by Guy Bass
The major led Frog through gleaming white corridors, one after the other. Finally they stopped outside a circular door, which slid open.
“After you, my Prince,” said the major. “And welcome to your destiny.”
Frog stepped inside. He found himself inside a bright, white chamber, bigger than any room in the royal palace. A window occupied the entire far wall, looking out over the sky. And facing the window was a great white throne.
“Welcome to my humble home-stroke-world-destroying spaceship,” said a voice.
The throne turned slowly, until it faced Frog. Upon it sat a figure dressed in a bright white cloak with a hood covering his face.
“King Kroak…” said Frog. “We meet at last. Show yourself!”
King Kroak reached two woolly hooves up to his head and lowered his hood. Frog’s eyes grew wide.
His trusty steed stared back at him.
“Sheriff Explosion?” Frog shrieked. “It’s not… You’re not… It can’t be!”
“Baa!” bleated the sheep.
“You’re King Kroak?” Frog blurted, his head spinning. “What the bumbles is—”
“Baa! Baahahaha!” The sheep seemed to burst into laughter as a shimmering haze engulfed him. As the haze cleared, Frog’s mouth fell open. The real King Kroak stood before him. He was immense – a towering titan, taller than any Kroakan Frog had ever seen. The King’s skin was a bright mottled green, with two long antennae protruding from his forehead, and in place of his robes he wore a spotless suit of white armour.
“Why the long face, Frog? Can’t you take a kroak-cloak joke?” laughed King Kroak, his voice booming and resonant.
“You’re horrible like turnips!” said Frog, drawing Basil Rathbone. “Here comes the defeat!”
The King loomed over him.
“Have you ever wondered why you like defeating things so much?” he asked. He strode to the window,in great, assured steps. “Because right after defeat comes conquest. It’s time to face up to who you are, Frog. Let’s start by getting to know the family…”
King Kroak waved his hand, and the window behind him became a view-screen. Upon it were countless Kroakan faces, each slightly different from the other, but none a day older than Frog.
“Meet your brothers,” said King Kroak. “All nine hundred and ninety-nine of them!”
“They’re my brothers?” blurted Frog, peering at the screen.
“Yep! And no two are alike,” laughed the King, pointing to one of the faces. “Karg here is always conquering outdoors, while Klorr over here likes to plan his conquests from the comfort of his ship… Krorg loves blowing things to pieces, while Kane is all about brain-slaving. And while they’re all merciless conquerors, in their own way, none of them are … me. None of them will ever rule as well as I rule or conquer as well as I conquer or be as hands-down, full-on awe-mazing as I am.”
Before Frog could muster a “Pfff”, King Kroak added, “That’s the problem with being King – eventually someone has to take your place. But then it hit me! What if I could find a way to rule forever?” The King waved his hand, and the images of his nine hundred and ninety-nine sons faded to be replaced with a view of the afternoon sky. “So I found a way to replicate myself.”
“Replicate…?” repeated Frog, not sure what he meant.
“You are more than my son, Frog… You’re me. You’re my exact clone,” said the King with a grin. “You are King Kroak, reborn!”
The Green Button
Frog couldn’t move. The King’s words had frozen him to the spot.
“Didn’t you hear me?” said King Kroak. “We are identical in every way. You’re my perfect copy … my duplicate… You’re me!”
“But… But I can’t be you,” Frog said, the colour draining from his cheeks. “I don’t want to be you! You’re all the badness in the universe, plus a million!”
“It’s your destiny!” the King cried, his fists clenched. He took a deep breath and composed himself. “Look, son, I only sent you to this dust-riddled planet because I wanted to give you a chance to have a normal childhood – a chance to do kid’s stuff, like conquering your own planet and bringing about the End of the World! I didn’t even tell your Keeper or General Kurg who you really were – I thought it would be nice to break the news myself, father to clone!”
“No… I’m not you…” muttered Frog weakly. But he was, and he knew it. He stared into King Kroak’s eyes and saw his own eyes staring back at him. Had he not felt as if his world had just ended, Frog might have been pleased about how mighty he was going to look as a grown-up.
“I almost forgot!” cried King Kroak. He reached into his pocket and took out a small cube with a round green button set into one side. “See this? This is the Green Button. I love buttons, especially ones that make noises. Boop beep boop! Well, this one is specially encoded to work only when I press it. But since you’re me, it also works if you press it! Nifty, eh?”
“What does it do?” said Frog, already dreading the answer.
“Oh, nothing much … it just FIRES THE SUPER SUNDER-CANNON! Imagine a gigantically enormous version of a normal sunder-cannon that blasts a super sunder-beam straight into the core of the planet. Instant chain reaction – no more world! Heaps of fun!” The King’s finger hovered over the button. “So, do you want to press it or shall I?”
“Don’t!” Frog cried.
“What’s wrong with you?” said King Kroak. “I’ve just told you, you’re the future ruler of the universe and you’re acting like I got dust in your boots!”
“You can’t destroy the world! I won’t let you!” Frog growled.
King Kroak shook his head. He thought for a moment, tapping his fingers against his chin.
“OK, fine … I’ll make you a deal,” he began. “I’ll spare this planet, since you seem to give so many hoots about it. I’ll leave it alone forever. All you have to do is join me.”
“Join you?” repeated Frog.
“Return with me to Kroakas. Take your place at my side and fulfil your destiny. We can conquer the universe together, father-son style,” the King replied. “But – and here’s the important bit – if you defy me at any point, then I shall return to this planet and wipe it off the face of existence. So, what do you say?”
Frog stared at the Green Button. His choice seemed like no choice at all – doom Kingdomland, or doom the rest of the universe – trillions of lives … maybe even hundreds. But then, wasn’t that his destiny?
“I… I…” he began.
“Take your time, it’s a big decision,” said King Kroak. “But remember, whatever you choose, whatever you decide, what— The … what?”
Frog looked up and saw King Kroak peering out of the window. He turned, slowly.
The blue house was flying towards them at high speed.
The Princess is Five and Three Quarters
“Is that … a flying blue house?” muttered King Kroak, as the Omnium Gatherum loomed large in the window.
“It’s not showing up on my scanners!” cried Major Krung, checking a control screen on the wall. “It could be a trick…”
“That is no trick!” boomed King Kroak. “Move, it’s going to—”
The blue house smashed through the window! Frog leaped out of the way as it ploughed into King Kroak, flattening him and sending the Green Button flying through the air. Chunks of blue stone flew in all directions as the house spun and careened across the throne room until, finally, it slammed into Major Krung and her troopers and ground to a halt.
“What the bumbles…?” coughed Frog, struggling to his feet. As the dust cleared, the front door of the house fell open…
“Princess Rainbow?” Frog cried, as the princess stumbled out. He leaped over to her in two mighty hops. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m helping!” the princess replied happily. “You said I couldn’t help because I’m only five but then I remembered I’m five and three quarters, so I can do what I want. And look! I saved
you!”
“You’re bonkers, Princess … in a good way,” admitted Frog, peering at the wreckage of the blue house in disbelief. “Wait, Kryl was in there! Did you—?”
“Silly Greeny,” she tutted, brushing dust off her dress. “I told Man-Lor to take her outside for freshed air and then I flew the house by my own self. I checked and made sure it was empty. I’m not shtoopid…”
“Baa…” came a sound from inside the house.
“I meant nearly empty,” Princess Rainbow added.
“Sheriff Explosion!” Frog cried, as the sheep raced out of the house, bleating in terror. “My trusty steed can never stay away from the action! He’ll always find a way to my side!”
“Baa…” sighed the sheep. Frog glanced at the floor and spotted something among the rubble.
“The Green Button!” he said. He picked it up and dusted it off. “Come on, Princess, let’s get this as far away from—”
Blue stone flew in all directions as King Kroak burst through a wall of the blue house with an almighty roar.
“Look at this DUST! It’ll take forever to decontaminate!” he roared, frantically patting himself down. He stared across the room, fixing his stare upon Princess Rainbow. “You! You did this!”
“Leave her alone!” Frog cried, drawing his sword.
“Oh, so you’re siding with the dust-bringing natives over me?” King Kroak snarled. “Fine! You had your chance! I’m going to blow your precious world to a million— Wait. Where’s my Green Button?”
King Kroak checked his pockets, but the button was gone. He began shovelling rubble aside. “Where is it?”
“Looking for this?” said Frog, holding up the button with a self-satisfied grin.
“Give Daddy his Green Button,” the King snarled. “NOW.”
“Time to run, Princess!” said Frog.
Frog, Princess Rainbow and Sheriff Explosion darted out of the door. The King roared in anger, bounding across the throne room and pursuing them into the corridor.
A moment later, a dazed Major Krung clambered out of the rubble of the blue house.
“King Kroak? Your Majesty, wait!” she began. She was about to follow, when a hand emerged from the wreckage. Major Krung grabbed it and pulled as hard as she could. The massive shape of General Kurg appeared, battered and caked in blue dust.
“What on Kroakas?” began Major Krung.
“Frog…” the general growled, his voice rumbling like thunder. “Where is Frog?”
The Bumdrops
“Run, Princess!” cried Frog, clutching the Green Button tightly as he, Princess Rainbow and Sheriff Explosion raced down a white corridor. “We have to get this as far away from King Kroak as possible! If he gets his hands on it he’ll … he’ll…”
Frog skidded to a sudden halt.
“What are you doing?” said Princess Rainbow. “I thought we were running away.”
“Baa!” concurred Sheriff Explosion.
“You need to take this,” Frog said. He held out the Green Button to the princess. “I can’t be trusted with it.”
“What are you on about, silly Greeny?” asked the princess.
“You have to take it, or I’ll press it and blow up the world,” Frog explained. “It turns out I’m King Kroak’s cloned-up self. We’re the same down to our left nostril. I’m all the badness there is, plus a million, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Baa,” bleated Sheriff Explosion.
“Pfff … that’s the bumdrops,” said Princess Rainbow, folding her arms. “You’ve had all sorts of chances to be bad. When the ay’lun invaders came it would have been easy-peasy for you to join up with them, but you didn’t. You saved us instead.”
“But—” Frog began.
“And then when they came back you saved us again. And you saved my mummy and daddy … sort of,” the princess continued, peeking into her pocket.
“Hail, Kroak,” squeaked the King and Queen together.
“But that’s not who I am really,” said Frog quietly. “Deep down, I’m one hundred per cent merciless conqueror.”
Princess Rainbow thought for a long moment, puckering her lips and squinting her eyes.
“What if you’re not the him he is?” she said at last. “What if you’re the him he would have been if he didn’t have to be one hundred per cent mers’less conker?”
“Huh,” said Frog, staring at the Green Button in his hand. “I never thought of that.”
“FROG!”
Frog spun around. At the other end of the corridor stood King Kroak, his massive fists clenched.
“I’ve changed my mind about you, Frog!” he roared. “I think I’d prefer you dead, after all!”
The Super Sunder-Cannon
As King Kroak leaped towards them, Frog spotted a door to his left and dragged Princess Rainbow inside.
“Frog!” boomed King Kroak. “You are in so much trouble, young man!”
“Baa!” said Sheriff Explosion, scurrying in as Frog shut the door behind them.
Frog slashed at the door controls, sending sparks flying into the air. They ran down a zigzagging stairwell, descending into the machinery of the ship.
“Greeny! This way!” cried Princess Rainbow, spotting a narrow, red-lit corridor. They raced down it until they reached another door. Frog slashed it open and they hurried inside…
“Yoiks…” muttered Frog. They were in a vast, deep chamber. It plunged down and down like a bottomless pit. A spider’s web of metal walkways crisscrossed the chamber and disappeared into the darkness. And descending through the chamber’s centre was a huge metal cylinder – a sunder-cannon, bigger than a hundred blue houses.
“The super sunder-cannon!” said Frog in awe. He gripped the Green Button tightly in his left hand. “That’s how King Kroak’s going to blow up Kingdomland unless we—”
“Frog!”
Frog looked back and saw King Kroak in the doorway.
“Oh no – after the way you’ve behaved, you do not get to play with Daddy’s doomsday weapon,” he snapped. “Now give me the Green Button!”
“Psst – don’t give him the Green Button,” whispered Princess Rainbow.
“Well, obviously,” tutted Frog, gripping the button tighter. Then he scooped Princess Rainbow and Sheriff Explosion into his arms and leaped down into the chamber.
“Yeeee!” cried the princess (drowning out Sheriff Explosion’s terrified “Baa!”) as they plummeted through the air. Frog began descending the chamber in mighty hops, leaping down from walkway to walkway.
“Bad clone! Get back here!” cried King Kroak.
Frog was mid-leap when he felt the King’s boot slam hard into his back. He landed roughly on a walkway, sending Princess Rainbow and Sheriff Explosion skittering along it.
“Urf!”
“Eek!”
“Baa!”
As Frog scrambled to his feet, the King landed next to him with a klung! Frog drew his sword but King Kroak was already upon him. He grabbed Frog’s arm and squeezed it like a vice.
“ARGH!” Frog cried, dropping Basil Rathbone on to the walkway.
Frog kicked out, landing both feet in King Kroak’s face.
“That’s it! You’re grounded!” roared the King, slamming Frog down to the floor with such force that it shook. By now Frog could see nothing but stars, but still he did not let the button go.
“Frog!” shouted Princess Rainbow. She raced towards King Kroak, hammering at his leg with her fists.
“Dusty thing! Get off me!” he growled, kicking her down the walkway.
“Princess…!” whimpered Frog feebly.
“It’s such a shame when your child doesn’t turn out like you’d hoped … but so much worse when they’re your exact copy,” sighed the King, turning back to Frog and plucking his sword from the floor. “So I’m going to teach you a lesson. First, I’m going to chop off your hand and take the Green Button. Then you’re going to watch me destroy this dusty excuse for a planet.”
“Stop, you…” whimpered Frog, with a last gasp of defiance.
“I could have given you everything you’ve ever dreamed of, Frog – I could have given you the universe!” the King cried. “Who wouldn’t want that? Why couldn’t you just be me, like you were destined to be?”
Frog opened his swollen eyes and peered up at King Kroak. Then he looked past him to Princess Rainbow, struggling to her feet.
“Because … I’m not you,” Frog wheezed. “I’m … me.”
“Weren’t you listening? We’re the same!” roared King Kroak.
“I know…” coughed Frog. “And maybe I did dream of being like you. Maybe I did want to be badness. But that just means I have to try harder … not to be a merciless conqueror.”
“That’s loopy-doopy! Why would you try not to be something you already are?” asked the King.
“Because destiny … is bumdrops,” Frog wheezed. “Because my friend told me that if I’m you … then that means you’re me, too. And if things had been different … then maybe you would have turned out like me.”
King Kroak slowly raised himself to his full height, sword in hand.
“Huh,” he said. “I never thought of that.”
The Fatal Mistake of General Kurg
“I never for a mikron imagined I could be anything but a merciless conqueror,” said King Kroak, lowering Frog’s sword.
“Didn’t – ow! – didn’t anyone ever ask you if you wanted to be a merciless conqueror?” Frog asked, sitting up.
“It never came up,” replied the King with a shrug. “My life’s always been about conquering. What else is there?”
Frog looked down at the Green Button in his hand.
“Well, not conquering,” he suggested.