again smothered me. Emotions pooled thick in the air. Edwin stroked his hand along the curve of my lower back, cutting through the grey skies with sharp white hot light. Immersed in his tenderness, he gently tilted my face up until our eyes met. His eyelids slid shut. Slow, soft and thoughtful, he kissed me.
Mouth still on mine, Edwin gently pulled out my braids and tousled my hair into loose waves. "That's better," he growled, and weaved his fingers close to my head.
His kiss grew hungry and I wanted to feed him. Emotions spilled from me and he consumed them, sharing my passion. I was breathless, desperate, as I gave him every ounce of myself. I felt every trace of his hands, every caress of his tongue, taking precise note of every tender touch, measuring every movement of his hard body, as he took his time undressing me.
He was carefully attentive to my needs, tickling, touching and exploring every inch of me. As he exposed more flesh, his mouth covered over it, tantalizing me to the core, until my body begged for forgiveness.
“I need you,” I cried, desperate, urgent.
Eager to satisfy, after skimming over me, once, twice, he entered me, filling me to capacity.
"Yes," I screamed, emotion blasting from every nerve ending, surrounding me in a rainbow of psychedelic colours and leaving me in limbo between illusion and reality.
"Yes baby," he growled, his excitement mounting with every violent thrust.
My eyes rolled shut and Edwin expelled himself into me, clinging to my warm, convulsing body.
Still pressed deep inside me, Edwin's lips covered mine, slamming me back into reality. Unwilling to let him loose, I kissed him, fraught with worry, each kiss unravelling and interpreting my pain. He stopped me, sensing my excessive determination, and gazed at me with those amazing aqua eyes, revealing his own concern.
Without a word he scattered kisses tenderly across my lips, my chin, my neck. I ran one hand through his damp spiky hair, the other clutching desperately to his muscular back. I couldn't get enough of him. It was like our skin was fused together, but it wasn’t close enough for me. Time stood still, decisions on hold, while we touched with our hearts and felt with our thoughts. Staring into each other's curious eyes, wondering, worrying, we searched for the answers, probing, inquiring, but not finding anything.
My eyelashes fluttered shut, breaking the intimate gaze.
Edwin sighed. "We should probably clean up and get ready for dinner."
"Do we have to?"
"I've got it all planned out, so you better," he insisted, playfully steamrolling me to get out of his bed.
"That’s funny, you didn't sound too keen on it this morning."
"It was all part of my plan. I see it worked like a charm," he said, killing me with his sexy grin.
"Where are we going? You better tell me so I know how to dress.”
"I'm sure you'll look great no matter what you're wearing. I have a request of my own, if it's not too much," Edwin said, taking my hand and tugging me from the bed. "Leave your hair alone. I like it all wild like this." He tossed a wavy strand of hair in the air and tucked another behind my ear, before leaning down for another soft kiss.
After lingering for far too long, I ducked away to check myself in the mirror and gasped, shocked by my untamed hair. "My hair's a mess!"
"Leave it. It looks hot.”
"Yeah, I suppose if you like the whole dishevelled, just-fucked look."
"I do. I really do." His smirk was honest and sexy as hell.
I glanced back in the mirror, a poised grin on my rosy, satiated face. I could definitely pull it off if I wanted to. "I think I can work with it," I said, knowing it would display Edwin’s ownership of me to everyone we passed.
And that made him happy. I’d do anything to keep that bright, optimistic smile on his face for as long as I could. I kissed my fingers and touched them to his lips. "I’m gonna go get ready.”
After I showered, with smooth shaven legs, I shuffled through my clothes with renewed hope. There was still a chance, I told myself, as I plucked an airy, strapless, blue leopard print shirt from my closet. It would match the wild look I was working perfectly.
I pulled on a pair of short black shorts that accentuated my long legs and then slipped on a pair of strappy high heeled gladiator sandals that I only wore in the presence of my monstrously tall and sexy man.
I strutted out of my room and down the st
airs, feeling like a million bucks and hoping for a good response from Edwin. He was waiting patiently in the front room and glanced up when I walked in.
"Wow," he said. And the way that his eyes sparkled, I knew it was a good wow.
"So, how do I look?" I asked, doing a supermodel spin.
He approached with his hands out and, within seconds, he had me in his arms. "You look amazing," he growled, drawing my neck into his mouth. "If we didn't have reservations, I'd be taking you back upstairs right now." He kissed my mouth, his hands roaming over my soft bare thighs.
"You made reservations? Then we don't want to keep them waiting," I teased, flaunting my magical hips as I headed for the front door.
EDWIN REACHED FOR MY slim waist and lifted me out of his truck. He didn’t let me go again until he opened the front door of the prominent downtown restaurant. After mellow conversation and a fabulous meal, we went for a short walk through a quiet nearby park. The warm sun was settling low on the horizon and fluffy white clouds floated peacefully in the pastel sky.
"Are you up for a ride on the water taxi? I remember how much you loved it last time," he said.
“Absolutely.” I was thrilled with the idea. Returning his beaming smile, I let him lead me to the boat house to catch our ride.
The night was young, the sky a soft bluish-grey, just waiting to embrace a purple darkness. Riding the serene blue-green water was so surreal, the wind breezing through my hair, me tucked in Edwin's arms. The sound of the deep water swooshed gently behind us, the crickets chirped from the nearby land, the warmth still radiating from the tired earth. Softened by the atmosphere, I relaxed against Edwin's hard chest, and soaked up all of his attention while I still could. It felt a bit like a dream.
After taking in the beautiful vista, I turned my loving gaze on Edwin's gorgeous, thoughtful eyes. His lips touched mine, causing some onlookers to awkwardly glance away and others to gawk selfishly. There was an amazing sense of calm in the air and I planned to ride that wave as long as possible. When we got off the taxi, we strolled among the light crowd to Del Ray Park to take in some music at the Festival of Lights.
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