“I missed the glasses,” I rasp.
Those eyes. I’m mesmerized.
“You’re awake.”
“I hope so.” My coughing stops me from elaborating, sending pain throughout my chest. She pushes the call button continuously. I cover her hand to stop her, ringing them nine hundred times won’t get them here faster.
“Don’t talk.” Her head turns to the door, and I feel the loss of being able to stare at her. I pull her hand, her head shooting back to me and I relax. “Do you know what happened?”
I nod, that motion causing pain in my head. “Shot.” I need some fucking water. My eyes search left then right, and I spot the pitcher. I take our joined hands and move them, hinting at what I need.
“Wait for the nurse. I don’t know what you can have. You weren’t supposed to wake up this soon. Your parents are going to be upset they weren’t here. The doctor said it’d be at least twenty-four hours after surgery. It’s been three. God, Will, you scared us.” Her rambling is cute, but her calling me Will is . . . everything. Her nervousness doesn’t die down after the nurse appears and checks my vitals. The nurse agrees with Ems that it’s a shock I’m awake and alert. She’s pacing when the doctor runs a battery of tests and agrees to let me sip water.
She sits down when he leaves, holding the cup to my mouth, letting me suck through a straw. “That’s enough.” She pulls it from my mouth, spraying us both with water. She starts crying, and I begin freaking the fuck out because I can’t get to her. I can’t maneuver amid the wires, tubes, sheets . . . fuck it.
Biting my lip through the pain, I shove every obstacle out of my way and grab her arms. She’s still sobbing, teeth chattering, body shaking. Inconsolable. I pull her to me, her head slamming into my chest causing my stomach to revolt in pain. “Shh, Ems. Breath. C’mon. Calm down. It’s okay.” This sends a fresh wave of tears, and I can’t get her to stop.
Time passes, and her breathing becomes ragged. I rub circles on her back, stroke her hair yet still nothing is working. I call the nurse, and as she arrives, everyone sweeps into the room. Luke sees her in this state and tries lifting her from my arms. She clings to me, fighting his advances. I grit my teeth, this tug of war killing me, I’m dizzy from pain. “Enough.” The nurse pushes people from the bed, bends down level with us.
“She won’t quit. I can’t get her to stop. She’s hyperventilating.”
“What’s her name?” Her hands join mine, trying to mollify her.
“Emma. My Ems.”
“Emma, I need you to calm down. Breathe for me.” She’s relaxing in my arms. “He’s okay. He’s going to be just fine.” She stays with us until Ems is calm.
“I—I’m s-so-sorry.”
“No talking. Just concentrate. Keep breathing for me.”
Quiet fills the room, all eyes pinned to us, I don’t hear them breathing. Blake is leaning against the doorjamb wearing a shit-eating grin. I feel her inhale my scent, her fingers rubbing my neck . . . I feel her inside me.
Leaning back, she looks embarrassed. “You’re the one who was shot, and I can’t catch a breath. I’m an idiot.” She eases off me. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” I don’t know where this wall is coming from, but I’m ready to tear it down.
I want to confront her regarding her change of attitude, but everyone swarms me. Asking questions, relief surging through them, I lose sight of her.
Chapter Forty-Five
Emma
I’m an idiot. Sitting in the room with him while the ‘adults’ talked to police; filled out forms, and all things to do with this crime was overwhelming. Watching his lungs expand with air, his rhythmic heartbeat, it all seemed right. I was where I was supposed to be. His eyes opened and held me to my spot. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t look away. I refused to release him.
He’d hurt himself to console me. He’d risked further injury to hold me in his arms. It was wrong, yet it wasn’t. I heard James tell him they’d called Elise, and she’d be here as soon as she could get a flight. It’s not me he should console; it’s Elise. She’s his now.
I sit in the hallway, contemplating where to go, what to do. Blake saunters to me with his cheesy grin and oafish ways. What a dork! “Hey there. Long time no see.”
“I know.” God, I missed him.
“Hate it’s under these circumstances.”
“Yeah. I didn’t even know he’d joined the force.”
“How you holding up?” Grateful he didn’t read me the riot act for my disappearing act.
“I’m not. I’m falling apart. My dad called, and I knew I had to be here. Now I’m not sure.”
“Don’t go there. He needed to see you.”
“Easy for you to say,” I mutter.
“Want to hear something stupid?”
“If it involves you, yes.”
“My pick-up line I tried last week.”
I groan, this is going to be good. “Don’t keep me waiting.”
“I bought her a drink, one of those fruity things, no umbrella. Who says ‘hold the umbrella’?”
“The girl you were trying to bang?”
“Classy, Emma. Yes, it was her. So we’re chatting, I’m acting like I’m getting to know her,” he pauses at my chuckle, “enough time passed so I made my move. I leaned in close and whispered, ‘Want to talk to my dick and make it throw up?’”
“No you didn’t,” I wheeze. He did. I know it. “What happened?”
“I went home with wet pants. Wet for all the wrong reasons.”
“You need help!” I cry.
“You need to go back in there.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
I look at him. “Blake, I know. He’s with someone else. I shouldn’t be here.”
“He’s what? You what?” His eyes are scrunched. “He isn’t with anyone, Emma. You’re it for him. His end all be all.”
“I heard James say Elise was coming. I’ve seen them in pictures.” He shakes his head, chuckling the whole time.
“Elise is coming. She’s his damn sister.” His what?
“His sister? Since when? I’ve missed a lot.” I can’t wrap my brain around this.
“You have missed a lot, and it needs to stop. You need to march your ass back in there and talk.”
“Can I walk? Marching is hard in heels.” I’m going to do this. I’m going to confront my past. Fix my mistakes. Let the cards fall where they may.
I knock and enter. Brett is the only one still inside. “Your parents and James went down to the cafeteria. I think I’ll join them.” As he passes me, he hugs me and whispers, “Glad you’re here.”
“You came back.” His voice is less harsh since he’s been allowed water.
“I did.” My steps lead me to him.
“Why’d you leave?” His soulful eyes draw me in.
“I have a habit of running.” The truth shall set you free.
“You do. Are you done?”
I shrug. “We have a lot to say to one another.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” His humor sobers me. I could have lost him today. All without forgiving him. Forgiving myself will take time.
“Then I guess I’m not either.” I pull the chair close and take a seat. “Tell me about yourself.” I settle in for a long night.
Chapter Forty-Six
William
I wasn’t much company. I dozed off as soon as I laid back and got comfortable. Getting shot, surgery, and heavy doses of pain medication can do that to a person. I hate I didn’t get to share with her what’s happened in my life. I was curious where her path led her. Where she was living . . . what she was doing. I stare at the vacant chair and will her to come back. I hoped I would wake to her, but I was alone.
I take a deep breath, feeling the burn in my lungs. I heard the doctors. I was lucky this time. The whole bust had gone to shit once the twins started firing. Fucking idiots to shoot close to the meth lab . . . but it’s done. They’re gone. I didn’t go with the inte
nt to kill, but I can’t say I’m sorry it happened. Some souls you can’t save, and they didn’t want to be saved.
The squeak against the floor draws my attention from my thoughts. She’s trying to be quiet as she maneuvers the dimly lit room, juggling coffee cups and food. My stomach growls, and her head jerks up. Blue locked on brown. Hope penetrating against fear. “I didn’t think you’d be up. I just went to the cafeteria to get you something.”
“Thanks. Come sit. We can have that conversation I missed last night.” Her smile is forced, her actions stiff. “Ems, talk to me.”
“It’s hard. Three years is a long time, but sitting here with you last night it seemed like no time at all has passed.”
“A lot has changed. In both of us. But I hope not too much.”
Her puzzled expression makes me tittle. She processes everything like it has a deeper meaning. Her steps glide to my side, and she busies herself setting the breakfast on the tray as she pushes it to me. “I asked the nurse, and she said light foods, so I asked them to make everything bland.”
“I could eat cardboard and be happy.”
“Good because I’m sure that’s what it tastes like. Wouldn’t want to get your hopes up.”
“Too late. All I have is hope.” I take her hand in mine and hold tightly. Her breathing shallows and her eyes fill with tears. “No crying. I can’t handle that.” It breaks my heart to see her struggling. I wish she’d say what she wants, ask what she needs answers to and ease both of our minds.
“What happened? When did you become a police officer?” Her voice is low, wounded because she knows how much we lost.
“Sit down. Get comfy, baby.” I watch her eyes widen with that nickname. She settles back in the chair and sips her coffee. “I wasn’t sure what path I was taking. The assault, you leaving, the truth . . . it made me snap. All my carefully laid plans ended in one night. I didn’t have anything grounding me. I gave up my scholarship, quit school, moved into a shithole apartment. Lots of mistakes led me to this profession, and I wouldn’t change it.”
“I heard some of that. What were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t. I was feeling and none of it was good. I drank, I fought, and I got arrested more times than I can count. I started bartending, tried to make peace with what happened, but I couldn’t. I got a letter that changed everything. I have a sister.”
I can’t help smiling thinking of Elise.
“Blake told me. I was shocked. I saw pictures of you two; she’s beautiful.” Her cheeks flush, and her eyes move to her feet.
“Did you think something else, Ems?”
“Oh, God. Yes. I was planning to move home, I was telling my parents that night. I’d just finished school and wanted to fix things. The picture I saw . . . I didn’t react well, and so I changed plans.”
“Damn it, Ems.” I’m pissed. This could have ended a year ago. It didn’t have to happen if she wasn’t so stubborn. “One question. That’s all it would have taken.”
“I know. I’m so sorry. I know I’ll be saying it a lot, but I am.”
“You see things one way and don’t give anyone a chance to explain. I used to love that about you. Somewhere along the way you lost sight of the bigger picture. You became so consumed by your truth, you’re willing to blow things to hell getting people to hear it instead of trusting in them to find it on their own. I’m afraid you’ll hurt me, continuously, without trying.”
“Wow.”
I didn’t want to delve so deep so fast, but I didn’t have a choice. She’s either going to stay or go. She’s either going to listen or turn a deaf ear. I can’t change her actions only give her the truth to change her course.
“That night at the hospital—I know I wasn’t innocent, but I wasn’t the guilty party you accused me of being. I was stupid, made wrong choices, but I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t do it with malice. You left when I needed you the most.”
“I was frustrated. For years I’d asked you to do something, tell someone.”
“You did. But you didn’t speak up either. You wanted me to do it for you. You didn’t want to listen or hear what I’d been telling you. The things they said were awful. But they were words. I knew it could turn to violence in the blink of an eye, and I wanted to avoid anyone getting hurt. I chose Southern to protect my dads and you. I knew what they were capable of and it was a path I didn’t want to choose for me; or for you.” I pause, take shallow breaths, and control my anger, my betrayal, and my pain. “I turned to the violence when you left, it didn’t solve a thing. Not one fucking thing. It dragged me down, I allowed it, and it’s what I was fighting for so long.”
“I didn’t know.” Her tears are threatening once more, but this has to be done. We have to say this.
“I know. I didn’t explain it well enough. I didn’t try to make you understand, but that’s because I didn’t want you to see that part of the world Ems. I was so damn lucky you fell in love with me, and I wanted to do anything to keep your love. I tried protecting my dads. I didn’t want those opinions heard by them. I didn’t want them hurt or ashamed. I thought I could stop it all. I know I was wrong; I’ve paid the price. I suffered along with everyone else. Maybe more because I was alone.”
“Until Elise.”
“Yes. I got that letter, and I felt a purpose. I could protect her like I’d failed the others in my life. I’d hide the ugly and show her the beauty. Problem was, she’s seen ugly. She’s lived in places we can’t imagine. She didn’t need me to protect her, she just needed her brother to love her.”
“And you had to protect me? Loving me wasn’t enough?”
“Loving you was my purpose. My fate. Protecting you was a natural instinct, but I did it in the wrong ways. I could have been the arms to comfort you instead of hiding you, shielding you. Some lessons you have to learn your own way, and I tried stifling that. I tried to make you see what I thought was acceptable, and you tried to make me believe what you saw as the truth. We were a mess.”
“Beauty within ugly.”
“I don’t think we were ugly, misguided maybe, but something so pure, so real like what we shared isn’t ugly.”
“What happened yesterday?”
“I’d been working this case for a few months. I was pulled in to give insight on the suspects—Brian and Seth Gary. Seems they’ve turned to selling meth.” Her shock evident, I don’t know why anything they did surprises her. “Yep, it’s not all unicorns and pots of gold, baby.”
“I know.” But she doesn’t.
“So we set up a sting operation, months of surveillance and planning. Yesterday was the day we took them down. We didn’t expect them to open fire. Seth was hit first; my sergeant was covering us and fired the shot. Brian came out blazing, firing off wild shots, refusing to surrender. He fired at his target.”
“You?”
“Me. I was hit but fired back and hit mine. The metal trailer went up in flames, and I ended up in surgery.” Brian perished with his misdeeds, but I don’t want Emma to know that part of my job. I don’t want her fear to dictate her choices.
“Do you like being an officer?”
“I do. Tell me about you.”
“I went to New York and school granted me permission to finish my last year in correspondence classes.”
“I should have known. You hated that city.” How could I have missed the obvious?
“I still do. I transferred to Washington for my Masters.”
“You did it. Number three school.”
“You remember?”
“Everything, Emma. I couldn’t forget if I wanted to, and I don’t.”
“I finished my Masters and started working for an international adoption agency, my focus on same-sex couples.”
“I’m glad you followed your dreams.”
“I did, but the journey was lonely.”
“No boyfriends?” I’m fishing, but I hope she bites.
“None. No friends either. Acquaintances…but I tried to kee
p my life neat, no outside interference, no emotional attachments.”
“You happy?”
“I love what I do.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“No, I don’t think I am. I’m searching for something.”
“What?” I watch her wipe her hands down her pants, close her eyes, and inhale.
“You.”
“Baby, I’m right here. I’ve been here, waiting.”
Chapter Forty-Seven
Emma
Did he say that? I’m suddenly wide-awake, the grogginess from the events in the past twenty-four hours vanish. Tears stream down my face as I remember every moment of our past, each caress, each kiss, each memory that I’ve carried with me. “Are you serious? Just like that you forgive me?”
“Forgive and forget, Ems. We lost so much, but what’s important, we’ve kept—our love.”
“It seems too easy.”
“Because you like to make everything hard.” He pulls me closer. “Come home. Come home to me.”
“I have a job.” Details swim in my mind, I want this, but how do I jump?
“Resign.”
“I have to pack up my apartment. There are a lot of arrangements.” I want this but can I take it?
“I’ll handle it.” My dad startles us both.
“What?”
“Email, call, carrier pigeon your boss, I don’t care. Do it. I’ll arrange everything for your apartment, pay what needs to be paid . . . if it means you’re home.”
“Daddy.” I love these two men, their interference, their over-zealousness in all things involving me, but I recognize the problem. I’ve allowed it to influence decisions. I’ve allowed them to handle the hard stuff for me.
“I’ll do it.” My voice is clear. No room for arguments. “You’ll have some time off.” I look to Will, “come to Seattle with me, let me tie up loose ends.” I face my dad. “Then you can have the movers come, and I’ll move back.”
Embracing Emma (Companion to Brisé) Page 25