“Why did your mother name you Topaz?”
“What?”
He shrugged. “One question deserves another,” he grinned stealthily.
“I asked you first.” I nearly pouted.
“I asked you second so I answer second.”
I laughed. “That is so juvenile.” I rolled my eyes.
“I know. I got it from Hina.”
I chuckled and shook my head. He was such a mix of components that I couldn’t help but be enthralled. “Well, my mother liked gemstones. She hated the name Ruby. She said there was no way she was going to name me Opal. So it came down to Diamond, Emerald, Sapphire and Jade.”
“Um…okay? But Topaz wasn’t on the list.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Nope. Somewhere between epidural and pushing me out she yelled Topaz so loud that the nurses thought she was yelling my name in the hopes that I would come out faster. And since I apparently popped out after that call, she said it was divine fate and therefore she named me Topaz.”
He looked confused. I had to admit, I still didn’t get it, but the way my mom told it usually came out more humorous. “My mom said she was counting gemstones in her head trying to ease the pain because apparently even with the shot she still felt a lot of the pain. Don’t ask me. My mother has some strange habits. Sadly, her strangeness is what got me the name Topaz.” I shrugged. For a long time, as a kid, I kind of hated it. The people who didn’t call me Top, called me Paz and then they always said it rhymed with Spaz. But after a little while I just got used to the name. I started to like it and then I thought it was beautiful. After all, nobody else in my school ever had my name. I wasn’t a Kelly, Amy, Heather, Nicole, Kathy or Tameka. I was Topaz and Topaz was unique.
“I like your name,” he said. I smiled.
“Good, me too. Now, it’s your turn to answer my question.”
He was about to start talking when the doorbell rang. “Saved by the bell,” he chuckled as he got up and left me alone in the studio with all the funky looking recording equipment.
“Smooth,” I mumbled. “Real smooth.” I positioned my sketch pad where I wanted it. I was just going to sit in the back of the recording area, but Arashi had pulled my chair up next to his. “You need to be up close and personal to feel this,” he had said. So I had to readjust my things so that I could sit comfortably, not be in his way and still sketch any ideas that came to mind.
An hour into the recording I realized two things, one, this chick could play some serious cello, and her music was really kind of good. Two, Arashi made a great subject for a sketch. I sketched him more than I came up with ideas for new designs. When he asked to see what I had I told him no. “I don’t share while I’m still piecing it together, but I’ll have something to show you tomorrow.” I hoped I would because at that moment all I wanted to do was keep sketching him. He could model for an art school with features like that, but he was older and more mature and probably not interested in serving as some art student’s model. Plus, I was supposed to be working. Work is what he was going to be paying me for after all—work on his logo design, not my own personal artistic pursuits.
Once her royal diva cellist left I was going to go home, but Arashi didn’t seem to want me to go just yet. There was something he wanted to discuss with me on the design. It was only five o’clock, but given the fact I had been taking up his time since a little before eight in the morning I thought maybe he would want me to go so he could do the work he needed to do.
“Can you stay a little longer?” He had looked at me before he left the sound booth to show Tanaka out.
“Yeah, sure. Jace and I were going to hang out tonight, but clearly that’s not going to happen.” I sighed feeling a hint of loss in my heart. We actually had plans for tonight as part of his birthday week of surprises. I figured since I no longer had plans that it wouldn’t matter if I worked until two in the morning seeing as though I didn’t have anything else I had to do. Arashi didn’t look happy with my words. I couldn’t really explain it, but I would swear he glared at me with anger and I wasn’t sure why, but as quickly as the look came to his face he was exiting the room and showing Tanaka to the door. It was in that moment that I realized I hadn’t gone to the bathroom in a while and I hadn’t eaten either. I wasn’t hungry, but I did need the restroom so I went, figuring I could be back before he came back inside. I was wrong.
If she mentioned that jerk one more time I was going to lose what calm I had. An entire day of good music and educating work and there she was still sulking about that fool. I got back inside while she wasn’t in the room and something drew me to her sketchbook. I knew if I saw one picture of Jace, one poem about him, that I was going to release all the anger her previous words about him had brought to me. I didn’t find pictures of Jace. I found drawings of me and some of the room, the cellist, all of the equipment. That was good because there wasn’t anything about Jace in sight, even though he was on her mind. That thought made me furious all over again.
When she came back into the room I heard her. I didn’t bother to close her sketch book and look at her. I didn’t bother to turn around and give her a chance to speak before I started talking. “This stops now.” Okay, I hadn’t had my heart broken in a long time. I guess I wasn’t even fully over it myself, but I refused to let her keep with this depressed state of being. I dropped the sketchbook on the chair and turned to face her.
“What stops now? I was just sketching my environment to keep the ideas in mind…”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. That’s not it at all. You, Jace, it stops. He doesn’t deserve your tears, your depression—he doesn’t deserve any of it.”
“It’s not that easy.” She defended herself.
“Do you think for one second that he’s at home moping about losing you? Do you?” My tone was harsh even though my voice was level. “No,” I said when she hadn’t answered. I didn’t really give her time to answer. “He’s not and he’s probably moved on because that’s what guys like him do—they move on. He walked away. If you were smart you would realize he did you a favor.” I realized the words out of my mouth once they were out there. I didn’t mean it how I knew she took it. The shocked look on her face, that expression of hurt in her eyes—I had put that there. I had to fix it, but I was so angry.
“I don’t mean you’re not smart, Topaz. But when it comes to this you’re not being smart. You’re not thinking. You’re giving him something he doesn’t even deserve. He broke your heart. Don’t give him the pieces. Take them and put them back together. He wants to walk away; let him go.”
“You don’t understand,” she nearly wailed. I could see the tears streaming from her eyes now. I crossed the room and she took a step back. I needed to hold her, to comfort her, but at the same time I needed to educate her. She needed to see how futile it was to keep weeping over Jace. I knew he wasn’t weeping over her.
“You don’t understand how much it hurts. How much I thought…I thought he was the one. I thought we were going to be together and when he asked me…when he put that ring on my finger I saw our future together and then he stole it back from me.” She cried. I reached out and pulled her into my arms. She didn’t fight me.
“I do understand, Topaz. I understand because I’ve been there before.”
“Yeah right. You’re the one to walk away, Arashi. You’re the one who walks away with his head still on straight.”
“It wasn’t always that way. I’ve had my heart broken before too, Topaz. I’ve had it broken and hardened and I don’t want to see the same thing happen to you. Let it go. Let him go.” I held her tighter, my heart was beating fast, pounding hard in my chest with anger, pain—pain for her and anger at the man who caused her to hurt like this.
She tightened her arms around me and held me tight. I held her back, trying to calm my rage because she needed to stop crying over the fool, but she couldn’t seem to do that. I figured I was just going to have to keep her busy enough to be ab
le to work through it instead of cry over it. I was afraid to let her go home. Maybe I didn’t think she would harm herself, but with the emotions rolling off her I wasn’t sure.
“Come on; we’ll go back to your place and work. We both need to eat and last I checked your refrigerator had eggplant while mine doesn’t.”
She chuckled on a sniffle. “Yeah, I was going to make dinner for Jace.”
I growled low and her voice stopped abruptly. “But you know we’ll just eat it. It’s my eggplant and we’ll eat it if we want to.”
I laughed hard. “Kind of like it’s your party huh?”
“Yeah…I’ll cook for you.”
“No. I’ll cook for you. I have something I want to wow you with.”
“Ooh, wow me. Okay. But what am I supposed to do while you cook?”
“Keep me company in the kitchen, discuss some design ideas, anything and everything.” I winked at her and she finally gave me a real smile. Yeah, this was going to take some work, but I was up for the challenge.
When we reached her place, Topaz said she was going to take a shower. I could see she was still near tears and I figured she wanted to go cry in the shower so I couldn’t see her and chastise her again over shedding more tears over that idiot. I didn’t have the strength at that moment to fight her on it so I nodded and set about my task in the kitchen.
I was deep in thought until I heard her belting out a tune from the shower. She had the voice of an angel. Hina had never told me the woman could sing. I confronted her about it when she got out the shower and came back into the kitchen dressed in white lounging pants and a soft pink top.
“No,” she had laughed and dismissed my words.
“You sing,” I reiterated.
“No. I just…no.”
I shook my head. “You’ve been holding out on me, woman. You have a beautiful voice.” I was starting to think I should ask her to do vocals for some of my music, but then I wasn’t going to cut anymore of my own music for myself. I was going to focus on the artist I would be working with producing and recording. They would have the choice to write their own, use some of my musical pieces or hire somebody to write for them, but my instrumental work wasn’t going into a CD of my own. Then again, with a voice like Topaz had we could make something great together. I kicked the idea around in my head and then kicked it out just the same. I wasn’t looking to take on a new project and Topaz wasn’t in the music industry. She was a graphic designer and artist. She needed to stay focused on that. Besides, the music industry could rip somebody as innocent as her apart and not even care about it. No, I wouldn’t have that for her.
I wondered why I cared so much. I wondered why I was taking it upon myself to try to help her and then I decided it was because we had shared the pain of betrayal.
“So where’s your head on the design?” I needed to stop thinking about personal business and focus on work.
“Oh I have so many ideas,” she said very animated in her response. “Oh, I hope you love them and we’ll definitely tweak them to fit whatever you want, but…okay it has to have edge yet still be professional. Ooh, if I were doing your website too I could definitely come up with more.”
“That’s right you do websites.” I knew this because she had done Hina’s, but I didn’t want to seem as if I knew everything about her. She nodded fervently. “I already put in the partial payment with these other people. They’re taking a while, but they came recommended so maybe it’s worth the wait.”
“Yeah, it’s not an overnight type thing, but it could be if they really focused on it. You know, not fully overnight, just faster than months of wait time. Anyway, enough about websites, let’s talk logos.”
I listened to her talk about what she had in mind for my new logo. More like I watched how excited she was about it. I loved her ideas. I was willing and ready to go with it, but for some reason I wanted to keep her working with me for as long as I could. “I like it, but can we keep coming up with ideas?”
“Of course. This is so much fun for me. I love this. Love it,” she giggled. I loved hearing that sound come from her. Maybe she was going to be okay sooner than I thought. Judging from the words of her song she was singing in the bathroom I thought maybe she was working through the Jace thing. I hadn’t heard the song anywhere so I figured it was her own makings.
God the woman was smart, talented and beautiful. Whoever ended up winning her heart was going to be a really lucky man—really lucky.
We had three weeks together before her mother returned home and another additional week before my sister returned home. I had only spent the first three weeks sleeping in the bed with her. I told myself I was still worried about her and didn’t want to leave her alone, but in a way I realized I enjoyed sleeping next to her, holding her, feeling her soft body pressed against mine. Topaz was fine, she was and I could tell that from the fact that I caught her with sullen looks less and less over those few weeks. But the day her mother came home was the day I had to start back sleeping in my own bed. My bed felt empty. I had a really hard time getting to sleep that night. I guess she did too because she called me with some new ideas for the logo. She said she had worked it up in a mockup and would love for me to come see the design when I had time.
I went to her place that very next morning. I loved the design. That was the problem. Loving the design meant our time together was over so instead of giving final approval I asked her to give me one more option.
“Sure,” she had said freely.
“I love it, but I just want to be sure.”
She had laughed and agreed once more. The day my sister came home was the day I was set to go back and approve the logo design. I had told Hina about what happened to Topaz. I told her I had hired her to do the logo to try to get her mind off things, but I didn’t tell her I had spent three weeks in her bed.
I was going to take Hina home first, but she wouldn’t let me. She just had to go over to Topaz’s house and see her. I told her not to bring up Jace, but apparently my sister didn’t have the fine art of understanding because she did just that when she wrapped her arms around Topaz and doted her with hugs, kisses, and a mix of angry words about Jace and comforting words about Topaz being able to heal.
Topaz had laughed. “Hina, I’m fine. Arashi put me to work and made sure I worked through things instead of moping. It still hurts, and I guess it will for a while, but I’m okay. I’m moving on.” She gave Hina one last hug and patted her on her on her back as she looked up into my eyes and mouthed the words “thank you.” She didn’t need to thank me, she already had done that, but she seemed to like saying it. Maybe I liked hearing it too. Maybe it was something about knowing I had helped her get through this that made me feel good inside.
Topaz showed me the designs. I approved the first one because that was the one I wanted even when she showed it to me the first time. I thought that was it. We wouldn’t spend time together again. I knew she would be over at our house because Hina had invited her for lunch, but I thought the relationship Topaz and I had been building would be gone now. I was wrong. Hina had invited me to step away from mixing music to have lunch. I never stepped away from mixing music just for lunch, not until I started connecting with Topaz. I dropped what I was doing and I joined the ladies for lunch.
One lunch was what I thought it would be, but one lunch turned to daily lunches and the next thing I knew I was finding myself at the table alone with Topaz more often than not. Sometimes Hina would receive a call and have to excuse herself to take it, leaving us to eat and talk without her for twenty minutes or more. Sometimes it was an emergency at the spa and she had to go so that left Topaz and I together for the entire afternoon because we both seemed to lose track of time. More like she lost track of time while I ignored it.
This was my sister’s friend and she deserved a lot better than me so I pushed all my thoughts of how amazing our moments together were back into the pile of friends only. I should have considered her just my sister’s f
riend, but I couldn’t. We had bonded. We had shared a lot and I couldn’t look at her as anything less than my friend too. I hoped my sister didn’t mind sharing because I wasn’t planning to let go of what Topaz and I had developed. I might not get to claim her heart, but I would occupy a space in it as her friend. That was enough for me—at least that’s what I told myself.
Chapter Four
Arashi had been right. it took a while, but I did manage to get completely beyond Jace. I was working, really busy actually, and Arashi had loved the logo I did for him so much he called me in to do more work. I also got the emergency call from Hina when Arashi’s site wasn’t working. His sister was angry, but she said he wouldn’t even think of calling me for help. That’s just crazy because while I don’t like reviewing somebody else’s code I can do it and see if there’s something I can fix here or there to make it work.
Love in Music Page 4