by Anna Samuels
‘Oh thank you!’ I cried. ‘Thank you so much, doctor!’
‘Would you like to see her?’ he asked then.
‘Oh yes please! Yes!’ I told him, animated. I hurried along beside him down the hall and he turned off into a side room.
Ava lay in the hospital bed, as white as the sheets covering the beds.
‘Mum,’ she murmured croakily.
‘Ava!’ I called out, rushing to her side and collapsing against her shoulder, crying with relief.
‘Oh careful, Mum…I’m a bit fragile right now.’
‘Of course! Sorry sweetie…I’m so sorry,’ I said, smoothing the hospital nightgown I had ruffled and then lifting my hand to her cold, white cheek. ‘I was so scared,’ I told her, tears falling.
Her eyelashes lowered.
‘Ava?’
‘I know what you’re thinking, Mum…’
‘Ava, I’m not going to preach right now. I just hope you know how I feel about drug use. You could have died, sweetheart!’
‘I know, Mum!’ she replied, her eyes wide as saucers, ‘which is why I have refused anything since the first day I got here!’
I frowned at her, confused.
‘Well, if you didn’t take it by choice…’
Ava sighed. ‘Look; the girls who live in my halls are kind of…a party crowd, Mum. They’re at Uni for a good social life-not the degree they may leave with. They’ve been offering me drugs since the first day and every time I’ve said no. Last night, I joined them in the shared kitchen for a drinking game and after the first few shots, I knew something wasn’t right. I think they spiked my drink, Mum.’
I stared at her long and hard. I knew my daughter and I knew she wouldn’t lie to me. ‘If what you’re saying is correct, Ava, then we have to do something about it.’
Her lashes lowered once more. ‘I know,’ she said sadly.
‘I don’t want you going back there right now,’ I added.
‘I don’t want to go back anyway, Mum.’
I reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. ‘Do you know how scared I was when your friend phoned me?’ I asked her.
She grimaced slightly.
‘I love you so much, Ava. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.’
She nodded, sadly.
‘But I can’t protect you from everything. It seems that some people are either thoughtless or just plain stupid. I’ll make sure this doesn’t go un-noted.’
‘What about my course?’ she said quietly.
‘I don’t know right now…’
Tears sprung to her eyes. ‘I don’t want to stay in this hospital alone, Mum.’
‘And you won’t,’ I promised her. ‘I’ll either stay with you or we’ll take you back to Alex’s place. You’d love it! It’s gorgeous there and so relaxing,’ I gushed.
Ava’s eyes lifted to over my shoulder and I turned to see Alex and Jenny standing by the door.
‘Oh,’ I said, embarrassed, clearing my throat. ‘Uh, Alex this is my daughter Ava. Ava, this is Alex.’
The both said quiet hello’s and then I turned back to Ava. She stared back at me and I felt a wave of affection for my daughter who was so grown up and yet looked so young and fragile right now.
‘I’ll talk to the doctor and find out where we stand,’ I told her.
‘Mum?’ she said urgently, clasping my hand.
‘Yes?’
‘Don’t leave me alone just yet,’ she said.
I smiled at her fondly, lifting a hand to stroke her hair back where it fell across her forehead.
‘I’ve missed you, Mum.’
‘I’ve missed you too, honey.’
‘I thought it would be great, and that I would so strong! I thought every minute would be amazing.’
‘Sweetheart, I’m sure it will be in time. Perhaps you just ended up with the wrong people for you…’
‘I’ll say,’ Jenny spoke from behind us.
I turned to look at the kind-looking girl. ‘Thank you, Jenny. I’m sorry I didn’t say that before now.’
She smiled. ‘It’s no problem. I’m studying medicine so I knew something was wrong when I saw Ava in the hallway.’
‘Thanks for getting help,’ Ava told her.
‘What are friends for?’ Jenny smiled.
I looked from one of them to another and saw a connection of friendship establish itself. I realised then that all Ava needed was friends to help her settle in. She would get there; it just would take some time.
I sat with Ava for a long time before venturing off to speak to her doctor. When he informed me I could take her home, we left together in Alex’s car. After dropping Jenny back to the University, Alex drove us back to her cabins. Ava wanted to be with me, and I had no problem in her taking some time to do just that. She needed support, and I intended to provide it.
By the time we reached the cabin, Ava slept soundly in the back seat. I turned to Alex as she put the gear stick into neutral and looked over at me.
‘Alex; I can’t thank you enough for tonight.’
‘Any time,’ she assured me.
‘You’re quite special, you know that?’ I said quietly.
She smiled. ‘And you’re the most wonderful mother I have ever seen in action,’ she said softly.
I chuckled, low and amused. ‘What-freaking out and incoherent ramblings, crying maniacally and pacing floors?’
‘All which shows just how much you care for your children. If you hadn’t have done those things, it would have been stranger.’
‘I suppose…’ I conceded.
‘Take a few days with Ava,’ she said then, ‘but don’t forget where I am,’ she murmured.
‘Oh, I won’t. I promise you that.’
She smiled. ‘I’d kiss you but I think that’s a step too far for tonight.’
I nodded, disappointed but also relieved not to have to explain to Ava yet.
‘Sleep well.’
‘I’m pretty sure we all will,’ I replied yawning.
With a brief wave, I got out of the car. After waking Ava, I led her sleepily into the cabin and got her settled in the double bed I was using. After changing into pyjamas quickly, I climbed in beside her and lay staring at her profile in the moonlight. She was a wonderful daughter and didn’t deserve what she had just been through. Whether it was carelessness, lack of thought or vindictive behaviour, I was determined that it wouldn’t go unmentioned and unresolved. It was a long time before I slept. I lay in bed, counting my blessings. Ava was alive; and she would be fine. I breathed calmer once more, swamped with relief.
The following morning, I awoke to see Ava lying next to me. She was staring into space, her eyes wide and alert.
‘Hey honey.’
She blinked and looked at me. ‘Hey.’
‘How are you feeling?’ I asked her.
Her gaze lowered. ‘Pretty crappy…’
‘I can imagine.’
‘My stomach hurts.’
‘It will do,’ I told her, ‘they had to pump your stomach.’
‘I feel horrible.’
‘It won’t last long, honey.’
‘Can we go home?’ she asked me then, looking at me with tears in her eyes.
‘Home?’ I asked, surprised.
‘Yeah. I want to go home and be surrounded by good friends-not those idiots.’
‘Ava; we can relax here before you go back! There’s a hot tub and everything! It’s idyllic.’
‘I don’t want that, Mum. I just want to go home,’ she said, her voice quivering with emotion.
‘But…’ I started to object but then realised I was putting my own feelings first; not hers. She had been through an awful ordeal. I should do whatever she needed right now.
‘Mum, please!’
‘Okay, okay,’ I conceded. ‘Of course I’ll take you home.’
Ava sighed in relief, turning onto her back and looking at the ceiling. ‘Can we go now?’
I thought to myself for a mome
nt. ‘Give me half an hour,’ I told her, thinking fast.
‘Fine. I’ll take a shower,’ she grumbled.
I hurried around, hurling my belongings back into my suitcase before loading it into the boot of my car. With Ava tucked away in the bathroom, I rushed out and ran to reception. It was closed. Disappointment snaked through me as I rushed up the hill towards her house.
By the time I reached the door, I was breathing heavily and even had to stop and lean against the wall for support. Despite ringing the doorbell and knocking again and again, there was no answer. I then noticed that Alex’s car was missing and felt even more downhearted. I wanted to say a temporary goodbye. I knew I was going to be back but it felt wrong to just leave without saying anything.
I trudged back down the hill only to notice that there was a buggy outside the reception area. Hopeful, I began to pick up my pace and ran over.
The door was open and I felt overjoyed until I stepped inside.
‘Alex?’
‘No! Just me here today,’ a friendly voice called, coming out from the back room.
I stared at a woman, slightly older than myself who came to stand by the desk.
‘Do you know where Alex is?’ I asked her, stepping closer. ‘I have to leave unexpectedly but we’ve become quite close friends since I arrived and I wanted to say goodbye.’
The woman’s eyes narrowed. ‘Oh dear,’ she said, shaking her head.
‘What?’ I asked, confused.
‘Another fallen angel,’ she said, chuckling ruefully.
A funny feeling spread through my stomach. As I looked at the woman before me, I sensed I was about to hear something I didn’t want to accept.
Chapter 13
‘What are you talking about? Fallen angel?’ I asked.
‘You do know about Alex, right? I mean, her reputation precedes the woman herself!’ she laughed.
I felt my stomach twist painfully.
‘She’s a player…if you’re here looking for love and romance, you’re going to be sadly disappointed. We’ve all been there!’ she chuckled, referring to herself.
‘I…but…’
‘Oh, I know. I bet she gave you the whole yarn-you’re the most wonderful woman she’s ever met, she’s sad because she wants to keep her home here and save the park…it’s her sob story. She uses it to gain the interest of all the women who stay here. Sorry, darling, but you’re not unique. She’s gone off to town where she knows a barmaid there. They’ll be together as we speak.’
I gaped at her, tears filling my eyes with sadness. Could this be true? I felt so, incredibly distraught.
‘Sorry, darling-I just thought you should know. There’s been so many women pass through here that in the end I just warn them straight. She’s a player-and not worth the heartache, I can tell you. If you want me to tell her you’re leaving, that’s fine-but I wouldn’t expect her to care more than when any other brief fling of hers has left!’
Brief fling? Suddenly, I felt completely bereft. It was like someone had swept the rug out from under me. I turned and left the building, tears falling rapidly. I said nothing more to the woman, no words of goodbye and I didn’t thank her for telling me. I was so hurt and upset I couldn’t speak.
Rushing up the hill, I couldn’t help crying fervently. When I reached the cabin, I burst in the door and found Ava waiting for me on the sofa.
‘Mum?’ she questioned, alarmed. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Let’s just go,’ I said, wiping my face.
‘But Mum!’
‘Ava, we can talk in the car. I want to go!’
‘Okay,’ she agreed, seeing the determination in my gaze.
I grabbed my hand bag and we left. After getting in the car, I started the engine and I drove out of the park far faster than I should have done. With tears in my eyes, I drove the whole first hour of the trip in silence. I couldn’t speak, I was so upset. I had thought Alex and I were something special. It turned out I was nothing more than a brief, illicit fling. Tears fell like rivers as sadness consumed me. Ava said nothing, even though she noticed my upset. She let me cry and didn’t ask about what was wrong. I drove on resolutely, determined now to move on.
Back at home, I turned off my mobile and unplugged the mains phone. I spent the next few days caring for Ava and cooking home-style food for her. She gained in strength quickly and I could see her returning to be the fiercely independent young woman she had grown up to be.
‘Mum?’
I was startled out of my reverie by Ava calling my name. ‘Yes, honey?’
‘Can you speak to the University. They’re on my mobile. They can’t get through on yours.’
‘Oh yeah, it’s off,’ I said, taking her phone. I spoke with the officials who were involved in dealing with Ava’s situation. They were moving her to different halls along with Jenny, her new friend. They also were looking into who had spiked her drink and the police were involved due to how serious the event could have been if Ava had died. The guilty party was going to be removed from both the course and the University and I was confident that they would find the right person and in turn, do the right thing.
I headed off into the kitchen with the phone, talking to the woman on the phone. After a long conversation, I thanked her and hung up.
‘Mum?’
‘All sorted,’ I said, turning to smile at her.
‘Yeah?’
‘Yes. They’ve allocated you and Jenny in other halls. They’re luxury rooms in a better area so I’m hoping you’ll be happier there.’
‘Oh good,’ she smiled.
‘Also, they’ve arrested one of the girls.’
She gasped. ‘Who?’
‘A girl called Tiffany?’
Ava nodded slowly. ‘I had a bad feeling it was her…always so pushy about it all; but with a fake smile on her face the whole time.’
‘Well, you don’t need to worry about her anymore. She’s being removed from the University so will have to find another direction in life. Her stupidity will affect her in the most negative of ways. I’m glad because she’s getting the punishment she deserves. She could have killed you, Ava.’
Ava nodded sadly.
‘So, the room’s ready. Are you feeling ready to go back?’
‘Almost,’ she replied quietly. ‘I feel stronger and ready to face it all-I don’t want to miss anymore lectures either.’
‘No,’ I agreed. ‘So, what’s holding you back?’ I wondered, feeling confused.
‘You, Mum.’
My eyebrows rose in surprise. ‘Me?’
‘Yeah, you.’
‘Why am I holding you back? I’m all for you going, Ava. I think you should go back.’
‘I will, Mum…but only when you tell me what’s going on with you.’
‘Nothing’s going on with me,’ I replied, my face filling with heat.
‘Don’t give me that, Mum! You were absolutely over the moon happy and then you were crying and running away from it all.’
‘I didn’t run away!’
‘Yes you did! Tell me what happened with Alex,’ she demanded.
I felt my hot face heating even more.
‘I know anyway, Mum…I’m not stupid,’ she told me, smiling with a gentle, knowing smile.
‘What, uh…what do you mean,’ I replied, awkwardly.
‘I know that you liked her, Mum…I mean, really liked her,’ she said.
I couldn’t speak.
‘You know that’s okay and normal, Mum? I mean, it’s 2018! You can be gay, lesbian, trans or straight and it’s all accepted. I have absolutely no issue with you being in a lesbian relationship, Mum. I would be happy for you to have someone to love.’
I stared at her, tears filling my eyes.
‘You didn’t think I’d say that? You thought I would judge you in a negative way? Mum, all I want is for you to be happy. You’ve been alone for so long. All I want for you is to find your way in life and be happy in both love and career.’
/> I smiled at her, tears filling my eyes. ‘I have so much to learn from you, honey.’
She smiled back. ‘I love you, Mum.’
‘I love you too, honey. So much.’ I hugged her tight and we went over to the sofa to talk. Starting at the beginning of meeting Alex; I opened up to my daughter and told her the whole story.
Half an hour later, I had got to the end. Ava frowned at me.
‘And you just left like that?’ she asked me.
‘Well yeah! I wasn’t going to stick around to be made a fool of! I never once thought it was ‘a fling’ I told her, lifting my fingers to indicate the phrase the woman in reception had used.’
‘Yeah-because maybe it wasn’t!’ Ava replied, her face animated.
‘What do you mean?’ I replied, baffled.
‘You just took some random woman’s word for it that Alex didn’t feel the way you thought she did about you!’
I stared at her, my head whirring.
‘You’ve turned off you phones, disappeared into thin air-without ever knowing if this woman was spinning you a yarn or telling the truth!’
‘I…but why would that woman in reception lie?’ I questioned, naivety getting the best of me.
‘Because people are not all good, Mum! Surely you see that now with what that Tiffany girl did to me? People lie, steal, cheat and are selfish. Maybe this woman had some kind of issue with Alex which caused her to say this…’
‘On the other hand, she might have just thought she was helping by warning me what Alex is like,’ I argued.
‘Maybe-but you’ll never find out unless you ask!’
‘I…I don’t know if I can,’ I said, sadly.
‘Why not?’
‘Because I don’t know if I’m brave enough.’
‘That makes no sense Mum! You’ve been absolutely miserable since we came home! Surely you want to see if you can make something of this,’ she argued.
‘I don’t know…I had so many ideas and plans but…’
‘But what?’ she questioned.
‘But now I’m back home, I’m wondering whether all those plans were far-fetched and pie in the sky ideas.’