by Karen Ferry
Her eyes widen at my almost-declaration of love, but when I kiss the tip of her nose and drop my hands from her face, I change the subject. “Food, please.”
Muttering almost unintelligibly about overdramatic gestures, she shakes her head before she walks downstairs. I grin at her retreating back one last time, before I hurry back to Ailith.
“Sorry,” I apologise as I enter her room. She’s sitting on the floor, heaps of DVDs tossed here and there in front of her.
“That’s okay,” she smiles at me and hands me Beauty & The Beast. When I take it from her, I’m surprised that she doesn’t release it. Instead, she tugs me closer, and I bend my knees. Her eyes are so serious as she scrutinises my face, I’m almost scared to find out what has her so thoughtful.
“Are you Mummy’s boyfriend now?”
“Errh…”
My body locks in place, and for the first time in years, I feel warmth creeping up my neck.
What the fuck do I say to her?
“Because I don’t mind if you are,” she starts. She pushes up on her knees, releases the movie, and then walks back to the bed.
“Good to know,” I mutter as I get up. I put the DVD into its slot, my back to her. I turn on the TV as I mull over the right way to answer her.
“So, are you dating her?”
Feeling nervous, I walk slowly back to her and sit down. I puff out my cheeks before I answer her.
“Yes, we’re dating.” I glance down at her from the corner of my eyes.
“Huh.” She pulls at her lip, looking so serious as she sits with her legs crossed in the middle of the bed. I wonder if I shouldn’t have said anything. She scrunches up her nose before she shrugs. “Just be nice to her, please?”
Fucking hell.
I turn my head and look into her eyes, my hand on my heart.
“I promise I will never hurt her, Ailith. You have my word. And I won’t ever hurt you, either. Got it?”
She nods and then rests her back against her mountain of pink pillows.
“Okay.”
Making an effort to relax, I lean back next to her.
“Okay, then.”
I pick up the remote control from the dresser next to the bed and hit play.
Ailith’s soft voice grabs my attention.
“Her favourite flowers are pink daisies.”
I look down and grin at her.
“Thanks for the tip.”
She beams up at me before she rests her head against my arm. A strange feeling settles in my gut at her show of trust.
“You’re welcome,” she sighs.
Twisting a little, I raise my arm, wrapping my hand on the headboard, giving her more room to get comfortable, and when that small gesture earns me another blinding smile, a different kind of warmth—one I can’t quite define—seeps into my bones.
Then I cross my feet at my ankles, turn my head back to the screen, and focus on the movie.
24
Laura
“I still think Gaston got what he deserved,” Kristian grumbles.
I cover my smile with a hand, amused by their little discussion.
“Well, yeah, he was really bad,” Ailith pipes up, “but maybe…oh.”
I glance at my daughter sitting to my left. Kristian flanks her other side.
“What?” I ask her.
She sighs and rests her head on her small fist.
“You’re right. Nothing could be done to save his black soul.”
Kristian snorting makes laughter bubble in my throat. That, and the way my eight-year-old daughter suddenly sounds like a sixty-year-old philosopher.
“Okay, next movie.” Kristian stands up from the bed and stretches. His groan and the way his muscles flex underneath his T-shirt send tingles throughout my body, but I do my best to trample out the embers flaring up inside me.
“Are you sure you want to stay here?” I ask him as uncertainty fills me.
He frowns lightly at me.
“Why wouldn’t I?” He winks at Ailith. “It’s been ages since I’ve had a Disney marathon, so, heck, yes, I want to stay.”
Ailith giggles beside me before she wriggles out from underneath my arm. “Yay! But first, I have to pee!”
I chuckle as I watch her run out to the hall. Once I’ve heard the door to the bathroom shut, I get up from my seat, walk resolutely to Kristian, and cradle his face in my hands before I reach up on my toes to kiss his lips. His arms come around my waist, pulling me even closer until I’m flush against him. When I feel his palms squeezing my arse, I sigh softly as I angle my head, deepening our kiss.
He tastes of popcorn and salt…utterly delicious.
His arms tightening around my waist and the moan that mirrors mine makes my toes curl.
“Thank you,” I whisper once I come up for air.
“For what?”
He smiles down at me, and I can’t help but giggle at the way he pushes his hardness into my tummy.
“For giving Ailith what she needs.”
The smile disappears from his eyes, but the warmth deepens. The tenderness he’s shown me—and Ailith—all day, makes my heart swell with joy.
“Anytime, sweetheart.”
Worried that Ailith will walk in on us, I smile and move to step back, but when he won’t allow me to leave, I rest my hands on his arms and glance up at him, puzzled.
“Still terrified?” he asks me as he holds me closer.
I wet my lips as I take a moment to reflect on his question. Strangely enough, I don’t feel as scared as I did yesterday. There’s a lightness in my heart that I haven’t felt in years. And there’s hope. Hope that maybe I’ve finally started to heal again.
“No, but I’m nervous,” I admit shyly. “You make me feel like a young woman again—my body hums when you’re near, and my tummy flutters with butterflies whenever you kiss me. And that smile…” I sigh softly. “That smile of yours undoes me every single time. It feels like it chases away all my fears in a matter of seconds. It’s that powerful.”
“Good. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about you being afraid anymore,” he starts, bending until our foreheads touch, “and I’m fucking elated that I make you feel like that.”
My cheeks hurt so bad from smiling, but I can’t help it.
“So am I.”
The crinkles at the corners of his eyes make my fingers itch to touch him, but we’re running out of time.
“For the record,” he murmurs, “you light up my world as well, Laura.”
Before I fall completely into a hot mess and start to babble about my undying love for him, I swallow the lump in my throat and take a couple of deep breaths. Then I push lightly on his chest until he lets me go, and I walk back to the bed and sit down.
“You’re wrong,” he murmurs then, a sadness in his eyes I didn’t expect to see.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re not empty, Laura. Far from it.”
His words make me lose my breath, and I feel lightheaded.
“I don’t know how to respond to that.”
“You don’t have to. Just know that I see you, and empty is not who or what you are.”
I open my mouth, but I don’t get the chance to say anything before we’re interrupted by Ailith running into the room.
“Let’s watch Aladdin now, please?” she pleads as she comes to an abrupt stop in front of Kristian.
His arms are crossed in front of him, one finger tapping his chin, and his brows knitted together, clear amusement shining in his eyes, he’s not fooling anyone, least of all my girl. When Ailith beams up at him, he lets go of the façade and grins.
“You’ve got it, girlie. Hop up on the bed, and I’ll find it for you.”
I watch them settle down
The need to be alone for a while flares up inside me, urging me to get some privacy, and I stand abruptly from the bed.
“I need to phone Trish,” I explain at Ailith’s questioning look. “I’ll be back soon.”
“Okay, Mummy.”
As I leave them to it, I pull out my phone and find Trish’s number. It doesn’t take her long to pick up.
“Hey, babe,” she greets me. “Fancy a cuppa?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t come by today.”
“Oh? What’s wrong?”
Quickly, I tell her about the whole ordeal with Ailith, not leaving out the fact that Kristian has been the best non-boyfriend ever all morning.
“Aww, poor baby,” Trish coos in my ear. “It’s okay, I understand.”
“Perhaps you can come by tonight instead?” I ask her as I sit down in the rocking chair in the kitchen. “We can have a proper chat once Ailith is down for the night. I just don’t want to leave her alone again.”
“Who’s cooking?” she laughs.
“Mum and me, of course,” I grin. “Who else?”
She chuckles in my ear.
“Will Kristian be there, too?” she asks me.
The slyness in her voice almost makes me snort.
“I don’t know. We’re not joined at the hip, Trish. He can come and go as he pleases.”
“Okay, I’ll come by after work. Say, around six-ish?”
“Perfect,” I smile. “See you later.”
“See you.”
I sigh as I end the call and look at Sally snoring away in her crate. I know that I have a million things to do, but for once, I try to let go of my miles-long to-do list and focus on the here and now instead.
Everything is happening so quickly with Kristian, and I’m afraid I can’t keep up. I’m afraid I’ll lose myself, getting so caught up in him and my growing feelings towards him that I’ll lose sight of the woman I have become. In my heart, I know that Kristian is nothing like James, but…I was wrong about him.
Will I be wrong about Kristian, too?
“Come on, Sally,” I whisper softly to her as I get up from the rocking chair. “Let’s go for a walk.”
I send a quick text to Kristian, disguising my need to escape from him by saying that I need to check on the horses. Once Sally and I are outside, I feel better.
The phone vibrates in my hand, and when I notice the photo Kristian has sent me, my heart does somersaults in my chest.
He’s taken a selfie with Ailith tucked next to his side, both of them making funny faces at me. I swipe the screen to read the text he’s sent along.
Kristian: Hurry back. We miss you. xx
“Bloody hell.”
I look down at Sally sitting beside me.
“I’m in too deep already, aren’t I?”
She lets out a low whoof as she shakes her head.
“That’s what I thought.”
Then I sit down on my haunches and scratch her ears, while I take in the beauty of my home. I don’t understand how I could ever feel trapped here, but my twenty-five-year-old self did. As much as I hate what I allowed myself to become, I know I wouldn’t have Ailith if I hadn’t met my husband. I wouldn’t have found my purpose. I wouldn’t have come back here.
And…I wouldn’t have all my plans for the farm that I do now.
If there’s one thing my country and its folklore has taught me, it’s that everything comes full circle, and I feel as if I’m finally there. I’m where I belong. The future doesn’t look as bleak as it did a mere month ago.
Instead, it is filled with hope. With dreams. Maybe even with love.
As my eyes fall on Thunder leaning against his paddock, watching me, a sense of peace I haven’t felt in almost a decade settles in my soul.
“Tomorrow,” I call to him, watching his ears flick, “we ride, Thunder.”
He neighs softly, and when I stretch my back, I can’t help but laugh as he nods his big head at me.
“Looks like we’re finally on the same page.”
I can’t stop watching Ailith sleeping. She passed out just around noon, but I haven’t the heart to wake her up. After last night, she needs her sleep. We’re still flanking her on either side, but as my stomach starts to rumble, I chuckle lightly and look up at Kristian.
“Lunch?” I whisper.
He gives me a crooked smile as he turns off the TV.
“Yes, please,” he whispers back and slides his arm from underneath Ailith’s head.
Slowly, I get up and after I’ve tucked her in, I take the baby monitor from her dresser.
“When she has nightmares, we use this for a couple of days,” I explain as he tilts his head, a thoughtful look in his eyes.
“That makes sense.”
I grab the other monitor and put it in my pocket as we leave the bedroom and head downstairs.
“When will your mum be back?” Kristian asks behind me.
I shrug.
“I’m not sure, exactly. She usually texts me when she’s on her way.”
“I see.”
A small shiver runs through me as he takes my hand, interlinking our fingers.
“So,” Kristian starts as we enter the kitchen, “I’m not going to push you to tell me more about your past for now, sweetheart.”
His words make me grimace and I can’t prevent my body from tensing up. He pulls my rigid body into his arms.
“But?” I look into his eyes.
“But there is still one question that’s been running around in my head since this morning, and I can’t stop thinking about it. Will you answer it?”
I blow out a breath as I nod slowly.
I can tell he takes my silent acquiescence as a good sign, as the frown on his face clears.
“When you told me that you’re widowed, was it the truth?”
That question is easy.
“Yes. He’s very, very dead.”
I wrap my arms around his neck as he takes a long breath, holds it, and then exhales it slowly.
“Shit. Because I’ve got to admit I wish he wasn’t, so I could hunt him down and beat the ever-loving shit out of him.”
The fierce expression in his eyes makes me gasp in wonder.
“You don’t have to slay my demons, Kristian,” I quip breathlessly. “I’m a big girl now. I can take care of myself.”
He squints down at me.
“I know you can. Doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could. That I could ease your burdens. Share them with you so you don’t have to carry them alone.”
There he goes and tilts my world on its axis again.
“Are you sure you’re real?” I whisper.
His smile widens, turning my heart into a big glob of goo.
“Very much so, sweetheart.”
As I push up on my toes to reach him, hope flutters in my heart and desire pools between my legs.
“I want you,” I whisper as I brush his lips and push my hips closer to his crotch.
His nostrils flare with want as I push him down on the bench. His hands run up my sides, over my flannel shirt, and when the tips of his fingers graze my breasts, I sigh in longing.
“I want you, too,” he groans low.
I place the baby monitor on the table and lean down, my hands on his shoulders while I straddle him. As my mouth takes his in a deep, wet kiss, shivers run through me as I bore down and feel how hard he is for me. One of his hands moves from my side to the nape of my neck, keeping me in place, and I revel in the tenderness of his kiss.
Sweet, yet racy.
Lazy, yet hungry.
“Your kisses make me forget reality,” I gasp as he moves his mouth from mine. “I forget time and place and I wish I could remain in your arms for all eternity.”
The low groan coming from his chest sends my head spinning.
“We can’t…,” I whisper brokenly. “We can’t right now, but soon…”
“Yes, soon,” he whispers back. His warm mouth against my neck makes my pulse speed up. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t stay like this for a while longer.”
I chuckle as I feel his lips stretch into a grin on my neck. The hum from his throat as he sucks softly on the skin at my collarbone fuels the need I have for hi
m, and as my eyes flutter closed, relenting to what we both seem to be so desperate for, I nod.
“True. We can do that.”
No longer hungry for food, I lose myself in the pleasure he brings me.
He’s the only man who’s been able to awaken my desires for so long.
“Just so you know,” I moan, rubbing my clit against his cock, “I fully intend to take advantage of you—your sinful, delicious body—as often as I can.”
The way he grabs hold of my arse, pushing me even harder against him, tells me that he’s more than willing to accommodate.
“I fucking count on it, sweetheart,” he growls, nipping my lower lip. With heavy eyes, I look down to meet his gaze. “I’m going to ruin you for all men. I’m going to make you crazy for me.”
I already am.
Instead of admitting how close I already am to feeling like that about him, I crush my mouth on his, wanting to forget reality a little while longer.
25
Laura
“So, Trish,” I start as we’re sitting alone in the library later that night, “you sounded so cryptic on the phone yesterday. What do you want to talk with me about?”
When we were young, the library was our place. Many of my childhood memories with Trish happened right here.
I frown at my friend as she starts to fidget in her seat, my glass of white wine raised halfway to my mouth.
“What’s wrong? I’ve never seen you this nervous before.”
“I’m just not sure where to start,” she mumbles as she takes a sip from her glass of water.
I choose my words carefully as I place my drink down on the small table next to my seat and get up. Once I’ve reached her side, I kneel down in front of her and take her hand.
“How far along are you?”
Her head snaps up and I glance at her stomach.
“Remember, I’ve been where you are, honey. I know all the signs. Plus, the fact you’ve had nothing but water since you got here speaks volumes.”