Things had been very touch and go in the first hours after she had awoken. Her wolf had taken an immediate dislike of me and saw me as a threat. I tried my best to put both my beloved and her stubborn wolf at ease. After her initial shock started to wear off Kalli seemed to calm down and graciously accept the situation she found herself in. Her wolf on the other hand accepted nothing graciously. It fought Kalli tooth and nail every step of the way.
It wanted nothing to do with me. It was abundantly clear that it did not approve of any physical contact between Kalli and me. It went as far as to make contact nearly impossible. Each and every single time I tried to touch Kalli, her wolf would freak out. Sometimes Kalli would lose control and automatically shift into her wolf form. The damn ornery wolf would stand in attack form with its hair on end, teeth bared growling for hours until Kalli could reign it back in and shift back to human. After the first dozen times of going through this, I finally decided it would be best if I stayed hands off.
Not being able to touch however really isn’t an issue for me or Kalli. I really don’t mind not being about to touch her. Just being near her is satisfying my every need. As a vampire, being with my beloved isn’t so much about the physical as it is about the emotional, mental and spiritual.
As with all beloved pairs, I was painstakingly honest with Kalli. I explained to her about her being my beloved. I took my time laying out all the details and nuances about how we were a different type of pair. I explained how her blood would affect me, and why we couldn’t truly be a blooded pair. I also discussed my concerns about her future mental health and even told her how I was experiencing her emotions.
I held nothing back. Kalli’s unique physical condition changes everything and nothing. I gave her every detail as I knew it. We discussed every single minute detail. Once I had told her everything I knew, I asked Kalli to explain to me her situation in the pack, and how she came to be different. It was during her telling that I started to put some possible scenarios together.
It was amazing that her mother had managed to survive the death of her true mate that she had already bonded with. I knew in my two hundred and eighty seven years of life, that had never happened before. When I passed that information along to an elder they confirmed that in all of recorded history no she-wolf had survived the death of their blood bonded true mate.
The information amazed and intrigued both myself and my elders. We of course knew that a vampire’s blood could alter and enhance a human’s life; it however had never occurred to us that it could have a similar influence on a wolf’s life. It had previously been thought that our blood would have either no effect on a wolf or a negative effect like their blood has on us. Interestingly of course it had never been tested.
While we vampires would have been happy to utilize wolves as test subjects, we knew it would be morally wrong to force them. Vampires adhere to a very high standard of moral codes. While we are immortal, we have a very high respect for the limitations of the mortal life. It is very precious and we would never extinguish a mortal life lightly.
Medical testing and experiments were kept to a minimum and were performed with great care to not hurt the humans and wolves. Medical testing on wolves was very rare since in general wolves tended not to trust us, and preferred to avoid vampires.
We vampires however loved to watch both humans and wolves alike. While we are solitary creatures we are always looking to expand our minds. Studying humans and wolves can be very amusing. We would often live in their shadows, but keep tabs on them much in the same way as humans watch wild wolves or tigers. In fact, I spent nearly seventy five years watching the BlueRidge pack before they collapsed and disbanded. I knew more of their history than anyone else alive.
Over the past several days, Kalli and I shared several discussions and calls with the elders. We went over and over how Kalli and her mother were altered. We discussed Kalli and I’s blooding situation, her mental health concerns, and how I am already experiencing her emotions.
Kalli stayed with me every step of the way. We were beginning to come up with several theories, and even a few ways to test them. At the top of our list is that the blood Kalli’s mom was infused with was most likely mine. How the wolf doctor would have obtained my blood or for that matter any vampire blood was a mystery we had yet to solve.
If however it was my blood, that would clarify why I was experiencing Kalli’s emotions, and would eliminate our fear of mental health issues for Kalli. See, we vampire often half blooded with our beloved as infants. We would feed the infant our blood to make a one side connection. The adult vampire would then be able to identify with our beloved emotions even before they can communicate.
The second half of the blooding would of course not occur until they were an adult. That theory would explain why I am already able to experiencing Kalli’s emotions but she doesn’t feel any of mine. That would also mean that her soul already received responses from mine and that she was in no danger of having a mental break down.
We hoped that would prove true once we tested it. Since, Kalli and I had come to the decision that she would need to return to her wolf mate sooner rather than later. It appeared that it was impossible for her wolf to live without its mate for long. Every day she spent away from Lucas it became harder for her to control her wolf. In fact twice, in the past thirty hours I have had to run her back to Northern Star so that she could see with her own eyes that Lucas was okay. It was our theory that returning to Lucas would give her control back of her wolf.
The elders were set to arrive at my home within the next few hours, that theory and several others were on our list to test. I would never let Kalli know how much that decision hurt me. I would be forced to love my beloved from afar. She would have her wolf mate, while I would be left alone. At least, I could feel her happiness that she would share with her wolf mate.
Lucas was important to Kalli, and that meant in some ways he was becoming important to me. Life for and with Kalli was going to be very complicated. I needed to stop focusing on what I was losing and concentrate on what I had just gained. I might not get to love my beloved in the traditional way, but I was blessed to have her in my life, and I would stay close enough to experience life and love through her.
I realized the day was no longer young, and decided it was time to slip away from Kalli long enough to check on my guests. I call them guests, but in fact they are my prisoners. They are the second thing that I haven’t been completely honest with Kalli about. I kept it from her because I knew it was in her best interest. I found myself thinking back on how I had gotten myself into this situation as I slipped from the room and headed into the cave below my home. Just like most things in life, it started with the best intentions and then well, like all intentions it went sideways.
Kalli had been out of her mind with worry about her wolf mate and totally inconsolable when she’d first realized she was with me. Nothing I did would calm her. I was afraid she was going to hurt herself if she didn’t calm down. Finally in desperation I promised her I would go check on Lucas and make sure that he was safe and that no harm had come to him.
So off I’d gone to Northern Star territory. I looked for Lucas, but instead found Alpha Logan and his Luna in their home. They’d been working on setting up a trap that would most likely kill Lucas when he returned to the house. I could feel my beloveds fear of losing her wolf mate, and I’d done the only thing I could. I dismantled the trap, and grabbed the alpha and the Luna and brought them back with me.
I figured with them gone, Lucas would be safe and my beloved could stop worrying. That’s when my intentions went sideways. Once I grabbed them, I didn’t know what to do with them. I couldn’t let them go, they would go right back to Northern Star and kill Lucas. So now, I was stuck slipping away from my beloved to feed and care for them.
I knew however this couldn’t go on forever. Eventually, something more permanent would have to be done. Perhaps once the elders have been consulted, I will have to pe
rmanently eliminate the threat to Lucas by ending his parent’s life.
Chapter 18
(Nikoli’s POV)
My nose flared as I entered the underground cave that housed the Alpha and Luna of Northern Star Wolf pack. They smelled of dirt, fear and sweat. The smell was very offensive. I brought with me several bags of fast food and a couple more gallons of fresh water. I placed them down on the makeshift rock table and turned to face the Luna and said.
“Listen carefully, because I will not repeat myself. I am going to untie you. You will walk slowly over to the table, sit down on the ground and eat. You will not speak to me, you will not attempt to run. Do I make myself clear?”
The Luna nodded and I untied her. She did exactly as I asked. Mid way through her meal, I started to realize I recognized her.
“You were once a member of BlueRidge pack were you not?” I questioned her. She kept her head down but nodded.
“Do you know who Kalli’s mother is?” This time I saw her visibly flinch before nodding.
“Tell me” I said with more anger in my voice then I had meant to have.
The Luna started to shake. The Alpha hearing our exchange began fighting his restraints. I looked up at him pointed my finger and tsk’d
“Now, now alpha, you don’t really want to get loose. Since getting loose would mean that I will have to kill you. Calm yourself. I will give you your chance when I am finished with your Luna.” He settled back down.
“Luna?” I prodded
“Marie Howard” she whispered, then licked her lips and started again
“Her mother is Marie Howard, the daughter of the last true Alpha of BlueRidge. She was once my best friend and the sister to my true mate Tony.”
I watched as tears slid down the face of the Northern Star Luna. She hiccuped then tried continued but stopped when she felt my hand touch her shoulder.
“No need to continue I know exactly who her mother is. Finish eating, then I am going to take you somewhere a little more comfortable.”
I was full of guilt. I was once friends to the BlueRidge pack. I had held Lidia and her sister Risa in my hands when they’d been children. I also knew Marie. Her father had been a dear friend. The only wolf I would have ever called friend. It now made perfect sense that Marie’s daughter was my beloved. In fact, I was pretty darn sure I knew exactly how the doctor got my blood, and I knew for sure now it was my blood. I turned toward the alpha and said
“I will be back for you shortly” then gently placed my hand on Lidia’s elbow and walked her towards the exit of the cave. I was careful not to hurt her as I led her into the house. I took her straight upstairs and into one of the empty guest rooms.
“Lidia, out of respect for my old friend Anthony Howard, I am going to let you live for now. Take a shower, and get some rest. I will come back for you later today. Don’t try to escape or I might change my mind”
I left her and locked the door. I was going to have to go downstairs and explain her and the dam rotten alpha to my beloved now.
(Lidia’s POV)
I found myself frozen in place. The vampire had left, and I still hadn’t moved. Everything about the last week was unbelievable. I kept closing and opening my eyes praying that I was going to wake up from this nightmare.
I had done everything wrong. I went against my own nature. I had hurt my son and sided with my monster of a husband against my sons mate. I even helped Logan plot to kill my child. What was wrong with me? Thank god the vampire had come and stopped Logan and I. I would never have wanted to live if I had been responsible for my son’s death.
What we were doing was wrong. How we treated Marie and her child all of these years was wrong. I knew that, but somehow I’d managed to forget. Just as I managed to forget that Maria had once been my best friend. Or that a true mate, any true mate was precious given by the gods themselves. How could I have told my son to reject his mate?
It was like I hadn’t been able to control myself. Everything that Logan said made sense when he’d said it. Now, however it seemed surreal. In fact, everything seemed surreal since the vampire grabbed us. It’s like a veil was slowly being lifted from my head and I was finally able to see the truth.
Years of my life were suddenly staring me back in the face. My hatred for Logan bubbling to the surface as I found myself suddenly slammed again with the loss of my true mate Tony. I knew Logan was responsible. Somehow over the years he’s made me want to forget. Today I saw clearly. Today I knew Logan did it purely so that he could have more power.
He wanted the BlueRidge pack. He wanted to have the largest pack in North America. Logan believed he was an Alpha’s alpha. BlueRidge wasn’t even the only or first pack Logan assimilated into his. He also took over Rockledge. Rockledge was a small pack that was located to the north of Northern Star.
Their alpha also passed mysteriously with only female heirs. More likely Logan killed the alpha like he killed my dad and my true mate. How could I have forgotten? How could I have forgotten watching him bed the daughters of the Rockledge alpha? I stood by his side while he all but raped them for weeks on end.
Thank god both of the Rockledge shewolves never gave birth to any of Logan’s children. I don’t remember how, but both Anna and Alice disappeared along with twenty other Rockledge pack members just after Lucas’s birth.
How could I be so evil? How could I stand by while Logan raped and killed people I cared about? I never even tried to stop him. I didn’t deserve to live. I dropped to the floor and I started to cry. I cried for the loss of my true mate, I cried for the loss of my friends, I cried for the evil that I had allowed to happen. I cried for my son and his mate. I cried to god to take me away so that I didn’t have to face the things that I allowed to happen.
Chapter 19
(Kalli’s POV)
The last few days without Lucas have been so hard. I missed him so much. My wolf missed him just as much as me if not more. It was strange, I had spent most of my life without being touched, but now that I had experienced the joy of touching I felt like I couldn’t live without it.
Nikoli was wonderful, I had a great time with him but he isn’t my mate. I understand that I am his beloved; I just don’t feel the same way about him. He is special to me, and I have a soft spot in my heart but it’s not the same. I enjoy talking to him and it feels safe and warm when he is around but he doesn’t ignite the fire in my belly that Lucas does except when I dream.
In my dreams Nikoli is my everything. It transcends the physical and moves into the pure spiritual. In my dreams there is nothing that I can’t do with him at my side. He makes me the best me I can be. In my dreams, I know that the love I think I feel for Lucas is really my wolf and his wolves love. Lucas and I are just tools of it. In my dreams I know that my love for Nikoli is mine not my wolves. I feel his emotions like they are my own. I know his every thought. In my dreams his soul and mine are one.
Then I wake up to reality. In reality, I know that I can never be allowed to love Nikoli that way and he can never love me. In reality my blood is poison to him, and my wolf wants to shred him every time he even tries to touch me. I want so badly to feel what his skin under my fingertips would feel like.
His skin is flawless and looks like white porcelain, but from our very brief touches I somehow know it would feel like silk. While he appears thin and not nearly as muscular as Lucas I know that he is solid as a rock. Aside from missing Lucas, I have had a wonderful time with Nikoli. He somehow is pushing me to be a better person. He makes me own my fears, my abilities and maybe even my future; He has forced me to realize I was a victim because if I let myself be. Nikoli says that I never have to be a victim again.
We work every day on my fighting skills and my strength. He has shown me combat moves that I can easily do in my human form. Turns out, I am a better fighter and much stronger in my human form than as a wolf. Lucas says that’s not because vampires are physically stronger than wolves, it’s because they pull their abilities from th
eir bodies, minds and spirit or soul as Nikoli prefers to call it.
The vampire blood in my system allows me to use some of those special talents like astral projection, Illusion manipulation, and some psionic inundation. Nikoli also said as a full vampire he also has additional abilities like psychometry and memory and mental manipulation. Nikoli isn’t sure if I can tap into any of those. I chuckled to myself again just thinking about Nikoli trying to explain them to me, and worse trying to get me to do them.
“Okay Kalli lets start simple with astral projection. I know you can do this, because you were in a full astral projection the first night I met you. Focus on your soul and push it outside of your body. I know you did that without trying, but now I would like you to do it on command”
We’d spent hours trying over and over again. I couldn’t make it happen. Then, Nikoli did it and just like that, I found my spirit rip away from my body and meet his. It had been the most amazing feeling. We were able to move in and out of each others non-corporal energy. I don’t even have the words to explain how wonderful it was. It was like dancing souls touching everywhere and nowhere. It was a blending that simply couldn’t happen with the flesh.
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