by M. Mabie
She patted my leg. “Okay, Sunny. I know it’s not my place to say anything, but he’s just a good boy—man—and I’d hate to see him get hurt or have to deal with more guff around town. That’s all. I’m glad y’all are having a good time. Truly. He’s had eyes for you for as long as I remember. And as a mom, there’s nothing I want more than to see my kids get what they want. You know?”
“Yes, ma’am.” There was no use in arguing. She wasn’t saying I’d hurt him, but it was clear she wasn’t so sure I wouldn’t either. “I need to go let Andy out. Thank you for the ride.”
“You’re welcome, sweetie.” She started the SUV and rolled the passenger window down to add after I got out, “Sunny, I know you’re a good woman, too. You might not see him as that little boy anymore, but I’m his momma. I always will. Just be good to him, and I hope you know what you want.”
She didn’t give me a chance to say anything else. The Explorer backed out into the road, but she still waited until I was in my car before she drove off.
What did I want?
As I took my time on the back roads to my house, I thought about that question. All answers went back to his mouth on mine, but I knew the true answer had to be something much deeper than that.
A few weeks ago, I would have said a nice guy who treated me well enough. That’s what my mom was telling me I should want. A mature relationship, one that could grow and last.
I wasn’t sure he’d want something so serious with all that he had going on. The farm. He still liked to compete and run competitively. Additionally, he’d mentioned a house he planned to build, and that his past relationships hadn’t worked out mostly because he had other priorities.
Would the kind of relationship I was getting interested in only get in his way?
I was pretty damn sure I wasn’t going to break Rhett’s heart, there was just no way I could do it. But, after all of this time being picky and not getting too attached, searching for that one guy who gave me butterflies and hijacked nearly all of my thoughts—now that I’d found him, would he want the same thing?
When I pulled into my driveway, I immediately noticed someone had smoothed out the ruts. The potholes that had been there earlier were gone. I smiled, knowing it must have been him.
He didn’t call and I fell asleep watching a Real Housewives re-run, but the next morning I woke up to a text message that he’d sent late the night before.
RHETT: It’s late, so I hope I don’t wake you up. Just wanted you to know I had a great time, and I’m looking forward to Friday.
I fixed a big cup of coffee and headed over to the station with Andy right behind me.
Again, I noticed how many love songs I was playing, but I didn’t give a shit. Who was going to stop me? I finished up pretty early, and as I waited for everything to upload and process in my old program before I left for the day, I swiped my phone open to reply to his message.
ME: Is it only Monday? I hope the week flies by.
“He’s a great kisser,” I confessed to Hannah while she fed Sawyer on her couch.
It was Monday night, and I already wanted to call or see him or text him every five minutes. So I dropped by to see my friend and ensure I didn’t act like the crazy person I felt inside.
She said with a faraway look, “I can’t imagine what he’d look like all grown up. Last I remember seeing him was a few years back. I remember him being tall, but that’s about it.”
Lucky for her, I had a few photos. A couple I’d taken with him Friday night and a handful from sandbagging on Saturday. But, there were others I’d taken when I couldn’t help myself.
I opened my phone to the gallery, brought up the last one, and started there.
“This was yesterday.” I held the phone in front of her and quickly yanked my hand closer.
“Holy shit, Sunny.” She stole it away from me and stared at it with her mouth open. He wasn’t shirtless—in that one. “He’s a real man! Wow.”
“Who’s a real man?” asked Vaughn, my best friend’s husband, as he walked into their living room with two beers and a bottle of water for Hannah. He handed one to me and sat on a close by chair.
“Sunny’s new flame.” She made a face like that wasn’t exactly right. “Old flame?” Her tongue hung out as she thought and readjusted Sawyer. “Anyway, Sunny’s guy. When we were in high school, he was younger than us, and he had a huge—I mean huge—crush on her. He moved back to town, and now he’s like super-hot and Sunny is perving on him.”
That sounded mostly true, but I wasn’t perving. He was an adult.
Vaughn gave me a clever smile and asked, “Are you dating him?”
I didn’t feel weird or like there was anything wrong with it, but I didn’t want Rhett to get more shit from people than he already did.
“I don’t know.”
Hannah kicked my foot. “You don’t know? I’ll tell you. You are.”
She looked at her husband, who was putting his beer down. He put a cloth over his shoulder, and they silently made some sort of transaction where they exchanged the baby. Then he reclined into the chair and began patting her on the back.
Hannah still had my phone on her lap, and she reached for it again before I could steal it back. She thumbed through the pictures. I presumed she’d found my favorite when she reached for a pillow and hit me in the head with it.
“Okay, we are kind of dating, but we haven’t gone out yet or anything. We’ve just hung out a few times,” I explained to Vaughn.
He gave me questioning expression as he nodded. “Well, that’s good, Sunny. Why do you look so stressed about it?”
Stressed? Did I look stressed?
Hannah said, “Wow.” Then she caught herself being the pervert she’d accused me of and quickly laughed it off, passing back the phone as she smiled brightly at her husband. “You’re pretty wow, too, Astro. Don’t you worry.” She turned to me and added, “But he’s right. Why are you so freaked out? This is the fun part.”
I wanted to smack her and remind her of the way she flipped before she went out with Vaughn, but that wouldn’t do anything except prove them right.
“Because people already tease him about me and he’s a little younger…“ I listed.
“But…“ Hannah prompted.
“But I can’t stop thinking about him, and—you’re right—it’s freaking me out. This isn’t how I date. I don’t just try to run into guys on a daily basis, and I’ve done that a few times in the past few weeks. And working—like working working—sandbagging? What the hell?”
They both smiled. Vaughn moved Sawyer to his lap and held her with one hand as he patted her back, still working on that burp.
“That’s what it’s like, Sunny.” Hannah got on the floor and scooted closer to where her little family sat. She kissed her daughter’s cheek, where she was perched on Vaughn’s leg.
“But guys, I’m old, and I don’t need to be messing around with fresh-out-of-college guys who aren’t ready to do the kinds of things a girl my age should be thinking about.” There it was. Blah. I’d puked my emotions out on their floor.
They might have had to work at getting their baby to submit to their tactics, but I was spewing all over the place.
“What are you supposed to be thinking about?” Vaughn asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. Date someone who’s ready to settle down a little, I guess.” I took a long drink of the Newcastle and set it on the floor beside me where I lounged cross-legged. “He’s only twenty-three. I’m twenty-eight going on twenty-nine over here.”
But it was more than that. I added, “I know what I was doing at his age. This settle down shit just snuck up on me all of a sudden. He’s not ready for any of that. Shit, I’m barely ready for that. It’s just messes me up because I think I really like him, and he seems to like me again? … still? Whatever. What if I’m only attracted to him because I’m trying to delay the inevitable, guys? Because I’m still acting like a twenty-three-year-old.”
Nei
ther of them made eye contact with me for a while, but shared a look with each other. Vaughn was the first one to speak after a few long seconds.
“No. You don’t know what he wants yet, Sunny. Just see what happens. There’s no timetable for finding the right person. I was thirty when I met Hannah. Give it a chance before you start looking for reasons it won’t work.”
Shit. Give it a chance. Wasn’t that the same line my mom was feeding me a few weeks ago about Mike? That was something to think about. Everyone was telling me the same thing. I wasn’t too dense to hear them.
Hannah kissed Vaughn’s knee where she was leaning and tiny Sawyer let one rip. They both laughed like it was the most hilarious fart in the world. “Not a burp, but we’ll take it,” Vaughn praised his baby girl.
“Maybe give it a little time,” Hannah agreed. “You’re not that old, and if things keep going well, then talk to him about it.”
“Our first date is Friday. I’m not just going to be like hey, are you thinking about settling down and getting married or starting a family anytime in the near future? Because some of that shit is on my recently improved and shortened to-do list.”
She nailed me with the pillow again. “Knock it off, you lunatic. Just have fun, and if you start to feel like either he’s not feeling the same way, or like it’s getting serious, talk to him.”
The problem was what I felt already wasn’t casual. It wasn’t something I was used to. It was different. It made me feel insane and wonderful at the same damn time.
I agreed that I’d take their advice considering that was exactly the reason I gave them in the text message I sent to Hannah before I came over. It had read:
ME: Halp! I need your fucking advice! 911
So, I’d asked for it and I’d gladly take it. After all, they were happy and must know what they were doing.
Vaughn made us spaghetti-something, and I hung out with them for a few hours to kill some of the time. I knew I’d be stewing all by myself.
I hadn’t heard from Rhett, and on my drive home I swore every headlight was his. My stomach hit the driver’s seat each time I saw a truck, and then oddly again when I realized I was wrong.
I needed to get a grip.
So when I got home and showered, after checking my phone about twenty times, I decided I’d send him a message and go to bed.
Then when nothing sounded right, I put my phone aside and considered maybe he wasn’t thinking about me like I was him, and that I needed to slow my ass down.
Tuesday was just as long and I passed the time after work mowing the grass and drinking alone on my back porch steps.
“Andy, why don’t guys call?”
His shaggy brown hair covered his eyes as he looked at me and crooked his head to the side like he was answering, “I don’t know, bitch.”
I was his bitch in my head.
When my phone chimed from an incoming text I nearly screamed.
Okay, I screamed, but no one was around to hear me so it didn’t count.
RHETT: It’s been a busy few days. Been thinking about you. I’m ready for Friday.
ME: I’m ready for Friday, too.
RHETT: I’ve listened to a lot of radio in the tractor. Almost like you’re there sometimes.
I wished I was there. I took another drink, feeling my heart pound for the first time since Sunday.
ME: I take requests.
“Come Over” by Kenny Chesney came to mind.
RHETT: I’ll have to think on it. Want to do anything special?
What wouldn’t be special with him? Manual labor was even fun. I was in deep, deep shit.
ME: Anything is fine. Still picking me up at six?
RHETT: Still want to ride in the middle?
ME: Yeah.
RHETT: I’ll be there at five.
My cheeks hurt from smiling like a jackass.
Wednesday sucked just as hard as Monday and Tuesday. I played even more love songs. I was annoying myself by the time Thursday rolled around. Stir-crazy, I wondered what would happen if I just showed up at his place?
He’d said he would be busy that week, and I didn’t want to get in the way or anything, but I couldn’t help but just want to say hi. Just to see him.
Ugh. The waiting sucked so bad.
I’d programmed a few more subliminal songs, hoping he’d catch my drift. All the while, aware of the odds of him listening and realizing what I was trying to convey were slim.
Stranger things had happened, though.
Thursday evening, I was bored out of my mind and had to get out of the house. So, I planned on taking an innocent little drive. Nowhere special. I’d anticipated my little venture so much that I even programmed a good road tripping playlist for that evening on WDKR.
It had rained that morning, but the clouds were finally passing as I drove and the sun was making the sky pink and orange over the fields as I passed them. There were a few different ways out to Rhett’s cabin, but the small cottage sat on a dead-end, so driving by wasn’t smooth.
So, I just drove. Near-ish.
It was the longest fucking week of my goddamned life.
Old habits die hard, and I fought like hell to not drive to her house about every other hour of the day. Man alive, I had no idea of the willpower I actually possessed.
Our talk on Sunday had replayed over and over in my head that week as I sat by myself in the cab of the sprayer I’d been working ground with. I loved when she spoke her mind, and her telling me I made her feel special—well, it stuck with me.
I wanted to call her. Wanted to send her messages. Thought of about a hundred different things I could do, but I didn’t do a single one of them.
It was only a matter of time before I’d be too weak to resist doing something, but I tried my best to play it cool. I’d been doing an okay job of it so far, and that seemed to work. Still, it had mostly been me to text or call and I didn’t want to be a pest.
I always craved her coming to me.
After I finished in the field, I grabbed a beer out of my truck bed and cracked it open for the ride home. It was only a mile to my cabin at the end of my dead-end and there was no through traffic. Honestly, the road that led to mine was just a service for the farm anyway. There wasn’t much non-family traffic out there ever.
So it was odd when I was shutting the door to the shed and saw what looked like her car drive past the turn off.
Instead of heading home, I pulled to the stop sign and looked east where the car had gone, seeing the gravel still stirred up where the road curved around the corner. Cranking the radio up, I heard the tail end of an old Diamond Rio song, “Meet in the Middle.”
I finished the beer and threw the can behind me, satisfied when I heard it hit the metal in my pickup’s back half.
I’d only had a beer. I could take a little ride.
A mile down the road, I saw her car top a hill in the distance. She was heading back this way and I slowed on the shoulder and waited, knowing there was nowhere for her to go but right past me.
“Whatcha doin?” I asked when she came to a stop, even with my window.
“Just riding around,” she bluffed. I called it.
Past my road? Maybe there was something to this less-is-more approach. There she was, and it was something.
“What are you doing?” she asked in return.
“Oh, I saw this little red car drive by the shed and thought I was seeing things, then I heard a song and just started driving.”
There was only a certain amount of control in me. I’d managed to stay in-check all week—with nothing but my thoughts of her mouth and hands on me, and mine on hers. It was too much having her right there in front of me.
“Drive down to my house. I’m turning around,” I said.
“If you’re busy … or going somewhere…” she said like she was insecure of interrupting something. “I can just see you tomorrow.”
Tomorrow? No.
“I don’t have anything to do, and I’m not
going anywhere but home. Come over for a while.” I’d been working all day and needed a shower, but she was there. On my road. It wasn’t a coincidence.
Sunny wanted to see me.
She looked at her steering wheel like she was debating whether it was a good idea or not. I was fine with either, but I preferred whatever decision had her pulling into my drive in about three minutes.
Even from where I sat higher than her, she was a sight for sore eyes. Tank top. Cut offs. Hair in a messy pile on her head. Sunglasses only hiding her eyes when she looked right at me. Facing forward like she was, I could see her lashes cast down.
As much as I’d wished for her to want me in the past, I couldn’t resist her now that she seemed to.
Sunny was pretty when she was deep in thought, making a decision, and only grew more beautiful when she chose me. Her smile was hesitant at first, but then she said, “All right. See you there.”
She pulled away in the opposite direction toward my house.
When she was out of sight I slapped the steering wheel in celebration, happy as hell the way my afternoon had changed for the better. Surely, she wouldn’t have driven out my way if she hadn’t wanted to run into me.
There was only one possible shitty reason, best I could figure, on my way back to the cabin. So, the second I stepped out of my truck, I aimed to clear that up.
“Were you hoping to see me so you could cancel our date for tomorrow?” Nearly any other reason was something I could tolerate.
Her face shot to mine as she answered, “No. I’m not canceling.”
Good, I already had plans set up for the next night, and God, I wanted her.
I would have loved to be the kind of guy who could wait a little longer, and if it turned out she’d rather take things slow—I would.
That wasn’t how it seemed, though.
When she kissed me back, I felt it, like she was where I was. The desperate little sounds she made when things turned from nice to something less wholesome. It was driving me crazy thinking about how she’d sound when we got there.