by Karen Ferry
Another nod. Another twinge in my heart.
“Do you think he likes me, too?” she asks then.
“Oh, I have no doubt about that,” I smile. “Remember the Disney movie marathon we did a while back?”
Light is brought back to her eyes at the memory, and I breathe a small sigh of relief when she giggles.
“That was so much fun, Mummy.”
I kiss her nose and nod as I lean back from her.
“It was epic,” I whisper. “We must do it again some time.”
“Oh, can we?”
“We’re the Turley girls, remember? We can do anything and everything we want to do.”
When she flings her arms around me, I topple right on my arse, but I couldn’t care less.
“I love you, Mummy,” she laughs in my ear.
I kiss her cheek and hold her even tighter, almost overcome with emotion. I force the tears that’s threatening to spill down on my cheeks away, feeling a little silly. This is not a sad moment—quite the opposite—and there is no room for tears in our lives anymore.
“I love you, too, mi agra,” I whisper. My love. I hold her a while longer in my arms, but when my phone starts ringing, I release her and get up from the ground. I manage to pull it out from the pocket on my fleece sweater and a frown settles between my eyes when it just then stops ringing. I swipe the screen to ring back whoever it was, but when the word Private Number stares up at me, unease runs down my spine. I glance at Ailith who doesn’t seem to have noticed anything about the tenseness I’m feeling.
“Wrong number,” I explain.
It’s not a lie—but I don’t know if it’s the truth, either.
She shrugs, and when I hear Mum’s voice calling from outside, we both turn and walk out from the stables to meet her. My eyes bulge when I watch her running—actually running—towards us.
The alarm on her face makes the blood in my veins turn cold.
“What is it?” I whisper as she stops in front of me, putting her hands on my shoulders.
“Kristian’s boss, Alex, just phoned me, honey,” she huffs. “Now, I don’t want you to panic, but Kristian has been in an accident, and he’s in hospital.”
I gasp and wrap my arms around my middle, trying to keep the overwhelming tightness in my chest at bay.
“No,” I whisper as I feel debilitating fear rising up in my throat.
Mum’s hands tighten on my shoulders.
“Don’t, Laura. Breathe.”
“Mummy…” Ailith’s scared voice gives me the strength I need to push the panic away, and I gulp, taking deep breaths.
“What happened?” I ask her and take Ailith’s hand in mine. I need to feel her skin against mine, or I’ll break apart.
Mum grimaces.
“According to Alex, Kristian was leaving the shop to get them something to drink and didn’t see a speeding car as he crossed the street. Alex did, though, and managed to run to him just as the car was about to hit him straight on. He grabbed his T-shirt and pulled him back, but Kristian fell flat on his back and hit his head on the asphalt. He lost consciousness for a spell.”
I push a hand to my mouth as anguish washes over me.
“Oh, God.”
Trembles course through me as I picture Kristian lying on the ground, helpless.
“Gan-Gan, will he be okay?” Ailith pipes up next to me.
I stare hard at Mum, and when she hesitates, I bite down hard on my lip. I try to read her eyes, to see the kind of assurance I so long to see. Worry, and uncertainty, however, are all that meet me, and my mouth turns completely dry. She turns her head to Ailith beside me.
“Yes, lass, he will be fine.”
How I wish I could believe her, but with the uncertainty in her voice, all I can think about is that I need to go to him—I need to see him.
“Come. I’ll drive us to Glasgow.” Mum takes my hand, and flanked by her and my daughter, I force my legs to start moving in the direction of my Beetle.
“Mummy?”
I squeeze Ailith’s hand, letting her know that I can hear her, but I’m afraid that if I start talking now, I’ll burst into tears. As I open the door to the backseat and help her get inside, she tugs on my hand. I raise my eyes from the ground and swallow hard, keeping the tears at bay.
“You heard what Gan-Gan said. He’ll be okay, Mummy,” she whispers.
It’s impossible for me to smile, but I nod once before clearing my throat.
“Buckle up, sweetie,” I whisper and hurry to shut the door before I round the car to get in beside Mum.
“He will be fine,” she mutters grimly as she turns the ignition.
I grind my teeth, still forcing my lips to remain tightly shut.
I pray to every God that exists and hope she’s right, but until I’ve seen him, I know I won’t fully believe her words.
The drive to the city has never felt as endless as it does now. As Mum takes us closer to the hospital, I try to stop myself from thinking the worst. The pessimist in me is hard to tamp down.
Still I pray, because there is a bigger part of me—the one that refuses to believe my newfound happiness has ended so soon—that will not accept it.
I refuse to believe that tragedy has struck down on me again.
I can’t lose him now that I’ve finally found him.
28
Laura
There’s nothing I loathe more than hospitals.
I have to physically force my legs to obey me as Mum pulls up in front of the Glasgow Royal Infirmary, and we all jump out of the car. No sooner has Ailith taken my hand than she pulls me along behind her, and we rush through the sliding doors. But as soon as we do, the smells of dashed hopes, crippling sorrow, and unending despair—the exact ones I’ve encountered in hospitals in the past—hit my nostrils, and I want to bolt around and flee as if I was a wild horse.
Breathe, Laura.
There it is again. That strange, yet familiar voice that’s been whispering in my mind, always hovering in the background. Always urging me to move forward whenever I’ve wanted to escape a situation. Always encouraging me—never allowing me to turn my back on a difficult situation. A normal woman would probably think she’d completely lost her marbles—hearing voices is definitely not normal—but somehow, it’s never bothered me. Besides, it’s only one voice, and not very often. Only in times of stress.
Get a move on.
I take a deep breath as the three of us stop at Reception where a young nurse sits, tapping away on her desktop. My heartbeat refuses to slow down, and as the metallic taste of anxiousness creeps up my throat, I try not to let it beat me down. Instead, I focus on the woman in front of me. The one who, I hope, holds the answers that I need. Her face is covered in freckles, enhancing her youth, but as I wait for her to speak, she exudes a sense of calm that must come from years of practice in her profession.
When she gives me a friendly smile, I blurt out, “Kristian. I need to see him.”
Her baby-blue eyes turn confused, but sympathetic.
“I need his full name, please.”
“Errm…”
Frowning, I push some strands of hair away from my forehead. Why can’t I remember his last name? Or has he ever told me?
Bloody hell, I’m supposed to be his girlfriend, and I don’t even have the most basic knowledge about him.
“Miss?”
Crap, now she’s frowning at me.
I blink rapidly as I try to sort out my confused thoughts, but it seems near impossible. A lump forms in my throat at the thought that I won’t be able to go to him, but lucky for me, Mum comes to my rescue.
“Østergaard,” she answers, “Kristian with a K.” She places a hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“He’s Danish,” Ailith pipes up softly next to me. The nurse smiles quickly down at her, and finally, I find my voice.
“He was almost run over by a car in the city a couple of hours ago, I think. Hit his head.” I swallow hard. “Ple
ase, I…I need to be with him.”
The nurse nods as she types and glances up at me.
“I can’t give out any information to you unless you’re family.”
Her hands hover over the keyboard, no doubt expecting me to reassure her at once. I wet my lips, gearing up to start acting like a mad banshee, when Mum’s hand presses down on my shoulder, stilling me.
“He’s my son-in-law,” Mum reassures her.
My head snaps in her direction.
“Yes, he’s my daddy,” Ailith says next.
I turn my head in her direction, feeling both grateful and thrown by the deviousness of the women in my life.
“Oh, really?”
Quickly, I catch my bearings and straighten my back as I look down at the nurse. I don’t like the look of disbelief she aims at me, but at this moment I welcome it as it finally manages to pull me out of my stupor.
“Newlyweds,” I squeak before clearing my throat. “Satisfied?”
She blinks and nods quickly.
“Of course. Let me just find his information for you.”
“Thank you.”
I breathe a small smile of relief and look down at Ailith. She grins up at me, squeezing my hand, and despite the severity of the situation, I can’t help but smile softly back at her. In the back of my mind, I make a mental note, though—I need to have a little chat with her about lying to grown-ups.
“Right, here we go,” the nurse starts. Eager to get to Kristian, I lean down as she scribbles something on a notepad and tears off the paper. Pencil in hand, she points at the ward number she’s scribbled down.
“If you go to this floor, you’ll find his room. He’s doing fine, but Doctor Macintyre should be there. He’ll be able to tell you more.”
Grateful, I look down at the paper before I raise my eyes and smile at her.
“Thank you.”
She nods once and the smile that forms on her lips seems more genuine this time.
“You’re welcome.”
I breathe a deep sigh as Mum takes the note from my other hand and, flanked by her and Ailith, we walk to the lift. As soon as the doors close behind us, unease and worry play havoc with my insides. As if she can sense my distress, Mum squeezes my hand.
“Remember what your dad used to say, Laura?”
I frown as I turn my head to face her. The small smile playing on her lips confuses me.
“Dad said many things,” I answer softly.
She purses her lips.
“True. But the one I’m referring to is, Don’t be scared to feel afraid for your loved ones—fear makes you appreciate love, and, above all, it makes you stronger in the end.”
I shake my head, exasperated at her words. Or, rather, my dad’s.
“Really, Mum? I never understood what he meant with that one.”
Her eyes gentle, and her words confuse me even more.
“You will. In time, lass, you will, and that time will probably come a whole lot sooner than you expect.”
I open my mouth to ask her what the heck she’s on about, but I don’t get the chance as I feel the soft glide of the lift when it stops. The doors open, bringing me back to the present with a loud thump of my heart, and like a puppet on a string, I follow Ailith blindly as she drags me out.
“Look.”
Mum points to our left and I follow her line of sight to the end of the hall. My heartbeat increases even more when my eyes land on Alex and Lise, Kristian’s aunt, talking with who I assume must be Doctor Macintyre. Ailith pulls harder on my hand and I gulp a lungful of air as light-headedness makes my eyes blur. I blink, trying to push the fear away and let her lead me to them.
Seeing Lise’s calm smile at the doctor as he walks away diminishes my anxieties a little, and when her eyes fall on us and light up with recognition, the heaviness in my limbs lessens.
“Hey,” she greets us softly as we stop in front of her. Her shoulders slump as if she’s been holding on to a heavy weight for a long time.
I wet my lips and lock my knees in place, afraid I’ll topple on the floor.
“Hello. How is he?”
She takes a deep breath and crosses her arms over her chest.
“Well, he has a cut on the back of his head, and a light concussion, but the x-rays show there’s no damage or anything else we need to worry about.” She blows out a breath. “I have to admit that after the doctor told us he was going to be fine, I didn’t hear much of the medical lingo.”
I smile, knowing exactly what she means.
Lise tilts her head at me, laughter dancing in her eyes.
“He’s been asking after you every five minutes, so there’s definitely nothing wrong with his memory, either.”
Tears prickle my eyes as relief fills my aching heart, and my body begins to tremble.
“But he’ll be fine? Really, he’ll be okay?” I sniffle.
Her eyes soften as she takes a step towards me, bending down to meet mine.
“Yes, Laura, I promise.”
I glance quickly at Alex and as his lips pull up into a grin, I let the fear go. I can practically feel it run through my veins. Overcome with emotions, I finally allow the tears to fall freely, not caring in the least about having to hold it locked up inside anymore.
“See, Mummy? Gan-Gan was right.”
Blindly, I look down at Ailith, barely able to make out her beaming smile shining up at me, but the joy in her voice makes my own smile wider.
“Yes, sweetie,” I whisper. “It was foolish of me not to trust her, wasn’t it?”
At the sound of Mum’s low laughter, I raise my eyes and quirk an eyebrow at her.
“I think I know what Dad meant now,” I whisper then.
She sniffles and dabs at her cheeks.
“Good, lass.” She puts her arm around my shoulder and I take a moment to lean into her side, just as Ailith wraps her arms around my waist. The need to see Kristian with my own eyes—to feel his skin on mine, and to prove to myself that he really is okay—never abates, though, and I dry my wet cheeks. My eyes flicker towards the closed door that Kristian is behind, before I take a deep breath and turn to Lise.
“May I see him?”
She grins at me, making me catch my breath at the striking resemblance to Kristian.
“Of course. Go right in.” She jerks her chin at the door, but before I give in to my heart’s desire, I look down at Ailith when she tugs at my hand.
“If you want to see him, too, I’ll come fetch you in ten minutes, okay?”
“Okay, Mummy.”
“Go see your man, Laura,” Mum says briskly and runs a hand over Ailith’s hair. “I’m going to go find us a bite to eat, and then we’ll come back and wait for you. Take all the time that you need.”
“Thank you.”
I let Ailith’s hand slip through my fingers, and with my heart jack-hammering against my ribs, I turn my back on them and open the door to Kristian’s room. I can’t hold back a small gasp when my eyes fall on his body in the hospital bed. The colour of his hospital clothes is all wrong, making a stark contrast against his beautiful tattoos. His eyes are closed, as if he’s asleep, and most of his head is covered in a white bandage. I walk closer, aching to touch him, but almost afraid to at the same time.
Wrong. This is so wrong.
I want to rush to him, but as if they have a mind of their own, my legs veer off to the left until I stop at the foot of his bed instead. His eyelids flicker like mad, as if he’s stuck in a nightmare, and I can’t help but wonder if he really should be asleep when he has a concussion.
Gathering my courage, I place a hand on the sheets covering his legs and press down on his right ankle.
“Kristian?” I try to whisper, but my voice comes out like a croak.
He grumbles in his sleep, and I press down even harder, willing him to wake up.
“Laura?”
The grogginess of my name falling from his lips is the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.
“Baby, I’m here. Open your eyes for me.”
I hold my breath as he slowly—too slowly—does as I say, and when he turns his head, frowning, I let go of his leg. His eyes lose their sleepy expression when he looks down the length of his body and finds mine.
“Wha..?” He clears the sleep from his voice and licks his lips. “What are you doing so far away?” he mumbles.
I frown at him as the ordeal of the day hits me right in my heart. It feels like an arrow twists and turns around inside it, piercing me with excruciating pain, but I push past it.
“I didn’t even know your last name,” I blurt out.
He blinks, but I ignore his confusion and let the dam of frustration I feel inside bubble to the surface.
“When we got here, I was so blinded with fear that I couldn’t think,” I continue, fisting my hands at my side.
“Sweetheart, I…”
“Mum told the nurse downstairs that we’re married.” So lost in my rambling, I hardly take in the way his eyes soften at my revelation. “It’s probably best you know that Ailith caught on right away, lying through her teeth.” I frown as I think back on the scene we made downstairs. “I really need to have a serious chat with her about that—lying, I mean.”
“Laura,” Kristian starts to lean up on his elbows, but as if I’m a woman possessed, I let my rambling thoughts out, falling freely from my lips.
“We really need to have a serious talk as well, baby. Like, I-I don’t know…do a 20 Questions or something, because I’m supposed to be your g-girlfriend,” I hiccup, “and if something like this ever happens to any of us ever again, we have to know the most basic things about each other. Don’t you see?” I hunch over, leaning heavily on the bedframe as another round of tears slip down my cheeks. “I was so scared, baby…I didn’t know if they’d let me see you, and I couldn’t bear it. All I could think about was if this morning had been the last time I’d ever be wrapped up in your arms, and…”
“Laura, for fuck’s sake, get over here, or I’m going to come to you!”
My head snaps up at the sound of his outburst, and when I notice him struggling through the thick curtain of my tears—wincing as he sits up, clearly in pain because of me—I finally find the will to move and rush to his side. Frantically, I wipe the tears away and scold him.