by M. Mabie
Sunny’s eyes met mine before she followed, and I was glad to see they’d softened even pointed at me. I gave her a half-smile and walked down the hall.
When I got back outside, Sunny was sitting at the end of the picnic table still holding Sawyer. My chair was close to them, so I took a seat. She looked comfortable holding the little girl and I liked it.
It was way, way too soon to be thinking like that, but that didn’t stop my brain from going there. Making note of the way she was with their little Queen. Especially, seeing how soft and loving her eyes were as she kissed the baby over and over on her nose, then how she giggled when Sawyer blinked back at her.
“Daddy said you smile now, but you need to show me,” she gently coaxed. Every head bobble and movement from the baby commanded my date’s attention.
Everyone began to mill around the table for plates and began piling things on. I reached my hands out for Sunny to pass off Sawyer to me, and she gave me a curious look in return.
“I’ll hold her while you fix a plate for yourself.”
Her forehead creased in deliberation.
I stood and moved to lift her from Sunny’s arms. “I can hold a baby,” I assured her. Then I looked in Sawyer’s eyes and told her, too. “That’s right. I’ve got you. I can hold you just fine.” Careful to support her neck and head in one hand, I took my seat again. “We’ll be just fine.”
This got the attention of Hannah, who started toward me to take her little girl. Nestling her firmly along the crook of my forearm, I waved away her mother. “I’m fine. You eat. The food isn’t going anywhere. I’ll get something in a minute.”
Sunny and Hannah shared a look, then Hannah tsked at her friend and plucked a white Styrofoam plate from the table. It was nearly like she was goading Sunny.
Darrell rounded the end of the table and nudged Sunny’s arm. “Gonna make your boy a plate?”
My attention was pulled in by the little girl and how she was gripping my finger. What a sweetheart.
“What, because he’s younger?” she fired back, and I took a breath.
“No, because he’s holding Sawyer,” he replied with a chuckle.
Being defensive for a good reason was one thing, but there was no need. It was clear that she had issues and therefore was sensitive. I wondered if it had to do with what I’d said inside earlier about the farmhouse and if I really hadn’t been going as slow as I told myself I was.
Was I acting like a fool? Rushing things? Maybe it was time to pull back a little before I really fucked up. I’d put pressure on her to be around people, knowing it might be awkward at first, but I’d chosen to believe it would be fine.
I stood, walked around the table to where Vaughn was finishing a hot dog and immediately his hands went for his baby. “Come here, baby. You can sit by me,” he cooed.
Sunny was watching, and our eyes met when I grabbed her hand. She set her plate back down and her shoulders slumped.
“Walk around here with me,” I said into her ear. I wasn’t about to make a scene, but something needed to happen.
I didn’t want to fight with her, but there was something bothering her and it made me curious. It brought me back to earlier in the day when she’d called herself a panther.
Was she ashamed of our relationship? Did our age difference bother her that much?
“Come here.” Her palm in mine, I led her to the front of the house and out of earshot. “What’s going on? Why are you upset?”
“I’m not. I’m just thinking about earlier and Darrell is being a shit.”
“No, he’s really not, Sunny. You’re being sensitive about it and I’m not sure why. And about earlier…”
She interrupted, “I just don’t think you’re thinking about things. You know. Stuff you might want to do.”
I was a simple man, and I’d never been in that kind of minefield with a woman before. So I was cautious with each step.
What was she talking about? I’d never done so many things I’d wanted to in my whole fucking life. I had the girl. The job. The new house to look forward to. What more could I want? This wasn’t about me.
“What stuff exactly?” I inquired.
“Don’t you want to be wild and free, date a few more girls before you invite me to pick out countertops?”
My heart raced and I could feel the pressure of it spread throughout my chest.
“No.” Had she lost her mind? My voice rose to a level I’d not used with her before. “Have I ever wanted another girl?”
Where was she getting this? She knew how much I cared about her—it was obvious. It was obvious to everyone.
Unless, it wasn’t me she was really talking about. Maybe she wanted to date other guys and see what else was out there.
“Do you want to see other people?”
Because that was a problem. A big one. I tried my best to remain calm, but the situation had me agitated and confused.
She put her hand on her hip and answered, “Well, no.”
I was already ramped up and I rattled off, “Is that why you aren’t taking me to your reunion? Are you hoping to see an old classmate or something? Wanting to keep your options open, Sunny?”
“No,” she shot back. “I haven’t even sent my RSVP.”
My mind raced. Everything had been going so well.
Then again, we’d been on our own. Maybe I was getting ahead of us. I never intended on smothering her, but what if I was doing it anyway?
Suddenly I didn’t feel like hanging out anymore. “You know what? I think I’m gonna go.” She needed to think about some stuff, and so did I.
“What?” she said, wounded. Her mouth pouted, but I didn’t feel like being around her friends with this tension between us.
I repeated, “I’m gonna go.”
She straightened. “Did they embarrass you?”
Was she serious?
“No, but right now you are.” I pointed to the back of the house. “They’ve all been great. You’re losing your mind today. I think you need to think about some stuff.” I ran a hand over the back of my neck and squeezed, feeling tightness in my muscles.
I realized if I left, and took my truck, she wouldn’t have a ride.
I could use a walk. It wasn’t even eight miles to my house. I’d run almost twice that many miles that morning, before the sun was even up.
“You’re just leaving?” she asked.
I knew I’d pay for it, but I wasn’t in the mood for burgers and hotdogs anymore. If coming with her was the mistake, and we weren’t ready to deal with people, I just needed to go.
I didn’t answer, but I lifted my hands into the air not knowing my way around what was happening.
Her eyes were full of hot blue flames I’d never seen. She’d never been cross with me, or me with her.
I’d much rather leave than make it any worse. That was a plain fact.
She walked away, and I walked down the road.
It’s a sick feeling being in an argument with someone you care for so much. Especially when you’re not exactly sure what the fight is about, and, therefore, not sure how to fix it.
As I strode along the road my temper ebbed, but my concern didn’t. It took me a while to get home, and as I turned by the shed my phone buzzed in my pocket.
SUNSHINE: You didn’t take your truck?
ME: The keys are in it.
SUNSHINE: Do you want me to bring it back?
Of course I did, and that was half the reason I’d left it. She’d have to drive it to my house, plus I had a plan to hold Andy hostage if it came to it. He was at my place, too.
We would need to talk, but I wasn’t sure I was quite ready yet. I had some things to sort out first, but she was texting me. So that was something.
When I got home it was still pretty early and I had some thinking to do. I realized all I had was whiskey, having left my cooler with her. I thought twice about drinking it, but went ahead and did it anyway. Knowing better than tipping from the bottle, I put a
few pieces of ice in a glass and poured it about half full.
That was plenty.
Then Andy and I sat in the front yard, watched a whole lot of nothing, and I really thought.
Had I overdone it?
Had my old ways just changed into adult versions of the same shit I used to pull to get her attention?
Why had I brought up her reunion? That wasn’t my place.
I hoped this was just a fight, that I’d just made a mistake somehow. Or maybe that she was just freaked out by something else. Maybe in the morning, she’d want to talk about it.
I just hoped it wasn’t too bad.
I’d overreacted. In a huge way.
When I returned to my friends, after Rhett left alone, every last person looked at me like I was a jerk. And, I was one.
I’d warned Rhett about them being assholes sometimes, but I’d never planned on being one myself.
“What did you run him off for, dummy?” Darrell asked.
“Yeah, what the hell is wrong with you?” Dean added.
“Shut up. I know,” was all I could say.
I was freaking the hell out. That’s what the hell was wrong with me.
I didn’t know how to do this shit, and Hannah had given me the third degree for not inviting him to the reunion yet. Apparently, she wanted to lock down a table with us before they ended up sitting with some jackasses.
I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t sent in the RSVP, or why I hadn’t asked him. I just wasn’t too excited to go, but apparently everyone else wanted to—including Rhett.
I felt like such a bitch and only stayed a little while after we ate since they’d gone to all of the trouble. Shortly, after a few more beers, the party kind of fell apart anyway. Aaron, who briefly stopped by, got a call to go to a fire, and everyone else listened to a ball game on the radio.
I hated talk radio.
Regardless, it was nearly dark when I headed out, so I drove slowly. Not only was I not familiar with driving such a big truck, but I also needed the extra time to figure out what I was going to say.
When I turned into his drive, I found him sitting in a lawn chair in the front yard. He looked lonely and handsome at the same time. Andy didn’t even run over to greet me when I climbed out of the cab. Traitor. But, I couldn’t blame him.
Leisurely, I walked over, slapping at a bug trying to bite my leg on the way. Fuckers.
He didn’t ignore me the way I deserved. Instead, he looked me in the eyes as I approached.
I bit the bullet and ate my humble pie, which tasted like a mixture of my own medicine and crow, but I choked it down as I swallowed my thick pride.
“I’m sorry, Rhett.” I kicked at the grass in front of where he sat. “I don’t want to fight with you. Will you go to my reunion with me?” I apologized and tried to smooth things over. Admittedly, I missed his grin and wanted it back.
Guilt sucked.
“I don’t want to fight either,” he said. “But I can’t go to your reunion, I have a race anyway.”
I’d heard him talk about it a few times, but I guess I never caught the date. I’d hoped he would ask me to go. “You do?”
“Nashville,” he said and lifted a glass to his lips. It looked like tea, but the face he made indicated it had more bite.
Something inside of my chest hurt from the way he was talking. It lacked that fun side I’d gotten to know. More like when I’d first run into him earlier that summer. It was even more painful because it was my fault, so I wasn’t sure what to do.
“Oh, okay,” I said.
Hannah was right. I should have talked to him about my feelings before, but what guy ever wants to talk about that crap? Certainly not one who had recently graduated and was just starting his life.
His jaw ticked, but not in the way I liked most, and I hoped I hadn’t really fucked up. Because it felt like it. He scratched Andy’s head as he lay on the ground beside his chair and the small radio he normally listened to on the back porch fell over in the grass.
All I wanted to do was climb up on his lap and feel his arms around me, but I wasn’t sure what he wanted.
“Should I leave?”
“You know, I want to say no. Tell you to stay. Pick you up and take you to bed. Get whatever this is straight between us—but since you brought it up, maybe that’s what’s best.”
It stung and my heart ached.
I glanced over at my Civic, just sitting there in the good parking spot, which he always gave me when I came over so I wouldn’t have to park on the dark side of the yard.
I took a few steps in that direction then paused. “Are you okay, Rhett?” I wasn’t, but I hated leaving him mad. Hell, I just hated leaving.
“I’m fine,” he said and gave me a weak smile. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
It was the first Friday in a long time I went home alone. And I mean alone. Even my dog didn’t come after me, and I was too ashamed to call for him when I got to my car.
I felt like shit. A big, old piece of panther shit. I’d been wrong. I wasn’t even classy enough to be a panther. I was barely worthy of calling myself a mangy house cat.
So, I went to the radio station and played some sorry songs, hoping that maybe he’d hear them over the airwaves and understand how bad I felt.
After I tweaked the night’s playlist, I went home and climbed into bed.
I didn’t even turn on the TV. I just got under the covers and prayed that tomorrow would be better.
Instead of sleeping, I tossed and turned.
I wanted to pick out countertops. I wanted all of that, but it felt criminal swooping in on his life. He’d worked hard for what he was getting, and it didn’t feel right just hopping into his dreams like they were mine to share.
To top the night off, it rained.
I was miserable lying in my bed without Rhett. I’d become used to talking to him before I fell asleep. To add insult to injury, I didn’t even have Andy to cuddle up with.
My eyes blinked at the ceiling for minutes on end, restless and unsettled.
Then I decided to hell with it, hopped into my car, and drove back.
I didn’t want him to go to sleep angry with me—it just didn’t feel right. I drove down the road through the rain and flipped off my lights before I pulled into my empty spot in his drive.
I tiptoed up the steps and felt lucky when the door was left unlocked.
All of the lights were off, and Andy was snoring in the chair in the living room. I patted his head as I passed him on my way to Rhett’s bedroom.
He was lying on his side, shirtless, the sheet only pulled up to his hip. It was dark, but he was in the moonlight and I could tell his eyes were open.
“Whatcha doin’?” he asked.
“Couldn’t sleep,” I admitted. “What are you doing?”
“Laying here thinking. Listening to the rain. Trying to decide whether to drive over to your place or not.”
“Can I come over there with you?” I asked from the doorway. I ached to touch him, but maybe I needed him to touch me so I knew it was okay. Or at least that it would be.
Rhett scooted over and opened up the sheet for me. He had briefs on, and since I’d worn my pajamas over, I kicked off my flip-flips and climbed in facing him.
After getting comfortable, I lay my head on the pillow and looked into his heavy eyes.
“What am I going to do with you?” he asked, but his arm came around me and it felt like I was halfway back to normal. I took the first real breath since I’d left him earlier.
When I didn’t answer he asked, “Why does not talking to you get your attention faster than just saying things?”
My hand ran its way around to his warm back. “I don’t know. I’m a dumb woman,” I confessed. Humility was a small price to pay.
Was that how he felt?
“What was all of that about earlier?” he quietly asked.
“Well, Hannah asked me something about us, using some stupid reference about catch and releas
e. Then it got me thinking that maybe I was just some shiny thing you were attracted to and I should just throw you back to see if you could get the real thing. Something better than me.”
He brushed hair out of my face, and I continued, “That reunion makes me feel old when I think about it, and she brought that up, too. Why would you want to go to some stupid dinner with me uptown and hang out with people I went to high school with? People I have nothing in common with anyway. Ones I never talk to anymore—even though they live five minutes from me. I don’t even know if I want to go. Why would I subject you to that shit?”
God, that felt good to get off my chest.
His hand moved up and down my back over my shirt and it made me shiver. “Am I going too fast, Sunshine?”
“No,” I answered. That wasn’t it at all. “It feels like I’m going too fast for you, Rhett.”
“There’s no such thing.” He leaned over and placed a kiss on my lips. “I’m sorry, too.”
My fingers crept their way to his chest in the space between us.
“I just don’t want to make a mistake. I don’t want to lose you,” he said.
There wasn’t anything better he could have said because I felt the same way.
Rhett’s arms tightened around me, and the space between us disappeared. His hips rolled over mine, and then I was under him, looking up into his eyes.
“I want this mouth.” He kissed my lips then moved to the crook of my neck. “And this spot right here.” Then, he leaned up and pulled my shirt over my head in one easy motion. One-handed, he released my bra and tossed it to the floor.
“I want these,” he added as he palmed one breast and kissed the other. My legs parted and his weight fell between them. With each kiss, my worries disappeared like fog in the morning sun.
Soon, a skillful hand slipped into my shorts and panties. His long fingers rubbed me senseless then he said, “I want you and this. All the time. Non-stop.”
“I want you, too,” I confessed and bucked against his masterful hand. My comprehension slowly faded as his touch paired perfectly with my need. Then he held himself away from me, his muscular shoulders hovering over my heated frame.