And I don’t know how I am ever going to unfurl them.
Chapter 17
Bennett
The night is painful, we share a bed, but there is a divide between us. Not like the first night at the Summit, when we were still teasing one another with rules and tiptoeing around the truth of what we wanted.
Now everything is in the open. No secrets. No lies. And yet I feel further from Piper than ever before. Even as she tucks herself against me in bed, taking my arm and pulling it over herself, even as she moves her body so she is cradled in my arms, the unspoken reality is that we are starting over.
I breathe her in, her sweet scent of vanilla and strawberries, knowing she is my mate and above all else in this life. Making her feel cherished is my number one priority, loving her, and hopefully one day regaining her trust.
I hold her in my arms wondering how the fuck I am supposed to do that. My mate may be in my arms, but her heart is so far from my own. And it’s all my fault.
I barely sleep a minute, my thoughts a jumbled mess, so when the sun rises, I’m anxious to be as far from Grizzly territory as possible. I pack up quickly, helping Piper, who is steadier today, into the truck and hit the road. I want my mate home, safe and sound. And while what I really want is her safe and sound with me - I will settle for Bear Valley.
As we pull into town, I lower the volume on the radio, knowing the time is coming for a talk. I debated it all night, but I know what I need to say.
When we get to the bookstore, I ask if she’ll take a short walk with me. I want to talk to her, but not with her friends or people in town listening. This is between her and me, and I don’t want to put her in another compromising position. God knows I’ve already done that plenty.
“Where are we going?” she asks.
“Just to the park past the center of town.”
We walk in silence and I want to grab her hand, thread her fingers through my own, but I know if I do it will only make this worse. When we get to the park, I lead her the best view in town.
“Wow,” she says, taking it in. “How have I lived in Bear Valley for nearly a year and never been here?”
A creek cuts through the green grass, and when you follow it upstream, there is is a brilliant waterfall. Not massive, but beautiful nonetheless.
“You didn’t have the right tour guide.” I want my words to come out easily, but they feel forced, strained, and I realize why.
I love this girl.
So fucking much.
And being so close to her, yet not having her, is the most difficult thing I’ve ever lived through. If I tell her the truth, it will cause her to run even further than she already is. She’s still unsure of what she wants.
Me? I know exactly what I want.
Her.
We stand looking up at the crashing waterfall, the brisk air circling around us, and just as I am about to speak - to tell her why I brought her here - a male Kodiak steps from the woods and moves to the creek. The bear in me stirs, and I know immediately this beast is not a shifter.
Piper gasps, pointing and I take her hand, not wanting her gesture to scare this wild bear. Just then, a smaller female bear emerges from the woods, and the male looks over, his dark eyes softening. Behind her two bear cubs barrel out from the trees, running to their papa in the creek.
My heart tugs at the vision before us, a bear family, living in harmony. I have always been a wild, untamed man. Never settling down with a woman for longer than a night. Never seeing the merit of such a choice.
But now I choke back my emotions as they fill my heart.
“They are so beautiful,” Piper whispers. And it’s true. This bear family is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.
I want more than I have had before. The bachelor life now seems to pale in comparison. I don’t want a fake fiancée. I want a family, I want my mate to grow old by my side. I want cubs to roll around at my feet. I want sons of my own, to teach them to hunt and fish and daughters to be overprotective of.
I want a marriage, but not like this. Not like I’ve been pretending with Piper.
“Can I say something?” I ask as the magic of the great Alaskan wild circles around us.
“What is it?” she looks up at me, a new depth in her eyes, one that I haven’t seen before.
“The engagement is off, Piper. No need to worry about a fake marriage, fake wedding vows - any of it. I was a damn fool to drag you in so deep.”
“Don’t you need to be a husband to make chief?”
“It doesn’t matter. It would be hard to convince anyone this is real after what went down at the grizzly territory.”
“So, it’s over?” she asks.
I swear it’s relief that I see in her eyes and she steps back, already retreating from me.
“I never meant to hurt you,” I tell her, but my words seem so small. “I fucked it all up and you deserve more than a fake fiancée. You deserve the real thing, Piper.”
She licks her lips, nodding tightly. “Right. The real thing. And since this was all pretend, I guess there is nothing left to say.”
It kills me, the finality of her words. She is already moving on. Maybe everything I thought was real between us was just as fake as the entire relationship.
“I’ll walk you home,” I tell her, but she has already turned on her heels, and is running away.
Chapter 18
Piper
Days go by, then a week. Then two. If this is what heartbreak feels like, I was smart to avoid it all my life. I can hardly keep anything down I’m so torn up. And my mother is still here, badgering me daily about why I let the best thing that ever happened to me walk away.
She doesn’t seem to understand that Bennett is the one who ended things once and for all.
When we stood at the waterfall together, watching the bear family, I felt a tug at my heartstrings that I’ve never felt before. I was moments away from telling Bennett that I forgive him, that I choose him - but then in a flash, he laid it out for me. He didn’t want me anymore.
I realize now, he probably never did.
With Mom here, I’ve been busy. Between sightseeing and planning Addie’s baby shower time passes quickly.
And Bennett stays away. I can feel him, sense him, but he doesn’t push his thoughts into my head.
He’s my mate, or I’m his, and I still really don’t know what that means. My friends come over, try to talk about it, but I just want to stay curled up in bed, the heavy quilt over my head, and sleep away the ache in my chest that hasn’t gone away since Bennett broke everything off.
Even being his mate doesn’t mean a happily ever after. That’s one thing I learned from Addie, Harley, and Kate. Sure, it means we’ll be forever tied to each other, but it doesn’t guarantee love. And it’s clear, from Bennett’s silence that I was wrong about the emotions between us.
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself,” I mutter, getting out of bed and pulling on a warm sweater, even brushing my hair and putting a little makeup on.
I’ll be alright without Bennett. I was just fine before any of these charades started.
Independent.
Self-sufficient.
Alone.
God, I miss him. His touch. His smile. His laugh. Everything.
“You need to call him,” my mom says, clucking her tongue at me like I’m a great disappointment to her. “Make him take you back.”
She has no idea about the kidnapping or the bears. Somehow my friends had managed to convince her that I was off on another adventure with Bennett. One that ended with him breaking things off with me. And I know I’ll never hear the end of it.
“You’re not getting any younger, and that man—”
“It’s over, Mom.” I pour myself a cup of coffee.
“This is what you do, Piper. You push people away. You always have. You’re going to let the best thing in your life slip through your fingers because you’re scared of commitment.”
“I’m not.”
“Mom,” I snap. “I love you, but you have got to stop meddling. Bennett and I were never really engaged. We weren’t even dating. It was all just a show so that you’d stop breathing down my neck. I don’t want or need Bennett Koleman.”
I turn when my mom’s eyes widen at something behind me, and find Ben in the doorway, his toolbox in his hand.
He winces, “Sorry. Bad timing. I was just going to finish up here, but I’ll come back another day.”
I can’t help but look him over. He is so taut and lean, his muscles tug at his shirt, and his powerful build makes him a presence to behold. But as I look closer, I notice his beard has grown out, his eyes have darkened. He looks as bad as I do.
“No,” I finally manage to say. My insides twist, my heart beat speeds up, and I can feel myself getting flustered. “Stay. I need to go for a walk.”
I don’t wait for an answer, or more of my mother’s lectures, I just turn on my heels and dart out of the bookshop, needing some female companionship.
As I walk down Main Street, I text my friends. Kate returned from her honeymoon a few days ago and I haven’t even seen her. Addie is weeks away from having her baby and Harley isn’t close behind. Maybe the way I can fill the void Bennett left is by pouring myself into being a great friend and auntie to the little ones that will soon be arriving.
We decide to meet at Addie’s place and I stop at the diner for a box of cinnamon rolls to go. It’s full as always, and I realize it’s the first time I left my apartment since returning home from grizzly territory.
As I pay at the register, I feel eyes on me, and when I look around, I see several heads looking at me and whispering. Should have figured. Bear Valley is full of shifters and I’m sure they’ve all heard versions of what happened to me and the Grizzlies. Heard that Bennett Koleman and I were trying to trick the council so he could become chief.
Embarrassment rushes through me and I lower my head as I grab the box and leave through the front doors. As I walk to Addie’s place, I can’t shake how twisted up I feel. I realize it isn’t that I feel embarrassed for myself… I also hate thinking about what this must be doing for Bennett’s reputation.
Why do I care? After the hell he put me through? Why does it matter how he feels?
The truth is obvious.
I love Bennett Koleman. And now we can never be together. I am part of the reason he will never get what he wants in life: being named chief.
When I get to Addie’s my friends are already there. But they don’t even glance at the cinnamon rolls.
Because I’m crying.
Somewhere between the diner and Addie’s place, the reality hits me hard. I love Bennett and he doesn’t love me.
“Oh sweetie,” Kate says, wrapping me in her arms. She leads me to the couch and I fall into a heap of tears. My friends circle around me, and I remember how many times in the past I’ve done this very thing for them. In college, they all went through breakups and heartache and we always offered wine, ice cream and chocolate to fight the feelings of rejection.
But I always, always avoided getting that attached to a man so I never had the attention on me.
Now, for the first time, I’m the one being consoled.
I see Gunnar entering the room, but then he quickly retreats. He returns a few minutes later with a tray of coffee and creamer.
Of course Addie married a man like Gunnar. Kind and considerate. And I fell for the playboy of Bear Valley. He’d never even kissed a woman before me! I am repeating my own mother’s mistakes. Falling for the wrong guy.
But how can it be wrong when Bennett makes me feel so right?
“Okay, spill the beans, sweetheart,” Harley says gently, her round belly making me queasy. I can’t help but remember the perfect bear family. How I never thought I wanted that for myself, but now sitting with my pregnant besties I feel more tears brimming in my eyes.
“Enough tears,” Kate says, a newly pregnant glow about her. “You’ve gotta fill us in with the details.”
Taking a deep breath, I begin to catch them up. Not on the details of the Grizzly attack - they know all that. I explain how messy everything with Bennett has become. I tell them how Bennett walked in on me talking out of my ass about him. How I felt so many penetrating eyes at the diner. How torn up I feel over him not having his dream come true because of me.
“Why do you care that he isn’t going to be chief?” Addie asks, adjusting herself in an armchair to get more comfortable. She is so close to giving birth and I hate that we are even focused on me right now. It’s her life that is about to change. “I mean, if he lied to you the entire time does he really have what it takes to lead—”
I cut her off, feeling defensive. “Bennett is more than you think, Addie. He cares about this Valley. And the people in it.” I tell her how he volunteered every summer to rehabilitate bears in Alaska. How he studied political science at an Ivy League school. How he is more capable than any bear in this Valley to be chief.
I catch Kate biting the side of her lip. “And you’re sure you hate him?” she asks. “Because by the sound of it, you’re in love.”
I grab a tissue and blow my nose dramatically “What does that matter?” I whine, feeling like every romantic movie cliche in the world. “He doesn’t want me.”
Harley tsks-tsks me and opens the box I bought from the diner, dishing cinnamon rolls up for all of us, she hands us plates. “Eat, Piper. Carbs and sugar make everything better. Promise.”
I take a bite of the ooey gooey goodness, but feel sick at the taste of it. I run to the bathroom and empty my stomach in the toilet, wrenching as my girlfriends stand in the bathroom doorway.
“God,” I moan. “I feel so awful. I haven’t been able to eat anything in weeks. I’m just such a mess.” I flush the toilet and stand, splashing cool water on my face trying to calm down. It doesn’t work, I suddenly feel like I could sleep for an entire month. This is why falling in love is a terrible idea. It’s literally exhausting.
“Um, Piper,” Addie asks, glaring at Harley and Kate. “When you say you’ve felt awful, is it maybe...morning sickness?”
I scoff, drying my face and hands. “No, it’s Bennett-doesn’t-love-me-sickness.”
“But you love him?” Kate asks as Addie rummages around her bathroom cupboard.
I look at myself in the mirror, hardly recognizing the girl staring back at me. I have changed so much since I met Bennett. And now I realize the changes were all good things. Bennett made life easy, fun and bright. He helped me let loose and let go. I forgot my rules with him because we were so busy laughing. Smiling.
Falling in love. At least I was.
“Does it matter if I love him?” I ask Kate.
“It does if you’re having his baby,” Addie says handing me a pregnancy test.
Chapter 19
Bennett
“The council votes tomorrow,” the Chief says as he sits down in my living room, taking the steaming cup of coffee I hand him. “You have one last chance to state your case before—”
“‘I’m pulling my name out,” I say, sitting across from him, the feeling of emptiness in my chest more pronounced as the days without Piper go by.
I’ve tried to stay away, give her space, but it’s torture. And then I’d heard Piper’s words, I don’t want or need Bennett Koleman, and I felt my heart splinter into fragments. Not that I blame her, everything is my fault, and until I figure out a way to make things up to her, I know I have no right leading anything, especially not the Bear Council.
“If this is because of your mate, the council has agreed to wave the rule about you being married.”
I frown at him. “Why?”
“It’s an archaic requirement and it needed to be changed. Don’t get me wrong, son. I believe that a man needs a good woman to stand beside him, but more important is that he is able to put others needs in front of his own. A good leader isn’t someone who doesn’t make mistakes, but
one who can learn from them.”
“And I just keep making them,” I mutter.
A small smile tugs at the Chief's lips. “I’ve been watching you for some time now, and I’ll admit, I wasn’t convinced you were ready to take my place. You were arrogant, cocky, self-absorbed—”
“Yeah.” I don’t deny the accusations, because they’re all true.
“The council shouldn’t even be considering you after the stunt you pulled.”
“I know, which is why I’m stepping down. I have...I have some thinking to do.”
He raises a brow at me. “Of all the things I thought you were, a coward isn’t one of them.”
“I’m not worried about losing if that’s what you’re implying.”
“No, but are you ready to fight for what you want?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure I want it anymore.”
“I wasn’t talking about being chief, son.” He pats my knee. “I was a lot like you when I was younger. Had dreams about changing this Valley, making peace among the clans, all good intentions, but I was misguided.”
“How?”
“I believed I could do it alone. That needing someone made me weak. But of all the gifts we’ve been given as bears, our mates are the most important. I didn’t know how to truly give all of myself until I met Grace.”
“I get that. But what do you do when your mate doesn’t want you?”
“Then you fight like hell to win her back.” The man stands. “Oh and Bennett, I won’t be removing your name for chief. You were born for the position, and you’ll make one hell of a leader.”
“But, sir—”
“The votes will be cast, and I have no doubt that your name will be chosen. You’ve got a week before the inauguration. That should give you enough time to make amends with that mate of yours.”
I hold my tongue on the argument that forms on my lips. Because what should be one of the happiest moments of my life seems empty, flat. What good is being chief if Piper isn’t beside me?
Untamed Fiance (Mountain Men of Bear Valley Book 4) Page 8