by Shona Husk
Shit. She’d thought they were friends. ‘What happened to girls sticking together?’
Emily turned around. ‘There’s a reason Carob isn’t well liked. But perhaps the two of you might get along.’
Rainy doubted that. Caroline was prickly at the best of times, plus she’d slept with a married sailor and written it off as a drunken mistake. That was entirely different to what she and Kurt had been doing. They weren’t even sleeping together at the moment. Considering they had started out as just getting together for sex, that said a lot about their lack of relationship.
‘I’m here to do my job. Why don’t you do yours instead of spreading shit around.’ She’d run into gossips before, but usually hadn’t become friends with them. Usually she wasn’t part of the gossip either. ‘I’m sure Garland would be thrilled to be implicated.’
Emily stopped. ‘Oh I’ll speak to him. I wonder how many more notches you’ll make once we sail.’
‘What is your problem with me?’
‘That you don’t see a problem. Women like you and Carob give us all a bad name.’
‘Well, at the moment only me and Garland know the truth about what happened in Freo. You’re making guesses and assumptions. The only person making female submariners look bad is you.’ Rainy opened her car door and got in, not interested in anything else Emily had to say.
***
Rainy lay on her bed, the TV was on in the background but she wasn’t paying attention. She was contemplating what to wear to Kurt’s farewell BBQ on Friday. Chief Smith was having it at his place. It would be the last social event before they sailed. She could count in days now until they left.
Usually it didn’t affect her, but today her stomach was feeling greasy. It was nerves. Maybe a little fear after her talk with Emily. Her mobile rang, buzzing in her pocket; she hadn’t even bothered to get changed yet.
Kurt’s name was on the screen. For a moment she considered letting it go through to messages. Then she wondered if Emily had spoken to him. If nothing else, she needed to give him a heads-up.
She answered the call. ‘Hi.’
‘I thought you might have waited for me this afternoon.’
That had been her original plan, but after Emily she’d decided to leave. She didn’t want to be seen talking to him. ‘You seemed busy, everyone wants to say goodbye.’
‘Everyone wants to know why I’m leaving and why I didn’t say anything sooner.’
She bet they did. Her teeth raked over her lower lip as she wondered how to tell him about Emily. Emily was his friend, but one of the people she shared a very tiny cabin with. Ugh, what a mess.
‘Maybe we could catch up tomorrow evening?’ He sounded hopeful.
Rainy closed her eyes. She wanted to, but was she prolonging the agony for both of them? He’d changed his mind twice already, what was going to stop him from changing it again as soon as she left Australian waters?
‘It may not be a good idea.’ That killed her to say.
There was a silence for a moment. ‘I thought we were good?’
No, they weren’t. He wanted them to be good, to be back where they were before he left. She wasn’t sure anymore. While relationships didn’t come with a guarantee, some had a better chance than others. ‘Emily knows.’
‘What do you mean?’ His voice lowered and was filled with caution.
‘She spoke to me today. Somehow she’d worked out that I was the woman you approached at the pub and she knows we got together. She thinks I’m the reason you’re getting out.’
Kurt swore. That had been her first reaction too.
‘I said it was one time and that we both realised the error when I joined the boat. Has she spoken to you?’
‘No. And I can’t speak to her without revealing that you spoke to me, which implies it wasn’t a one-time thing. I get why you didn’t want to hang around.’
‘I don’t want to be seen with you—no offence.’
‘None taken. You’re the one staying on the boat.’
‘Yeah, and Emily made some less than subtle comments about what happens to women who sleep with crew. She’s going to say something … she even alluded to the Tasker rumour having weight.’
‘Because you left the bar with him once?’
‘I hadn’t even thought of that.’ Fuck. This was getting worse and worse. What had Tasker said about that night?
‘She doesn’t miss anything, but she can’t keep it to herself either. She’s going to let something slip one day that is going to get her in a lot of trouble.’
Rainy closed her eyes and rolled onto her back. If he’d been on any other boat, or ship, this wouldn’t have been an issue. Now it was threatening her first trip away. She sighed. Caroline was still on the boat. Nothing had happened to her or Chief Oliver. That the women didn’t get on with her didn’t seem to bother her. She was friends with the other gamers onboard, most of them male. Perhaps they were more forgiving than the women onboard.
‘I can’t see you. We can’t do this.’ Not while he still had one foot on the gangway.
‘I still want to see you. Once I’m off the boat we can do what we want.’
‘Won’t that look a little suspicious?’ She was sure Emily would latch on to that like shark to bait. ‘Besides, I’m leaving.’
‘So you keep saying, but you’ll also be returning. Don’t you want someone to come back to?’
‘How did that work out for you?’ She needled, already knowing the answer.
‘Don’t be like that.’
‘We aren’t even really dating, what makes you think we can do four months apart?’
‘So you’ve thought about it then?’ He’d caught her out. Of course she had. She’d imagined everything working out. She couldn’t have been further off the mark.
‘Yes.’ She couldn’t lie about that, and she didn’t want to. ‘I want to keep seeing you. You know that, but the timing is wrong and I can’t have Emily dangling this axe over my head the whole trip.’ She wanted to get her first trip done and get qualified. Then she could think about Kurt, assuming he was still interested. Four months was a long time in a new relationship—which she wasn’t even sure they were having. If it was this hard to get together, what would it be like trying to stay together?
‘She’s not like that.’
‘Really?’ That’s the way it felt. She’d never run into these issues on a ship, but then she hadn’t slept with a crew member before either, accidentally or planned. She’d steered well clear of gossip and other trouble. Somehow it had all caught up with her at the wrong time. She should’ve expected him to defend Emily, but it still stung. She wanted him to support her and tell Emily to back off.
‘She probably thinks she’s sticking up for me.’
Ugh, she could almost hear the smile in his voice. ‘Well, perhaps you should set her straight about you want from life.’
He was quiet for a couple of breaths. ‘Yeah, maybe you’re right.’
Chapter 19
Chief Smith had one of the really big two-storey houses that overlooked the golf course in Secret Harbour. It had a pool table and dartboard, as well as an outdoor spa. After enough alcohol, Kurt knew that people would be stripping down jumping in to the spa in their underwear … or less. He wasn’t planning on staying that late, even though the BBQ was supposedly in his honour.
This was the big farewell before they sailed and he stayed home. He was actually looking forward to it now. The clock was ticking on his time left in the navy.
Watson hadn’t said anything to him, which meant he couldn’t say anything to defend Rainy. However, Watson had also kept her mouth closed about what she thought she knew—or at least it appeared that way, as he hadn’t heard any rumours about himself. Even if she was waiting until he had left the boat, he had a plan to disarm her gossip. Tonight he was going to put a few things straight.
People greeted him and pressed a beer into his hand as he walked through the house and outside. The patio area was
huge, with a built-in BBQ and outdoor kitchen area, massive wooden outdoor setting and of course the infamous spa. People were sitting around eating chips and dips and drinking. Later there’d be real food cooked up and more alcohol brought out. Usually he liked these gatherings. They were fun. A time to kick back and enjoy. Some people had brought their families and a few kids ran around. They wouldn’t stay late, they were showing up so the wives could talk; some were meeting for the first time. Those being left behind needed support.
He was going to be left behind this time.
His gaze automatically looked for Rainy but she wasn’t here yet. Being here made it real. He was officially off the boat as of today. He had to change the tally band on his hat from HMAS Ellis to HMAS Stirling. He could still wear his dolphins though. While he was looking forward to leaving, he was going to miss this. The crew, if not the boat. A lump formed in his throat. He would never attend another one of these … unless it was as Rainy’s partner, assuming she agreed to date him.
For that to happen she had to show up. He hoped she was going to show up.
Everyone was in good spirits, except Blue who was rolling a cigarette between his fingers and looking at it as though he wanted to be able to light it with his mind. It would be unfortunate if he started smoking again after quitting—Kurt overlooked the one Blue had smoked after discovering he was seeing Rainy. Kylie didn’t see, or didn’t care, how her games fucked with Blue’s head.
‘You didn’t bring Kylie?’ Kurt pulled up a chair and sat next to Blue.
‘Nah, she didn’t want to come. Too fat and pregnant she said. Too fucking lazy to make an effort with the other wives.’
Kurt raised his eyebrows. ‘She’s not your wife.’
‘Thank fuck.’ Blue sighed. ‘I didn’t mean that. Not entirely.’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t know if I can live with her. She’s driving me up the wall and out the door and then it’s my fault.’
‘Count down the days.’
‘I must be the only one looking forward to getting away from the missus.’
Kurt glanced at Mrs Smith, a bleached blonde who looked like she spent a lot of time and effort on herself, as she set platters of nibbles on the outdoor setting. ‘Probably not.’
Blue’s lips twisted into a grin.
Rainy walked in and Kurt nodded in her direction. ‘Watson said anything to you?’
‘No, should she have?’ Blue raised one eyebrow.
‘Just wondering. She thinks there’s something going on.’
Blue nodded but didn’t state the obvious—that there was or had been something going on. ‘I’d have told you if I heard anything.’ Rainy drew closer and Blue held out his empty bottle. ‘Get me another beer and pull up a chair, Milly.’
‘I’m not your lackey here.’
‘Then do it because you love my witty personality.’ Blue stretched his grin wider. ‘Or you feel sorry for me, you choose.’
Rainy rolled her eyes and took the empty.
‘You’re a bastard.’ Kurt took a drink, knowing he shouldn’t interfere … and more to the point, she didn’t need him to. She could handle herself.
‘I’m not half as bad as the Leading who rode me on my first trip. Besides, I’ve got to have fun somewhere.’
Kurt grit his teeth. Rainy was going to be trapped with Blue for four months. ‘At her expense?’
‘Settle down. I’m not going to let anything get out of hand. I want her to succeed. Now some real fun would be watching Hessey fail.’
‘You think he will?’
Blue shook his head. ‘Lovell will haul his ass over the line.’
When Rainy came back she had two beers, one for herself and another for Blue. She glanced at Kurt as she sat down. ‘So last boat BBQ, got your speech ready?’
‘Speech. Ha.’ Of course he did. He knew exactly what he was going to say. He let his gaze slide away from Rainy. He stood as more people arrived and wanted to shake his hand and offer him their best wishes for the future—well, some of them did, the others said he’d miss it and come crawling back. How did he politely say not a chance in hell? He’d rather roll in broken glass than come back. He couldn’t imagine anything more soul crushing than tucking his tail between his legs and skulking back cap in hand to ask for a job. This time he’d make it in civvie street.
Carob leaned in and placed a kiss on his cheek. Her hand was a little too friendly as it slid onto his hip. He leaned away. ‘I didn’t realise you were going to miss me that much.’
She gave a delicate shrug. ‘You aren’t part of the crew anymore, that means I can take a shot.’
Kurt frowned. Had she been drinking already? ‘Thanks, but, er, I’m going to pass.’
‘Really, no strings before I sail?’ She stuck her lower lip out for a second before flashing him a cheeky grin.
‘I’m sure.’
‘You’re all right, Garland.’ She gave him a nudge with her elbow.
‘And if I’d said yes?’
She smiled at him before walking away. She’d never been one of the boys, or one of the girls. She was a gamer and regularly whipped some ass. One day some guy was going to find himself wrapped around her little finger and loving it. She was far too dangerous for his tastes, and always had been.
He grabbed a handful of crisps and went back to the safety of Blue and Rainy. That group had expanded to include Watson and Giles. Rainy was sitting rigidly in her seat, looking as though she regretted coming.
Watson smiled at him but there was something calculated in her gaze. No doubt she’d watched his exchange with Carob. He grabbed another chair and sat.
‘She up to her usual?’ Watson asked.
‘Just wishing me well.’
‘Looked like more than that.’ Watson glanced at Rainy as if expecting to get a rise. ‘Some people never learn that you don’t shit in your nest.’
‘In Caroline’s defence, I am leaving. And if the gossip is true, she only did that once.’ Given that her boyfriend had recently ditched her, she was probably looking for a rebound before sailing. He had the bad feeling Chief Oliver might try to pick up those pieces. Again.
Watson shrugged. Giles looked away, a sour expression fixed on his face. ‘We’re all fucking adults. What does it matter, Watson? People in the real world have office affairs all the time and civilisation doesn’t stop.’
‘What wrong with you tonight?’ Watson punched his arm.
Giles shook his head and stood. ‘Nothing.’
Kurt sipped his beer and said nothing. If Watson didn’t notice the way Giles sometimes looked at her, it wasn’t his place to say anything. While he understood what Giles was saying, she had a point. It was different on the boat. They spent too much time in each other’s pockets for stuff to happen. If he’d have known who Rainy was he’d have never asked her out—he would’ve liked her and found her very attractive but he’d have kept his dick in check. It wasn’t that hard to behave at work and around the people you worked with.
Smithy got the meat cooking and after some sausages, rissoles and salad, the inevitable happened. He decided he had to say a few words. Kurt steeled himself to be the centre of attention and tried to remember what he’d been planning on saying.
The Chief smiled and looked around his patio at the Ellis crew. ‘I’m glad you could all come. It’s always nice to get together before we sail. It’s nice for the wives and partners to see each other too. So they can swap numbers and be there for each other. But this time we’re leaving one of our own. Leading Seaman Chef Submariner Kurt Garland, also known as Judy and Sweetlips, is posting off. Not to join another boat but to become a civilian.’
A few people booed. Kurt kept his smile fixed. There was an ominous silver gift bag in Mrs Smith’s hands. In public she always played the perfect wife.
‘We’re going to miss him and his galley creations. But also his easy-going nature. It didn’t matter what was going on, he was always calm and on top of things. Except that one time when we did angles a
nd dangles and we hadn’t given him a heads-up.’
Kurt remembered that; everything had gone sliding around the galley.
‘Then of course there was his first time up top. But I’m not sure he can remember that so I won’t remind him.’ There were a few laughs. He did remember that trip and it had been the usual stuff they pulled with new crew—but he’d been older than most newbies so hadn’t fallen for their tricks. However, heat started creeping up Kurt’s neck as people glanced at him. Some would wonder what the Chief was referring to. ‘Garland was the kind of crew member you hope to get. Good attitude and always ready to jump in during evolutions. We did a bit of a collection and got you something to remember us by.’
Kurt stood up and walked over. Mrs Smith handed him the bag. He had a look inside. A bottle of Scotch and a framed picture of HMAS Ellis. He pulled it out of the bag so everyone could see. They’d even put a plaque on the frame recording his service. ‘Thank you.’
Mrs Smith kissed his cheek. Smithy shook his hand and then he had to say something.
He paused for a moment. ‘I want you to know that is wasn’t an easy decision, and yet in some ways it was. I almost got out two years ago, but I got cold feet. Most of you know my father died during workups. What most of you don’t know is that I never saw eye to eye with my old man. My mother died when I was fourteen and I had to live with him. He was a bitter old drunk.’ The tightness in his chest was back. He wasn’t going to make it through his speech. Then he looked at Rainy. Her grey eyes were focused on him and she looked as though she wanted to get out of her seat and put her arms around him.
Maybe he was wishing for that part, but he didn’t care. He drew in a breath and continued. ‘But I learned why he was like that. Too late for me to change anything, but not too late to make sure I don’t repeat his mistakes. He never followed his dreams and it ate at him. I took it as a sign that I need to follow mine. I joined the navy after losing my apprenticeship. Because of the navy I’m now qualified and it’s time for me to put it to the test.’ He smiled. ‘That said, I’m really going to miss you over the next four months. You’ve been my friends and family.’