by Susan Meier
He shook his head and walked away. But like a frisky puppy, the notion followed him outside, and he wondered what would happen if they did stop thinking about their past and focused on the future. If they didn’t have a past, would she be so dead set against being attracted to him?
When he walked up behind her and she swung around as if he’d scared her to death, he smiled repentantly. “Sorry.” Past 1. Future 0.
“It’s okay,” she said, but her eyes darkened and her gaze dipped to his chest before racing back up again.
Mini fireworks exploded inside him. She might think being attracted was wrong, but she was still attracted. Maybe hope wasn’t a zero after all? He squelched that thought. Damn Mrs. Gentry for filling his head with nonsense. He’d seen Kate’s reaction to him touching her. She’d gotten angry—
Actually, she’d gotten angry after her eyes had drifted shut with something that looked very much like longing.
Oh, damn. He had to stop this! Kate wanted nothing to do with him. He couldn’t let Mrs. Gentry’s optimism fill him with hope for something that couldn’t be. Especially not on an afternoon that promised to be trying at best, with Kate’s dad relegated to a chair on the patio and her mom flying around pretending she wasn’t nervous having her husband out of the house. Add to that the prospect of a patio filled with eight screaming seven-year-olds, and he had to get his brain in the game.
The first child arrived. Wearing a bathing suit with a cartoon character on the front and carrying a huge gift, Bethany Martin scrambled over to Trisha. “Happy birthday.” She handed her the box.
Trisha put it on the outdoor table they’d decorated to hold presents. She turned around just in time to find Samantha Rivers standing behind her. Sam’s gift was smaller. Grinning toothlessly, she handed it to Trisha.
Trisha shook it. “Is this clothes for Rachel?”
Sam just continued to grin. But Kate scurried over. “It’s not polite to shake your gifts or ask what they are.” She turned both Sam and Trisha in the direction of the fruit tray Mrs. G. had brought out. “Have some fruit while we wait for the other kids.”
Even as the words came out of her mouth, Ginny Johnson scooted across the blue tile patio. “Hey, Trisha!” She handed Trisha a brightly wrapped box.
Following behind, Ginny’s mom, Heather, removed her sunglasses. “Hey, Kate, Bev, Dennis…” She let her gaze wander over to Max. “Max. Thanks for inviting Ginny.”
Max expected Kate to say something. When she didn’t—only studied Heather with narrowed eyes—he quickly said, “It’s our pleasure.”
Kate just continued to stare at Heather as she walked over to Max. Wearing white short-shorts and an airy top, Ginny’s mom displayed a deep, rich tan. Gold bangle bracelets jingled as she walked. She chewed the tip of the stem of her white sunglasses. “Thanks.” Her voice was soft and breathy, as her gaze unabashedly roamed all over Max.
Before he had a chance to register how uncomfortable that made him, Kate slipped beside Heather and slid her arm beneath hers, turning her around. “Thanks for bringing Ginny.” She began walking her to the door in the fence that would take Heather to the front yard and eventually the driveway. “I’m sure she’ll have a great time. Party’s over at four.” She opened the gate and all but shoved Heather out. “We’ll see you then.”
With that she closed the door and faced the pool. Though the kids were now screeching happily at the prospect of an afternoon of swimming and Bev and Dennis were occupied, Mrs. G. and Max stared at her. She was jealous!
Her face red, she walked over to the pool, scooping up kids’ cover-ups where they’d dropped them in anticipation of jumping into the water.
He walked over to her. “You okay?”
She looked up with a smile. “Fine. Why?”
“You all but booted Heather Johnson out of the pool area and now you’re behaving as if nothing happened.”
“I didn’t boot her.” She scooped up a few more cover-ups. “I just don’t want to encourage parents to stay and crowd the place.”
She wouldn’t look at him while she spoke. A sure indicator with Kate that she didn’t want to talk about whatever he’d brought up.
Three more kids arrived. She happily directed them to the gift table and their parents out the door, as if that had been her intended plan. But Max stared at her with narrowed eyes.
She’d been jealous. She might think she’d covered it, but he was not fooled. If she was jealous that meant she was still attracted—maybe even that she cared for him.
Delicious, heart-stopping hope flooded him as the clap of her hands brought everybody’s attention to her.
“Okay. Everybody’s here so you guys can start swimming.” She pointed at Max. “Trisha’s dad is lifeguard. So everybody promise me right now that you’ll listen to him.”
Eight little heads bobbed in agreement. The sun seemed to make the colors of their suits even brighter. The blue sky swirled peacefully overhead. A breeze rustled through the azalea bushes along the fenceline.
Kate sucked in a breath and said, “Great.” Then she turned and headed to the house. Head high, overbright smile on her face, she marched away, opened the French door and slipped inside.
Max couldn’t help it. He laughed. The oddest guffaw erupted from him. She liked him and she couldn’t hide it.
The girls swam for twenty minutes. Most proved themselves to be excellent swimmers. Max took a seat on the edge of an available chaise lounge, letting his whistle dangle between his knees. The girls screamed and screeched as they landed in the water, or hoisted themselves out of the pool or scrambled to the diving board.
Peace settled over him. He was happy watching Trisha and her friends. It felt right, good, to be a dad. Not just a dad but an active dad. He couldn’t have done this eight years ago. But he was doing it now. Happily. Easily.
With the hope caused by Kate’s jealousy still in his blood, he couldn’t help wondering if this was what would it be like if he and Kate got back together—
He stopped his thoughts. It was one thing to realize what he’d lost. To wish things were different. But face-to-face with the knowledge that Kate still had feelings for him, the idea of reconciling wasn’t abstract anymore. He could woo her. He could get her back.
His heart froze in his chest. His breathing became jerky. It was the worst idea he’d had in years. He was different, but she was different too. Very different. Good Lord, he couldn’t count the times she’d stood up to him. Stood her ground. Hell, she’d left Pine Ward and had a job. With nothing but her wits, she’d left him and made a home for herself and their daughter. She was a project manager for a development company similar to Montgomery Development. She could probably give him tips.
If they wanted to get back together, it would have to be on new terms.
As two different people.
Starting over.
He ran his hand across his jaw. Starting over? With a wife and a kid? Right now his life ran smoothly. Marriage would be a complication. Living with Trisha would add stress. And stress had once driven him so far into the bottle he worried he wouldn’t get out. Worse, he wasn’t even sure he liked the new Kate. He wasn’t sure everything he felt for her wasn’t just leftover feelings from the happy part of their marriage.
Dennis ambled over. “You okay, boy?”
The expression on his face must have been a sight for Dennis to have noticed. Still, there was no way he’d tell his former father-in-law why. “Hey, you’ve been sprung from the chair!”
Dennis laughed and settled on the chaise beside Max. “I’m swapping one chair for another.”
Bev dropped a pillow behind his head. “It’s good for him to get some sun.”
Max glanced at Dennis who shrugged as if to say there was nothing he could do about his overly protective wife. Max smiled weakly at Bev. Not knowing what else to say, he said, “Sun is good.”
With a long breath, Bev took the chaise beside Dennis’s. Max looked out over the pool, making su
re everyone was okay. With eight heads bobbing in the water as they played a game of slap the ball back and forth, he glanced at Dennis again.
Dennis’s eyes narrowed, then he smiled. “You know, with me and Bev here poolside, if you wanted to start setting up the grill for those hot dogs, we could watch the girls.”
Bev gasped. “You can’t be lifeguard!”
Easy as pie, Dennis said, “I can’t. But you can.”
“I…I…”
Knowing Dennis was ditching his wife and not wanting to be in the middle of this, Max said nothing.
Dennis waved his hand. “My wife is Red Cross certified. Redoes her certification every year. She could be a lifeguard for lifeguards.” He shooed Max away. “We’re fine.”
Max cast a wary glance at Bev, who looked at Dennis.
He motioned to his chair. “For Pete’s sake. I’m not going anywhere.” He glanced at Bev. “And you could use a minute doing something you love.”
She wiggled on the chair as if eager to watch the girls. “I could.”
Max rose. “Great. Then I’ll start the grill.”
Bev stood up, surveyed the pool area. “Okay.”
Max handed his whistle to her. As he walked away, he saw Dennis ease down to get more comfortable on his chaise. His eyes happily followed his wife, and Max shook his head. They loved each other and knew each other well enough that Dennis had finally figured out how to eke out a little peace and privacy without hurting his wife.
They might be a tad crazy, but who wasn’t? And in the end, they were cute in the way they were good to each other. He and Kate had had a totally different kind of marriage. They were either totally nuts about each other, falling all over themselves to please each other—or they were fighting.
Something else to remember the next time he thought about wooing her.
He stepped into the family room and headed into the kitchen. “Where are the hot dogs?”
Kate glanced up with a gasp. “Who’s watching the kids?”
“Your mom.”
Her eyes widened. “Who’s watching Dad?”
He smiled wickedly. “No one. I think that was his plan.”
Kate’s face fell. “Oh, that’s not good.”
“They’re fine.” He peeked over at her. She looked adorable in her lacy cover-up over a green bikini, with her pretty hair in a ponytail. Instinctively, his attraction sprang up, stealing his breath. In spite of all the good rational thoughts he’d had about why they shouldn’t even consider reconciling, the urge was strong to tease her about being jealous, to step close, to tempt her into admitting she wanted him.
But when he thought about what a bad husband he’d been, about how he didn’t really know “this” Kate, about how shaky his own control was, he stopped himself. He didn’t want to hurt her again, no more than he wanted to get hurt again himself.
Maybe she’d been right to pretend she hadn’t been jealous, that she didn’t feel anything, that she didn’t want to feel anything.
He glanced around. “So where are the hot dogs and hamburgers?”
She scrambled to the other side of the room, as far away from him as she could get, once again confirming that she wanted nothing to do with him. Unfortunately, she stopped right beside the spice cabinet. The cabinet he needed to rifle through to find the hamburger seasoning.
“Probably in the fridge.” She turned and quickly said, “Don’t you have to let the grill heat before you can cook them?”
Trying to be non-threatening, he walked over. “It’s gas.”
* * *
Kate’s heart kicked against her ribs. He could have told her that from across the room, but she knew why he was following her. She’d been jealous and he’d seen. And now he would try something stupid, like making a pass that she’d have to rebuff.
He reached around her and opened a cupboard door. His arm brushed her shoulder and through the thin material of her cover-up, she swore she could feel his skin. But when he grabbed the seasoning for the hamburger, her heart slowed. He’d actually had a good reason to come over. Then his arm floated across her line of vision. And so did the corner of his chest.
He was close enough to touch.
Her heart kicked up again. The attraction she’d always felt to him slammed through her like a tsunami. Damn him! How could she be attracted to him when the end of their marriage had been so miserable? She knew, the whole way to her soul, that she did not want to get involved with him again. So why did she find him damned near irresistible?
Who knew? The point was she did find him damned near irresistible. It might be confusing, but she was strong. She could handle anything he did. Now that they were close and she was breathing shallowly, he’d undoubtedly take advantage.
She mentally prepared herself to rebuff him as, spice in hand, he faced her. But instead of stepping close or even catching her gaze, he pulled away from her.
Strolling to the refrigerator, he said, “The girls are having a great time. You should go outside and watch them. It’s fun.”
She frowned. He was giving her an out? Where was the teasing, the tempting, the flirting? “You want me to leave?”
“I want us to keep this party moving.”
Still confused, she watched with narrowed eyes as he puttered around the kitchen. “Which means I have to stay inside. I still have some prep work to do.”
He walked back to the refrigerator. “Okay.”
It wasn’t the okay, but the way he said it that sent chills down her spine. It was so neutral, so indifferent that it didn’t remind her of something he’d done in the past. No. The old Max was a charmer, a sweet-talker. This guy was so casual that she was beginning to feel foolish for being so sure he’d take advantage of her.
And that scared her. Made her breath shiver and her muscles tense. It was like being attracted to a different guy, so the old rules, the old problems, the old issues from their marriage didn’t count.
And that scared her even more.
The hand she held hovering over a bag of potato chips drooped. The issues from their marriage didn’t count? What the hell was happening here?
She spun to face him. “You know what? The prep can wait. I think I will go see the girls.”
Not waiting for a reply, she raced outside. Oppressive heat hit her immediately, making her feel even more lightheaded than she was. How could she ever, even for one minute think the old issues of their marriage didn’t count? She combed her fingers through her hair. Was she crazy?
She had to be. Only a fool would be attracted to a guy who had hurt her so much.
She had to remember their marriage. Remember the nights she’d spent alone. Remember the broken promises. Remember her parents’ broken vase. Remember his anger. His lack of control. His lies.
By the time he brought the hot dogs to the grill, she was fortified enough that she could scoop up the bags of buns and take them to the table beside him. As he stood watching the hot dogs and hamburgers, she maneuvered around him without even once worrying that her attraction would rear up. Her very vivid memories would not let it.
When the party was over, they gathered the containers of leftover food and he helped her load them into her car. She appreciated that, but absolutely wouldn’t let her guard down. Then he buckled Trisha into her car seat and brushed a quick kiss across her forehead. Something he hadn’t done before.
Her chest involuntarily tightened at the sweetness of it, and then melted when Trisha looked up at him with a loving smile.
Her baby loved her daddy.
Tears pooled behind her eyelids. Max rounded the hood, stood beside her and leaned in to whisper, “Did you see that?”
Her first reaction was to say something smart, a clever rebuff that would get him away from her. Then the scent of him wafted to her and her eyes felt like drifting closed. Sweet longing swept through her. Not for what they could have had, but for something else. Something foreign. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Something that ha
d to be wrong.
So she fought the feeling, took a step back, opened her car door.
“I’ll see you…” she paused. They hadn’t actually set up a time for him to visit so she didn’t know what to say.
Wrapping his hands around the top of her car door, he casually said, “Tomorrow.”
She looked up, caught his gaze. His blue eyes shone with happiness. He loved his daughter. And she suddenly recognized the feeling in her gut. The entire time they were married, she’d longed to see that expression on his face. When they’d first gotten married, she’d known he would make a wonderful dad.
Now he did.
But it was too late.
Not too late for Trisha, but too late for her to enjoy the feeling of a wife exploding with sweet emotion for a husband who loved their child.
She pulled back to get into the car, but he caught her hand.
“Thank you for this.”
She forced her eyes to meet his. “For the party?”
“For letting me be a part of everything.”
“I do it for Trisha.”
“Well, since I benefit too, I want to thank you.”
She stared into his eyes. It would be so easy to pretend they didn’t have a past, so easy to pretend that they equally loved their child, so easy to enjoy this moment.
But they did have a past. She’d been burned a million times by this guy. She shouldn’t have trouble remembering that.
She pulled her hand away from his. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”
He stepped back, let her close the door. Once again, she was struck by the fact that he never argued with her, never tried to persuade her to do things she didn’t want to do.
Sliding behind the steering wheel, she shook her head. What difference did it make? They were over. Finished. They had a past too awful to forget.
Or forgive.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“IT WAS THE BEST time ever.”
Pouring cold cereal into a bowl for Trisha, Kate laughed at her daughter’s description of her birthday party. “It looked very much like the best time ever.”