by Susan Meier
At the top of the stairs, she heard Max’s muffled voice followed quickly by her dad’s gruff guffaw of laughter. Since his stroke, her dad had smiled. He’d put on a brave face. But he hadn’t laughed. Max, the guy her dad had absolutely, positively hated since year two of their marriage when he’d started drinking heavily, had made him laugh.
She turned and glanced downstairs just in time to see her mom coming out of the living room, tray in hand.
“What’s up?”
Her mom quickly glanced up. “Nothing.”
“Daddy laughed.”
“Oh, that ridiculous Max told him a dirty joke.”
She smiled. “Really?”
“A silly one at that.”
“Okay, I’ll gather our stuff quickly so we can get out of your hair.”
Her mom waved a hand. “Don’t hurry. Let’s give your dad a few minutes of guy time for a change. He is surrounded by women, you know.”
With only Kate and her mom in her dad’s life, he had always been a little desperate for male companionship. Even his only grandchild was a girl. “Yeah. He is.”
“So as long as Max is up for entertaining, let’s let him.”
Kate walked back down the hall to the room she and Trisha were sharing and found her daughter already dressed in her swimming suit. “You could have just packed your backpack. Your dad has a pool house.”
Her eyes grew large with excitement. “Really?”
“Yeah.” And it suddenly dawned on Kate that “Charming Max” might be back again. Only stealthier than he had been a few years ago. He’d show Trisha his gorgeous house, his beautiful pool, all the electronic games he had—not to mention the pool table and foosball table—and Trisha wouldn’t ever want to go home.
Maybe they shouldn’t go swimming?
And have him stay here and charm her dad some more? Her dad might hate Max but he was vulnerable. Given enough time could Max charm him onto his side? Maybe persuade him into talking Kate into moving home from Tennessee?
Max could charm anyone into anything.
She glanced uneasily at the drawer containing her bathing suit. She was sort of damned if she did and damned if she didn’t. Still, Trisha was already in her suit. Plus, she was different now. Her dad might be vulnerable to Max’s charisma, but she wasn’t the starry-eyed co-ed Max had wooed.
She faced Trisha with a smile. “Let me rub on some sunblock before we go.”
Nodding happily, Trisha skipped over. A few minutes later, slathered with the sunblock Kate found in the medicine cabinet, Trisha left the room. Kate packed her suit in a little beach bag, along with the sunblock, and made her way down the stairs, determined to handle Max.
When she reached the bottom of the steps, she peeked into the living room and saw that Max was holding Trisha, who had her arm around his neck. Yeah, he was definitely winning points with his daughter. But she was the adult. In control. They would be fine.
In the driveway, he motioned for everybody to get into his Range Rover but she declined.
“I’ll drive us. Trisha still uses a car seat. Plus, if I drive us you won’t have to come back with us when we’re done swimming.”
He set Trisha down in front of her car. “Okay.” Then he walked back to his Range Rover, climbed in and drove off.
Her eyes narrowed. That was at least the second time he should have argued or cajoled, but hadn’t. But this time she realized that might be part of his plan. Be so nice and accommodating that she’d let her guard down. She snorted a laugh. He was going to be one disappointed guy. She couldn’t even smell him without getting weak-kneed. She most certainly could not let her guard down.
She hustled Trisha and her backpack into the back seat and buckled her in. Then she tossed her own beach bag into the passenger seat and they shoved off.
When they reached his house, Max was already by the pool, wearing blue trunks that somehow made his blue eyes appear bluer. Dark hair unapologetically covered his muscled chest. His abs were tight, the muscles defined. His arms, too, were bigger, muscled, as if he now regularly went to the gym. He wasn’t the lean boy he’d been while they were married. He was buff. Add that to his good looks, and her mouth watered.
Oh, man. This was so not a good idea.
When Trisha approached, he scooped her off her feet and hugged her, as naturally as any father would. All thoughts of his good looks were forgotten as her heart swelled. Trisha had never missed having a dad, but she was at the stage where having a dad would be important. Plus, she needed a male role model and her granddad lived so far from Tennessee that he wasn’t an influence. If Max really would visit, Trisha would benefit so much from having him in her life.
As long as he didn’t start drinking again.
That was the kicker.
That was the thing that mitigated his good looks. She couldn’t be drooling over the guy when she had to be alert, watching for signs that Max was in trouble, protecting her daughter.
She ambled over to them. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He glanced at her shorts and T-shirt. “You’re not ready.”
“I can be ready in two minutes.”
“Ah, Mom! We have to wait?”
She almost said, “You can wait two minutes,” because she was so accustomed to parenting alone. But Max was Trisha’s other parent. He would be in her life. Kate needed to let that begin happening.
“No. You and your dad can go in.” She pointed toward the pool house. “I’ll just go change and be out in a minute.”
Max turned Trisha in his arms so she faced him. “Can you swim?”
She nodded, but Kate proudly said, “She’s on the junior swim team at her school.”
Max grinned. “Really?”
Trisha nodded eagerly.
And Max tossed her into the pool. Kate’s heart all but exploded from shock. But Trisha sputtered to the surface like a pro, as Max jumped in beside her.
Her heart spun to life again, and she headed toward the pool house, but Max’s laughter stopped her. They’d had this pool when they’d lived here and the only time he’d ever gone anywhere near it was when they hosted a pool party. Today he was splashing around with their daughter, enjoying himself. His wet black hair glistened in the sunlight. His blue eyes glittered with happiness. And there wasn’t a bottle of vodka around. No one to impress. Hell, he wasn’t even trying to impress her.
Truth be told, he sort of ignored her.
Telling herself that was for the best, she ducked into the pool house, changed into her old red one-piece suit and made her way to the pool. At the stairs, she dipped a toe into the water.
“Ah, come on. That’s no way to get into a pool.”
She glanced up and saw Max watching her. His gaze took a quick stroll down her body and back up again, but that was enough to kick-start her hormones. Heat pooled low in her belly. Her chest tingled. Pride almost made her smile, as one thought rolled through her brain. He wasn’t as indifferent to her as she’d thought.
But that wasn’t good. She didn’t want to be attracted to him and she didn’t want him attracted to her.
So why was her heart tripping over itself in her chest?
Chemistry.
She reminded herself that their attraction was purely biological and remembered enough of their past to snuff it out.
Then he stood. Water cascaded down his chest, making rivulets in the thick forest of black hair, tumbling to swimming trunks that clung to his lean hips.
This time her mouth went dry.
Oh, yeah, they definitely had chemistry and that definitely clouded her judgment. But she could handle this. She had to handle this.
“Yeah, Mummy, dive!”
“It’s not deep enough to dive.”
Trisha pointed to the diving board. “On this end it is.”
Kate sighed. “Trisha, there’s a reason I got you swimming lessons as a baby. Your mom isn’t much of a swimmer.”
Max glanced over. “As I recall you were perfectly fin
e as a swimmer.”
She had been. Living here those five years, spending long afternoons in this same pool, she’d gotten very good. Not good enough or brave enough to dive, but good enough that she wouldn’t drown.
“Bet if I threw you in, it would all come back to you.”
She took a step back. “Don’t even think about it.”
Max began walking to her side of the pool. “You have until the count of ten. Then I pick you up and toss you in like I did Trisha.” He took a step. “One.” Another step. “Two.” A third step. “Three.”
Her heart began to thud. Not because of her fear of being tossed into the water. Visions of him sliding his arm beneath her knees, holding her against his furry chest flooded her. That was no way for them to avoid their chemistry.
“All right!”
She scurried down the ladder. Not giving him the chance to touch her, she slid into the water. Using her elementary, I-taught-myself-how-to-swim stroke, she glided over to Trisha.
“Happy now?”
Trisha threw her arms around her neck and kissed her cheek with a loud smack. Kate laughed.
Swimming away, Trisha said, “Let’s play catch.”
Max grabbed a beach ball and tossed it at her. She caught it and tossed it to her mom. Instead of catching it, though, Kate swatted it to him. He missed it.
Realizing she was changing games from catch to volleyball, he said, “I wasn’t ready.”
“Well, it’s not like you go to jail or anything,” Kate said, laughing, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. “You just have to get the ball.”
He did. Not only was he the one who’d missed it, but also his heart had slammed into his ribs when she’d laughed and he needed a minute. He’d done a reasonably credible job of holding back his attraction to her, but seeing her in the old red swimsuit had brought back an avalanche of memories. Not all of them were good. But those that were took his mind and some of his other body parts to happier times.
She’d been a wonderful wife, an eager partner in bed. And even though he kept reminding himself that he’d blown that, her sweet personality called to him. If there was ever a woman who’d give somebody a second chance, it was Kate.
But if there was ever a person who didn’t deserve a second chance, it was him.
It would be wrong to take advantage of her sweetness. Especially since she clearly didn’t feel anything for him. Except maybe suspicion.
Which he deserved.
He hoisted himself out of the pool, scooped up the beach ball and threw it at Trisha. Obviously knowing the game, she tossed it in the air and swatted it to her mom. Kate swiveled and batted it in his direction. He stretched to meet it and hit it to Trisha.
The game went on with only a few misses. The person who’d failed to hit the ball had to get out of the pool to retrieve it. But after ten minutes, Trisha got bored. Without a word of explanation, she ducked under the water and swam away.
Max stood staring at the spot where she had been. Kate waded over. “She’s about to turn seven. Her attention span leaves a lot to be desired.”
“So I see.”
They stood in the four-foot water, watching as she climbed the ladder and then scooted to the diving board.
“Look at me!”
As she scrambled along the board, Kate said, “Get used to those words. They are her favorites.”
He faced her. “Look at me?”
“Yes.” Her eyes on Trisha, Kate’s face glowed with love. Her eyes shone like two emeralds. Her full lips bowed upward. “She’s definitely the star of her own life. Sort of a real-life reality show.”
Max’s heart slowed to a crawl. The world around him seemed to move to slow motion. This was a moment a man never forgot. Seeing the look of love on the face of the mother of his child. He’d missed Trisha’s birth. He’d missed that first look that passed between mother and daughter. But he saw that love now. And it humbled him.
He’d forced her to parent alone. He’d forced her to go through a pregnancy alone. He’d forced her out of his life.
The words “I’m sorry” caught in his throat. He’d already told her he was sorry. Saying it again might cheapen it. But in that second he was sorrier than even he knew he could feel, if only because being with Trisha and Kate was making him finally begin to see the scope of what he’d lost.
Suddenly the water around him exploded as Trisha landed from her dive. She sputtered up beside him. “You didn’t watch!”
Embarrassment stole through him. Kate might not have seen him staring at her, but Trisha had. “Sorry.”
Kate waved her hand, motioning Trisha back to the board. “Go again. This time Daddy will watch.”
Daddy.
The word tightened his chest, filled his heart with something unbearably brilliant. He was in his pool with the woman he’d always adored and his daughter. His daughter.
He didn’t deserve this.
Kate nudged his arm. “Watch this time,” she said with a laugh. “Or we’ll be here all day.”
“I could stay here all day.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “My God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I missed her birth. I’m sorry I didn’t help you through the pregnancy. I’m so sorry.”
She licked her lips and turned away. “You’ll be even sorrier if you miss her second dive.”
Her voice was sort of light, as if she’d tried to make the moment funny and failed. Pain twisted through him. She didn’t want any more apologies. He didn’t blame her. But even knowing he deserved her indifference didn’t stop it from hurting.
The water around him splashed again and he squeezed his eyes shut. He’d missed Trisha’s dive again.
She surged out of the water. “Did you see?”
He winced. It would have been so easy to lie, but that was a slippery slope, a slope he vowed he’d never go down again. “I saw you land.”
“Dad!”
Once again, Kate motioned her out of the water. “You love to dive. It’s not as if it’s a hardship for you to go one more time.”
Trisha giggled, swam to the edge of the pool and climbed onto the board. “Stop looking at Mom and watch this time.”
Like a kid caught with his hand in a cookie jar, he actually felt his face redden. “I’m watching! Don’t lollygag on the board this time.”
She laughed, ran down the board and flew into the air, landing a few feet in front of him.
As she paddled to the surface, Kate leaned toward him. “Applause is always welcome.”
He burst out laughing. As Trisha pushed out of the water, he clapped. So did Kate.
“You saw!”
“It was great!” It was great. Perfect.
“I’ll go again.”
As she swam to the edge, Kate quickly faced him. “It was you who told me not to think of the past. So I’m going to remind you of what you said. Don’t think of the past. Not when she’s with you. She’s too young to know about our troubles. When she gets older we’ll tell her I left because we couldn’t get along, because that’s true. We couldn’t get along. And maybe someday when she’s old enough to really understand you can tell her the rest. But for right now, this is her time to have a daddy. Don’t spoil it.”
He licked his suddenly dry lips. “Okay.” He sucked in a breath. “I get it. I also realize you’re giving me a great gift. A gift I don’t deserve. And I’m trying to accept it. But something inside me feels like we’re missing something.” He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck. “Or maybe doing something wrong.”
“It’s not wrong to keep that secret from Trisha. And I’m not suggesting we keep it forever. Just until she’s old enough to understand.”
That wasn’t what Max had been referring to. In a backhanded way, he was trying to talk about her indifference to him, hoping, for what he wasn’t sure. But it didn’t matter. Kate turned and swam away, ending the conversation. She hoisted herself up the ladder and walked over to the chaise where she’d draped her towel.
Trisha raced across the diving board and tossed herself into the water, which splashed Max.
He was gaining a daughter, a beautiful gift. So why did he suddenly feel compelled to force Kate to talk about them?
Because being around Kate brought the reality of losing her to startling life.
All these years he must have believed that if she ever came back into his life, he’d get a second chance, because in the nearly eight years she was gone he’d never had another serious relationship. But after her reaction, he now knew with absolute certainty that there would be no second chance for him.
CHAPTER SIX
TRISHA WAS PLAYING in the front yard when Max arrived the next day. He stepped out of his Mercedes, ambled over.
She sat on a rich patch of grass beside an oak tree, combing the hair of her new Rachel doll. Sunlight streamed through the leafy branches above her. Birds chirped, but otherwise the street was silent. Various-sized dolls sat in a circle around her, as if they were having a coffee klatch.
“What are you doing?”
She looked up. “Hey, Dad.”
His heart only stuttered a bit this time. He was growing accustomed to hearing her sweet voice call him Dad. In a way it saddened him. He didn’t want anything about being a parent to be common, ordinary. But it also pleased him. She was so comfortable with him, so accepting, that it made his acceptance of the loss of Kate’s love just a little easier to bear.
“Where’s your mom?”
“Inside with Gram and Grandpa.”
He stooped down beside her. “Is everything okay?”
She shrugged. “I don’t think Grandpa likes oatmeal.”
He laughed. “Most men don’t.”
She said nothing.
“Are you okay?”
She shrugged again. “I don’t like sad Grandpa.”
“Why don’t I go in and check things out?”
She nodded eagerly. So eagerly, he assumed it was the right thing to do. But when he got to the door, he hesitated. What did he think he was? Their savior? He snorted a laugh. He wasn’t anybody’s savior. But he was a man, and he had made Dennis laugh the day before. Maybe Dennis could relate to him?