by Susan Meier
So when she kissed him, he kissed her back, packing every ounce of pent-up longing into the movement of his lips across hers, reminding her they were good together and that she shouldn’t be afraid. When they finally separated, they were both breathing heavily.
“We’re going to have to do something about this, you know.”
She walked her fingers up the front of his T-shirt. “Well, I was thinking maybe I could come over tonight.” She caught his gaze. “By myself.”
Everything inside him stilled. “Really?”
“I think we’re ready for some adult time together.”
Relief tumbled through him. “Yes, we definitely need some adult time.”
“So I’ll come over after Trisha is asleep.”
“What are you going to say to your parents?”
She frowned. “I don’t know.” Then she laughed. “Wow, this is worse than trying to sneak out with you when I was nineteen.”
He chuckled, caught her hand and kissed her fingers. She didn’t need his help with her parents. She’d be fine. He stepped away reluctantly, letting go of her hand by fractions of an inch. “I’ll see you in about an hour, then.”
She smiled and headed for the stairway. “I’ll see you in about an hour.”
He said, “Okay.” But he didn’t leave. He watched her walk up the steps, then turned to the front door. Walking by the living room he noticed the pocket doors were open. Glancing up from the baseball game he was watching, Dennis saw him.
Rather than pretend he hadn’t noticed, Max ducked inside. “Who’s winning?”
“Pirates.”
“Well, that’s a welcome change.”
Dennis laughed and Max pointed at the door. “I guess I’ll go.”
Dennis said, “Okay.” Then he shook his head. “No. Stay a second.”
Dennis had never been a fan of Max’s. But lately they’d been getting along fairly well. So the request that he stay didn’t surprise him.
Dennis pointed at the chair beside his. “Have a seat.”
Max sat.
“I’d offer you a beer but right now neither one of us is allowed to have one.”
Max couldn’t help it; he laughed.
“Hum. You think that’s funny?”
He shook his head. “I thought it was funny the way you said it. I don’t think my drinking was funny.”
“And you’re really sober now?”
“As a judge.”
Dennis laughed. “Oh, don’t say that in this county. We’re not exactly known for our reputable judges.”
“Okay, then let’s just say I’m sober.”
“Forever?”
“I can’t promise forever.”
“No, you can’t,” Dennis said, looking Max in the eye. “And maybe that’s something you’d better remember before you go making promises to Kate again that you can’t keep.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
KATE DRESSED CAREFULLY for her evening with Max, for once not nervous or afraid. She had such strong feelings for him that she was tired of fighting them. She knew he was tired of fighting them too. But she’d also thought of another reason they should sleep together. If they held back on having sex until they were sure, then want of sex could easily lead them into a bad decision, push them into saying and doing things before the time was right.
So she slid into pretty blue panties and a matching lace bra. Then shimmied into a pale blue sundress. With straps that were nothing more than string and a short skirt, the dress certainly showed off the nice tan she’d gotten swimming with Max and Trisha.
She walked down the stairs, then called back to the kitchen, “Hey, Mom! Trisha’s asleep. I’m going to the mall.”
“The mall!” Her mom called back. “It’s almost nine.”
“I know. I just need a few odds and ends.” She winced. Luckily, she actually was going to the mall before she went to Max’s or she’d hate herself for the lie. But since she was popping into the mall, there was no lie. Conveniently leaving off the time she’d return, she grabbed the doorknob and let herself outside.
This late on a summer night, the mall wasn’t busy. She grabbed the few supplies she needed, rushed out and headed for Max’s house. Getting out of her car, she realized her cheeks were flushed and her hands were clammy. She hadn’t slept with anyone since she’d left Max eight years ago and she didn’t want to disappoint him.
At his front door, she sucked in a breath and then rang the bell.
It took a few seconds before he answered. He’d obviously showered. The jeans and a polo shirt he wore were clean. His eyes took a quick trip down her dress to her legs, and darkened.
He said, “You look great.” Then he yanked her into his arms and kissed her.
When he finally pulled away, she breathlessly said, “Oh, this old thing.”
He laughed, then swept her to him again. This time when he kissed her, she just relaxed. She knew everything she needed to know about Max. She loved him. She trusted him. They were on the verge of forever.
She knew it in her heart and her soul.
But he pulled away again, his eyes dark and stormy. “I’m not sure this is the right thing to do.”
Nerves sat on her skin like freckles. The fact that he was having second thoughts didn’t scare her. Even deciding to consider getting back together was a huge step. But she was sure. More sure than anything she’d ever thought in her entire life. She’d left him because he drank. Because he lied. Because he connived. He did none of those things now.
She smiled into his eyes. “What? You’d rather play cards?”
He laughed and she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. As if she’d tripped a switch, he returned her kiss, mating their tongues, letting his hands glide down her bare back, along her arms.
But he suddenly released her again. This time he stepped away. “No.” He shook his head as if tormented by demons from hell. “No. This isn’t right.”
Her heart beat out a frantic rhythm. “Of course it’s right.”
He took another step back. “Kate.” He drew in a breath, shook his head again. “I changed my mind.”
Her galloping heart slammed to a halt. “About me being here tonight or about—” She swallowed. “Us?”
“Both.”
Disappointment and confusion turned her limbs to jelly. “Why?”
He spun to face her. “Why? For Pete’s sake. I’m an alcoholic. You were saddled with me once. Do you really want to be saddled with me again?”
“I wouldn’t consider it ‘being saddled’ when the guy in question works as hard as you do. I wouldn’t consider it ‘being saddled’ when that same guy confides in me, values my opinion and respects me.”
“And what if I start drinking again?”
“You won’t.”
“Really? You know that?”
She licked her lips, suddenly understanding what he needed to hear from her. “Actually, I do know that.”
But instead of smiling, his face contorted with anger. “You can’t know that! Hell, even I don’t know that!”
“I trust you!”
He put his head back and squeezed his eyes shut. “How can you trust me when I’m not supposed to trust myself? Every day is a battle. And the day I let my guard down is the day I could drink again.” He shook his head. “You’re looking for something that you’re not going to get from me and today I realized I have to be honest with you and tell you that.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. That didn’t make any sense. If they didn’t count the meeting with Chance, they’d had a wonderful day. “What are you talking about?”
“Forever. You want forever. I can’t promise you forever.” He walked to the refrigerator, pulled out the lemonade, poured himself a glass. “Your dad reminded me of that today.”
“My dad?”
“Yes. Come on, Kate. He’s not blind or deaf. We were kissing and talking right outside his door. Only an idiot wouldn’t have drawn some conclusions, and today he remind
ed me that I can’t promise you forever. Because I can’t promise myself forever.”
Her heart froze. Her brain felt as if it had melted. She couldn’t make sense of any of it. Because none of it made sense. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“I mean that this is wrong. Us.” He leaned against the kitchen island. “Go home. Go back to Tennessee. I will see Trisha a few times a year. You can be with us when she visits or my mom will be with us or I’ll call Annette.”
Her heart simultaneously warmed with love for him and melted with sorrow for him. “Oh, Max.”
He swallowed. “Go. Really.”
Her eyes filled with tears. She knew what he was saying. She’d basically faced this fear herself. But her dad had confronted him, and he’d responded the way he should. With admissions. He could not say he’d never drink. He could not promise her forever.
She headed for the door. She could tell he wasn’t open to help right now, but she would fix this. Somehow or another, she would fix this. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“No!” He sucked in a breath, shook his head. When he spoke again his voice was calmer. “I think we need a break.” He turned to return the pitcher to the refrigerator. “Go home. Back to Tennessee.”
Hand on the doorknob, she squeezed her eyes shut. But she didn’t let her hope wane. Tomorrow they would talk about this again. In the morning, he’d wake up, see that he’d overreacted and call her.
But he didn’t call the next morning. He didn’t call at noon. He didn’t come over that afternoon. Or the next. Or the next. And when she called him, he wouldn’t take her calls. When she went to Montgomery Development, he wouldn’t see her. When she went to his house, he wasn’t home.
Fury and fear bounced around in her stomach until she thought she would throw up. Her mom took a confused Trisha to the mall. And suddenly she found herself alone with her dad.
“You and I need to talk,” he began.
Normally, she would have remembered her dad had had a stroke a few months ago and handled this much better. But the tone of his voice set her teeth on edge. “Why? So you can poke into my life a little more? Maybe you’d like to ruin my relationship with Trisha, too.”
He sighed and shook his head. “The man’s an alcoholic.”
“He’s recovering.”
“But not recovered.” He shook his head again. “Why put yourself in that kind of trouble?”
Her chin rose. “Because I love him.”
“He’s always been able to charm you.”
“He’s never once tried to charm me since we’ve been home. You don’t know him.”
“You don’t know him!”
She grabbed her purse and headed for the door. “I know enough that I’m not going to let you ruin this. I’m going to fix this!”
“And there it is. You’re going to fix this.”
She stopped.
“Are you turning into his enabler again?”
All the blood froze in her veins. She dropped her purse to the counter.
“You can’t go to him. You can’t fix this. Only he can.”
* * *
Kate spent the rest of her visit waiting for Max to call her or come over. He didn’t. The days went by slowly, like water dripping from an old faucet. Finally, with only one day left before she needed to be at work, she booked a flight for herself and Trisha. He wasn’t going to fix this. Maybe he didn’t know how. But her dad was right. She couldn’t do this. Couldn’t go to him. Couldn’t promise to make things right. She had to walk away.
Her parents drove her to the airport. She sat in the car, watching out the window. Trisha chattered nonstop and her mother gave silly replies, obviously trying to lighten the mood.
They reached the airport and her dad drove up to the curbside check-in for her airline. He hobbled out and her mom helped Trisha out. He popped the trunk but Kate pushed his hands aside and wouldn’t let him lift her luggage.
“I’m fine, you know. Therapy has worked its magic.”
She smiled. “Yeah. I know.”
“Oh, so you’re not mad at me anymore.”
She kicked her tennis shoe along the pavement. “I was never mad at you. At first I was angry with Max. Then I got mad at myself for trusting him again. Now I’m just sad.”
In truth, her heart was broken but she wouldn’t tell her dad that.
“What are you going to do about Trisha?”
She shrugged. “He said he’ll visit in Tennessee. We’ll see.”
He caught her arm. “He will. He’s a good guy.”
“Just not a guy to marry.”
“Not if he can’t promise you forever.”
She smiled weakly. “Right.”
An attendant checked them in, took their luggage. Trisha kissed her grandparents goodbye and Kate kissed her parents goodbye. Then they walked into the air-conditioned terminal.
Halfway to the escalator, Kate stopped, looked behind her. She’d been so sure that New Max was New Max. That he was honest, reliable, confident and strong. She couldn’t believe he was letting her go, but as she and Trisha stepped up to the line for security, she knew he was.
He was.
* * *
Two weeks later, Max stared at a picture Annette had given him. She’d brought her camera to Trisha’s playdate and had not only snapped shots of the kids, she’d also gotten pictures of him and Trisha together. And she’d gotten one of him and Kate.
That was the picture he was staring at.
Letting her go had ripped his guts out. The only thing that made it possible was the knowledge that she deserved better. She deserved to live life not worried that he’d drink, not worried that one day the pressure would get to be too much and he’d climb into a bottle and never come out.
But, oh God, he missed her.
“Hey, boss…” Annette burst into his office. “My son forgot his lunch. I’d tell him just to eat in the cafeteria but he’s allergic—” She stopped. Her eyes softened with misery. “If I’d known those pictures were going to cause so much trouble I never would have taken them.”
He tossed the picture of him and Kate to his desk. “They’re no trouble.”
“Right.” She sat on the chair in front of his desk. “Want to talk about it?”
“What’s to say? I’m a drunk. She can’t trust me.”
Annette gaped at him. “She said that!”
“I reminded her of that.”
She frowned. “You kicked her out?”
“In a manner of speaking.”
“Wow, you’re a yutz.”
“Really? This time next year, I could be living in a gutter somewhere.”
“Well, why don’t we get all melodramatic?”
He laughed. “Thanks for your support.”
“You don’t support yourself. Why should anybody else support you?”
He peered over at her. “Because I need it?”
“We all need it.” She shook her head. “Sheesh, get over yourself. Do you think any one of us can promise that this time next year we won’t be crippled?”
He frowned at her.
“Can any one of us promise we won’t be in a car accident?”
He groaned. “Now you’re being ridiculous.”
“A little. But the truth is you at least know your problem. You know your addiction. You also know how to control it because you do control it. Yet here you sit, letting it rule you again.”
“It does rule me.”
“No, it doesn’t!” She shook her head. “For the past seven years you’ve ruled it!”
He sucked in a breath. “I’m ruling it now, but marriage is about forever. And you cannot deny that I might not be able to give her that.”
Annette blew her breath out with a pfft noise. “None of us is going to live forever.”
“Don’t make light of this!”
“I’m not making light of this. I’m trying to get you to see sense. One day at a time you take care of business in your life. I’ve been
watching it for seven years. I’d never say you were cured, but I would say that you have the tools to know how to live. One day at a time.”
She rose. “I’m going to take Billie’s lunch to him at school.”
With that she left and Max rose from his seat. He walked to the window. He thought about the past seven years. Then he thought about the past couple of weeks. How he’d longed for Trisha and Kate. How he’d never once thought of taking a drink to soothe the ache and, if anything, had strengthened his resolve to stay sober.
He did have tools.
Tools to take him through one day at a time.
One day at a time. One step at a time. He could get to forever.
Couldn’t he?
Or was it just wishful thinking?
* * *
Saturday morning, Kate had decided to sleep in. Her townhouse had been nothing but dusty when they’d returned home, so cleaning it had been easy. And though she’d been bringing work home with her every night, playing catch-up, her life was on the verge of being back to normal.
Except for the ache in her heart.
So when her alarm had sounded at seven, she silenced it then rolled over and went back to sleep. For exactly four minutes. Then her doorbell rang.
She tumbled out of bed, yanking up her too-big pajama pants and deciding the matching tank top covered enough that she didn’t have to get a robe to answer the door. Her hair was going out in all directions but anybody rude enough to ring a bell at seven o’clock on a Saturday morning deserved what he or she got.
The bell rang again. Not wanting Trisha to wake, she hastened her steps and grabbed the doorknob. Yanking open the door, she said, “What!”
And watched as Max’s eyebrows rose. “You’re still asleep.”
Max?
Max! Her heart exploded with joy, gratitude and every other positive emotion she could think of, then she realized he was probably here to see Trisha and everything that had come to life inside her deflated.
She turned away from the door. Let him walk in on his own. She wasn’t going to let her heart get hurt again because she spent too much time looking at how gorgeous he was in dark trousers and a long-sleeved shirt. With his hair all sticking up as though he’d pulled his fingers through it driving through a strange city.