“Carter, this is ridiculous. I'm not opening the door. Go home.”
“No.”
I rolled my eyes in frustration.
When I really thought about the whole situation, I think I was more embarrassed by the way I had taken the news in front of him. I had bawled like a baby, and he had actually held me and comforted me. Literally dried my tears. It was really embarrassing, and it pissed me off that he let me do that knowing he had been the one to cause the tears.
Another buzz.
I looked around the apartment for a solution to the buzzing noise. There had to be a way to make the thing stop. I needed duct tape. That would muffle the sound. A hammer would be more effective, but that would also kill any hope of me getting a security deposit back. I needed that security deposit.
“Arianna,” his voice sounded different.
Sad. Maybe a little desperate. It tugged at my heartstrings. I felt bad for making him feel sad. I wanted to wrap him in my arms and promise him it would all be okay.
I leaned my head against the intercom. I wished I hadn't fallen for him. I wished I had never discovered the truth behind my lack of employment. I wished he was standing here next to me, holding me in his arms. I missed him. It physically hurt not being able to see him every day. I wanted those kisses stolen in his office. His strong arms wrapped around me, holding me and encircling me within his warmth had been addicting. The thought of going through life without feeling that again was depressing. My body ached for him.
Stop being ridiculous, I told myself. I was depriving myself. So what? I got canned. I would find another job, but I wouldn't find another man like Carter Frasier. It was like being on a diet to lose a single pound. Carter was the delicious sweet treat I wanted, but I was denying myself because of something really kind of ridiculous.
Pride made me do it. My heart told me one thing, but my stubborn nature told me something different and that stubborn side of me tended to win.
I pushed the button, “Go home.”
A knock on the door a few inches to my left had me jerking back in surprise. What the hell?
I opened the door to find Carter standing there with a rather large bouquet of flowers.
“How?” I asked, a little dumbfounded to see him standing at my door in my secured building where I had refused to buzz him in.
He stepped forward. I stepped back. His eyes were practically swallowing me whole. His jaw was set, and I could see the determination on his face.
Before I knew what he was doing, he was on me. I heard the flowers hit the floor as his arms closed around me and his mouth covered mine. I opened my mouth to protest, but it only invited his tongue inside. I heard the door slam behind him and knew he used his foot to shut it. His hands came up to hold my face in place as he moved his mouth over mine. It was extremely erotic, and I wanted him so badly in that very second.
As quickly as the kiss started, it ended. He stood in front of me, his hands still on my face. “I'm sorry.”
His piercing blue eyes stared deep into my soul. I knew he was sincere.
I glared at him. “Too little, too late,” I shot back.
“No, it isn't. Don't deny me. I know you want me as much as I want you.”
I jerked my head back out of his clasp and before I knew what I was doing, I slapped him. “No. You-you lied to me!”
He barely flinched. He stood there, standing stalwart and strong, looking at me with such adoration, I felt like a bitch for slapping him.
He took a deep breath. “I didn't really lie to you, Arianna. I should have told you the details, and for that, I am sorry, but Arianna, I think it is better this way. I want to be with you,” he said in a low voice.
“What?” I whispered.
He bent down and picked up the flowers. “Here.”
“Uh, thanks,” I said, taking the flowers and walking to the kitchen to find a vase.
“Arianna, I think you need to see the big picture here,” he said again.
“Carter, please stop talking,” I said, not feeling up to sparring with him.
The look on his face was one of shock, and if I was reading it right, desire.
“Arianna, please, talk to me. Let me explain, and then, if you’re still mad, I'll go, and I’ll never bother you again.”
I looked at him and drank in the sight of his mussed hair, which I knew was that way from constantly running his fingers through it. He always did that when he was trying to concentrate or when he was stressed. His shirt was half untucked and the top three buttons were open. The man looked rough around the edges. The hint of a five o'clock shadow is what did me in.
“Fine,” I said, walking toward him, “but no touching.”
He nodded. “No touching. Please, sit down.”
I took a deep breath, steeling myself against my own desire to jump him right there on my couch. I needed to hear what he had to say. Then, I would decide what to do with him.
I sat, and he sat, his body turned toward me. I bit back a smile as he ran his hands through his hair once again. I was secretly a little happy that he felt this bad. It was a good sign.
Chapter 18
Carter
I had to convince her to give me a chance. The slap had ignited a fire inside me that was making it difficult for me to concentrate, but I had to get out the words before I pounced on her. I had been denied her sweet kisses for too long. I craved her touch. Seeing her had nearly been my undoing. I had meant to woo her, but when she opened the door, the baser, animal side of me took over. I had to taste her, and nothing was going to get in my way.
“Arianna,” I started again. I could see her defenses up and knew she was already rejecting me before she even heard my apology.
“I think you need to spit out what you have to say and then go,” her voice was a little on the shrill side.
I reached out to put my hand on her knee, but she slid back on the couch. She looked so fragile sitting there in a pair of yoga pants and a long cardigan sweater. Her face was devoid of any makeup, and her hair was pulled up into a messy bun of sorts. It was the most beautiful look I had seen on her yet. It was so natural. So her. She had her guard up, but I could see her for who she really was.
“I think I love you,” I mumbled.
“Excuse me?” she said, arching one of those perfectly sculpted brows.
I cleared my throat and with a little more conviction, I looked her straight in the eyes. “I'm in love with you. I know I haven't known you very long, but something about you feels right. My heart, body, and soul all recognize you as the one I want to be with. I've never felt like this before.”
She cocked her head to the side, studied me with intense scrutiny before saying. “How do I know this isn't a line?”
“You don't, but it isn't.”
She rolled her eyes. “Okay, is that it?”
“What?” I asked, surprised by her response to me pouring my heart out. It wasn't exactly what I had expected.
“You asked me to listen to you. I did. It doesn't change anything. I have no interest in being with a man who doesn't respect me enough to be honest. How could I ever trust you?”
I shook my head in disbelief. “You are being stubborn. I know you feel the same way about me. I could feel it in our kiss. Why deny yourself? Let me show you I can make you happy.”
She smiled. It was a toothy smile that made her look a little feral. It was intimidating, but I loved it. I was ready to rise to the challenge. She had a way of igniting a fire within my soul that aroused me more than any other woman had ever been able to before.
“Carter, you've already shown me how happy you can make me. I mean look at me,” she said, waving a hand over her body. “Don't I look thrilled? Like I am the happiest woman on the planet?”
Sarcasm. She was very adept at using sarcasm to make a point.
“I fucked up. Okay? I get it. I've apologized. It was a mistake not to tell you, but I won't apologize for making the decision that saved the jobs of all those hardworking
people already in the company. I'm sorry I chose you. It's the way I do things. It's me. You can take me or leave me, but that's who I am,” I said, pleading with her again, doing my best not to let my frustration and desperation show.
“I choose leave me.”
I blinked. “What?”
She shrugged. “You gave me a choice, take me or leave me. I'm choosing the latter.”
“Dammit, Arianna. You are being spiteful. Please, don't do this. Don't throw this away. I know you feel something for me and don't say hate,” I quickly added when she opened her pretty little mouth. I loved her fiery attitude, but right now, I wanted her to chill the fuck out and listen to me.
“Carter, I know we both think this thing we had is amazing. I'll admit the sex was pretty good, but don't you think it's a little soon for us to be professing our love for one another?” she asked but gentled her tone and backed off the snarky attitude a little.
I vigorously nodded my head, completely agreeing with her. “It is. But I can't explain it. Before I met you, I was all business all the time. Every decision I made was based on what was best for the company or my career. I never let feelings get in the way. Business is business and my personal life is very separate. And then you came along, and the line blurred. Despite what you may think, it was very difficult for me to make that decision. Before you, I wouldn't have thought twice about it.”
She smiled. “That's nice. I'm glad I helped you grow a conscience, but it's too late. The damage is done.”
“We can work on this together,” I said, fighting the urge to get on my knees and beg her. I wouldn't lower myself that far. Not for any woman.
“Carter, I appreciate your apology, I really do, but you hurt me, and I am not ready to trust you with my heart. I think it's best if you go. Now.”
My head dropped to my chest in defeat. My heart literally ached. I had lost her before I truly had her all because of my drive to be the best. I wasn't going to sacrifice my dignity along with my heart. I took a deep breath and stood, taking one last look at her curled up in the corner of her couch.
“Okay,” I said in a defeated voice.
She looked up at me, and I thought I saw a shimmer of tears in her eyes, but she blinked, and it was gone. The woman was strong. She wouldn't let me see her be weak ever again.
I walked to the door, glanced back to find her watching me, but she didn't make a move to stop me.
“Goodbye, Arianna.”
“Bye, Carter.”
I opened the door and shut it softly behind me, feeling as if my heart had been crushed with the action. My feet felt like lead as I made my way down the hall to the elevator. I kept waiting for her to call out and stop me. She never did. The ride down the elevator was excruciatingly slow. I wanted to get away from this place as quickly as I could and never look back.
The moment the elevator dinged, and the doors slid open, I stepped out and made long strides toward the doors at the end of the hall. I could see my reflection in the glass. I looked like a broken man. I didn't look like the man I had been two weeks ago before I met that damn woman.
My hands hit the bar to open the double doors at the same time I heard the elevator ding. My mind was focused on getting to my car and away from Arianna. I blocked out the footsteps and pushed open the door.
“Carter! Wait!”
It was her voice. I froze, the door pushed open and one foot outside. The cold air whipped around me.
“Wait! Carter, please don't go!” she shouted from behind me.
I turned around, and she was running toward me. She hadn't bother putting on shoes. I stood there and grinned. She threw her arms around me and held me tight. I lifted her up, not wanting her to get her feet cold and started walking back down the hall toward the elevator.
Neither one of us spoke. I could feel her heart pounding against my chest as she snuggled against me. I inhaled the scent of her. I pushed the button and stepped into the elevator. She dismounted and stood there with her face buried in my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her.
“I'm sorry,” she muttered.
“Don't be. You put me through my paces. I deserved it. Can we call it even now?”
She leaned her head back and smiled. “Yes.”
“Good. Can we have makeup sex now?”
She started laughing uncontrollably. When the elevator slid open on her floor, we walked hand in hand back to her apartment. She had left her door wide open in her haste to catch up with me. That made me very happy. She had certainly waited until the very last second. Another second and I would have been gone.
Chapter 19
Arianna
When the door shut behind Carter, I had felt a sense of relief for about half a second. Then, I was slammed with a sense of profound loss that I felt deep in my soul. He was gone. I had told him to leave. He had poured his heart out, and I had held onto my ice queen stature. I gave him no mercy. In the moment, I had been proud of my resolve. Then, not so much.
What the hell had I been thinking?
I was pissed at him, but I loved him. I knew I did. I sat there, frozen in my spot, unable to move as I realized what I had just done. My life with Carter flashed before my eyes. The life I could have, that is, if I wasn't such a proud, obstinate woman!
Was I really willing to give up a man like Carter because he made one mistake? A mistake he apologized for repeatedly, and in the grand scheme of things, it was relatively minor. It wasn't like he had the kidney I needed to survive, and he gave it to someone else. I had really made a mountain out of a molehill.
Carter wasn't the only one to blame in this debacle. I had made it clear from the beginning I wasn't interested in working for the company. I made a big deal about loving my work as a freelancer and blah, blah, blah. I was the one who was fiercely independent and refused to take a full-time job. How could I be mad at him for listening to what I had said when we first met?
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Pride had kept me planted on that couch. I could practically feel him getting further away. I estimated he would be getting on the elevator right now. Within a minute, he would be in the lobby and on his way out of my life for good all because I was too stuck in my ways and hung up on my own hurt feelings to forgive him.
He made a simple mistake. I had made plenty. My mind drifted to my mother and the way she treated me and my dad when we made mistakes. She would never let us forget and always found a way to remind us of that time we failed or that time we didn't meet her expectations. I was my mom.
Oh, shit.
I had turned into my mother. I couldn't let that happen. I didn't want to be like her, never happy with the people she loved, always demanding they be perfect, and when they weren't, lording their mistakes over them until they felt small and incapable. I didn't want to make Carter feel as if he made the wrong choice in saving the jobs of those other people. He hadn't. He had done what was best for his team, and if I could pull my head out of my ass long enough to realize that, I wouldn't have sat on the couch for so long.
Oh shit!
Before I knew what I was even going to say or do, I jumped off the couch, ran for the door, threw it open and ran down the hall barefoot. I had to stop him! I jumped up and down in the elevator, willing it to move faster. I had to catch him!
The moment I saw his back, I screamed out his name. The cold air slammed into me as he pushed open the door. I chased him in the lobby, ignoring the freezing cold air. I needed him, and I would run outside half-dressed if I had to. I wasn't going to let him get away. When he stopped, I flung myself at him.
“You know, you didn't have to be that dramatic,” he said as we walked back into my apartment. “I mean, a pair of shoes or at least some slippers would have been smart. Maybe closing your door at the very least.”
I laughed. “I wanted to make a grand entrance. I mean your little thing with the intercom was pretty dramatic. I had to match you.”
He laughed, kissed me on the lips and then s
hook his head. “I think we have given your building a nice show for the night.”
“Who let you in?” I asked, remembering he showed up at my door without me allowing him inside.
He chuckled. “Some old man who took pity on me, or he was just getting really pissed that I was buzzing the thing over and over.”
“I'll have to thank whoever he was,” I muttered, realizing that without the man's interference, I may have let Carter walk out of my life without giving us a chance.
We stood there, locked in each other's arms, neither one of us willing to let go.
One Hot Winter Page 9